"On Futons And Casual Domesticity", Britannia High, Jez/BB
Title: On Futons And Casual Domesticity
Fandom: Britannia High
Pairing: Jez/BB
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1305
Genre: Pre-slash
Summary: “Yes, BB,” Jez replies, tone thickly sarcastic. “I want you so much that I dragged you furniture shopping with me so I could jump you in public on a cheap futon.”
Author’s Notes: I am actually currently working on a very long and very silly BH AU, but I found part of this on my harddrive and thought I would tidy it up and make it pretty and stick it online in the meantime, because the world always needs more of the boys, especially since ITV axed the show, just like they axe everything I like ever. Ahem. Anyway, set somewhere in the middle of the series.
“Dude.” BB folds his arms, attempting a glare. “You do not need a leather sofa that big. No one needs a leather sofa that big.”
Jez pouts, stroking the smooth black couch he’s sitting on. “My other sofa was way bigger than this.”
“Yeah.” BB throws himself down beside him. “But you don’t have the option of being a spoilt little rich boy any more, so suck it up.”
Jez’s pout deepens.
“It won’t fit in that shoebox you live in,” BB adds.
They glare at each other for a moment, but BB refuses to back down.
“You’re too sensible,” Jez sighs finally.
“Isn’t that why you brought me here?” BB waves a hand, indicating the horribly overcrowded and noisy hell that is Ikea on a Sunday. “So you would come back with actual useful stuff?”
Jez nods reluctantly, pushing himself off the giant leather sofa and heading through the throngs of frustrated, picky and harassed-looking people to hopefully find something more practical. BB is feeling claustrophobic and keeps accidentally walking into the stupid display furniture as he tries to follow. He suspects Jez is the only person in the world he’d willingly put himself through this for, which isn’t really a helpful thought, so he’s trying to ignore it. Really, they should’ve just ordered pizza and done all this online in like, a third of the time.
By the time he manages to track Jez down, the other boy has started being rational and has picked out a fairly cheap futon that they can probably get through the door.
“For when I inevitably have to sell my bed because I’m flat broke again,” Jez explains lightly, spread out comfortably over the sofa like he already owns it. The annoying crowds of complaining people don’t seem to be bothering him at all; BB wishes he could say the same. He only wants this many people around him if they’re begging for an autograph, and even then he’d like some security between him and them.
“Hey,” Jez says, breaking into his thoughts, “Help me unfold this, would you?”
It’s probably too crowded in here for them to be messing about with mattresses and so on, but then they kind of have to test it before Jez buys it so BB does so, trying not to bump into too many people. Jez throws himself down the minute they’ve got the bed assembled and it’s probably not going to collapse. He grins smugly up at BB, who folds his arms across his chest.
“Comfy?”
Jez indicates the space beside him with a wave of his hand. “Join me?”
BB raises his eyebrows incredulously.
“When I sell my bed on ebay so that I can eat I may still, at some point, want company,” Jez points out. “I need to check if this can take two.”
BB rolls his eyes. “Man, you are such a slut.”
This earns him a glare from a mother dragging her small child behind her, but that’s her own fault for not leaving it in the brightly-coloured crèche downstairs, as far as BB is concerned. With a long-suffering sigh, he lies down beside Jez. This turns out to be an improvement, because flat on his back he can’t see the majority of the people surrounding them; they’ve got a little island of quiet that’s about as wide as Jez’s futon. It could be worse.
“This is really why you wanted me to come with you, isn’t it?” BB asks, squinting against the bright ceiling lights that are now shining directly in his eyes.
“Yes, BB,” Jez replies, tone thickly sarcastic. “I want you so much that I dragged you furniture shopping with me so I could jump you in public on a cheap futon.”
“Dude,” BB says, rolling his head to look at Jez. The other boy immediately blushes, bringing his hands up to cover his face.
“Sorry,” he says, and it comes out muffled. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
For the first time, it occurs to BB that there are things about this situation that could make him uncomfortable, and then he wonders why he hasn’t noticed them until now. It’s not a line of thought he particularly wants to pursue.
“It’s cool, man,” he replies. “And we both fit on here, so I say you take it.”
Jez looks thoughtful. “Maybe I just won’t buy a bed at all. Save money that way.”
“Your dad still not talking to you?” BB asks carefully.
Jez shifts, looking away from him. “He sends me emails about once a month; asking, you know, whether I’ve got tired of living on instant noodles yet.”
“Have you?”
Jez gives him a sparkling smile. “How could I? There are so many exciting artificial flavours to choose from.”
BB smiles back. “Did you tell him that?”
Jez looks a little sheepish. “Yes. But then he accused me of being facetious, so I don’t think he’s going to be buying me anything pretty anytime soon.” He sighs, then adds: “And I need a lot more furniture and I don’t really want to have to stay in Ikea until I die, so, comfy as this is, we should probably move on.”
“You do that,” BB says, as Jez sits up. “Come back and wake me up when you’re done.”
“Oh no you don’t,” Jez tells him. “You were foolish enough to agree to come with me, now you have to deal with it.”
He gets to his feet, and offers BB a hand. BB sighs, taking it and letting Jez pull him up.
“Only a couple more hours,” Jez offers. “And then maybe I’ll let you buy me lunch.”
“Tempting,” BB mutters, as they wander into the crowds again. Something occurs to him. “Am I going to have to be your Stand-In Boyfriend with all your new furniture?”
Jez rolls his eyes. “What a filthy mind you have,” he says, tone all sweet innocence, “I’m not going to be shagging any future boyfriends on every flat surface in my home, you know.”
This time, it’s Jez who gets the glares from offended mothers; BB wonders vaguely if they’re going to end up getting kicked out for upsetting the other shoppers.
“Why not?” BB asks, though he gets the feeling he probably shouldn’t. He’ll only regret it.
Jez stares at him like it’s obvious. “It’s flat-pack furniture that I am going to have to assemble myself,” he points out. “It’ll collapse, you know it will. And I don’t want to have to explain to Nugent that I’m dropping out of Britannia High from a back injury caused by inadvisably energetic sex on a wobbly Ikea table.”
BB chokes, but reflects that he was kind of asking for it.
“Hey,” he says after a moment, “Maybe we could have that as a topic on the show: stupid reasons for dropping out of school.”
“You’re not putting my sex life on air,” Jez says sharply.
“Lack of sex life,” BB reminds him.
“You don’t know that,” Jez says, straightening up and preening a little.
“You’re not getting laid,” BB cuts him off. When Jez raises an enquiring eyebrow, BB adds: “If you were, you’d have an actual boyfriend to go furniture shopping with, not me.”
Jez considers this. “I’d probably take you furniture shopping anyway,” he offers.
Considering that furniture shopping isn’t exactly the most exciting or interesting of things they could be doing in their time off, BB feels surprisingly gratified when Jez says that, which is probably not a good thing.
“Look at us getting all mushy by the kitchen cabinets,” he says; then registers what he’s said. “You don’t need kitchen cabinets, Jez, let’s go and find something that you do.”
He slings an arm around Jez’s shoulders and together they navigate their way through the Sunday shopping chaos.
Fandom: Britannia High
Pairing: Jez/BB
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1305
Genre: Pre-slash
Summary: “Yes, BB,” Jez replies, tone thickly sarcastic. “I want you so much that I dragged you furniture shopping with me so I could jump you in public on a cheap futon.”
Author’s Notes: I am actually currently working on a very long and very silly BH AU, but I found part of this on my harddrive and thought I would tidy it up and make it pretty and stick it online in the meantime, because the world always needs more of the boys, especially since ITV axed the show, just like they axe everything I like ever. Ahem. Anyway, set somewhere in the middle of the series.
“Dude.” BB folds his arms, attempting a glare. “You do not need a leather sofa that big. No one needs a leather sofa that big.”
Jez pouts, stroking the smooth black couch he’s sitting on. “My other sofa was way bigger than this.”
“Yeah.” BB throws himself down beside him. “But you don’t have the option of being a spoilt little rich boy any more, so suck it up.”
Jez’s pout deepens.
“It won’t fit in that shoebox you live in,” BB adds.
They glare at each other for a moment, but BB refuses to back down.
“You’re too sensible,” Jez sighs finally.
“Isn’t that why you brought me here?” BB waves a hand, indicating the horribly overcrowded and noisy hell that is Ikea on a Sunday. “So you would come back with actual useful stuff?”
Jez nods reluctantly, pushing himself off the giant leather sofa and heading through the throngs of frustrated, picky and harassed-looking people to hopefully find something more practical. BB is feeling claustrophobic and keeps accidentally walking into the stupid display furniture as he tries to follow. He suspects Jez is the only person in the world he’d willingly put himself through this for, which isn’t really a helpful thought, so he’s trying to ignore it. Really, they should’ve just ordered pizza and done all this online in like, a third of the time.
By the time he manages to track Jez down, the other boy has started being rational and has picked out a fairly cheap futon that they can probably get through the door.
“For when I inevitably have to sell my bed because I’m flat broke again,” Jez explains lightly, spread out comfortably over the sofa like he already owns it. The annoying crowds of complaining people don’t seem to be bothering him at all; BB wishes he could say the same. He only wants this many people around him if they’re begging for an autograph, and even then he’d like some security between him and them.
“Hey,” Jez says, breaking into his thoughts, “Help me unfold this, would you?”
It’s probably too crowded in here for them to be messing about with mattresses and so on, but then they kind of have to test it before Jez buys it so BB does so, trying not to bump into too many people. Jez throws himself down the minute they’ve got the bed assembled and it’s probably not going to collapse. He grins smugly up at BB, who folds his arms across his chest.
“Comfy?”
Jez indicates the space beside him with a wave of his hand. “Join me?”
BB raises his eyebrows incredulously.
“When I sell my bed on ebay so that I can eat I may still, at some point, want company,” Jez points out. “I need to check if this can take two.”
BB rolls his eyes. “Man, you are such a slut.”
This earns him a glare from a mother dragging her small child behind her, but that’s her own fault for not leaving it in the brightly-coloured crèche downstairs, as far as BB is concerned. With a long-suffering sigh, he lies down beside Jez. This turns out to be an improvement, because flat on his back he can’t see the majority of the people surrounding them; they’ve got a little island of quiet that’s about as wide as Jez’s futon. It could be worse.
“This is really why you wanted me to come with you, isn’t it?” BB asks, squinting against the bright ceiling lights that are now shining directly in his eyes.
“Yes, BB,” Jez replies, tone thickly sarcastic. “I want you so much that I dragged you furniture shopping with me so I could jump you in public on a cheap futon.”
“Dude,” BB says, rolling his head to look at Jez. The other boy immediately blushes, bringing his hands up to cover his face.
“Sorry,” he says, and it comes out muffled. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
For the first time, it occurs to BB that there are things about this situation that could make him uncomfortable, and then he wonders why he hasn’t noticed them until now. It’s not a line of thought he particularly wants to pursue.
“It’s cool, man,” he replies. “And we both fit on here, so I say you take it.”
Jez looks thoughtful. “Maybe I just won’t buy a bed at all. Save money that way.”
“Your dad still not talking to you?” BB asks carefully.
Jez shifts, looking away from him. “He sends me emails about once a month; asking, you know, whether I’ve got tired of living on instant noodles yet.”
“Have you?”
Jez gives him a sparkling smile. “How could I? There are so many exciting artificial flavours to choose from.”
BB smiles back. “Did you tell him that?”
Jez looks a little sheepish. “Yes. But then he accused me of being facetious, so I don’t think he’s going to be buying me anything pretty anytime soon.” He sighs, then adds: “And I need a lot more furniture and I don’t really want to have to stay in Ikea until I die, so, comfy as this is, we should probably move on.”
“You do that,” BB says, as Jez sits up. “Come back and wake me up when you’re done.”
“Oh no you don’t,” Jez tells him. “You were foolish enough to agree to come with me, now you have to deal with it.”
He gets to his feet, and offers BB a hand. BB sighs, taking it and letting Jez pull him up.
“Only a couple more hours,” Jez offers. “And then maybe I’ll let you buy me lunch.”
“Tempting,” BB mutters, as they wander into the crowds again. Something occurs to him. “Am I going to have to be your Stand-In Boyfriend with all your new furniture?”
Jez rolls his eyes. “What a filthy mind you have,” he says, tone all sweet innocence, “I’m not going to be shagging any future boyfriends on every flat surface in my home, you know.”
This time, it’s Jez who gets the glares from offended mothers; BB wonders vaguely if they’re going to end up getting kicked out for upsetting the other shoppers.
“Why not?” BB asks, though he gets the feeling he probably shouldn’t. He’ll only regret it.
Jez stares at him like it’s obvious. “It’s flat-pack furniture that I am going to have to assemble myself,” he points out. “It’ll collapse, you know it will. And I don’t want to have to explain to Nugent that I’m dropping out of Britannia High from a back injury caused by inadvisably energetic sex on a wobbly Ikea table.”
BB chokes, but reflects that he was kind of asking for it.
“Hey,” he says after a moment, “Maybe we could have that as a topic on the show: stupid reasons for dropping out of school.”
“You’re not putting my sex life on air,” Jez says sharply.
“Lack of sex life,” BB reminds him.
“You don’t know that,” Jez says, straightening up and preening a little.
“You’re not getting laid,” BB cuts him off. When Jez raises an enquiring eyebrow, BB adds: “If you were, you’d have an actual boyfriend to go furniture shopping with, not me.”
Jez considers this. “I’d probably take you furniture shopping anyway,” he offers.
Considering that furniture shopping isn’t exactly the most exciting or interesting of things they could be doing in their time off, BB feels surprisingly gratified when Jez says that, which is probably not a good thing.
“Look at us getting all mushy by the kitchen cabinets,” he says; then registers what he’s said. “You don’t need kitchen cabinets, Jez, let’s go and find something that you do.”
He slings an arm around Jez’s shoulders and together they navigate their way through the Sunday shopping chaos.