Don't even bother reading
I don't know whether to cry or yell or just pretend like nothing happened. I'm so fucking upset right now I can't even cry. It really fucking HURT when you were crying over her infront of me and when I forced myself to be there for you, ya know like a friend would do. Or did you not even fucking notice? I don't really think you did. (kinda like how you didn't notice me stopping myself from telling you every single thing I felt about you and how much I needed you back when I went back to school, and that week and a half you didn't talk to me -- thanks by the way it only took all my fucking effort) You were so down yesterday and I was so worried for you -- but all you can think was how awkward it was to see me. I try to cheer you up and it's me being overbearing again. But it's not like you say anything so I actually know how you feel. I don't think you hate me, I have an idea that you aren't over me and that's why it's hard. are you just scared that I'll hurt you again? Whatever it is, IT IS DRIVING ME INSANE. I can't deal with all this and you know I can't. Are you TRYING to fuck with my head? I love you so fucking much it hurts. But you asked me to back down and give you time, let you think. I do what you ask and you say you want to be friends BUT FRIENDS ACTUALLY GIVE A DAMN ABOUT EACH OTHER. Maybe you just bottled everything up and burried your emotions for me so you didn't have to deal with it anymore but I'M HERE. I want you back! I love you so much, why aren't you taking advantage of what you wanted, of what is in front of you? I know you better than anyone else on this Earth does and you can't even acknowledge the fact that I exist or ask how I am. Why are you so fucking selfish? That Jen girl is using you as fucking comfort. You are so vulnerable and you're letting her use you! You think you love her, but you don't. Why can't you just realize that I'm here waiting for you? Someone you love, someone you at least USED TO CARE about is STILL HERE. I'm here waiting for you regardless of how you treat me, regardless of what you say to me. I'm denying the comfort that Sam could have given me to be with YOU. I just don't get why you'd tell my friend how you feel instead of me. We are close, we have a connection. I know it's a lot to take in but why do you feel you can't talk to me anymore? You're the one who wanted to be friends, but what is a friend to you? Simply anyone who you don't date? All I did yesterday was say to you that I was here for you, I was legitimately worried about you -- not because I just want to get back with you == but because when you hurt I hurt. I think you feel the same, so why are you denying what you're feeling? The least you could do is be honest with me -- I asked you so many times if it would be okay if we hung out sometimes and you said it was fine with you. You even suggested coffee ... TWICE. Stop giving me mixed signals and just tell me how you really feel. If you hate me and never want to speak to me again I can deal. But I can't deal with the uncertainty. I can't wait around pretending I'm okay with you trying to woo Jen when I know she isn't for you and that it isn't gonna happen. I can't watch that happen while whatever we have just goes down the drain. Maybe you always wanted it to. I know you said you tried so hard to get me back but did you? you waited a month, a month in which yes i was awful to you but in this month i told you i saw us together in the end and that i still cared about you more than him. Why the fuck would you give up but continue to pursue this other girl when all you have to go on is "let's be friends for now, i need to sort out my feelings" when a girl you aren't even dating says that it means she doesn't fucking want you. but you know who does? i do you asshole! start looking around and actually keep an open mind like you said. stop shutting me out of your life, it isn't making anthing better or easier like you thought it would.
i'm just so exhausted and upset. i just wish you'd show a little affection or appreciation my way. what's the use of being friends if you don't even feel okay with talking online.
i'm okay with friends for now, but if it means having to pry for a conversation every third day over the internet, i'm not interested.
You are my best friend and I need you right now. Why aren't you here?
i'm just so exhausted and upset. i just wish you'd show a little affection or appreciation my way. what's the use of being friends if you don't even feel okay with talking online.
i'm okay with friends for now, but if it means having to pry for a conversation every third day over the internet, i'm not interested.
You are my best friend and I need you right now. Why aren't you here?