don't get K.O'ed and you'll be O.K
title: don't get K.O'ed and you'll be O.K
pairing: d.o/kai
rating: pg
genre: crack
wordcount: 3038
summary: joonmyun always warned that too much gaming can be detrimental to your health. maybe it's time to take his advice to heart. | kaisoo get sucked into the world of the iphone game.
this is not his room. this is not his bed. and this is definitely not indoors.
kyungsoo fights an urge to sob into his sleeve because when he signed up to become a note-hitting, fan service-dishing, synchronized-dancing idol, he did not expect this. no one would expect to go to sleep in his pororo bed sheets and wake up tangled in weeds and with a stick poking into his back.
"well, at least i'm here with you," jongin says, all bright smiles and sleazy eyes. kyungsoo blinks at jongin for 2.5 seconds before he decides that dying alone would be a much welcome option, and he turns to walk away.
"kyungsoo you have-" jongin jerks kyungsoo back by the arm roughly and pulls off a piece of paper that was stuck crudely on kyungsoo's back.
WIN AND YOU SHALL MOVE FORWARD, the printed words say in big, block letters, all caps and in a bright shade of red, as if to drive the point home.
jongin frowns at the white paper and waves it in kyungsoo's face. "what is that supposed to mean?"
they soon find out when they push aside the bushes and wander out.
kyungsoo nearly walks into the slingshot. the plastic slingshot is almost as tall as he is, and it makes for a menacing sight, but nothing can compare to what lies in front of them. the large structure looms in the near distance, a tower of wooden blocks, panels, beams and- are those actual birds in the metal cages? weirder still, there is a green pig, just a face that takes over its entire body, vibrating in place under a plank.
beside the slingshot, three basketball sized red birds are lined up on the ground, a tuff of black feathers forming an upside down v over their large eyes, giving off a vibe of disapproval.
"is... is this angry birds?"
"wow, they really look like kris," jongin comments, running a finger over one of the red bird's head. it squawks in indignation and flaps its wings. the bird snaps its beak at jongin and jongin barely pulls back his hand in time. "well they certainly live up to the angry part of their name."
once they've established that this is not a dream (jongin woefully rubs at the spot on his arm where kyungsoo punched him) they realize that they are supposed to play, and win, if they wish to have any chance of getting home.
"this is cruel," kyungsoo says, clearly uncomfortable at the thought of launching birds, which are very much alive, at a wood structure filled with pigs and more birds.
jongin however, has no such restrictions. grinning wildly, he grabs the red bird and plops it down unceremoniously on the launch pad of the slingshot. kyungsoo makes to stop him but it's too late; jongin pulls back the slingshot and the bird goes flying through the air, showering them with red feathers.
jongin's bird crashes into one of the lower beams, barely damaging the structure but a falling pillar knocks into one of the green pigs and it bursts into a colourful explosion of smoke.
"1000 points," an ominous voice booms somewhere and both boys swing their heads around, trying to locate the source of the voice with no avail.
"you try," jongin holds out the slingshot at kyungsoo expectantly.
it turns out that kyungsoo has much better aim than jongin, and his bird crashes directly into a tall beam, tipping the cage of tropical birds over. the cage destroys all the wooden structures beneath it and the birds fly away in a noisy mess of feathers and stars.
the remaining red bird beside them explodes with a squawk, startling jongin so much that he falls on his behind.
"two stars," the voice says again and suddenly there are two huge yellow stars floating in front of them, so bright that it is almost blinding. kyungsoo shields his eyes with his palm and when he dares to squint into the light again, he notices a door opening in one of the stars, a dark hole forming against the sunny yellow.
jongin looks at the door and shakes his head firmly. "no way. no way am i going through that door."
kyungsoo grabs his hand and yanks him through the opening.
"we are going to die," jongin says as emphatically as possible the moment it becomes clear what game they're in.
kyungsoo looks over at jongin and sighs. "i wish you wouldn't be so negative," he says, even as the first wave of zombies are released.
the line of pea shooters that they've set up for defence are enough for now and kyungsoo has to wince every time a pea takes off a zombie's limb or head. he is not a big fan of violence, even when said violence is directed towards a sea of drooling, stinky undead who are eyeing him like kyungsoo is tonight's dinner special. claw one scrawny idol down and get the second for free!
"eat kyungsoo's brains! mine aren't delicious; i don't even use them a lot!" jongin yelps when one zombie manages to get too close for comfort, hands clawing for jongin as he hides behind a wall-nut. he points frantically at kyungsoo, who is busy lugging a second wall-nut over to the third lane. the wall-nut purrs happily when placed upon the lane and kyungsoo gives it an encouraging pat in return.
jongin is saved only when kyungsoo places a squash near the zombie and in three seconds flat jongin is covered in zombie juice. "ew!" jongin splutters and spits out the bitter remains that managed to fly into his screaming mouth. a brownish teeth lands on the squash and it glares at him, jumping up to stomp down on what would've been jongin's toe if jongin didn't have quick reflexes.
the sunflowers bob happily in sync, spitting out smiley suns every 20 seconds.
jongin collects the suns and throws it at the zombies.
they appear in a swamp of some sort, an elevated stone path overlooking murky green water. the swamp occasionally bubbles and emits a strong stench, like the time chanyeol left his egg lunch box in the cupboards and discovered it only three weeks later. behind them, a menacing sight awaits them, a gaping, teeth-lined mouth carved into a cave.
"what now?" jongin groans, running his fingers through his hair, frustration bubbling over in his voice.
"jongin," kyungsoo says frantically, tugging on jongin's arm in alarm. "i recognize this rhythm." from the distance they hear the muted beating of a tribal drum, punctuated eerily by sudden animalistic cries.
jongin raises his eyebrows at kyungsoo's distress. "mm? wait, was that a monkey screech?"
"run!" kyungsoo barely has time to shout his warning when three large primate-like creatures burst out of the cave behind them. then they're off, their feet pushing against the pebbled pavement, hearts pounding loud enough to cover the mutant monkeys' incessant screeches. jongin manages to narrowly avoid crashing into an overhead pole when kyungsoo jerks him down by the sleeve and they both slide under the pole, unharmed. jongin winces as the friction of the jeans against the rough floor burns his butt but he recovers soon enough, running so hard that the muscles in his thighs clench and ache.
"get the coins!" kyungsoo shouts as he leaps over a hole in the floor.
"how!" jongin doesn't get a reply but he figures it out himself pretty soon. he has to run into the floating gold coins, and not avoid them. "this is insane," he yells at kyungsoo but kyungsoo ignores him again, too busy dodging a protruding tree root to reply.
then kyungsoo makes a fatal mistake. he doesn't make the leap fast enough and he trips over another root.
"kyungsoo!" jongin reaches out for kyungsoo but kyungsoo tumbles off the wall, eyes as wide as his open mouth. jongin doesn't even realize that he's jumped in after kyungsoo.
they both tumble into the darkness and the world goes black.
then the world is all too bright again.
"what was that," jongin's eyes are wide and his nostrils flare as he tries to catch his breath. the sweat has matted his hair and his fringe sticks down on his forehead.
"temple run." kyungsoo looks around them warily, trying to place what game they're in now. "chanyeol is addicted to that."
there are two samurai swords lying on the ground, their blades glinting menacingly under the thin ray of sunlight filtering through the sun roof. jongin and kyungsoo had reappeared in a dojo of some sort, and that fact alone should be enough to scare them, but there is a colourful poster on the wall cheerfully declaring that strawberries and apples are shaped like the gluteus maximus of humans!
"welcome to the way of the ninja," booms that annoying voice again and jongin fights the urge to roll his eyes.
"this is stupid," he moans, testing the weight of the sword in his hand.
kyungsoo has to agree.
jongin manages to slice the banana into two just before it smashes into his head.
the rainbow that bursts in front of their eyes and the steady pulsing music is enough to alert them on what game it is now. jongin brightens when the neon tap tap revenge logo flashes across the wall, lips immediately pulling into a smirk.
"i've got this," jongin says with a nod, all confidence and authority, and kyungsoo doesn't question.
in the middle of the darkened room, there is a raised platform with nine control panels, not unlike an old school dance pad or an arcade dancing game. jongin runs the tip of the shoe over the six blue, green and red circles, memories of nights spent sneaking into arcades rushing back to him. he squints into the holographic screen hovering in front of the stage, checking out the song selection.
kyungsoo lets out a sigh and jongin tears his eyes from the screen long enough to notice kyungsoo slumped against the graffiti-covered wall, arms crossed in an attempt to stop feeling useless. feeling sorry for the boy, he points one toe at the bottom left panel. "you can control one."
"don't patronize me!" kyungsoo huffs in indignation as he takes over the red button, but he misses most of the beats all the same.
"fuck my fucking life." jongin struggles with the hair net as he tries to pull it over his unruly hair. he gives up and throws it on the ground, stomping on it for good measure.
"hair nets are important for hygiene," chides kyungsoo. he clucks his tongue at jongin and resumes flipping his pancakes, all the while keeping a bright grin on his face. this has been his favourite game so far, because his life is not in danger and no animal lives are in danger. in fact, there is no danger at all! unless you count kim jongin handling knives and very breakable plates. okay, fine, that is pretty dangerous.
"i did not sign up for this," jongin half wails and half moans as he balances a cheeseburger in one hand and a pot of coffee in another. "sing and dance, that's all you need to do, those damn sm reps told me. my life is a lieeee."
kyungsoo points at the blinking numbers on the board behind them with a spatula, and frowns. "stop with the dramatics or we'll never get to the next level. you want to be stuck as a waiter?"
an image of himself slaving the rest of his life away in this artificial kitchen and making a living off tips flashes through jongin's mind and the horrific thought is enough to make him quicken his pace. he squeaks in surprise when one customer reaches out with a leer on his bushy face and tries to pinch his butt. said customer gets his coffee served by having it dumped on his head. jongin wrangles the apron over his head, throws it on the customer's dripping face and stalks off to hide behind the counter.
$5647, the flashing numbers say. a long way to go to the goal of $10,000.
kyungsoo hums happily in his little corner at the stove. the pancakes are turning out lovely.
it takes them a few seconds to realize what game they're in next.
they land on hard cement, a sparse balcony overlooking a maze of big wooden blocks. the smallest blocks are at least four feet wide and the largest rectangular ones stretches up to ten feet or so. a single red block stands out among the other brown ones. on the railing, there is a screen about the size of the television set in the exo k dorms and the display shows an image of the wooden blocks' position.
"unblock me!" kyungsoo exclaims as soon as he figures out what the big blocks are for. he flicks a block on the screen experimentally and the real block down below moves along with its digital counterpart, making a grating noise as it drags itself to the new position.
"finally," jongin sighs in relief. "a game where no physical exertion is necessary." he flops down on the floor with his arms outstretched and pats the spot beside him for kyungsoo to join him.
kyungsoo is already studying the screen, trying to devise a plan of strategy. the long day has taken a toll on the both of them, and kyungsoo is showing signs of weariness. at this point they're both exhausted, sticky with sweat and grime.
"i know this game. joonmyun plays it all the time as a stress reliever." jongin crawls over to kyungsoo and places a warm hand on the small of his back. "there is no time limit. you can rest."
kyungsoo is unconvinced, so jongin settles down next to the screen and pulls kyungsoo's head down onto his lap. "sleep."
kyungsoo has half a mind to protest but jongin's fingers are running through his hair, smoothing it down and messing it up again as he massages his scalp. kyungsoo lets out an embarrassing sigh of satisfaction and drifts slowly to sleep.
when kyungsoo wakes up, jongin is watching him with a smile playing at his lips. kyungsoo's eyes flicker to the puzzle, not so much to check the progress than to avoid jongin's scrutiny. he's glad he's not one who can blush, because jongin's unwavering gaze makes his neck prickle with heat, and he's not about to give jongin the satisfaction of knowing that he has kyungsoo flustered.
jongin waves in the direction of a black gaping hole that has appeared in the wall beside them. "the door." he stretches out his hand to help kyungsoo up and kyungsoo doesn't let go of jongin's hand, fingers laced together tightly even as they walk through the door.
the only thing in the next room is a simple banner, the white stark against four bare blue walls.
congratulations, is all it says.
it takes them two seconds to register the words and another three seconds before they're clinging to each other, tight in a celebratory hug. jongin pumps a fist in the air and lets out a whoop of joy, and kyungsoo buries his face into the curve of jongin's neck.
celebration is promptly cut short when a sudden jolt shakes them hard enough to break them apart, each boy falling to the floor in the shock. there is a loud creak as a crack appears across the ground, and the floor starts crumbling around them, bits and pieces of cement falling away.
kyungsoo falls to his knees and crawls as close to the edge as he dares. he sees nothing but black, a dark hole of nothingness. jump, that's what he knows they have to do and he looks over at jongin.
"i can't, kyungsoo." jongin is on the verge of hysterics, his childhood fear of heights coming back full force. he's backed himself to the opposite wall, far away from the crumbling ledge. his knees are drawn to his chin and if kyungsoo looks carefully there are traces of tears glistening in his eyes.
at times like this, there is only one thing that a friend can do. kyungsoo kneels down beside jongin and just his presence is enough to make jongin loosen his hunch slightly. "look at me." kyungsoo places gentle fingers on jongin's face, cupping his chin and his ears to force the younger boy to calm down. "you're going to be alright. we're going to be alright." the assurance comes out barely a whisper and jongin finds himself relaxing, limbs becoming liquid as they curl against his band mate's.
jongin looks right into kyungsoo's dark eyes, sees the warmth and the imploring trust, and then he can't stare anymore, because kyungsoo leans forward and captures his lips in a soft kiss.
jongin hardly notices when kyungsoo launches them off the building. it must be some twisted version of the suspension bridge effect, but jongin feels a rush of something akin to love for kyungsoo, never wants this moment to end as he wraps his limbs around kyungsoo, trying to get as much skin between them as possible. the fall is surprisingly graceful, like gravity has slowed to give the two a little more time, and the urgency in the kiss increases as the ground looms beneath them.
"jongin," kyungsoo moans, lips against lips, and the wind in their hair abruptly stops. they land softly on a mess of bed sheets, cushioned by the pillows that kyungsoo loves to keep around his bed.
kyungsoo gently pulls away and smiles at jongin. "we're home." there is no romance in the moment, only a shared moment of tenderness, an unspoken rush of affection in the room. jongin's fingers curl against the frayed ends of kyungsoo's shirt and he nods, closing his eyes at the relief of escaping, of finally being safe.
then chanyeol pokes his head into the room, eyes wide with excitement and curls on his head practically bouncing. "oh my god guys i broke the record on temple run-"
poor confused chanyeol does not understand why a sea of pillows are suddenly launched at him.
end.
first off, shameless request!
tomorrow is my birthday! will anyone write me lukai based on this here . please ;A;
also, i am @cocoonedsoul at twitter i need moar exo stans huhuhuhuhu
and, today is my bby tiffy's birthday so here is birthday fic for youuuuuuu.
omg i had something epic planned for you and it was 10k words in when my laptop /died/ on me and i had to whip up something real quick for you as an apology :( i hope kaisoo crack is enough T_______T coherency was not my aim.
i love you bby have a fantastic 19th!