(no subject)

[papajon13]

Did a lot of thinking today. Trying to gather myself. Thought about leaving the city. Although that can't happen for at least a year. I don't know if that's the change I'm really looking for. I thought about a lot of things. life's a downward spiral for me right now, at least emotionally. Blurring my judgement. But i did have a couple epiphanies today. I'm beginning to understand a couple of things that have happened in the last 3 months, putting 2 and 2 together. It's really only made things worse, now that i comprehend. Also more annoyed that i didn't get it sooner. and wondering, what caused the initial turning point. that's still the unanswered question. What happened 3 months ago? What event was it? It's bad when you start losing sleep because your brain won't shut up... and i have been.

i feel pain, i feel lost
i gave it all, but at what cost?
to lose all what i never had
drawn a blank, i could not add
seasons change and so do we
but this could only be 'bout me
did i push to hard, or not enough?
did someone finally call my bluff?
i kept it quiet for a while
even though that's not my style
but for self pity it was best
and now i'm sinking like the rest
I was flying, i was high
but that was no reason to deny
kept it close and cherished time
i paid the price, for no crime
but once too blind, a sucker born
my heart, my mind, my soul, all torn
i need change, i need to get out
but toronto is my home, no doubt