Weekend
I dunno what happened this weekend.
But it was so bad for everyone.
I think people mistake how "strong" I am.
Because they know how much I care about them, but sometimes it to much for me.
I've had so much fighting and problems inbetween all of my bestfriends.
and they put me in situations that I cant handle at all.
They dont even realize it, but every single one of them has hurt me in the last week.
But then again without I dunno where I would be.
Friday night, I had so much going on all week.
I was trying to make everyone feel better, and I know I need to learn to stop caring so much, everyone tells me that, but I cant help it.
I hate seeing my friends upset, because they are all amazing, and none of them deserve to be miserable, so I lsiten to them,and try to help them, and I listen to there stories, and I worry about them.
By friday, no one I was helping was feeling any better.
I was miserable and lonely as hell, because some how I am never good enough.
So friday I tried to stick it out all day, but i hurt so bad in school.
In every way possible. I was ready to cry because my back hurt like hell.
After school, I went to Ajs house because hes a fuckin human drug, and felt better for a while. Aj and Emily wher ether too, and david came down later.
But I worry about some of them. So i was getting stressed out all day. [by the way it was davids birthday. happy birthday] and by the time I got the mall. I could barely breathe. I didnt know what was going on.
I had so much shyt with my family and friends in the front of my mind, it was all there, and i couldnt pay attention to any one.
Emily and AJ thought I was on coke, but I wasnt at all.
I had just been at Davids house with Nelson, and david...wasnt all there.
And I felt like shit and didnt know what to do, so I met up with Emily
and basically broke down.
I sat down on a benched, and Josh put his arms around me and let me just cry my eyes out on his shoulder. Him and Aj are so amazing. I dont know where I wuold be without them.
They seriously sat there and wipped tears away from my face. I will never forget, how much better I felt sitting next to them and espeically Emma. I know I would be fine in a little bit, I just had to get everything on my mind out. and I did. We went outside and I did bad things..but I couldnt breathe, so it helped more than it should have.
After I went back to Ajs house and sat on his deck, and talked. It was nice.
I went back to emily house and we listened to something corporate dvds, which are amazing by the way. and we went back to ajs house with Joelene Josh and Lil Aj and someother kid Greg. That was alright, but not as relaxing as I had hoped. Both Joelene and Emily were feeling shitty. And joelene had been kicked out of her house for the most retarded reasons ever, so she slept over my house.
She fell right asleep and I went to bed a bit later.
Sunday we decided that since we had no friends we were going to hangout with Dan Bradely.
and we had a good time.
but there it is..my weekend.
Today, was just as good =]
I dont really know what to think.
But it was so bad for everyone.
I think people mistake how "strong" I am.
Because they know how much I care about them, but sometimes it to much for me.
I've had so much fighting and problems inbetween all of my bestfriends.
and they put me in situations that I cant handle at all.
They dont even realize it, but every single one of them has hurt me in the last week.
But then again without I dunno where I would be.
Friday night, I had so much going on all week.
I was trying to make everyone feel better, and I know I need to learn to stop caring so much, everyone tells me that, but I cant help it.
I hate seeing my friends upset, because they are all amazing, and none of them deserve to be miserable, so I lsiten to them,and try to help them, and I listen to there stories, and I worry about them.
By friday, no one I was helping was feeling any better.
I was miserable and lonely as hell, because some how I am never good enough.
So friday I tried to stick it out all day, but i hurt so bad in school.
In every way possible. I was ready to cry because my back hurt like hell.
After school, I went to Ajs house because hes a fuckin human drug, and felt better for a while. Aj and Emily wher ether too, and david came down later.
But I worry about some of them. So i was getting stressed out all day. [by the way it was davids birthday. happy birthday] and by the time I got the mall. I could barely breathe. I didnt know what was going on.
I had so much shyt with my family and friends in the front of my mind, it was all there, and i couldnt pay attention to any one.
Emily and AJ thought I was on coke, but I wasnt at all.
I had just been at Davids house with Nelson, and david...wasnt all there.
And I felt like shit and didnt know what to do, so I met up with Emily
and basically broke down.
I sat down on a benched, and Josh put his arms around me and let me just cry my eyes out on his shoulder. Him and Aj are so amazing. I dont know where I wuold be without them.
They seriously sat there and wipped tears away from my face. I will never forget, how much better I felt sitting next to them and espeically Emma. I know I would be fine in a little bit, I just had to get everything on my mind out. and I did. We went outside and I did bad things..but I couldnt breathe, so it helped more than it should have.
After I went back to Ajs house and sat on his deck, and talked. It was nice.
I went back to emily house and we listened to something corporate dvds, which are amazing by the way. and we went back to ajs house with Joelene Josh and Lil Aj and someother kid Greg. That was alright, but not as relaxing as I had hoped. Both Joelene and Emily were feeling shitty. And joelene had been kicked out of her house for the most retarded reasons ever, so she slept over my house.
She fell right asleep and I went to bed a bit later.
Sunday we decided that since we had no friends we were going to hangout with Dan Bradely.
and we had a good time.
but there it is..my weekend.
Today, was just as good =]
I dont really know what to think.