Truth is a sleepless cinderblock.
Wow, so I know I just updated ("updated") like two hour ago, but I'm laying here in bed, and suddenly it hits me.
I'm leaving in less than a week. And I'm going to be gone for 35 days. Thirty-five days.
And I'm laying here next to Chris with my cat at the foot of the bed, and I realize, I'm not going to see them for more than a month. I'm leaving, and for the first time, Chris isn't coming with me, and for the first time, I've got this tiny animal who sees me as Mom, as bringer of food and love and discipline, who can't even understand that I'm leaving, but will sure as hell notice when it's not mommy who feeds him lunch everyday at three and that it's not mommy who cleans his litter everyday and that it's not mommy who put him to bed that night. I mean, that might sound crazy, and I'm sure a little of it is, but I do spoil my cat to death, and I know he's gonna know when I'm not there.
And Chris, god, Chris. This is the longest we'll ever have been apart from each other. I remember when we were both in college; he went to a technical school a whole 15 minute bus ride from Point Park and just being away from him at night was agony. It may have been because our relationship was still pretty much brand-new back then, and by the last few months of his education, he moved into a dorm where I could practically live and then back home where I practically did live, and that made it easier, and after that we moved in together and bam. We've never been apart, literally, for two and a half years.
Speaking of which, the day I leave is our two and a half year anniversary. I mean, after the first six months (a marker which ended up being pretty tumultuous in our relationship anyway, but that's beside the point), I sort of stop seeing the reason to celebrate half-year anniversaries, but it still seems like a pretty big day to leave the state on. Not to mention I'll be in Texas for Valentine's Day, and while I'm sure I'll be able to find him a super V-Day gift out on the road which will probably more than make up for my absence, it still feels a little shitty.
Thirty-five days. I mean, god damn. We've promised to text and IM and email constantly, and have webchats when we can (so that I can see my Ohno kitty :D), but it's not the same. I almost feel guilty as these past few months I've been staying up way later than him, so by the time I'm in bed, he's already asleep and by the time I wake up, he's long gone to work. I guess it's partly just us being different and partly some sense of complacency in the relationship, but I do feel a little bad now.
And yet here I sit at five AM, my cat at the foot of the bed, chirping at me and wondering why I'm still up and Chris laying on his side snoring gently, and I am suddenly very aware of how very much I'm going to miss these guys.
I'm leaving in less than a week. And I'm going to be gone for 35 days. Thirty-five days.
And I'm laying here next to Chris with my cat at the foot of the bed, and I realize, I'm not going to see them for more than a month. I'm leaving, and for the first time, Chris isn't coming with me, and for the first time, I've got this tiny animal who sees me as Mom, as bringer of food and love and discipline, who can't even understand that I'm leaving, but will sure as hell notice when it's not mommy who feeds him lunch everyday at three and that it's not mommy who cleans his litter everyday and that it's not mommy who put him to bed that night. I mean, that might sound crazy, and I'm sure a little of it is, but I do spoil my cat to death, and I know he's gonna know when I'm not there.
And Chris, god, Chris. This is the longest we'll ever have been apart from each other. I remember when we were both in college; he went to a technical school a whole 15 minute bus ride from Point Park and just being away from him at night was agony. It may have been because our relationship was still pretty much brand-new back then, and by the last few months of his education, he moved into a dorm where I could practically live and then back home where I practically did live, and that made it easier, and after that we moved in together and bam. We've never been apart, literally, for two and a half years.
Speaking of which, the day I leave is our two and a half year anniversary. I mean, after the first six months (a marker which ended up being pretty tumultuous in our relationship anyway, but that's beside the point), I sort of stop seeing the reason to celebrate half-year anniversaries, but it still seems like a pretty big day to leave the state on. Not to mention I'll be in Texas for Valentine's Day, and while I'm sure I'll be able to find him a super V-Day gift out on the road which will probably more than make up for my absence, it still feels a little shitty.
Thirty-five days. I mean, god damn. We've promised to text and IM and email constantly, and have webchats when we can (so that I can see my Ohno kitty :D), but it's not the same. I almost feel guilty as these past few months I've been staying up way later than him, so by the time I'm in bed, he's already asleep and by the time I wake up, he's long gone to work. I guess it's partly just us being different and partly some sense of complacency in the relationship, but I do feel a little bad now.
And yet here I sit at five AM, my cat at the foot of the bed, chirping at me and wondering why I'm still up and Chris laying on his side snoring gently, and I am suddenly very aware of how very much I'm going to miss these guys.