(no subject)
So today was a good day that culminated in me contemplating suicide.
I was so upbeat today, just dancing all over the place, being pleasant and cheerful.
Then, field hockey came and I didn't play and then Budzik decided to talk to me about for an hour afterwards and was all "I have faith in you" when clearly she doesn't and that was a bunch of bologna. haha bologna.
So then she was like you werent even upset when I told you that you weren't playing, and then I started to cry and walked away.
Then I went to FOCUS and that was fun because I got to not think about bad things.
Then I came home where I live with my family. My mom came into MY ROOM where I LIVE ALONE and talked to me about field hockey and I was like I don't want to talk about it go away. And so then she started talking to me about colleges and she is trying to pursuade me away from a college I REALLY like based mostly on my brother's opinion (a rich, white, preppy, conservative male) and her close-mindedness and inability to see that 1. I am not my brother and 2. I don't want to go to a school like BMS for the rest of my life and 3. that I don't like when people (i.e. my mom) try to push their ideas on me.
So then she tells me that I can't visit the other schools that I am considering for ED, and I dont want to apply ED if I'm not 100% positive that's where I want to go, so she told me I can't get in anywhere if I don't go ED, WHICH IS WRONG AND I DONT WANT TO GO ED IM SORRY BUT I JUST DONT.
I told her to leave my room because I was getting angry and I didn't want to yell at her, but she insists on staying and then when I yell at her she gives me a hardy "Fuck You" and leaves, crying.
AH LIFE.
I was so upbeat today, just dancing all over the place, being pleasant and cheerful.
Then, field hockey came and I didn't play and then Budzik decided to talk to me about for an hour afterwards and was all "I have faith in you" when clearly she doesn't and that was a bunch of bologna. haha bologna.
So then she was like you werent even upset when I told you that you weren't playing, and then I started to cry and walked away.
Then I went to FOCUS and that was fun because I got to not think about bad things.
Then I came home where I live with my family. My mom came into MY ROOM where I LIVE ALONE and talked to me about field hockey and I was like I don't want to talk about it go away. And so then she started talking to me about colleges and she is trying to pursuade me away from a college I REALLY like based mostly on my brother's opinion (a rich, white, preppy, conservative male) and her close-mindedness and inability to see that 1. I am not my brother and 2. I don't want to go to a school like BMS for the rest of my life and 3. that I don't like when people (i.e. my mom) try to push their ideas on me.
So then she tells me that I can't visit the other schools that I am considering for ED, and I dont want to apply ED if I'm not 100% positive that's where I want to go, so she told me I can't get in anywhere if I don't go ED, WHICH IS WRONG AND I DONT WANT TO GO ED IM SORRY BUT I JUST DONT.
I told her to leave my room because I was getting angry and I didn't want to yell at her, but she insists on staying and then when I yell at her she gives me a hardy "Fuck You" and leaves, crying.
AH LIFE.