Mind spill
I guess really I should apologise for the fact that all I seem to do lately on here is mind spill but hey haven't you ever had so much you want to say but the complete inability to say the words?
I'm pretty medicated up at the moment, I take tablets to keep me here and tablets to manage the side effects and I guess I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I take them merely so I can function, so I can put my mask on to the world, and so I can manage the every day occurrences of being a mum and a wife and a daughter and a sister and an aunt and a friend - when really I'm just stood In the middle thinking fuck help me I don't want to be any of these things. Truth be said if 'someone' said to me right now what do you want to do? I would say the fight or flight mechanisim burns within me. It's probably the only thing I do really really feel the urge to turn, and to run like crazy. So that's what the tablets and the endless visits from health professionals they keep my feet still.
I know that the way forward from this is too find the strength to say fuck this but there's a big mountain to climb and I'm sat at the bottom thinking you know what I can't be bothered.
So that's where I am, my consultant says I have PND with delayed grief and that's my label. That's where I am right now, or as Facebook would say that's what's on my mind
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