"I'm not sure who's fooling who here as I'm watching your decay..."
Title: The Other Side Of You [Part Three]
Fandom: High School Musical
Pairing: Ryan/Chad [with hints at Troy/Gabriella and Sharpay/Troy]
Rating:
Genre: Slash [het]
Summary: Just as Chad figures out what he wants, Troy starts acting strange and Chad begins to realise that Ryan’s hiding something.
Author’s Notes: Yeah, HSM2 did something quite similar to this, but, on the other hand, they didn’t go nearly far enough. And I want to do my interpretation here. Sorry it took so damn long to get this up; I got ill and went to France twice and then had to apply for uni and all in all Real Life got a bit too real. Anyway. It shouldn’t take this long to get part four up.
| [Part One] | [Part Two] |
This? This whole thing is entirely Michael Crawford’s fault.
It’s impossible to grow up even slightly normal with a picture of Michael Crawford stuck inside your refrigerator. It’s really the sort of thing that can scar a boy’s mind when he’s growing up; opening the door to get something to drink after a nice long basketball practise, to find a man in an opera cape staring at him. Michael Crawford’s been in there years now (Chad has unsettlingly vague memories of coming home kind of drunk after the Twinkle Towne afterparty, opening the fridge - he was starving for some reason - and murmuring hey Mike, how’s it going? absentmindedly to the photo).
Chad is fairly certain that Ryan Evans should not be his kind of person at all, because Ryan co-ordinates all his clothes and sometimes chooses to wear make-up when he’s not onstage and knows the difference between a plié and a pas de chat and can sing all the words to every Broadway musical ever. These are not things Chad has ever had any interest in and they should in no way be sexy and he’s coming to the conclusion that that stupid picture in his fridge has mentally scarred him for life. He’s going to be in therapy forever.
Now, he is balanced awkwardly on the stairs with his tongue in Ryan’s mouth. And something is seriously wrong here, because he isn’t even trying to get away.
Chad has the horrible suspicion that he kissed Ryan first. It was an accident. You know, an accident where Ryan was running down the stairs in the opposite direction and they knocked into each other and Chad grabbed Ryan so that he wouldn’t fall and for no logical reason Chad’s hand found the back of Ryan’s neck and before Chad was really aware what was happening their mouths collided. Those excellent reflexes that serve him so well on the basketball court have betrayed him.
Abruptly, Ryan pulls away. There’s shock in his eyes; almost too much, considering he was the one yelling put out or just stop it this morning. Chad has no idea what he’s doing, though, so he takes a step back, then two. He’s not trying to run away, but he does need some distance.
After a minute or two of brittle silence, Chad says, “This is weird, right?”
Ryan gives him a look, clearly thinking that it’s not tactful to say that sort of thing after kissing someone, especially for the first time. He’s probably got a point; but Chad is currently too freaked out to be even slightly polite.
“Weird because of the we’re-both-guys thing?” Ryan asks eventually, tone neutral, resting his back against the wall. He looks exhausted.
“Actually, no. That part kind of explains a lot.” Chad manages a weak smile that he suspects must look kind of nuts. “No, I mean, the whole it’s-you-and-me thing.”
It shouldn’t be an issue, really, because Troy and Gabriella wrenched open the doors for whole-school mingling, and no one’s really going to care if the basketball team makes one more highly unlikely link with the drama club. But it is an issue, because this is Ryan Evans, who owns a genuinely disturbing number of hats, who Chad has been sniping at since preschool (he suspects the most complimentary thing he’s ever said about Ryan was to call him an “over-moussed showdog”), and the two of them have been glaring pointedly at each other across classrooms for years (though, with hindsight, Chad supposes that could be counted as some extremely random flirting). If Troy did this - whatever this is - it would probably be ok. If Zeke did it, no one would even be surprised. But he is Chad Danforth, unwaveringly for the team, mind fixed solely on sport or possibly occasionally on one of the cheerleaders, and for him to even consider Ryan Evans in a context other than mild loathing is unthinkable.
Ryan is simply standing there, looking at him. A little bit flushed, slightly disconcerted. Also, his hat matches his pants, which is just not right.
Chad gives on trying to stand, and sits down on one of the stairs. Ryan copies him, leaving enough room for a bus to pass between them. The all-consuming hush is almost suffocating.
“What do you want to do?” Ryan asks eventually, tilting his head to one side, the sunlight streaming through the windows making his hair blindingly gold. Too late, Chad remembers that Ryan isn’t having a good day - he’s never seen Ryan shout before, not like that - and that he can’t be helping matters.
“I was gonna mumble senselessly for a while, run for it, and avoid you for the next couple of days,” Chad replies, because he might as well be upfront about it. “You ok with that?”
Ryan shrugs.
“Go for it.” He looks kind of amused now, and Chad wonders if Ryan understands more about this whole situation than he does. It’s probable.
“Well,” he stands up, brushing imaginary dust from his pants with suddenly-shaky hands, “I should, uh, I mean, I’ll just be-” The helpless stammering is deeply uncool, but he can’t figure out how to make it stop. It’s too late to go to class now, but he could always hide out in the library or the bathrooms or somewhere. Whatever. The important thing is that he won’t be here.
Ryan really isn’t helping either, smirking with his mouth slightly red, and Chad did that, and this is just so, so… stupid. He’s willing to bet that things like this don’t ever happen to Troy, or to Jason, or even to Zeke. They didn’t grow up with pictures of musical singing people in their refrigerators, and they don’t go around inappropriately kissing their classmates! There’s gotta be a link, somewhere along the line.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Ryan prompts finally, and Chad thinks that he might have been staring. Oh God.
“Yeah. I have- yeah. Well, uh. Yeah.”
Ryan wiggles his fingers goodbye in a way that’s mildly, scarily, reminiscent of Sharpay. And Chad flees. There’s no classy way to put it. He can’t leave with any kind of manly dignity; he just runs down the stairs with his sneakers squeaking indignantly on the floor, and prays that that’s not Ryan laughing behind him.
Halfway through fourth-period math class, it occurs to Chad that awkward exits aren’t actually supposed to be co-ordinated. And also that he’s gone too far and whatever happens next, he’s screwed.
Michael Crawford has a lot to answer for.
~
[That night, at their weekly Ballroom Dancing class, Ryan leaves Sharpay strapping on her lucky silver shoes and informs their dance instructor that they’ll be reviewing the tango tonight. She hurries to comply in the subservient way most employees of the Evans family do - it makes Ryan feel simultaneously proud and sick. When Sharpay finally walks into the studio, and Ryan takes her hands, she sees his expression and, for once, doesn’t even try to fight him for the lead.
Ryan holds his sister tightly at the waist and walks her around the floor smoothly but determinedly. The tango is exactly what he needs at the moment - he needs to feel in control of something right now.]
~
The next day, at lunch, Chad gives everyone the slip (which is not exactly hard, because Troy has eyes for no one but Gabriella, and Zeke is busy explaining to anyone who’ll listen that he’s really got the hang of creating the caramelised top on the crème brulée, so no one will actually notice he’s not there), wanders the corridors for a while in a way that he hopes doesn’t look too suspicious, and ends up in the theatre. Because it’s not like that’s completely out of character for him or anything (oh God oh God what is he doing?). Thankfully, Sharpay and Ryan are rehearsing onstage for something, so everyone’s too busy watching them dance to notice Chad creeping in at the back. Which is definitely a good thing, since he’s not entirely certain what he’s doing here, and the less of an audience he has while making an idiot of himself, the better. Besides, everyone’s watching the rehearsals, maybe he could just sneak back out and -
Ryan looks up for just a moment, sees Chad, and stumbles.
That’s actually slightly terrifying. Chad has never exactly gone out of his way to watch Ryan dance (at least not until recently, anyway, and he’s not thinking about that), but he’s gone to school with the guy for long enough that he’s seen bits and pieces of the Evans twins’ disturbingly competent dancing. None of which ever involved any kind of tripping or mis-stepping or anything. Which means this is probably his fault (again).
One accidental kiss, and you broke the guy. Nice going, Danforth.
Suppressing the urge to curl up somewhere incredibly small and whimper until this all goes away and he goes back to wanting to date Taylor or at least spend several weeks flirting with someone who is mildly female, Chad ducks out of sight behind the back wall, and listens to Sharpay yelling at Ryan. And Ryan actually yelling back at Sharpay, something about her being a control freak and how she can damn well dance on her own. Then there’s a sound like someone is storming off the stage. Chad presses his face into his palms and seriously considers just going back to the cafeteria and listening to Zeke babble about various types of pudding.
“This isn’t avoiding me, you know,” Ryan informs him a moment later, voice low so that Sharpay won’t pick up on where he is. “In fact, I think this actually counts as stalking.”
“I’m not stalking you!” Chad hisses, slightly panicked.
“Well, you’re definitely not avoiding me.” Everything about Ryan today is smothered in pinstripes, from his hat to his pants, and it’s making Chad’s eyes go slightly funny. “I seem to remember you announcing, in a kind of deranged fashion, that you’d be avoiding me for the next couple of days.”
“Yeah, about that…” Chad has no idea what to say, because he didn’t plan this part. Or any of it. “I don’t want to. Avoid you, I mean. I did some thinking.”
By ‘some thinking’, of course, he means that he stayed up till three a.m trying to make some sense of what he wanted, but Ryan really doesn’t need to know that.
“And…” Ryan raises an eyebrow, folding his arms across his (pinstriped) chest.
“And what?” Chad is starting to feel like he’s been forced into a play where he doesn’t know any of the lines and everyone’s glaring at him for missing the cues he didn’t know existed in the first place. Which is a stupid metaphor because he hasn’t ever been in a play since that nativity one in preschool (and even then he messed up his one and only line).
“And what does the not-wanting-to-avoid-me mean, exactly?” Ryan asks suspiciously.
“I… hadn’t figured that part out yet, actually.” Chad realises that he hasn’t thought any of this through. But it might just be ok, because he never thinks things through and yet somehow he’s managed to both get on the basketball team and not flunk out of high school.
Ryan has his head on one side and is staring at Chad somewhat critically.
“I don’t know whether to find your uncontrollable confusion endearing or horrifying,” he admits.
“… I think I might be stalking you,” Chad replies slightly helplessly. “A little bit.”
Ryan considers this for a moment, and apparently reaches a decision.
“Don’t freak out on me this time,” he says quietly, and then he’s cupping Chad’s face in his hands and pushing him back against the brickwork.
Chad obediently behaves himself, and keeps quiet.
~
A week later, they talk in whispers in the back row of the theatre, crouched down on the floor with their backs pressed against the seats. Sure, the chances are someone is going to come back here any minute and ask just why the co-president of the drama club and the school’s second favourite hoops dude are hiding down there eating cookies (though it’s actually pretty simple: the cookies are there because of Zeke, and they’re in the theatre because it’s not like there’s anywhere else to go). It’s true, that someone might hear them; but Sharpay is bossing around a bunch of her fanclub and no one’s going to hear anything over the size of her ego.
“These are really good,” Ryan mumbles thoughtfully, brushing crumbs off his shirt. “You know, Shar told me to go out with Zeke because of the whole baking thing. Maybe I should’ve listened to her.”
Chad thinks about this.
“I gave you cookies anyway,” he points out.
“And I couldn’t be happier if you’d actually made them yourself,” Ryan replies, smirking. “Keep providing the desserts, and this might just work out after all.”
Chad sighs, leaning his head back. He has eaten too many sugar cookies and his brain kind of feels like it’s falling into little pieces of desiccated coconut. He should be in the cafeteria right now, avoiding looking at Troy and Gabriella feeding each other brownies and giggling, trying not to make eye contact with Taylor, attempting to make sense of Zeke’s excited monologues on corn starch, and… on second thoughts, it’s probably better here. More cramped, but pretty much better.
“Whatever ‘this’ is,” he murmurs, like it matters, which it doesn’t. It really, really doesn’t. All they’ve had is a week of making out in inappropriate places, and it’s fun, and Chad doesn’t want or need anything else. Seriously.
Ryan shrugs, still sucking the last vestiges of cookie from his fingers. Chad wonders if he should be worried about the fact that Ryan seems more interested in the food than he is in Chad actually talking to him. And Chad can’t help it; he wants some kind of certainty, something that’s slightly defined in his life at the moment.
“Dude,” he says, and Ryan turns to look at him this time, which is a start. “This is weird. I mean, this whole year - totally weird. Troy sings now, and I’ve put on like four pounds from all Zeke’s cooking, and Taylor won’t even talk to me, and- and I kind of wanna kiss you, like, all the time, which is just not normal.”
Ryan just stares at him for a moment.
“…Because I’m a glitter-wearing drama freak?”
“Because you’re a glitter-wearing drama freak,” Chad agrees.
Ryan laughs.
“If it helps, you’re not really my type either.”
Chad raises an eyebrow.
“How could I not be? I mean, I’m hot, I’m athletic…”
“And so very, very modest,” Ryan adds. His lips taste like sugar when he kisses Chad, and Chad momentarily wonders what Zeke actually thought when Chad grabbed half a Tupperware box of cookies, mumbled something nonsensical, and ran out the cafeteria. He knows that his friends are starting to think he’s developed a personality disorder of some kind, but he’s not entirely sure what to tell them. Not yet.
They’re interrupted by the sound of someone pointedly clearing their throat. Chad turns his head to see Sharpay Evans standing, hands on the hips of a pair of really, really well fitting black jeans, and glaring her Totally Terrifying Death Glare down at the two of them. Chad quickly drops his gaze to the floor, and is nearly blinded by the lights reflecting off Sharpay’s gold sequinned stilettos (he finds himself trying to figure out if he’s ever actually admired a girl’s shoes before, and then if there’s something indefinable about Ryan that’s actually infectious).
It occurs to Chad that Sharpay could pretty much out him to the entire school in the next few seconds, and there is nothing he can do about it.
Sharpay sighs. “Honestly, Ry, you have the worse taste in men,” she says in an undertone, but she doesn’t start shrieking so Chad decides not to try and defend himself. She adds: “Come on, I need you. These guys have no sense of rhythm at all, it’s just awful.”
And she goes clicking back up the aisle. It takes Chad a moment to process what just happened.
“Dude, was your sister just, like, nice to you?”
Ryan retrieves his fuchsia hat from where it’s fallen on the floor, and angles it carefully on his only-slightly-mussed hair.
“She does that sometimes,” he murmurs distractedly.
“Does it make you nervous?” Chad asks.
“Every time,” Ryan grins.
~
“Hey Chad,” Kelsi says when he walks into the practise room during free period, but she doesn’t look up from the sheet music spread out on the piano lid. She’s wearing a glittery blue hat that Ryan probably gave her, and tapping the end of a pencil thoughtfully against her chin.
“If you’re busy, I can come back,” he tells her.
“No, no, it’s fine.” Kelsi looks up and offers him one of her sunny smiles, “I’m just trying to crack this song.”
Chad joins her and looks at music too.
“‘You Find The Lyrics In Me’,” he reads.
“I want it to be the big finale for the Spring Musical,” Kelsi explains. “Though, you know, I don’t know what key to put it in yet, since the main parts haven’t been cast.”
“I guess it’ll be Ryan and Sharpay,” Chad says, and then experiences a minor mental freakout, because, well, is he expected to go to the musical now? Does he have to take flowers? Pretend that he gives a damn about theatre? Get on with Sharpay?
“Ryan’s not in the musical this year,” Kelsi murmurs, attention still fixed on her song. “He’s taking part in an amateur production at a local theatre.”
Ryan hasn’t mentioned this to Chad, but then Chad pretty much spends time with Ryan doing things that do not involve talking at all, so he’s not entirely surprised.
“Why?” he asks.
“I don’t know.” Kelsi looks faintly worried, tapping the end of her pencil on the piano lid. “I don’t think it’s anything good. Ryan a nice guy, but he has this awful inability to say ‘no’ to Sharpay.”
Chad doesn’t share her paranoia. For one thing, he can’t figure out how splitting up the Evans Twins Dreamteam would actually help Sharpay.
“What’s wrong with the song?” he asks in an attempt to distract Kelsi from her prophesies of doom.
“I’m not sure,” she replies. “I’m just not happy with it.”
Six months ago, Chad would totally have run away from the tiny little drama girl in the blue hat. Now, he just turns to Kelsi and tells her to play the song for him.
“I wanna sing this song, ‘cause I know we belong - yeah, you find the lyrics in me…”
When she’s finished, Chad tells her that her title line sucks.
“It’s too complicated. Don’t have ‘You Find’, have, I dunno, ‘You Are’. Something like that.”
Kelsi presses her mouth together, frowning.
“You Are The Music In Me,” she says, slowly. And then a smile spreads across her face and she gets up from the piano to hug Chad, before hurrying back, and crossing out certain lyrics on the page, changing things around. It’s not long before she beckons him round to sit beside her on the piano bench.
“I need to test it,” she explains. “Help me?”
Chad can barely read music and he isn’t entirely sure why he’s kept up the singing classes, since he’s whatever-ing with Ryan now, and he was never really into musicals to begin with, but he shrugs and says he’ll do his best.
“When I hear my favourite song, I know that we belong: you are the music in me…”
By the time they reach the last chorus, Chad gets up and pulls Kelsi away from the piano, abruptly cutting off their backing music, the two of them dancing and half-laughing and trying to keep singing, stumbling over the words. Which is about the time Taylor walks in.
For some totally nuts reason, Chad’s brain starts panicking. He doesn’t want Taylor to tell everyone and to have them all think that he and Kelsi are… you know, ‘cause Jason would kill him, and Taylor might get the wrong idea about why they broke up, and-
“I’m gay!” he blurts out, before his mind catches up with his mouth.
Kelsi sits back down on the piano bench, and puts her head in her hands.
“I’m not here,” she mumbles. “I am not involved in this stupid situation.”
Taylor shuts the door and leans against it.
“I was just gonna ask Kelsi if she wanted to come over to Gabi’s tonight,” she says, “But I guess we could do this instead.”
“I didn’t mean to just say that,” Chad says very softly, leaning back against the piano because he thinks he might fall over otherwise.
“I didn’t think you did,” Taylor agrees. “I could leave you to die of embarrassment if you like. I’ve got a study group to get back to.”
“I’m really sorry,” Chad tells her earnestly. “This wasn’t supposed to…” He trails off.
“Well, it explains a lot,” Taylor says thoughtfully. “I can’t believe I didn’t work it out earlier.”
“It wasn’t that obvious,” Chad protests. “…Was it?”
“We never kissed,” Taylor reminds him. “I was dropping hints and making opportunities for about four months, and you remained hopelessly oblivious. I thought it was just ‘cause you’re a potentially braindead basketball guy…”
“Hey,” Chad murmurs feebly.
“Well, I feel better now, anyway.” Taylor gives him a bright smile and stops looking like she wants to run for her life. “So…”
She’s suddenly got that expression she gets when she and Gabriella are giggling in corners and Chad realises that Taylor wants to have some form of messed-up girltalk with him. He’s so freaked out by this that he can’t actually speak.
“He’s doing something that involves Ryan,” Kelsi provides helpfully from behind him.
Chad almost loves her for that. She doesn’t say ‘dating’ (which is good because they’re really not), but she doesn’t say ‘making out in random places all over the school’ (which is, you know, right but makes him sound kind of… slutty).
“Ryan Evans?” Taylor asks, like there are millions of other Ryans at East High.
“You got a problem with that?” Chad asks, and it comes out more angrily than he means it to.
Taylor laughs. “No, I’m just wondering how you managed to bag such a hottie.”
Kelsi giggles from behind him. Chad feels distinctly outnumbered, so doesn’t even try and defend himself.
“I’m really happy for you,” Taylor smiles, coming over to give him a hug. And the funny thing is, Chad thinks, she probably genuinely is. “I gotta go,” she adds, “Those equations won’t balance themselves.”
“Have fun with that,” Chad tells her. “And, um, thanks.”
When the door closes, he turns to Kelsi.
“Ryan does not find out about this,” he says. “Please?”
Kelsi gives him a surprisingly wicked smile.
“Thanks for the help with the song,” is all she says.
~
The really random part is how no one has actually noticed. Well, Troy mentioned that he seemed less twitchy a couple of days ago, and Chad shrugged and claimed that he hadn’t been twitchy at all in the first place and then brought up Gabriella to make sure that Troy would forget all about it. But seriously, the whole school must be blind or whatever because it’s not like they’re being really subtle or anything. Though the sixth time Chad finds himself catching Ryan’s eye in math class and biting his lip to keep from grinning like an idiot, he suddenly remembers Troy and Gabriella staring at each other across rooms, nodding their heads to an invisible beat, and looking pretty stupid while they were at it.
“We’re not like that, are we?” he asks Ryan later, when they’re alone in the gym (if Coach Bolton has noticed that “I’ll stay on my own after practise to work on some free throws” is a euphemism, he’s thankfully never mentioned it). “Because if we are this is stopping right now.”
Ryan is currently standing on his head, because he is insane. Or doing yoga. One of the two, anyway.
“We’re not like that,” he confirms quietly, not even bothering to open his eyes. “My sister would already have kicked my ass about it if we were.”
He’s on one of the mats kept in storage for when they’re all forced into doing gymnastics, while Chad dribbles his basketball up and down the court, trying to work off some restless energy.
“What’s with the yoga anyway?” he asks, shooting and watching the ball swish perfectly through the net.
“It’s good for relaxation,” Ryan replies, lowering his legs and sitting upright again. “Believe me, living with Sharpay, I need all the relaxation I can get.”
Chad laughs, coming to sit beside Ryan on the mat, tugging off his sneakers as he does so.
“Show me,” he orders, poking Ryan’s knee.
“You won’t get it,” Ryan murmurs doubtfully, but he crosses his legs and Chad copies him. Ryan tells him something about breathing and something else but Chad isn’t really listening and then he closes his eyes. It’s very quiet in the gym and he’s horribly aware of Ryan breathing slowly beside him and his legs are starting to cramp because he’s not used to sitting like this.
“This is boring,” he announces, opening his eyes. Ryan is grinning at him.
“Told you so.”
“Smartass.” Chad leans companionably against Ryan, laughing, but stops abruptly as Ryan turns his head and they’re so close together now that Chad can’t resist leaning in for a kiss.
Sometime later, when Ryan’s hand is surprisingly cold on Chad’s back and Chad has Ryan’s lower lip caught between his teeth, someone clears their throat. Chad pulls quickly away and looks up at the amused expression on Coach Bolton’s face.
“Jesus,” he murmurs. “Mr Bolton, sir, I can- I can totally explain.”
“It’s pretty self-explanatory, actually, Chad, but thanks for the offer anyway.” Troy’s dad looks like he wants to burst out laughing, but at least he doesn’t look like he’s about to kick Chad off the team for gross indecency in the gym. “Hi, Ryan.”
“Hi, Mr Bolton.” Ryan’s eyes are a little wide but he seems pretty relaxed considering (maybe that yoga stuff does work after all). “Sorry for interrupting - I know it’s a closed practise.”
“No problem; just don’t make a habit of it.” Coach Bolton smirks and offers Ryan a hand to his feet. Chad stares between the two of them and wonders vaguely if everyone else in the world has gone nuts; or if he has and he just hasn’t noticed it yet. He scrambles awkwardly to his feet.
“Uh… Mr Bolton?”
Their coach stops praising Ryan’s dancing in Twinkle Towne and turns back to Chad.
“The thing is, uh, like, we were trying to, uh…” He trails off and wonders why they’re looking at him like he’s the crazy one. “Troy. Cannot. Know,” he finishes, slightly panicked.
“You should probably tell him sometime,” Bolton suggests blandly, but this is one time in his life when Chad does not want any advice. At all. Their coach has this weirdly disturbing little smile on his face, kind of like the one he gets whenever he catches Troy daydreaming about Gabriella, but all he says is:
“Boys, don’t be too much longer - I’ve gotta lock up, you know?”
When he’s gone, Chad sinks to the floor, head in hands, groaning.
“Tell me that didn’t just happen.”
“It could have been worse,” Ryan suggests. “I mean, he seemed to be ok with-”
“No, no, no, you don’t get it!” Chad thinks he might actually be a little hysterical (and he thought Ryan was supposed to be the drama queen here? Whatever). “I’ve known him since I was, like, four. It’s like having your parents walk in.” He groans again.
Ryan starts laughing, really laughing. It’s not the reaction Chad wants from him, but somehow he can’t resent Ryan’s amusement the way he would if it were anyone else.
“You should probably tell Troy sometime, though,” Ryan says, when he’s calmed down a little. “I mean, just as a suggestion.” He looks at his wristwatch (which Chad thinks probably cost a truly obnoxious amount). “Gotta go, or I’ll be late for my vocal coach.”
And then he’s hurrying out the gym. Chad stays sitting on the floor because he’s not sure that he wants to get up just yet.
~
When he eventually does tell Troy, he does it in such a stupid way he’s a little ashamed of himself. What with Chad spending most of his free time sneaking off with Ryan, or hanging out with Kelsi, and Troy being with Gabriella, they’ve been hanging out less and less. Chad remembers this from time to time and he realises that he seriously does miss his best buddy.
“Hey man,” he says, dropping an easy arm around Troy’s shoulders. The halls are full of people running to class and Troy’s getting his chemistry books out of his locker.
“Hey dude,” Troy replies with a grin. “How are you? We never see each other any more…”
But he’s looking down the hall as he says it and Chad gets the feeling that he’s looking for Gabriella. Because she’s always more important. Whatever. Some kind of petty determination takes him over and he says:
“Yeah, I’m ok. I’m taking singing lessons now, for some like, totally random reason. I know, it’s so weird. Oh, and I was kinda having a sexual identity crisis for a while, but I figured it would just be quicker to stop worrying and go with it. So now I have an almost boyfriend who is, by the way, totally hot, even though his hats match his underwear - you don’t wanna know how I found that out, actually - but you know, I can seriously overlook that. And Kelsi and Taylor and Sharpay and your dad all know, so I guess I should tell you.” He catches sight of Taylor over the other side of the hall. “Hey, I’m late for class. Well, see ya later dude.”
And he jogs over to join Taylor. Chad isn’t sure how much Troy heard, but he’s breathing too hard and his heart is going a mile a minute in his chest anyway.
“You don’t look good,” Taylor observes.
“I think I just outed myself to Troy, who probably wasn’t even listening,” Chad explains a little helplessly. “And I think I did it even more tactlessly than I did with you.”
Taylor shakes her head.
“You poor boy. I think I’ll make you a powerpoint presentation that you can just show your friends and save on awkwardness all round.”
It’s then that Troy calls after him. Chad knows he should turn back and talk to his friend and find out just what Troy got out of his slightly crazy ranting, but he doesn’t want to deal with right now, so he just keeps walking.
After chemistry, though, Troy waylays him.
“We have to talk,” he says, but he puts a hand on Chad’s shoulder so he’s obviously not completely freaked out. Chad goes over to Troy’s after school, and they wind up shooting a few hoops out back, because talking is altogether too complicated and girly for them, even after all these years.
“I think you need to tell me what’s going on with you,” Troy says, “And properly.”
Chad thinks about what he’s going to say, stealing the ball from Troy and executing a perfect shot.
“I’m not-dating Ryan Evans,” he says carefully.
“I know,” Troy replies, and Chad is about to turn around and ask when he realises that Troy’s misunderstood him. Or possibly just misunderstood the madness that is Chad’s current love life, which is, you know, not exactly hard.
“No, I mean, I’m not-dating Ryan,” he explains, putting stresses on the words so Troy will understand. He watches comprehension break over his friend’s face, resisting the urge to turn and run so he doesn’t have to talk about this.
“Holy shit.” Troy stares at him, but he’s not shouting get off my basketball court you freaky little faggot so Chad assumes it’s going to be ok.
“Yeah man, you said it.” Chad manages a laugh that sounds very almost normal, and moves to retrieve the ball. “I’m trying new things, broadening my horizons. You know, just like your singing thing. Except, you know, without the singing. Or the musical. Or the girl.”
Troy considers this, automatically marking Chad and trying to take the ball back.
“So, nothing at all like my singing thing.”
“Exactly.”
They both laugh then, and Chad feels better, because somewhere along the line Troy will always be his best friend, and be there for him (eventually, anyway).
“So, you really don’t mind?” Chad asks later, when they’ve given up playing ball and are sitting on the court drinking cans of soda.
“Dude, it’s your life. Why would I mind?” Troy looks genuinely puzzled.
“No, I mean about… Ryan.” Chad knows Ryan isn’t in any way popular with the Wildcats (hell, a few months ago he was judging Ryan solely on his colour co-ordinated clothing, and muttering behind the other boy’s back). “I mean, I know you aren’t exactly crazy about the Evans family…”
Troy flushes.
“Look,” he begins almost hesitantly, “I wasn’t gonna say anything until I’d talked it over with Gabi, but…” He bites his lower lip for a moment. “I’m thinking about doing the Spring Musical with Sharpay.”
“Dude.” Chad stares at him. “She’ll eat you alive.”
“She’s not so bad.” Troy looks massively uncomfortable. “I mean, ok, she can kinda scary sometimes-”
“Scary doesn’t even begin to describe it,” Chad points out. Troy ignores him.
“-But, you know, she’s not so bad when she’s not surrounded by her lackeys. And Gabi really doesn’t want to do the Spring Musical, but I kind of miss it, and Ryan’s not in the musical anyway, so…”
Troy is rambling awkwardly. Chad takes this as a sign that the guy’s head is on the point of melting with anxiety, so he takes pity on him.
“Hey man, if it’s what you want to do, then go for it. I mean, Sharpay will probably kill you with a pair of stilettos during rehearsals, and she might even force you to wear something with rhinestones on it, but if you’re down with that then go ahead.”
Troy gives him a grateful smile. He still seems to be thinking about something, though, so Chad asks him what the problem is.
“Well…” Troy turns to look at him. “What did you mean earlier when you said that my dad knows about you and Ryan?”
“Oh. That. Well, uh, it’s kind of a totally-not-funny story, actually…”
~
It gets round the school in about ten minutes on Thursday morning that Troy Bolton is planning on auditioning for the musical with Sharpay Evans. The rumours are getting steadily more juicy, much to Chad, Zeke and Jason’s amusement, though they seem to be the only ones seeing the funny side. Sharpay snaps at anyone who tries to get near her, and Troy and Gabriella are clinging to each other’s hands in a desperate attempt to look completely and utterly unified.
“Is the whole school convinced I’m having some sort of freaky affair with my sister?” Ryan asks during free period, when he and Chad are hiding out in one of the practise rooms.
“Could you say anything less sexy?” Chad asks incredulously. “But yeah, pretty much.”
“Oh.” Ryan actually takes his silver trilby off, clearly worried by this news. “Well, that definitely explains some of the questions I’ve been asked today, anyway.”
Chad laughs, pressing his face into Ryan’s shoulder.
“Mood-breaker,” he mumbles.
“Hey,” Ryan begins sort of hesitantly, “I don’t know if Troy’s told you, but he’s meant to be coming over to our house this Sunday so that Sharpay can torment him and call it ‘rehearsing’, but I don’t want to be around while she shrieks at him and changes outfits every two hours, so…” He takes a breath. “I was wondering if you wanted to do something.”
“Like… a date?” Chad asks.
“No, I was thinking maybe we could hang out somewhere and pick up chicks,” Ryan says dryly. “I just thought maybe you wanted to catch a movie or something. I mean, it’s cool if you don’t.”
Chad is freaking out. Again. He’s getting sick of being terrified of every single aspect of this very-nearly-relationship, but he can’t seem to stop himself, and the idea of going out in public with Ryan and maybe being seen and-
“I’m busy,” he says, before he can stop himself. “There’s this thing I promised my mom I’d help out with, and-”
“It’s cool,” Ryan cuts him off, but his smile is a little too fixed and guilt hits Chad hard in the chest. They sit in awkward silence for a moment, before Ryan’s cell goes off. When he answers, Chad can hear Sharpay screaming down the line. Ryan turns to him. “Shar’s having some sort of crisis. I’ll see you later, yeah?”
He walks out so quickly he leaves his trilby behind. Chad picks it up and walks out too, turning the hat over and over in his hands.
Ryan isn’t ignoring him but he doesn’t look directly at him all day. The whispers and rumours aren’t nearly as funny any more, and Chad comes to the conclusion by the last period (well, after he sort of talked to Taylor at lunch and she shouted at him that he’s an idiot, has playing all that basketball killed off his brain cells, she knew he was insensitive but she didn’t know he was emotionally deficient, and so on) that he needs to apologise to Ryan.
“Ok,” he says, catching up to Ryan in the theatre, where Sharpay is bossing around a group of terrified-looking freshmen in tights. “Let’s do it.”
Ryan turns to look at him. “Unfortunately, I don’t have my sister’s supernatural powers just yet, so I can’t read your mind. What?”
“Let’s go out on Sunday,” Chad tells him. “Go see a movie, grab a pizza, whatever. We should do it.”
Ryan raises an eyebrow. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.” Chad smiles. “But you can pay.”
“That’s not very gentlemanly,” Ryan points out, but he’s laughing as he says it.
“Dude, I’m saving up every cent I’ve got for a car,” Chad tells him. “Your parents own, like, a few small countries and have shares in the moon or whatever, so you can totally cover some popcorn.”
Ryan looks like he wants to protest the generalisation for a minute, but gives up.
“Ok.”
“And I’m not holding your hand.”
“I don’t think I even mentioned that,” Ryan says, but he looks so happy that Chad can’t bring himself to be too uncertain about this.
By Sunday, of course, he’s petrified, trying on every single t-shirt he owns (which takes an unreasonably long time; he probably should’ve realised he wasn’t entirely straight a long time ago) and pacing in an increasingly desperate fashion. By the time Ryan comes to pick him up, Chad is seriously considering just hiding and pretending not to be in. But he trails downstairs anyway, grateful that his mom is out for the day, and pulls open the door.
Ryan is wearing a pair of skinny dark blue jeans that fit incredibly well, and a sky blue shirt. He looks… wow. Chad says a jumble of syllables to that effect and Ryan grins, looking pleased with himself.
It isn’t intimidating in the end; they go to the cinema and sit up the back and it occurs to Chad afterwards that he can’t actually remember the majority of the movie because Ryan’s hand was on his thigh and his lips tasted like popcorn, but it’s ok ‘cause it’s not like it was all that interesting to begin with.
Later, they’re sharing a pizza when Ryan’s cellphone goes off. He looks at the screen and grimaces.
“Be back in a minute,” he says, walking away from their table to answer. Chad tries to listen in to the call but all he can hear are a few incomprehensible things about hair and compromises.
“Look, just call the emergency stylist,” Ryan says. “Deal with the problem by removing it completely.”
When he comes back to the table, he says: “Shar was having a hair crisis. She has like four a week, but I think this one’s averted.”
“Your life is so screwed-up and random,” Chad says with feeling.
Ryan just laughs, his knee pressed against Chad’s underneath the table.
~
“It’s not so bad,” Gabriella offers, kind of helplessly.
“It really is,” Zeke says. “I mean, seriously, dude, what were you thinking?”
Troy has his head in his hands.
“I couldn’t stop her,” he says in a broken little voice.
The Wildcats are sitting out on the bleachers, since it’s such a beautiful day. Chad can see the rest of the athletics team down on the track, but he can’t go join them. Not yet.
“How hard is it to tell a girl that you don’t want most of your hair cut off?” Chad asks. Taylor and Gabriella send him you’re-being-insensitive looks, but he ignores them.
“She was just talking, and then there was this guy who said he was a stylist, and then, you know…” Troy trails off. He doesn’t even look like Troy anymore, without his shaggy hair in his eyes. It’s shorter and there are highlights and Sharpay did this to him.
“You should have a restraining order put on her,” Chad suggests darkly.
“My mom’s a lawyer,” Jason offers, “You could totally sue her.”
“Might make auditioning for the musical a bit awkward,” Troy says with a shaky laugh, raising his head.
“You’re still going to work with her?” Zeke looks stunned. “Dude, she cut your hair off.”
“I said I would.” Troy looks uncomfortable. “I mean, I’ve put in the work, I should go through with it.”
The others look distinctly dubious. Troy looks to Gabriella for support; she gives him a weak smile and squeezes his hand.
The first chance he gets, Chad goes to hunt down Ryan.
“Your crazy control-freak sister had Troy’s hair cut off!” he hisses. “I mean, what the fuck is she on? And how could you let her?”
“I swear, I had no idea.” Ryan holds his hands up, a gesture of surrender. “I was out with you all day, remember?”
“Yeah.” Chad refuses to be distracted. “But seriously, man - tell Sharpay to back off.”
“You think she’s gonna listen to me?” Ryan points out. “Anyway, I’m sure she just thought it would look better for the role. Hair grows back, right?”
Ryan’s right. Hair does grow back and Troy will get tired of Sharpay and her demands and everything’s going to be ok and go back to normal.
Except that it doesn’t stop there.
~
They’re all in the theatre for Troy and Sharpay’s audition. Kelsi looks distinctly uneasy when she sits down at the piano, shuffling the sheet music awkwardly and biting her lips together. Chad is sat between Taylor and Jason. No one’s asked him why he’s suddenly friends with Taylor again, and Chad isn’t ever going to explain. Gabriella is on Taylor’s other side, and she looks really miserable.
“Hey, Gabi, if you’re not cool with this-” Chad begins.
“Look how happy he is,” Gabriella interrupts, gesturing to the stage, where Troy and Sharpay are giving Kelsi some last-minute instructions. “I mean, who am I to stop him?”
Chad makes a mental note to tell Troy to pay more attention to his girlfriend in the future, but then Kelsi’s playing the opening notes and they all quieten down. Chad recognises the song after a moment; Troy and Sharpay are singing You Are The Music In Me. And they’re good. They’re really, really good: they sound totally professional, and their voices blend perfectly together. It’s different to when they heard Troy and Gabriella sing - there’s none of the raw affection and sweetness in their voices, and it makes Chad’s chest hurt to listen in a way he doesn’t understand. Gabriella is gripping Taylor’s arm so hard it’s got to hurt, and Taylor has a dark, anxious look on her face.
Ryan, three rows ahead of them, gets up and leaves before the end of the song. Chad stays long enough to force out some applause, and then runs in the direction he saw Ryan go in. He eventually tracks down the other boy in a dark props closet.
“Go away,” Ryan hisses. “I don’t want to talk to you at the moment.”
“It’s me,” Chad provides, because he’s pretty sure Ryan has no reason to want to avoid him.
“Oh.” Ryan’s breathing sounds too loud and sort of damp around the edges.
“Dude, are you crying?” Chad asks.
“Please.” Ryan laughs, but his voice is trembling. Chad reaches for the lightswitch and Ryan’s voice becomes cold. “You turn that light on, and I out you to the whole school by lunchtime.”
“Jesus,” Chad says, closing the door behind him and hoping he doesn’t break his neck tripping over something. “What’s the matter, man?”
“Sorry,” Ryan mumbles miserably. “I didn’t mean that.”
It hits Chad blindingly hard.
“You’re jealous, aren’t you?” He sits down on the floor, hopefully somewhere near where Ryan is.
“A little.” Ryan tries to laugh again but it sounds horribly like a sob.
“You are crying,” Chad says, and it manages to come out accusing.
“Evans’ don’t cry,” Ryan murmurs a little too forcibly. He takes a shaky breath. “Shit.”
“If you wanted to be part of the musical…” Chad begins.
“If I’m serious about going into theatre,” Ryan tells him, “I’ve got to do something outside the school environment. And away from my sister.”
It sounds plausible. Chad believes it. He hopes Ryan does.
“But you’re still crying in a closet because Sharpay sounds really good when she sings with someone else.”
“Yeah.” Ryan sighs. “I am. I don’t know. I’ll get over it. I think I’m just feeling a bit alone at the moment.”
“You’ve got me,” Chad offers. And for once, he isn’t terrified about the permanence (or semi-permanence, or whatever this is at the moment).
“Thank you,” Ryan whispers.
Chad sits in the dark for a while, and listens to Ryan pretending that he’s not losing control.
~
Within a week after the final cast list is announced, Troy starts sitting at the drama club’s table at lunchtime and hanging about in the theatre during free period. He misses free period workout three times in a row, until his dad completely loses it at him. Chad tries to persuade the rest of the team to practise their passes, like they can’t hear Troy shouting at his father outside the gym doors. Something about what really matters, how they’ve won the Championship, what more does he want; the words sound wrong coming from Troy and in the end they all stop even pretending to play, and just stand, silent, horrified.
A couple of days after that, and Troy starts turning up in a whole new colour co-ordinated wardrobe. Gabriella’s smile is becoming increasingly fixed, though Troy is still holding hands with her in the halls and sitting next to her in every class. There’s something strained between them, Chad can tell just from watching. And then, of course, Troy goes off with Sharpay for hours at a time, rehearsing and hanging out (and apparently clothes shopping - Chad would ask his friend what he thinks he’s doing, but his friendship with Troy isn’t exactly stable right now), and there’s no space for any of them any more.
He’s sharing a pizza with Ryan one afternoon (“Oh go on, let me put glitter mascara on you, you’d look so cute!” “You’d make me blind. I don’t think there’s much call for one-eyed basketball players…” “I could make you an eyepatch! With a little rhinestone ‘W’ for ‘Wildcats’!” “Dude…”) when something occurs to him.
“How long have we been dating without me noticing?” Chad asks. “I mean, I didn’t think we were, but…”
“I was sort of hoping you wouldn’t pick up on it until it was too late for you to mind,” Ryan tells him, smiling.
“Oh, man,” Chad laughs, pressing his face into his hand, “This is nuts.”
“But nice?”
“Yeah. It’s pretty nice.”
[This is the last time Chad feels truly happy for a good while.]
Troy misses the next three team practises, finally arriving late for the fourth. Coach Bolton’s face is set and determined and he practically drags Troy outside. Chad can’t bring himself to look at the rest of the team, as they hear perfectly clearly how Troy doesn’t want to waste his time with some shitty little high school team; that he can probably get a scholarship for U of A and start playing some serious game. For some insane reason, Chad gets a lump in his throat, hearing the tone of his best friend’s voice.
“If that’s the way you feel, then you’re off the team. Go change, and don’t bother to come back.” Coach Bolton sounds almost too calm, and when he walks back in the gym he heads straight for Chad.
“Congratulations, you’re Team Captain,” he says, clapping Chad on the shoulder.
“Sir, I-” Chad begins awkwardly, but what can he say? “Thank you,” he murmurs.
“We’ll finish this practise tomorrow,” Bolton says shortly, and Chad wants to say something helpful or meaningful but Zeke looks stricken and Jason looks sick and in the end they all trail off to shower, unable to make eye contact or talk. Troy is a nice guy most of the time - he can be a little self-absorbed, it’s true, but they’ve all got their own faults. This total abandonment of the person he used to be, though, is driving Chad crazy.
He pushes into the school’s tiny dance studio once he’s showered and changed into his jeans again. Ryan and Kelsi are twirling around the floor and laughing at each other’s mistakes, but they stop once they see the look on Chad’s face.
“Troy just got kicked off the team,” he says, wondering if he’s actually going to break down in front of them, “He was talking about how he didn’t want to be part of some shitty little high school team.”
“Oh, Chad,” Kelsi says, coming to give him a tight hug.
“I don’t understand,” Ryan murmurs, frowning, hanging back a little. “Why would Troy say something like that?”
“I guess it’s got something to do with your poisonous sister,” Chad mutters darkly. “She’s taking Troy over.”
“You’re giving her too much credit,” Ryan says awkwardly. “The musical is way more important to her than Troy is.”
Kelsi suddenly looks at him, a little too sharply. Ryan stares back. Chad has no idea what’s going on between them, and says so.
“I’d better go,” Kelsi whispers, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “They might need me in rehearsals.”
When she’s gone, Ryan walks over and pulls Chad into a proper hug. Chad presses his face into Ryan’s shoulder.
“Captain - I mean, that’s a huge deal,” he murmurs. “But I didn’t want it like this.”
“I’m so sorry,” Ryan mumbles into his hair.
“It’s nothing to do with you. It’s your sister’s fault,” Chad says.
“Yeah.” Ryan sighs. “I guess it is.”
~
Homeroom is way too full of tension. Gabriella and Troy are still tentatively dating, although Gabriella is looking more and more depressed as every day passes, and she’s bent over a textbook with her dark hair hiding her expression. Sharpay is checking her eyeliner in a small compact mirror, a smug little smile on her lips. Chad’s eyes slide over her, because he can’t look at Sharpay without feeling angry these days, to where her brother is tapping his fingers boredly on the desk. Chad smiles slightly, watching Ryan being completely oblivious to him watching him.
Ms Darbus is droning on and on and on about Shakespeare or something in a faintly hysterical fashion, and Chad finds himself wondering what would happen if he, you know, made him and Ryan public. He’s sick of doing the whole creeping-around stuff. It might just be easier to admit everything and face up to the music.
The bell goes, and Chad hangs back a little. Ryan is chatting animatedly to Kelsi about something, while the rest of the class streams out the door. Chad takes his time packing his books and stuff into his bag, not sure what he wants to say to Ryan. If he wants to say anything at all.
A few minutes later, and Zeke comes running into the room.
“Chad, you’ve gotta come now,” he says, grabbing Chad’s arm.
“What-” Chad begins.
“Come on,” Zeke insists. His usual cheerful expression is gone, leaving him looking tired and worried. “It’s really bad, man.”
They hurry down the stairs, nearly knocking into Sharpay, who’s hurrying up the other way. Zeke won’t tell Chad anything, but Chad finds out what the matter is the minute they get downstairs.
Troy and Gabriella are surrounded by about half the student body. Zeke and Chad push their way through to join Jason, Kelsi and Taylor.
“I don’t even know who you are anymore, Troy!” Gabriella shouts. “I mean, the guy I met wasn’t materialistic, vain, selfish or cruel!”
“You don’t understand,” Troy shouts back, face twisted in an expression Chad’s never, ever seen on his best friend’s face. “You’re holding me back! You want me to be this, I don’t know, sweet, boring guy who never does anything without asking you first!”
Kelsi’s fingers bite into Chad’s arm. It’s horrible to watch; the school’s Golden Couple falling into pieces.
“How can you even think that?” Gabriella demands. “You’re the one who tried to force me to leave the Decathlon Team just so I could fit in seeing you around your rehearsals, and you blew me off anyway!”
Chad can’t look any more. Instead, he looks around the crowd. Most students look upset, or sympathetic; a few look sadistically amused. Sharpay certainly looks pleased with herself. But Ryan… Chad can’t work out what the expression on Ryan’s face is for a moment, and then he realises that it’s guilt. But that doesn’t fit. Why would Ryan be watching Troy and Gabriella breaking up and be looking guilty…? And then he realises. It’s like a suckerpunch to the stomach, and through sudden, panicked nausea, Chad barely hears Gabriella shout:
“That’s it, I’m sick of you! We’re through, Troy. Go to hell.”
She pushes through the crowd and Kelsi, Martha and Taylor hurry to follow her. Chad only has eyes for Ryan. He can see the other boy trying to disappear amongst the rapidly dispersing students, but Chad isn’t going to let him go that easy. Not when he needs to know the truth.
~
Ryan is waiting for him in an empty corridor. Everyone else has gone to class, it’s quiet and mercifully quiet. Chad doesn’t want an audience for this. There’s desperation under his anger. Seriously, man, tell me that this isn’t true. Tell me that you didn’t-
“I can give you a detailed explanation, if you like,” Ryan says. He’s trembling, just a little, but there’s determination in the way he’s standing straight, looking Chad in the eye.
“I just want you to answer one question,” Chad tells him. His chest hurts, he can’t breathe properly. “Did you help her?”
He thinks that if Ryan plays dumb he will actually just punch him. There’s too much anger and misery for him to deal with in any way, shape or form.
“Yes,” Ryan says.
Chad should leave it at that, but he can’t.
“You knew that Sharpay was planning on dragging Troy away from his friends and getting him to break up with Gabriella, and you helped her?”
Ryan hesitates, then says: “Yes.”
“Fuck.” Chad takes a deep breath. “So, what, you were using me? Keeping me out of the way?”
For the first time, Ryan looks genuinely upset. “No! How could you even think that?”
“You’ve been lying to me all along,” Chad snarls, voice shaking a little. “I can’t believe a word you say.”
Ryan bites his lower lip, seemingly unable to think of anything else to say.
“I don’t understand-” Chad begins helplessly, gives up. “I mean, I know you don’t give a damn about Troy or Gabriella, but I really thought you cared enough about me not to screw me over like this. He was my best friend.”
“She’s my sister,” Ryan tells him.
“Yeah, and she’s got you so whipped that you can’t even stand up for yourself any more. It’s sick.”
“Chad, I’m-”
“I don’t wanna hear it.” Chad can’t breathe at all now, and Ryan has no expression on his face. “Just don’t. You’re an asshole, Evans, and if you come near me again I’ll hurt you, I swear to God.”
He turns and walks away, clenching his shaking hands into fists. But he can’t resist looking back, just because- because.
Ryan’s already gone.
TBC
Fandom: High School Musical
Pairing: Ryan/Chad [with hints at Troy/Gabriella and Sharpay/Troy]
Rating:
Genre: Slash [het]
Summary: Just as Chad figures out what he wants, Troy starts acting strange and Chad begins to realise that Ryan’s hiding something.
Author’s Notes: Yeah, HSM2 did something quite similar to this, but, on the other hand, they didn’t go nearly far enough. And I want to do my interpretation here. Sorry it took so damn long to get this up; I got ill and went to France twice and then had to apply for uni and all in all Real Life got a bit too real. Anyway. It shouldn’t take this long to get part four up.
| [Part One] | [Part Two] |
This? This whole thing is entirely Michael Crawford’s fault.
It’s impossible to grow up even slightly normal with a picture of Michael Crawford stuck inside your refrigerator. It’s really the sort of thing that can scar a boy’s mind when he’s growing up; opening the door to get something to drink after a nice long basketball practise, to find a man in an opera cape staring at him. Michael Crawford’s been in there years now (Chad has unsettlingly vague memories of coming home kind of drunk after the Twinkle Towne afterparty, opening the fridge - he was starving for some reason - and murmuring hey Mike, how’s it going? absentmindedly to the photo).
Chad is fairly certain that Ryan Evans should not be his kind of person at all, because Ryan co-ordinates all his clothes and sometimes chooses to wear make-up when he’s not onstage and knows the difference between a plié and a pas de chat and can sing all the words to every Broadway musical ever. These are not things Chad has ever had any interest in and they should in no way be sexy and he’s coming to the conclusion that that stupid picture in his fridge has mentally scarred him for life. He’s going to be in therapy forever.
Now, he is balanced awkwardly on the stairs with his tongue in Ryan’s mouth. And something is seriously wrong here, because he isn’t even trying to get away.
Chad has the horrible suspicion that he kissed Ryan first. It was an accident. You know, an accident where Ryan was running down the stairs in the opposite direction and they knocked into each other and Chad grabbed Ryan so that he wouldn’t fall and for no logical reason Chad’s hand found the back of Ryan’s neck and before Chad was really aware what was happening their mouths collided. Those excellent reflexes that serve him so well on the basketball court have betrayed him.
Abruptly, Ryan pulls away. There’s shock in his eyes; almost too much, considering he was the one yelling put out or just stop it this morning. Chad has no idea what he’s doing, though, so he takes a step back, then two. He’s not trying to run away, but he does need some distance.
After a minute or two of brittle silence, Chad says, “This is weird, right?”
Ryan gives him a look, clearly thinking that it’s not tactful to say that sort of thing after kissing someone, especially for the first time. He’s probably got a point; but Chad is currently too freaked out to be even slightly polite.
“Weird because of the we’re-both-guys thing?” Ryan asks eventually, tone neutral, resting his back against the wall. He looks exhausted.
“Actually, no. That part kind of explains a lot.” Chad manages a weak smile that he suspects must look kind of nuts. “No, I mean, the whole it’s-you-and-me thing.”
It shouldn’t be an issue, really, because Troy and Gabriella wrenched open the doors for whole-school mingling, and no one’s really going to care if the basketball team makes one more highly unlikely link with the drama club. But it is an issue, because this is Ryan Evans, who owns a genuinely disturbing number of hats, who Chad has been sniping at since preschool (he suspects the most complimentary thing he’s ever said about Ryan was to call him an “over-moussed showdog”), and the two of them have been glaring pointedly at each other across classrooms for years (though, with hindsight, Chad supposes that could be counted as some extremely random flirting). If Troy did this - whatever this is - it would probably be ok. If Zeke did it, no one would even be surprised. But he is Chad Danforth, unwaveringly for the team, mind fixed solely on sport or possibly occasionally on one of the cheerleaders, and for him to even consider Ryan Evans in a context other than mild loathing is unthinkable.
Ryan is simply standing there, looking at him. A little bit flushed, slightly disconcerted. Also, his hat matches his pants, which is just not right.
Chad gives on trying to stand, and sits down on one of the stairs. Ryan copies him, leaving enough room for a bus to pass between them. The all-consuming hush is almost suffocating.
“What do you want to do?” Ryan asks eventually, tilting his head to one side, the sunlight streaming through the windows making his hair blindingly gold. Too late, Chad remembers that Ryan isn’t having a good day - he’s never seen Ryan shout before, not like that - and that he can’t be helping matters.
“I was gonna mumble senselessly for a while, run for it, and avoid you for the next couple of days,” Chad replies, because he might as well be upfront about it. “You ok with that?”
Ryan shrugs.
“Go for it.” He looks kind of amused now, and Chad wonders if Ryan understands more about this whole situation than he does. It’s probable.
“Well,” he stands up, brushing imaginary dust from his pants with suddenly-shaky hands, “I should, uh, I mean, I’ll just be-” The helpless stammering is deeply uncool, but he can’t figure out how to make it stop. It’s too late to go to class now, but he could always hide out in the library or the bathrooms or somewhere. Whatever. The important thing is that he won’t be here.
Ryan really isn’t helping either, smirking with his mouth slightly red, and Chad did that, and this is just so, so… stupid. He’s willing to bet that things like this don’t ever happen to Troy, or to Jason, or even to Zeke. They didn’t grow up with pictures of musical singing people in their refrigerators, and they don’t go around inappropriately kissing their classmates! There’s gotta be a link, somewhere along the line.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Ryan prompts finally, and Chad thinks that he might have been staring. Oh God.
“Yeah. I have- yeah. Well, uh. Yeah.”
Ryan wiggles his fingers goodbye in a way that’s mildly, scarily, reminiscent of Sharpay. And Chad flees. There’s no classy way to put it. He can’t leave with any kind of manly dignity; he just runs down the stairs with his sneakers squeaking indignantly on the floor, and prays that that’s not Ryan laughing behind him.
Halfway through fourth-period math class, it occurs to Chad that awkward exits aren’t actually supposed to be co-ordinated. And also that he’s gone too far and whatever happens next, he’s screwed.
Michael Crawford has a lot to answer for.
~
[That night, at their weekly Ballroom Dancing class, Ryan leaves Sharpay strapping on her lucky silver shoes and informs their dance instructor that they’ll be reviewing the tango tonight. She hurries to comply in the subservient way most employees of the Evans family do - it makes Ryan feel simultaneously proud and sick. When Sharpay finally walks into the studio, and Ryan takes her hands, she sees his expression and, for once, doesn’t even try to fight him for the lead.
Ryan holds his sister tightly at the waist and walks her around the floor smoothly but determinedly. The tango is exactly what he needs at the moment - he needs to feel in control of something right now.]
~
The next day, at lunch, Chad gives everyone the slip (which is not exactly hard, because Troy has eyes for no one but Gabriella, and Zeke is busy explaining to anyone who’ll listen that he’s really got the hang of creating the caramelised top on the crème brulée, so no one will actually notice he’s not there), wanders the corridors for a while in a way that he hopes doesn’t look too suspicious, and ends up in the theatre. Because it’s not like that’s completely out of character for him or anything (oh God oh God what is he doing?). Thankfully, Sharpay and Ryan are rehearsing onstage for something, so everyone’s too busy watching them dance to notice Chad creeping in at the back. Which is definitely a good thing, since he’s not entirely certain what he’s doing here, and the less of an audience he has while making an idiot of himself, the better. Besides, everyone’s watching the rehearsals, maybe he could just sneak back out and -
Ryan looks up for just a moment, sees Chad, and stumbles.
That’s actually slightly terrifying. Chad has never exactly gone out of his way to watch Ryan dance (at least not until recently, anyway, and he’s not thinking about that), but he’s gone to school with the guy for long enough that he’s seen bits and pieces of the Evans twins’ disturbingly competent dancing. None of which ever involved any kind of tripping or mis-stepping or anything. Which means this is probably his fault (again).
One accidental kiss, and you broke the guy. Nice going, Danforth.
Suppressing the urge to curl up somewhere incredibly small and whimper until this all goes away and he goes back to wanting to date Taylor or at least spend several weeks flirting with someone who is mildly female, Chad ducks out of sight behind the back wall, and listens to Sharpay yelling at Ryan. And Ryan actually yelling back at Sharpay, something about her being a control freak and how she can damn well dance on her own. Then there’s a sound like someone is storming off the stage. Chad presses his face into his palms and seriously considers just going back to the cafeteria and listening to Zeke babble about various types of pudding.
“This isn’t avoiding me, you know,” Ryan informs him a moment later, voice low so that Sharpay won’t pick up on where he is. “In fact, I think this actually counts as stalking.”
“I’m not stalking you!” Chad hisses, slightly panicked.
“Well, you’re definitely not avoiding me.” Everything about Ryan today is smothered in pinstripes, from his hat to his pants, and it’s making Chad’s eyes go slightly funny. “I seem to remember you announcing, in a kind of deranged fashion, that you’d be avoiding me for the next couple of days.”
“Yeah, about that…” Chad has no idea what to say, because he didn’t plan this part. Or any of it. “I don’t want to. Avoid you, I mean. I did some thinking.”
By ‘some thinking’, of course, he means that he stayed up till three a.m trying to make some sense of what he wanted, but Ryan really doesn’t need to know that.
“And…” Ryan raises an eyebrow, folding his arms across his (pinstriped) chest.
“And what?” Chad is starting to feel like he’s been forced into a play where he doesn’t know any of the lines and everyone’s glaring at him for missing the cues he didn’t know existed in the first place. Which is a stupid metaphor because he hasn’t ever been in a play since that nativity one in preschool (and even then he messed up his one and only line).
“And what does the not-wanting-to-avoid-me mean, exactly?” Ryan asks suspiciously.
“I… hadn’t figured that part out yet, actually.” Chad realises that he hasn’t thought any of this through. But it might just be ok, because he never thinks things through and yet somehow he’s managed to both get on the basketball team and not flunk out of high school.
Ryan has his head on one side and is staring at Chad somewhat critically.
“I don’t know whether to find your uncontrollable confusion endearing or horrifying,” he admits.
“… I think I might be stalking you,” Chad replies slightly helplessly. “A little bit.”
Ryan considers this for a moment, and apparently reaches a decision.
“Don’t freak out on me this time,” he says quietly, and then he’s cupping Chad’s face in his hands and pushing him back against the brickwork.
Chad obediently behaves himself, and keeps quiet.
~
A week later, they talk in whispers in the back row of the theatre, crouched down on the floor with their backs pressed against the seats. Sure, the chances are someone is going to come back here any minute and ask just why the co-president of the drama club and the school’s second favourite hoops dude are hiding down there eating cookies (though it’s actually pretty simple: the cookies are there because of Zeke, and they’re in the theatre because it’s not like there’s anywhere else to go). It’s true, that someone might hear them; but Sharpay is bossing around a bunch of her fanclub and no one’s going to hear anything over the size of her ego.
“These are really good,” Ryan mumbles thoughtfully, brushing crumbs off his shirt. “You know, Shar told me to go out with Zeke because of the whole baking thing. Maybe I should’ve listened to her.”
Chad thinks about this.
“I gave you cookies anyway,” he points out.
“And I couldn’t be happier if you’d actually made them yourself,” Ryan replies, smirking. “Keep providing the desserts, and this might just work out after all.”
Chad sighs, leaning his head back. He has eaten too many sugar cookies and his brain kind of feels like it’s falling into little pieces of desiccated coconut. He should be in the cafeteria right now, avoiding looking at Troy and Gabriella feeding each other brownies and giggling, trying not to make eye contact with Taylor, attempting to make sense of Zeke’s excited monologues on corn starch, and… on second thoughts, it’s probably better here. More cramped, but pretty much better.
“Whatever ‘this’ is,” he murmurs, like it matters, which it doesn’t. It really, really doesn’t. All they’ve had is a week of making out in inappropriate places, and it’s fun, and Chad doesn’t want or need anything else. Seriously.
Ryan shrugs, still sucking the last vestiges of cookie from his fingers. Chad wonders if he should be worried about the fact that Ryan seems more interested in the food than he is in Chad actually talking to him. And Chad can’t help it; he wants some kind of certainty, something that’s slightly defined in his life at the moment.
“Dude,” he says, and Ryan turns to look at him this time, which is a start. “This is weird. I mean, this whole year - totally weird. Troy sings now, and I’ve put on like four pounds from all Zeke’s cooking, and Taylor won’t even talk to me, and- and I kind of wanna kiss you, like, all the time, which is just not normal.”
Ryan just stares at him for a moment.
“…Because I’m a glitter-wearing drama freak?”
“Because you’re a glitter-wearing drama freak,” Chad agrees.
Ryan laughs.
“If it helps, you’re not really my type either.”
Chad raises an eyebrow.
“How could I not be? I mean, I’m hot, I’m athletic…”
“And so very, very modest,” Ryan adds. His lips taste like sugar when he kisses Chad, and Chad momentarily wonders what Zeke actually thought when Chad grabbed half a Tupperware box of cookies, mumbled something nonsensical, and ran out the cafeteria. He knows that his friends are starting to think he’s developed a personality disorder of some kind, but he’s not entirely sure what to tell them. Not yet.
They’re interrupted by the sound of someone pointedly clearing their throat. Chad turns his head to see Sharpay Evans standing, hands on the hips of a pair of really, really well fitting black jeans, and glaring her Totally Terrifying Death Glare down at the two of them. Chad quickly drops his gaze to the floor, and is nearly blinded by the lights reflecting off Sharpay’s gold sequinned stilettos (he finds himself trying to figure out if he’s ever actually admired a girl’s shoes before, and then if there’s something indefinable about Ryan that’s actually infectious).
It occurs to Chad that Sharpay could pretty much out him to the entire school in the next few seconds, and there is nothing he can do about it.
Sharpay sighs. “Honestly, Ry, you have the worse taste in men,” she says in an undertone, but she doesn’t start shrieking so Chad decides not to try and defend himself. She adds: “Come on, I need you. These guys have no sense of rhythm at all, it’s just awful.”
And she goes clicking back up the aisle. It takes Chad a moment to process what just happened.
“Dude, was your sister just, like, nice to you?”
Ryan retrieves his fuchsia hat from where it’s fallen on the floor, and angles it carefully on his only-slightly-mussed hair.
“She does that sometimes,” he murmurs distractedly.
“Does it make you nervous?” Chad asks.
“Every time,” Ryan grins.
~
“Hey Chad,” Kelsi says when he walks into the practise room during free period, but she doesn’t look up from the sheet music spread out on the piano lid. She’s wearing a glittery blue hat that Ryan probably gave her, and tapping the end of a pencil thoughtfully against her chin.
“If you’re busy, I can come back,” he tells her.
“No, no, it’s fine.” Kelsi looks up and offers him one of her sunny smiles, “I’m just trying to crack this song.”
Chad joins her and looks at music too.
“‘You Find The Lyrics In Me’,” he reads.
“I want it to be the big finale for the Spring Musical,” Kelsi explains. “Though, you know, I don’t know what key to put it in yet, since the main parts haven’t been cast.”
“I guess it’ll be Ryan and Sharpay,” Chad says, and then experiences a minor mental freakout, because, well, is he expected to go to the musical now? Does he have to take flowers? Pretend that he gives a damn about theatre? Get on with Sharpay?
“Ryan’s not in the musical this year,” Kelsi murmurs, attention still fixed on her song. “He’s taking part in an amateur production at a local theatre.”
Ryan hasn’t mentioned this to Chad, but then Chad pretty much spends time with Ryan doing things that do not involve talking at all, so he’s not entirely surprised.
“Why?” he asks.
“I don’t know.” Kelsi looks faintly worried, tapping the end of her pencil on the piano lid. “I don’t think it’s anything good. Ryan a nice guy, but he has this awful inability to say ‘no’ to Sharpay.”
Chad doesn’t share her paranoia. For one thing, he can’t figure out how splitting up the Evans Twins Dreamteam would actually help Sharpay.
“What’s wrong with the song?” he asks in an attempt to distract Kelsi from her prophesies of doom.
“I’m not sure,” she replies. “I’m just not happy with it.”
Six months ago, Chad would totally have run away from the tiny little drama girl in the blue hat. Now, he just turns to Kelsi and tells her to play the song for him.
“I wanna sing this song, ‘cause I know we belong - yeah, you find the lyrics in me…”
When she’s finished, Chad tells her that her title line sucks.
“It’s too complicated. Don’t have ‘You Find’, have, I dunno, ‘You Are’. Something like that.”
Kelsi presses her mouth together, frowning.
“You Are The Music In Me,” she says, slowly. And then a smile spreads across her face and she gets up from the piano to hug Chad, before hurrying back, and crossing out certain lyrics on the page, changing things around. It’s not long before she beckons him round to sit beside her on the piano bench.
“I need to test it,” she explains. “Help me?”
Chad can barely read music and he isn’t entirely sure why he’s kept up the singing classes, since he’s whatever-ing with Ryan now, and he was never really into musicals to begin with, but he shrugs and says he’ll do his best.
“When I hear my favourite song, I know that we belong: you are the music in me…”
By the time they reach the last chorus, Chad gets up and pulls Kelsi away from the piano, abruptly cutting off their backing music, the two of them dancing and half-laughing and trying to keep singing, stumbling over the words. Which is about the time Taylor walks in.
For some totally nuts reason, Chad’s brain starts panicking. He doesn’t want Taylor to tell everyone and to have them all think that he and Kelsi are… you know, ‘cause Jason would kill him, and Taylor might get the wrong idea about why they broke up, and-
“I’m gay!” he blurts out, before his mind catches up with his mouth.
Kelsi sits back down on the piano bench, and puts her head in her hands.
“I’m not here,” she mumbles. “I am not involved in this stupid situation.”
Taylor shuts the door and leans against it.
“I was just gonna ask Kelsi if she wanted to come over to Gabi’s tonight,” she says, “But I guess we could do this instead.”
“I didn’t mean to just say that,” Chad says very softly, leaning back against the piano because he thinks he might fall over otherwise.
“I didn’t think you did,” Taylor agrees. “I could leave you to die of embarrassment if you like. I’ve got a study group to get back to.”
“I’m really sorry,” Chad tells her earnestly. “This wasn’t supposed to…” He trails off.
“Well, it explains a lot,” Taylor says thoughtfully. “I can’t believe I didn’t work it out earlier.”
“It wasn’t that obvious,” Chad protests. “…Was it?”
“We never kissed,” Taylor reminds him. “I was dropping hints and making opportunities for about four months, and you remained hopelessly oblivious. I thought it was just ‘cause you’re a potentially braindead basketball guy…”
“Hey,” Chad murmurs feebly.
“Well, I feel better now, anyway.” Taylor gives him a bright smile and stops looking like she wants to run for her life. “So…”
She’s suddenly got that expression she gets when she and Gabriella are giggling in corners and Chad realises that Taylor wants to have some form of messed-up girltalk with him. He’s so freaked out by this that he can’t actually speak.
“He’s doing something that involves Ryan,” Kelsi provides helpfully from behind him.
Chad almost loves her for that. She doesn’t say ‘dating’ (which is good because they’re really not), but she doesn’t say ‘making out in random places all over the school’ (which is, you know, right but makes him sound kind of… slutty).
“Ryan Evans?” Taylor asks, like there are millions of other Ryans at East High.
“You got a problem with that?” Chad asks, and it comes out more angrily than he means it to.
Taylor laughs. “No, I’m just wondering how you managed to bag such a hottie.”
Kelsi giggles from behind him. Chad feels distinctly outnumbered, so doesn’t even try and defend himself.
“I’m really happy for you,” Taylor smiles, coming over to give him a hug. And the funny thing is, Chad thinks, she probably genuinely is. “I gotta go,” she adds, “Those equations won’t balance themselves.”
“Have fun with that,” Chad tells her. “And, um, thanks.”
When the door closes, he turns to Kelsi.
“Ryan does not find out about this,” he says. “Please?”
Kelsi gives him a surprisingly wicked smile.
“Thanks for the help with the song,” is all she says.
~
The really random part is how no one has actually noticed. Well, Troy mentioned that he seemed less twitchy a couple of days ago, and Chad shrugged and claimed that he hadn’t been twitchy at all in the first place and then brought up Gabriella to make sure that Troy would forget all about it. But seriously, the whole school must be blind or whatever because it’s not like they’re being really subtle or anything. Though the sixth time Chad finds himself catching Ryan’s eye in math class and biting his lip to keep from grinning like an idiot, he suddenly remembers Troy and Gabriella staring at each other across rooms, nodding their heads to an invisible beat, and looking pretty stupid while they were at it.
“We’re not like that, are we?” he asks Ryan later, when they’re alone in the gym (if Coach Bolton has noticed that “I’ll stay on my own after practise to work on some free throws” is a euphemism, he’s thankfully never mentioned it). “Because if we are this is stopping right now.”
Ryan is currently standing on his head, because he is insane. Or doing yoga. One of the two, anyway.
“We’re not like that,” he confirms quietly, not even bothering to open his eyes. “My sister would already have kicked my ass about it if we were.”
He’s on one of the mats kept in storage for when they’re all forced into doing gymnastics, while Chad dribbles his basketball up and down the court, trying to work off some restless energy.
“What’s with the yoga anyway?” he asks, shooting and watching the ball swish perfectly through the net.
“It’s good for relaxation,” Ryan replies, lowering his legs and sitting upright again. “Believe me, living with Sharpay, I need all the relaxation I can get.”
Chad laughs, coming to sit beside Ryan on the mat, tugging off his sneakers as he does so.
“Show me,” he orders, poking Ryan’s knee.
“You won’t get it,” Ryan murmurs doubtfully, but he crosses his legs and Chad copies him. Ryan tells him something about breathing and something else but Chad isn’t really listening and then he closes his eyes. It’s very quiet in the gym and he’s horribly aware of Ryan breathing slowly beside him and his legs are starting to cramp because he’s not used to sitting like this.
“This is boring,” he announces, opening his eyes. Ryan is grinning at him.
“Told you so.”
“Smartass.” Chad leans companionably against Ryan, laughing, but stops abruptly as Ryan turns his head and they’re so close together now that Chad can’t resist leaning in for a kiss.
Sometime later, when Ryan’s hand is surprisingly cold on Chad’s back and Chad has Ryan’s lower lip caught between his teeth, someone clears their throat. Chad pulls quickly away and looks up at the amused expression on Coach Bolton’s face.
“Jesus,” he murmurs. “Mr Bolton, sir, I can- I can totally explain.”
“It’s pretty self-explanatory, actually, Chad, but thanks for the offer anyway.” Troy’s dad looks like he wants to burst out laughing, but at least he doesn’t look like he’s about to kick Chad off the team for gross indecency in the gym. “Hi, Ryan.”
“Hi, Mr Bolton.” Ryan’s eyes are a little wide but he seems pretty relaxed considering (maybe that yoga stuff does work after all). “Sorry for interrupting - I know it’s a closed practise.”
“No problem; just don’t make a habit of it.” Coach Bolton smirks and offers Ryan a hand to his feet. Chad stares between the two of them and wonders vaguely if everyone else in the world has gone nuts; or if he has and he just hasn’t noticed it yet. He scrambles awkwardly to his feet.
“Uh… Mr Bolton?”
Their coach stops praising Ryan’s dancing in Twinkle Towne and turns back to Chad.
“The thing is, uh, like, we were trying to, uh…” He trails off and wonders why they’re looking at him like he’s the crazy one. “Troy. Cannot. Know,” he finishes, slightly panicked.
“You should probably tell him sometime,” Bolton suggests blandly, but this is one time in his life when Chad does not want any advice. At all. Their coach has this weirdly disturbing little smile on his face, kind of like the one he gets whenever he catches Troy daydreaming about Gabriella, but all he says is:
“Boys, don’t be too much longer - I’ve gotta lock up, you know?”
When he’s gone, Chad sinks to the floor, head in hands, groaning.
“Tell me that didn’t just happen.”
“It could have been worse,” Ryan suggests. “I mean, he seemed to be ok with-”
“No, no, no, you don’t get it!” Chad thinks he might actually be a little hysterical (and he thought Ryan was supposed to be the drama queen here? Whatever). “I’ve known him since I was, like, four. It’s like having your parents walk in.” He groans again.
Ryan starts laughing, really laughing. It’s not the reaction Chad wants from him, but somehow he can’t resent Ryan’s amusement the way he would if it were anyone else.
“You should probably tell Troy sometime, though,” Ryan says, when he’s calmed down a little. “I mean, just as a suggestion.” He looks at his wristwatch (which Chad thinks probably cost a truly obnoxious amount). “Gotta go, or I’ll be late for my vocal coach.”
And then he’s hurrying out the gym. Chad stays sitting on the floor because he’s not sure that he wants to get up just yet.
~
When he eventually does tell Troy, he does it in such a stupid way he’s a little ashamed of himself. What with Chad spending most of his free time sneaking off with Ryan, or hanging out with Kelsi, and Troy being with Gabriella, they’ve been hanging out less and less. Chad remembers this from time to time and he realises that he seriously does miss his best buddy.
“Hey man,” he says, dropping an easy arm around Troy’s shoulders. The halls are full of people running to class and Troy’s getting his chemistry books out of his locker.
“Hey dude,” Troy replies with a grin. “How are you? We never see each other any more…”
But he’s looking down the hall as he says it and Chad gets the feeling that he’s looking for Gabriella. Because she’s always more important. Whatever. Some kind of petty determination takes him over and he says:
“Yeah, I’m ok. I’m taking singing lessons now, for some like, totally random reason. I know, it’s so weird. Oh, and I was kinda having a sexual identity crisis for a while, but I figured it would just be quicker to stop worrying and go with it. So now I have an almost boyfriend who is, by the way, totally hot, even though his hats match his underwear - you don’t wanna know how I found that out, actually - but you know, I can seriously overlook that. And Kelsi and Taylor and Sharpay and your dad all know, so I guess I should tell you.” He catches sight of Taylor over the other side of the hall. “Hey, I’m late for class. Well, see ya later dude.”
And he jogs over to join Taylor. Chad isn’t sure how much Troy heard, but he’s breathing too hard and his heart is going a mile a minute in his chest anyway.
“You don’t look good,” Taylor observes.
“I think I just outed myself to Troy, who probably wasn’t even listening,” Chad explains a little helplessly. “And I think I did it even more tactlessly than I did with you.”
Taylor shakes her head.
“You poor boy. I think I’ll make you a powerpoint presentation that you can just show your friends and save on awkwardness all round.”
It’s then that Troy calls after him. Chad knows he should turn back and talk to his friend and find out just what Troy got out of his slightly crazy ranting, but he doesn’t want to deal with right now, so he just keeps walking.
After chemistry, though, Troy waylays him.
“We have to talk,” he says, but he puts a hand on Chad’s shoulder so he’s obviously not completely freaked out. Chad goes over to Troy’s after school, and they wind up shooting a few hoops out back, because talking is altogether too complicated and girly for them, even after all these years.
“I think you need to tell me what’s going on with you,” Troy says, “And properly.”
Chad thinks about what he’s going to say, stealing the ball from Troy and executing a perfect shot.
“I’m not-dating Ryan Evans,” he says carefully.
“I know,” Troy replies, and Chad is about to turn around and ask when he realises that Troy’s misunderstood him. Or possibly just misunderstood the madness that is Chad’s current love life, which is, you know, not exactly hard.
“No, I mean, I’m not-dating Ryan,” he explains, putting stresses on the words so Troy will understand. He watches comprehension break over his friend’s face, resisting the urge to turn and run so he doesn’t have to talk about this.
“Holy shit.” Troy stares at him, but he’s not shouting get off my basketball court you freaky little faggot so Chad assumes it’s going to be ok.
“Yeah man, you said it.” Chad manages a laugh that sounds very almost normal, and moves to retrieve the ball. “I’m trying new things, broadening my horizons. You know, just like your singing thing. Except, you know, without the singing. Or the musical. Or the girl.”
Troy considers this, automatically marking Chad and trying to take the ball back.
“So, nothing at all like my singing thing.”
“Exactly.”
They both laugh then, and Chad feels better, because somewhere along the line Troy will always be his best friend, and be there for him (eventually, anyway).
“So, you really don’t mind?” Chad asks later, when they’ve given up playing ball and are sitting on the court drinking cans of soda.
“Dude, it’s your life. Why would I mind?” Troy looks genuinely puzzled.
“No, I mean about… Ryan.” Chad knows Ryan isn’t in any way popular with the Wildcats (hell, a few months ago he was judging Ryan solely on his colour co-ordinated clothing, and muttering behind the other boy’s back). “I mean, I know you aren’t exactly crazy about the Evans family…”
Troy flushes.
“Look,” he begins almost hesitantly, “I wasn’t gonna say anything until I’d talked it over with Gabi, but…” He bites his lower lip for a moment. “I’m thinking about doing the Spring Musical with Sharpay.”
“Dude.” Chad stares at him. “She’ll eat you alive.”
“She’s not so bad.” Troy looks massively uncomfortable. “I mean, ok, she can kinda scary sometimes-”
“Scary doesn’t even begin to describe it,” Chad points out. Troy ignores him.
“-But, you know, she’s not so bad when she’s not surrounded by her lackeys. And Gabi really doesn’t want to do the Spring Musical, but I kind of miss it, and Ryan’s not in the musical anyway, so…”
Troy is rambling awkwardly. Chad takes this as a sign that the guy’s head is on the point of melting with anxiety, so he takes pity on him.
“Hey man, if it’s what you want to do, then go for it. I mean, Sharpay will probably kill you with a pair of stilettos during rehearsals, and she might even force you to wear something with rhinestones on it, but if you’re down with that then go ahead.”
Troy gives him a grateful smile. He still seems to be thinking about something, though, so Chad asks him what the problem is.
“Well…” Troy turns to look at him. “What did you mean earlier when you said that my dad knows about you and Ryan?”
“Oh. That. Well, uh, it’s kind of a totally-not-funny story, actually…”
~
It gets round the school in about ten minutes on Thursday morning that Troy Bolton is planning on auditioning for the musical with Sharpay Evans. The rumours are getting steadily more juicy, much to Chad, Zeke and Jason’s amusement, though they seem to be the only ones seeing the funny side. Sharpay snaps at anyone who tries to get near her, and Troy and Gabriella are clinging to each other’s hands in a desperate attempt to look completely and utterly unified.
“Is the whole school convinced I’m having some sort of freaky affair with my sister?” Ryan asks during free period, when he and Chad are hiding out in one of the practise rooms.
“Could you say anything less sexy?” Chad asks incredulously. “But yeah, pretty much.”
“Oh.” Ryan actually takes his silver trilby off, clearly worried by this news. “Well, that definitely explains some of the questions I’ve been asked today, anyway.”
Chad laughs, pressing his face into Ryan’s shoulder.
“Mood-breaker,” he mumbles.
“Hey,” Ryan begins sort of hesitantly, “I don’t know if Troy’s told you, but he’s meant to be coming over to our house this Sunday so that Sharpay can torment him and call it ‘rehearsing’, but I don’t want to be around while she shrieks at him and changes outfits every two hours, so…” He takes a breath. “I was wondering if you wanted to do something.”
“Like… a date?” Chad asks.
“No, I was thinking maybe we could hang out somewhere and pick up chicks,” Ryan says dryly. “I just thought maybe you wanted to catch a movie or something. I mean, it’s cool if you don’t.”
Chad is freaking out. Again. He’s getting sick of being terrified of every single aspect of this very-nearly-relationship, but he can’t seem to stop himself, and the idea of going out in public with Ryan and maybe being seen and-
“I’m busy,” he says, before he can stop himself. “There’s this thing I promised my mom I’d help out with, and-”
“It’s cool,” Ryan cuts him off, but his smile is a little too fixed and guilt hits Chad hard in the chest. They sit in awkward silence for a moment, before Ryan’s cell goes off. When he answers, Chad can hear Sharpay screaming down the line. Ryan turns to him. “Shar’s having some sort of crisis. I’ll see you later, yeah?”
He walks out so quickly he leaves his trilby behind. Chad picks it up and walks out too, turning the hat over and over in his hands.
Ryan isn’t ignoring him but he doesn’t look directly at him all day. The whispers and rumours aren’t nearly as funny any more, and Chad comes to the conclusion by the last period (well, after he sort of talked to Taylor at lunch and she shouted at him that he’s an idiot, has playing all that basketball killed off his brain cells, she knew he was insensitive but she didn’t know he was emotionally deficient, and so on) that he needs to apologise to Ryan.
“Ok,” he says, catching up to Ryan in the theatre, where Sharpay is bossing around a group of terrified-looking freshmen in tights. “Let’s do it.”
Ryan turns to look at him. “Unfortunately, I don’t have my sister’s supernatural powers just yet, so I can’t read your mind. What?”
“Let’s go out on Sunday,” Chad tells him. “Go see a movie, grab a pizza, whatever. We should do it.”
Ryan raises an eyebrow. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.” Chad smiles. “But you can pay.”
“That’s not very gentlemanly,” Ryan points out, but he’s laughing as he says it.
“Dude, I’m saving up every cent I’ve got for a car,” Chad tells him. “Your parents own, like, a few small countries and have shares in the moon or whatever, so you can totally cover some popcorn.”
Ryan looks like he wants to protest the generalisation for a minute, but gives up.
“Ok.”
“And I’m not holding your hand.”
“I don’t think I even mentioned that,” Ryan says, but he looks so happy that Chad can’t bring himself to be too uncertain about this.
By Sunday, of course, he’s petrified, trying on every single t-shirt he owns (which takes an unreasonably long time; he probably should’ve realised he wasn’t entirely straight a long time ago) and pacing in an increasingly desperate fashion. By the time Ryan comes to pick him up, Chad is seriously considering just hiding and pretending not to be in. But he trails downstairs anyway, grateful that his mom is out for the day, and pulls open the door.
Ryan is wearing a pair of skinny dark blue jeans that fit incredibly well, and a sky blue shirt. He looks… wow. Chad says a jumble of syllables to that effect and Ryan grins, looking pleased with himself.
It isn’t intimidating in the end; they go to the cinema and sit up the back and it occurs to Chad afterwards that he can’t actually remember the majority of the movie because Ryan’s hand was on his thigh and his lips tasted like popcorn, but it’s ok ‘cause it’s not like it was all that interesting to begin with.
Later, they’re sharing a pizza when Ryan’s cellphone goes off. He looks at the screen and grimaces.
“Be back in a minute,” he says, walking away from their table to answer. Chad tries to listen in to the call but all he can hear are a few incomprehensible things about hair and compromises.
“Look, just call the emergency stylist,” Ryan says. “Deal with the problem by removing it completely.”
When he comes back to the table, he says: “Shar was having a hair crisis. She has like four a week, but I think this one’s averted.”
“Your life is so screwed-up and random,” Chad says with feeling.
Ryan just laughs, his knee pressed against Chad’s underneath the table.
~
“It’s not so bad,” Gabriella offers, kind of helplessly.
“It really is,” Zeke says. “I mean, seriously, dude, what were you thinking?”
Troy has his head in his hands.
“I couldn’t stop her,” he says in a broken little voice.
The Wildcats are sitting out on the bleachers, since it’s such a beautiful day. Chad can see the rest of the athletics team down on the track, but he can’t go join them. Not yet.
“How hard is it to tell a girl that you don’t want most of your hair cut off?” Chad asks. Taylor and Gabriella send him you’re-being-insensitive looks, but he ignores them.
“She was just talking, and then there was this guy who said he was a stylist, and then, you know…” Troy trails off. He doesn’t even look like Troy anymore, without his shaggy hair in his eyes. It’s shorter and there are highlights and Sharpay did this to him.
“You should have a restraining order put on her,” Chad suggests darkly.
“My mom’s a lawyer,” Jason offers, “You could totally sue her.”
“Might make auditioning for the musical a bit awkward,” Troy says with a shaky laugh, raising his head.
“You’re still going to work with her?” Zeke looks stunned. “Dude, she cut your hair off.”
“I said I would.” Troy looks uncomfortable. “I mean, I’ve put in the work, I should go through with it.”
The others look distinctly dubious. Troy looks to Gabriella for support; she gives him a weak smile and squeezes his hand.
The first chance he gets, Chad goes to hunt down Ryan.
“Your crazy control-freak sister had Troy’s hair cut off!” he hisses. “I mean, what the fuck is she on? And how could you let her?”
“I swear, I had no idea.” Ryan holds his hands up, a gesture of surrender. “I was out with you all day, remember?”
“Yeah.” Chad refuses to be distracted. “But seriously, man - tell Sharpay to back off.”
“You think she’s gonna listen to me?” Ryan points out. “Anyway, I’m sure she just thought it would look better for the role. Hair grows back, right?”
Ryan’s right. Hair does grow back and Troy will get tired of Sharpay and her demands and everything’s going to be ok and go back to normal.
Except that it doesn’t stop there.
~
They’re all in the theatre for Troy and Sharpay’s audition. Kelsi looks distinctly uneasy when she sits down at the piano, shuffling the sheet music awkwardly and biting her lips together. Chad is sat between Taylor and Jason. No one’s asked him why he’s suddenly friends with Taylor again, and Chad isn’t ever going to explain. Gabriella is on Taylor’s other side, and she looks really miserable.
“Hey, Gabi, if you’re not cool with this-” Chad begins.
“Look how happy he is,” Gabriella interrupts, gesturing to the stage, where Troy and Sharpay are giving Kelsi some last-minute instructions. “I mean, who am I to stop him?”
Chad makes a mental note to tell Troy to pay more attention to his girlfriend in the future, but then Kelsi’s playing the opening notes and they all quieten down. Chad recognises the song after a moment; Troy and Sharpay are singing You Are The Music In Me. And they’re good. They’re really, really good: they sound totally professional, and their voices blend perfectly together. It’s different to when they heard Troy and Gabriella sing - there’s none of the raw affection and sweetness in their voices, and it makes Chad’s chest hurt to listen in a way he doesn’t understand. Gabriella is gripping Taylor’s arm so hard it’s got to hurt, and Taylor has a dark, anxious look on her face.
Ryan, three rows ahead of them, gets up and leaves before the end of the song. Chad stays long enough to force out some applause, and then runs in the direction he saw Ryan go in. He eventually tracks down the other boy in a dark props closet.
“Go away,” Ryan hisses. “I don’t want to talk to you at the moment.”
“It’s me,” Chad provides, because he’s pretty sure Ryan has no reason to want to avoid him.
“Oh.” Ryan’s breathing sounds too loud and sort of damp around the edges.
“Dude, are you crying?” Chad asks.
“Please.” Ryan laughs, but his voice is trembling. Chad reaches for the lightswitch and Ryan’s voice becomes cold. “You turn that light on, and I out you to the whole school by lunchtime.”
“Jesus,” Chad says, closing the door behind him and hoping he doesn’t break his neck tripping over something. “What’s the matter, man?”
“Sorry,” Ryan mumbles miserably. “I didn’t mean that.”
It hits Chad blindingly hard.
“You’re jealous, aren’t you?” He sits down on the floor, hopefully somewhere near where Ryan is.
“A little.” Ryan tries to laugh again but it sounds horribly like a sob.
“You are crying,” Chad says, and it manages to come out accusing.
“Evans’ don’t cry,” Ryan murmurs a little too forcibly. He takes a shaky breath. “Shit.”
“If you wanted to be part of the musical…” Chad begins.
“If I’m serious about going into theatre,” Ryan tells him, “I’ve got to do something outside the school environment. And away from my sister.”
It sounds plausible. Chad believes it. He hopes Ryan does.
“But you’re still crying in a closet because Sharpay sounds really good when she sings with someone else.”
“Yeah.” Ryan sighs. “I am. I don’t know. I’ll get over it. I think I’m just feeling a bit alone at the moment.”
“You’ve got me,” Chad offers. And for once, he isn’t terrified about the permanence (or semi-permanence, or whatever this is at the moment).
“Thank you,” Ryan whispers.
Chad sits in the dark for a while, and listens to Ryan pretending that he’s not losing control.
~
Within a week after the final cast list is announced, Troy starts sitting at the drama club’s table at lunchtime and hanging about in the theatre during free period. He misses free period workout three times in a row, until his dad completely loses it at him. Chad tries to persuade the rest of the team to practise their passes, like they can’t hear Troy shouting at his father outside the gym doors. Something about what really matters, how they’ve won the Championship, what more does he want; the words sound wrong coming from Troy and in the end they all stop even pretending to play, and just stand, silent, horrified.
A couple of days after that, and Troy starts turning up in a whole new colour co-ordinated wardrobe. Gabriella’s smile is becoming increasingly fixed, though Troy is still holding hands with her in the halls and sitting next to her in every class. There’s something strained between them, Chad can tell just from watching. And then, of course, Troy goes off with Sharpay for hours at a time, rehearsing and hanging out (and apparently clothes shopping - Chad would ask his friend what he thinks he’s doing, but his friendship with Troy isn’t exactly stable right now), and there’s no space for any of them any more.
He’s sharing a pizza with Ryan one afternoon (“Oh go on, let me put glitter mascara on you, you’d look so cute!” “You’d make me blind. I don’t think there’s much call for one-eyed basketball players…” “I could make you an eyepatch! With a little rhinestone ‘W’ for ‘Wildcats’!” “Dude…”) when something occurs to him.
“How long have we been dating without me noticing?” Chad asks. “I mean, I didn’t think we were, but…”
“I was sort of hoping you wouldn’t pick up on it until it was too late for you to mind,” Ryan tells him, smiling.
“Oh, man,” Chad laughs, pressing his face into his hand, “This is nuts.”
“But nice?”
“Yeah. It’s pretty nice.”
[This is the last time Chad feels truly happy for a good while.]
Troy misses the next three team practises, finally arriving late for the fourth. Coach Bolton’s face is set and determined and he practically drags Troy outside. Chad can’t bring himself to look at the rest of the team, as they hear perfectly clearly how Troy doesn’t want to waste his time with some shitty little high school team; that he can probably get a scholarship for U of A and start playing some serious game. For some insane reason, Chad gets a lump in his throat, hearing the tone of his best friend’s voice.
“If that’s the way you feel, then you’re off the team. Go change, and don’t bother to come back.” Coach Bolton sounds almost too calm, and when he walks back in the gym he heads straight for Chad.
“Congratulations, you’re Team Captain,” he says, clapping Chad on the shoulder.
“Sir, I-” Chad begins awkwardly, but what can he say? “Thank you,” he murmurs.
“We’ll finish this practise tomorrow,” Bolton says shortly, and Chad wants to say something helpful or meaningful but Zeke looks stricken and Jason looks sick and in the end they all trail off to shower, unable to make eye contact or talk. Troy is a nice guy most of the time - he can be a little self-absorbed, it’s true, but they’ve all got their own faults. This total abandonment of the person he used to be, though, is driving Chad crazy.
He pushes into the school’s tiny dance studio once he’s showered and changed into his jeans again. Ryan and Kelsi are twirling around the floor and laughing at each other’s mistakes, but they stop once they see the look on Chad’s face.
“Troy just got kicked off the team,” he says, wondering if he’s actually going to break down in front of them, “He was talking about how he didn’t want to be part of some shitty little high school team.”
“Oh, Chad,” Kelsi says, coming to give him a tight hug.
“I don’t understand,” Ryan murmurs, frowning, hanging back a little. “Why would Troy say something like that?”
“I guess it’s got something to do with your poisonous sister,” Chad mutters darkly. “She’s taking Troy over.”
“You’re giving her too much credit,” Ryan says awkwardly. “The musical is way more important to her than Troy is.”
Kelsi suddenly looks at him, a little too sharply. Ryan stares back. Chad has no idea what’s going on between them, and says so.
“I’d better go,” Kelsi whispers, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “They might need me in rehearsals.”
When she’s gone, Ryan walks over and pulls Chad into a proper hug. Chad presses his face into Ryan’s shoulder.
“Captain - I mean, that’s a huge deal,” he murmurs. “But I didn’t want it like this.”
“I’m so sorry,” Ryan mumbles into his hair.
“It’s nothing to do with you. It’s your sister’s fault,” Chad says.
“Yeah.” Ryan sighs. “I guess it is.”
~
Homeroom is way too full of tension. Gabriella and Troy are still tentatively dating, although Gabriella is looking more and more depressed as every day passes, and she’s bent over a textbook with her dark hair hiding her expression. Sharpay is checking her eyeliner in a small compact mirror, a smug little smile on her lips. Chad’s eyes slide over her, because he can’t look at Sharpay without feeling angry these days, to where her brother is tapping his fingers boredly on the desk. Chad smiles slightly, watching Ryan being completely oblivious to him watching him.
Ms Darbus is droning on and on and on about Shakespeare or something in a faintly hysterical fashion, and Chad finds himself wondering what would happen if he, you know, made him and Ryan public. He’s sick of doing the whole creeping-around stuff. It might just be easier to admit everything and face up to the music.
The bell goes, and Chad hangs back a little. Ryan is chatting animatedly to Kelsi about something, while the rest of the class streams out the door. Chad takes his time packing his books and stuff into his bag, not sure what he wants to say to Ryan. If he wants to say anything at all.
A few minutes later, and Zeke comes running into the room.
“Chad, you’ve gotta come now,” he says, grabbing Chad’s arm.
“What-” Chad begins.
“Come on,” Zeke insists. His usual cheerful expression is gone, leaving him looking tired and worried. “It’s really bad, man.”
They hurry down the stairs, nearly knocking into Sharpay, who’s hurrying up the other way. Zeke won’t tell Chad anything, but Chad finds out what the matter is the minute they get downstairs.
Troy and Gabriella are surrounded by about half the student body. Zeke and Chad push their way through to join Jason, Kelsi and Taylor.
“I don’t even know who you are anymore, Troy!” Gabriella shouts. “I mean, the guy I met wasn’t materialistic, vain, selfish or cruel!”
“You don’t understand,” Troy shouts back, face twisted in an expression Chad’s never, ever seen on his best friend’s face. “You’re holding me back! You want me to be this, I don’t know, sweet, boring guy who never does anything without asking you first!”
Kelsi’s fingers bite into Chad’s arm. It’s horrible to watch; the school’s Golden Couple falling into pieces.
“How can you even think that?” Gabriella demands. “You’re the one who tried to force me to leave the Decathlon Team just so I could fit in seeing you around your rehearsals, and you blew me off anyway!”
Chad can’t look any more. Instead, he looks around the crowd. Most students look upset, or sympathetic; a few look sadistically amused. Sharpay certainly looks pleased with herself. But Ryan… Chad can’t work out what the expression on Ryan’s face is for a moment, and then he realises that it’s guilt. But that doesn’t fit. Why would Ryan be watching Troy and Gabriella breaking up and be looking guilty…? And then he realises. It’s like a suckerpunch to the stomach, and through sudden, panicked nausea, Chad barely hears Gabriella shout:
“That’s it, I’m sick of you! We’re through, Troy. Go to hell.”
She pushes through the crowd and Kelsi, Martha and Taylor hurry to follow her. Chad only has eyes for Ryan. He can see the other boy trying to disappear amongst the rapidly dispersing students, but Chad isn’t going to let him go that easy. Not when he needs to know the truth.
~
Ryan is waiting for him in an empty corridor. Everyone else has gone to class, it’s quiet and mercifully quiet. Chad doesn’t want an audience for this. There’s desperation under his anger. Seriously, man, tell me that this isn’t true. Tell me that you didn’t-
“I can give you a detailed explanation, if you like,” Ryan says. He’s trembling, just a little, but there’s determination in the way he’s standing straight, looking Chad in the eye.
“I just want you to answer one question,” Chad tells him. His chest hurts, he can’t breathe properly. “Did you help her?”
He thinks that if Ryan plays dumb he will actually just punch him. There’s too much anger and misery for him to deal with in any way, shape or form.
“Yes,” Ryan says.
Chad should leave it at that, but he can’t.
“You knew that Sharpay was planning on dragging Troy away from his friends and getting him to break up with Gabriella, and you helped her?”
Ryan hesitates, then says: “Yes.”
“Fuck.” Chad takes a deep breath. “So, what, you were using me? Keeping me out of the way?”
For the first time, Ryan looks genuinely upset. “No! How could you even think that?”
“You’ve been lying to me all along,” Chad snarls, voice shaking a little. “I can’t believe a word you say.”
Ryan bites his lower lip, seemingly unable to think of anything else to say.
“I don’t understand-” Chad begins helplessly, gives up. “I mean, I know you don’t give a damn about Troy or Gabriella, but I really thought you cared enough about me not to screw me over like this. He was my best friend.”
“She’s my sister,” Ryan tells him.
“Yeah, and she’s got you so whipped that you can’t even stand up for yourself any more. It’s sick.”
“Chad, I’m-”
“I don’t wanna hear it.” Chad can’t breathe at all now, and Ryan has no expression on his face. “Just don’t. You’re an asshole, Evans, and if you come near me again I’ll hurt you, I swear to God.”
He turns and walks away, clenching his shaking hands into fists. But he can’t resist looking back, just because- because.
Ryan’s already gone.
TBC