(no subject)
you already know, but i'm a jerk.....ha ha I'm such a loser and I have issues letting go of the past.even though I created it. If I leave this earth I don't want to leave it hating or regretting....(not that I regret anything I've ever done I mean, there's some kind of reason right?)I wrote and wrote and wrote, but when I was done, I read and and realized it was shit.....But then I read it a couple of days later and realized it's the best I've ever done.....I never stayed devoted to anything.but this I did I was I had to be.If I don't have writing I ain't got shit....you know what I mean.People say I do tons of great thing and I can be anything I want, but what do I really want to be? Not a writer or an artist or a director.I want to be someone you(not necessary you, but in general)call to go have tea and pie or someone you call for advise. I want to be a friend that does more than talk shit about someone with.I want to have something meaningful for more than two years.I have writing and that's it.I have a boyfriend (or a fiance whatever)but you can't have a sure thing with that.I was/am so happy with him, but he's not the guy in the record store who calls me a virus because I intoxicate him with my wit(brannn)(yes he has three n's in his name). he's not the morbid hottie that's so mysterious(trevor), or even the guy who brings me tea and pie when I'm sad(Mark). What if in the end of my life I get what i want?but it's not what I really wanted at all you know?I want that feeling of innocence and the feeling of a new relationship.I want the excitement.I want things to be the way they were but so much more different.I want the sure thing.I want what I am able to want.