i feel like im never getting caught up.
so last week i wrote a check to my mom. for 675.00 that was money that i owed her. it broke my heart writing her that check. in my room i havent cashed any of my checks for work, thinking if i dont cash them-i wont spend them. i called my mom today excited that i had 750.00 in checks, and was going to deposit them. i really need that money for christmas. and the bitch she is. tells me that i owe her 500 more for insurance, my cell phone, and part of my college books fee. i feel like all the work i've been doing, is not getting me anywhere. and all the money i am making, none of it is going towards the things i want. not to mention i need another 500 for books, by january. i hate not having money. and i hate paying for harper, i didnt even want to go here in the first place- i only did to make my family happy, and i get stuck paying for everything. i should be getting a fat paycheck nextg week though, i worked alot. i cant wait for thanksgiving or christmas. this sunday my family is going to the christmas carol play in the city. my cousins kelly and joey are going and i miss them. chads going too. he went last yr too. i love getting all dressed up to go there. my mom wants to go to florida for christmas, i said no way. i love being here for winter. its so beautiful especially downtown. im painting my grandma this picture for her christmas present, and i hope she loves it. i miss my grandma and grandpa so much. i dont know why im so mad about this money situation. i just really am. i might just need to work more hours. i made my christmas list already, and wow. im asking for alot and dont care. i have so much stuff i need to buy for everyone. i finally saw chad yesterday, his cousins were in from phili all last week, so i didnt see him. were best friends, we watch desperate housewives together. and i cry during brothers and sisters. and he laughs at me. and he holds me, and tells me im wonderful, and such a princess. and i really couldnt imagine not having him be apart of my life. and when he goes away to school and im stuck here. i dont know, whats going to happen. but i try and not think about that. i love him. i went out to starbucks with christina yesterday, and i missed her. it was good to talk and catch up. im ending this abruptly, i'll finish later.