(no subject)
Hmm, I dont know what to think. As soon as my insurance sends me my card, then I can go to the doctor, and get on some medicine, and everything will be fine. Then maybe I can be happy again. People just dont understand. Without her Im not me. She made me complete. I was more then happy with her. nothing could go wrong when we were together. I was so sure that she was the one that I was gonna spend the rest of my life with, then it just changed. I have been different lately. Its so hard to act like nothing is wrong when im misserable without her. If I got back with her, i would be, normal. But I can't tell her that cause it would seem like I am just saying that to get back with her. So I dont know what to do. Maybe my meds will chill me out. Its like a catch 22. With her im happy, and she can stand me, and without her im not happy and she cant. i know if I can just act happy, then it will work out. It has to. I love her, so much. I never ever had even pictured us ever breaking up. ever! then all this. I just want to love her, and take care of her the rest of her life. I wish she could understand that. I just hurt so bad right now that im not in the right mind.
Why wouldnt she leave me for someone else. Afterall I have been a jerk lately. Thats why I am so paraniod at times. I really dont think she plans on it though. They are just friends. Well I think he has intentions, but she is smart enough to see through them if they emerge I figure. If she does have feelings for him, Then I guess she does. She says she doesnt like that, and I havent known her to lie, so she probally doesnt. If she did then Id like to think she would be blunt with me.
But this is my first enntry with this name, and im the only one who knows it. Im sure if I stop flippin out everything will be cool. HE has been going over there alot though. What if something does spark. I dont know what I would do. I pray to God every single night and day for us to work out. I have faith so im leaving this is Gods hands. I just love her soooo much, and I miss her every second. There isnt one second that goes by where I dont think about her. Its just I constantly think about her, and I get depressed, and I get misserable, and I hate my self. Its an endless cycle with no way out. the only way to get over it is to get back with her, but im not gonna be able to get back with her unless I can stop being depressed. i dont know what to do.
Why wouldnt she leave me for someone else. Afterall I have been a jerk lately. Thats why I am so paraniod at times. I really dont think she plans on it though. They are just friends. Well I think he has intentions, but she is smart enough to see through them if they emerge I figure. If she does have feelings for him, Then I guess she does. She says she doesnt like that, and I havent known her to lie, so she probally doesnt. If she did then Id like to think she would be blunt with me.
But this is my first enntry with this name, and im the only one who knows it. Im sure if I stop flippin out everything will be cool. HE has been going over there alot though. What if something does spark. I dont know what I would do. I pray to God every single night and day for us to work out. I have faith so im leaving this is Gods hands. I just love her soooo much, and I miss her every second. There isnt one second that goes by where I dont think about her. Its just I constantly think about her, and I get depressed, and I get misserable, and I hate my self. Its an endless cycle with no way out. the only way to get over it is to get back with her, but im not gonna be able to get back with her unless I can stop being depressed. i dont know what to do.