Discipline of Submission
I wish I would have started this at the same time that I started the book. Maybe its a good thing, because I have discovered that there is no rhyme or reason to my style of reading, other than it must be completely Spirit led. I started with the intention of heeding advice and taking the book "Celebration of Discipline" at a chapter a day. Well, I started this book, what, 3 weeks ago? And I just finished the eigth chapter. But, its really cool to see how as I have progressed things have directly related to situations I have been going thru rather recently. All that to say that here is some of what I got from the chapter on Submission. Any and all thoughts, comments, questions, etc are welcomed.
So, much like the majority of people in our society, I had a completely miscontrued concept of what submission is. Hardly is submission ever mentioned in circumstances outside of husband and wife. Of course, I was very much aware of Colossians 3:18-4:1, so I knew we each had a duty to submission. So, it wasn't that we are all called to submissive living that surprised me. It was what submission entailed that really struck me. Richard Foster wrote, "In submission we are at last free to value other people. Their dreams and plans become important to us. We have entered into a new, wonderful, glorious freedom-the freedom to give up our own rights for the good of others. For the first time we can love people unconditionally. We have given up the right to demand that they return our love. no longer do we feel that we have to be treated in a cartain way. We rejoice in their successes. We feel genuine sorrow in their failures. It is of little consequence that our plans are frustrated if their plans succeed. We discover that it is far better to serve our neighbor than to have our own way."
For a while now I have tried to live a life where I consider myself less than others, often times I do it with the wrong attitude, but we will get to that in due time. However, I have always felt that there was a certain reciprocation that should come with that. When others don't return my love for them then I find myself hurt, wounded, scourned. I wonder what is wrong with me that they don't love me or what is their problem, why are they so cold hearted. I have long carried this sense of entitlement that love is something you give and are given back. When I first read the sentences above I very quickly thought about how I feel when those expectations are met. In the sentences that followed, Foster wrote, "Do you know the liberation that comes from giving up your rights? It means you are set free from the seething anger and bitterness you feel when someone doesn't act toward you the way you think they should. It means that at last you are able to break that vicious law of commerce that says, 'You scratch my back, I'll scratch your back; you bloody my nose, I'll bloody your nose.'" How I long to be set free! How I long to be able to enjoy my relationships for what they are instead of what I expect them to be. How I long to be at the point where even after feeling like my heart has been trampled a thousand times I can say, "If any one strikes [me] on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." (Matthew 5:39) I don't want to love you on the expectation that you are going to love me back. I don't want to give and do on the hope that you will return some show of affection, appreciation, or love. I no longer want to submit to you for my sake but for Christ's sake.
Earlier I talked about how I "submit" and sometimes for the wrong reason. Many times it is easy for me to consider myself less than you simply because I think nothing of myself. It makes it easier to consider yourself the least when you think you are nothing. I mean, who can be less than nothing? However, Foster adds, "Self-denial is not the same thing as self-contempt. Self-contempt claims that we have no worth, and even if we do have worth, we shold reject it. Self-denial declares that we are of infinite worth and shows us how to realize it. Self-contempt denies the goodness of the creation; self-denial affirms that it is indeed good. Jesus made the ability to love ourselves the prerequisite for our reaching out to others (Matt. 22:39). Self-love and self-denial are not in conflict. More than once Jesus made it quite clear that self-denial is the only sure way to love ourselves." To me this all seems so paradoxical, how can we love ourselves and see an "infinite worth" all the while denying ourselves and thinking of ourselves as the least? I think the best illustration is the one Foster chose to save for the next chapter (Discipline of Service) and that is Jesus washing the disciples' feet. However, using Jesus as the example, Foster wrote, "It is impossible to overstate the revolutionary character of Jesus' life and teaching at this point. it did away with all the claims to privileged position and status. It called into being a whole new order of leadership. The cross-life of Jesus undermined all social orders based on power and self-interest." Its not easy to live the cross-life that we are all called too. But I want too, I want to live the cross-life.
However, this chapter has taught me that perhaps my biggest obstacle to overcome is my sense of entitlement. My first step is to learn more about self-denial. Foster added, "Again, we must underscore that self-denial means the freedom to give way to others. It means to hold others' interests above our interests. In this way self-denial releases us from self-pity. When we live outside of self-denial, we demand that things go our way. When they do not, we revert to self-pity--"Poor me!" Outwardly we may submit but we do so in a spirit of martyrdom. This spirit of self-pity, of martyrdom, is a sure sign that the Discipline of submission has gone to seed. This is why self-denial is the foundation for submission; it saves us from self-indulgence."
Basically all that to get to this: I need to begin by offering some apologies. There are so many of you that I have written off, chewed out, and become embittered or angry towards simply because of my sense of entitlement. I felt like you owed it to me to return the love and affection I have shown you. This is not the life of self-denial that I have been called too. You have your way of loving me and I can question that. Just because we don't talk everyday or even hang out every semester doesn't mean that you don't love me. You owe me nothing and I have to come to terms and accept that. I don't want my unfair expecations to hinder any more of my relationships or keep me from making ammends to others.
So, much like the majority of people in our society, I had a completely miscontrued concept of what submission is. Hardly is submission ever mentioned in circumstances outside of husband and wife. Of course, I was very much aware of Colossians 3:18-4:1, so I knew we each had a duty to submission. So, it wasn't that we are all called to submissive living that surprised me. It was what submission entailed that really struck me. Richard Foster wrote, "In submission we are at last free to value other people. Their dreams and plans become important to us. We have entered into a new, wonderful, glorious freedom-the freedom to give up our own rights for the good of others. For the first time we can love people unconditionally. We have given up the right to demand that they return our love. no longer do we feel that we have to be treated in a cartain way. We rejoice in their successes. We feel genuine sorrow in their failures. It is of little consequence that our plans are frustrated if their plans succeed. We discover that it is far better to serve our neighbor than to have our own way."
For a while now I have tried to live a life where I consider myself less than others, often times I do it with the wrong attitude, but we will get to that in due time. However, I have always felt that there was a certain reciprocation that should come with that. When others don't return my love for them then I find myself hurt, wounded, scourned. I wonder what is wrong with me that they don't love me or what is their problem, why are they so cold hearted. I have long carried this sense of entitlement that love is something you give and are given back. When I first read the sentences above I very quickly thought about how I feel when those expectations are met. In the sentences that followed, Foster wrote, "Do you know the liberation that comes from giving up your rights? It means you are set free from the seething anger and bitterness you feel when someone doesn't act toward you the way you think they should. It means that at last you are able to break that vicious law of commerce that says, 'You scratch my back, I'll scratch your back; you bloody my nose, I'll bloody your nose.'" How I long to be set free! How I long to be able to enjoy my relationships for what they are instead of what I expect them to be. How I long to be at the point where even after feeling like my heart has been trampled a thousand times I can say, "If any one strikes [me] on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." (Matthew 5:39) I don't want to love you on the expectation that you are going to love me back. I don't want to give and do on the hope that you will return some show of affection, appreciation, or love. I no longer want to submit to you for my sake but for Christ's sake.
Earlier I talked about how I "submit" and sometimes for the wrong reason. Many times it is easy for me to consider myself less than you simply because I think nothing of myself. It makes it easier to consider yourself the least when you think you are nothing. I mean, who can be less than nothing? However, Foster adds, "Self-denial is not the same thing as self-contempt. Self-contempt claims that we have no worth, and even if we do have worth, we shold reject it. Self-denial declares that we are of infinite worth and shows us how to realize it. Self-contempt denies the goodness of the creation; self-denial affirms that it is indeed good. Jesus made the ability to love ourselves the prerequisite for our reaching out to others (Matt. 22:39). Self-love and self-denial are not in conflict. More than once Jesus made it quite clear that self-denial is the only sure way to love ourselves." To me this all seems so paradoxical, how can we love ourselves and see an "infinite worth" all the while denying ourselves and thinking of ourselves as the least? I think the best illustration is the one Foster chose to save for the next chapter (Discipline of Service) and that is Jesus washing the disciples' feet. However, using Jesus as the example, Foster wrote, "It is impossible to overstate the revolutionary character of Jesus' life and teaching at this point. it did away with all the claims to privileged position and status. It called into being a whole new order of leadership. The cross-life of Jesus undermined all social orders based on power and self-interest." Its not easy to live the cross-life that we are all called too. But I want too, I want to live the cross-life.
However, this chapter has taught me that perhaps my biggest obstacle to overcome is my sense of entitlement. My first step is to learn more about self-denial. Foster added, "Again, we must underscore that self-denial means the freedom to give way to others. It means to hold others' interests above our interests. In this way self-denial releases us from self-pity. When we live outside of self-denial, we demand that things go our way. When they do not, we revert to self-pity--"Poor me!" Outwardly we may submit but we do so in a spirit of martyrdom. This spirit of self-pity, of martyrdom, is a sure sign that the Discipline of submission has gone to seed. This is why self-denial is the foundation for submission; it saves us from self-indulgence."
Basically all that to get to this: I need to begin by offering some apologies. There are so many of you that I have written off, chewed out, and become embittered or angry towards simply because of my sense of entitlement. I felt like you owed it to me to return the love and affection I have shown you. This is not the life of self-denial that I have been called too. You have your way of loving me and I can question that. Just because we don't talk everyday or even hang out every semester doesn't mean that you don't love me. You owe me nothing and I have to come to terms and accept that. I don't want my unfair expecations to hinder any more of my relationships or keep me from making ammends to others.