The More You Know...(The More You Wish You Didn't)
It will come as no surprise to anyone to hear me admit, as I have in the past, that I have neurotic moments. It is something I've come to accept about myself, and I’m trying to deal with it as best as a mature adult can. Oddly enough, I never took a moment to marry this fact with my belief in the wisdom of God’s design. In other words, I never asked myself ‘why’. In this very moment, when I am losing sleep that I really need, I have finally come to what I believe is the purpose of this quality.
One of the things that these neurotic tendencies have given me is a qualified mastery of subtlety. Not much gets by me, and regardless of whether I’m right or wrong in the end, I instinctively look past people’s words to find their true meaning. I also tend to observe reactions and body language in these moments. This is more often a curse than a blessing, but I sincerely believe that it’s this very quality that makes me an excellent communicator. To give you an example, I can usually listen to two people having a disagreement and tell you exactly what both parties are trying to express, and why both are failing to do so, just in their choice of words. The downside of this is that I can perceive uncomfortable truths that some would rather hide from me to spare my feelings or simply to keep things from being awkward.
Before I can continue, I have to put into plain words something that some of you already know, and that the rest of you likely wish you didn't. I am a brony, defined as any adult fan of the cartoon show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. For the sake of brevity, I will have to save the story of how I came to be a brony for another time. Just know for the sake of this article that it’s a fact.
To bring this home, as I was viewing related material in plain sight, a friend expressed how hard it was for them to not see the brony fandom as weird. To put this in context, she was telling it to her boyfriend, who is also a good friend of mine, and I was a third party to the conversation. He gave no indication of disagreement. Whether this was simply because it was his girlfriend saying it or because he actually agreed with it of his own premeditated accord, I honestly can’t say. But I can tell you for certain that he agreed, though it was not something he would ever come out and say to me on his own.
Naturally, the “super senses” kicked in and I instantly came to the conclusion that my friends, who I’d previously felt comfortable sharing my brony nature with, just told me I was weird. The key word that was expressed (and this is where the attention to subtlety comes in) is “weird”. It wasn't enough to simply say that My Little Pony wasn't something they were into. That would have floated right by me without setting off the red flags. But, they took it one step further and made it “weird”. Further, they did it in such a way as to give themselves some sense of deniability as far as hurting my feelings. Unfortunately “super senses” saw through that as well, hence my loss of sleep and the construction of this blog.
Keep in mind that there were other subtleties in that scenario that I can’t really describe in brief, things such as tone of voice, familiarity, body language, and exact choice of words. I’m saying that so that you will know that this was no simple misunderstanding of a phrase. My gut, my instincts, all tell me I’m right about how I perceived it, which of itself is unusual.
The moral of the story is, you have very little ability to spare my feelings, so you might as well just be honest with me. I’m not telling you it’s okay to be a dick, but honesty really is the best approach with me. The alternative will not stand you in good stead.
One of the things that these neurotic tendencies have given me is a qualified mastery of subtlety. Not much gets by me, and regardless of whether I’m right or wrong in the end, I instinctively look past people’s words to find their true meaning. I also tend to observe reactions and body language in these moments. This is more often a curse than a blessing, but I sincerely believe that it’s this very quality that makes me an excellent communicator. To give you an example, I can usually listen to two people having a disagreement and tell you exactly what both parties are trying to express, and why both are failing to do so, just in their choice of words. The downside of this is that I can perceive uncomfortable truths that some would rather hide from me to spare my feelings or simply to keep things from being awkward.
Before I can continue, I have to put into plain words something that some of you already know, and that the rest of you likely wish you didn't. I am a brony, defined as any adult fan of the cartoon show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. For the sake of brevity, I will have to save the story of how I came to be a brony for another time. Just know for the sake of this article that it’s a fact.
To bring this home, as I was viewing related material in plain sight, a friend expressed how hard it was for them to not see the brony fandom as weird. To put this in context, she was telling it to her boyfriend, who is also a good friend of mine, and I was a third party to the conversation. He gave no indication of disagreement. Whether this was simply because it was his girlfriend saying it or because he actually agreed with it of his own premeditated accord, I honestly can’t say. But I can tell you for certain that he agreed, though it was not something he would ever come out and say to me on his own.
Naturally, the “super senses” kicked in and I instantly came to the conclusion that my friends, who I’d previously felt comfortable sharing my brony nature with, just told me I was weird. The key word that was expressed (and this is where the attention to subtlety comes in) is “weird”. It wasn't enough to simply say that My Little Pony wasn't something they were into. That would have floated right by me without setting off the red flags. But, they took it one step further and made it “weird”. Further, they did it in such a way as to give themselves some sense of deniability as far as hurting my feelings. Unfortunately “super senses” saw through that as well, hence my loss of sleep and the construction of this blog.
Keep in mind that there were other subtleties in that scenario that I can’t really describe in brief, things such as tone of voice, familiarity, body language, and exact choice of words. I’m saying that so that you will know that this was no simple misunderstanding of a phrase. My gut, my instincts, all tell me I’m right about how I perceived it, which of itself is unusual.
The moral of the story is, you have very little ability to spare my feelings, so you might as well just be honest with me. I’m not telling you it’s okay to be a dick, but honesty really is the best approach with me. The alternative will not stand you in good stead.