I'm ready to jump

[panzermensch006]

It's been a few days since I've updated and that's because I've been spending time with Anthony. The other day he told me that he loves me and, much to my surprise, it didn't feel weird or rushed at all. I told him that I loved him too and I didn't have any reservations saying that to him. The more time I spend with him the more I find myself falling in love with him. I started to think about the reasons why I feel that way towards him and one reason in particular stands out. The men that I've dated before haven't really been men. Sure, they have balls but they never knew how to use them and I don't mean that in a sexual way. Usually when it comes to relationships I tend to be the dominate force because that's the way the power structure ends up and it usually ends up that way because the person I'm dating isn't a strong person. Anthony knows how to be a guy and doesn't need me to hold his hand and show him how. He's his own person with his own life and interests and I'm happy to know that he wants to include me in his life and I want to do the same with him. I see us being together long term because the flow of the relationship feels very natural. There have been times where I feel that I'm swimming upstream with a relationship and that mutual feelings, goals, and desires are forced. I don't feel that way with Anthony.

He's going out of town for a few days and I know that I'm going to miss him. I haven't felt this way about a person in a very long time and it's refreshing. I'm ready to pursue something honest and true that I know will be good for me. There are still somethings that I have to deal with that I know will go away with time. One thing that I still have a struggle with his my paranoia. It hasn't become an entity of it's own because I won't allow it. I don't think that Anthony will do anything to hurt me but it's still in the back of my mind and that's not because of anything he's done. It's the end result of being fucked over by people who said would never hurt me. I'm ready to be happy and leave old issues behind because it's time to move on in my life.
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There’s only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait the more time that I waste

I haven’t got much time to waste it’s time to make my way
I’m not afraid of what I’ll face but I’m afraid to stay
I’m going down my own road and I can make it alone
I'll work and I'll fight Till I find a place of my own

Are you ready to jump?
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I’m ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to jump

We learned our lesson from the start my sisters and me
The only thing you can depend on is your family
And life’s gonna drop you down like the limbs of a tree
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you see

Are you ready to jump?
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I’m ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to, are you ready?

I can make it alone(my sisters and me)