AMBIENT FAMILIARITY - Interesting observation about Twitter and Social networking

Jan 23, 2011 20:55

(Cross posted on Facebook)

I stumbled across this excerpt from a friend who blogs. It helped me to better understand what the appeal of social networking appears to be. I left it all in her words below (Though I'll likely have to chop this into two notes due to character limits on notes, ironically! I always type too much for most people on Facebook anyway!)

I find the notion of "ambient familiarity" to be well phrased and logical. It explains why this beast bothers me so much - because I'd prefer authentic, real genuine familiarity any day. It's all about "Keepn' it real, Yo!" and I operate with that in mind. And maybe this is why so often I am called a "Facebook Creeper".

It only seems polite to me to pay attention to what others have published, because I figure they feel it is important enough to publish / make visible for someone like me (even if I'm just accessing it as a "Friend of a Friend" or because it got dumped on my news feed with no effort of my own but by their own privacy settings). I added them / accepted the friend request / sent and was accepted as a friend, so no one was at any point forced into any interaction. And it seems to me that acknowledging the post helps the person know that "I'm listening" ... because isn't the point to be heard when you publish something? Isn't that what "friends" do for each other? As she says, "You can choose not to post, or not to follow, or not to read all" and "it's an ego-boost" and "it's fun!"

And there's the crux of the problem. "Ambient Familiarity" is dangerous and LAZY. It's anti-social. It's self-focused and assumptive. It assumes that what you have published or said in your limited number of characters has been CLEARLY stated, and been clearly understood. It also assumes that what was published shouldn't be carefully considered before sharing (I've already done 3-4 edits of this message) because everything many users post are just random thoughts that they want to send out to the "Twitterverse" - usually phrased without any sense of sentence structure, punctuation, spelling - all of those devices to which I am highly tuned, and which I consider essential to written, character based communication. (By that I mean typed words - I'm relating my abstract concepts by arranging characters on a page and typing them right now.) Like ambient music, it influences the mood, but is mostly ignored. (You'll notice I broke many grammatical rules with this paragraph, but I think I expressed myself clearly - do you agree?)

I'm not so egotistical to say that I am right and they are all wrong. I'm not even willing to go so far as to disagree with my posting friend's comments below; I appreciate her intellect and value her different point of view! That's why I have chosen her as a friend and have supported the things she has done in the past. In fact, that's why I was reading her blog in the first place! But clearly, I'm doing something wrong here. And maybe I'm just too old (or perhaps too intelligent to be smart about this, so that makes me dumb??) to understand how to do this "crazy, newfangled thing called the Facebook".

The financial impact of data crunching and mass marketing is obvious to me, and if it were my job to do, I'd probably do it well. I also see the appeal of the games and the apps and the ease of organizing events (though that doesn't guarantee that anyone will attend, or even that they'll attend if they said they would - one click eliminates the obligation - "Not a problem!") I reconnected with a "friend" from high school within hours of being on Facebook and was drinking beers with him mere hours later. And I discovered we'd had a lot more in common (going back to Grade 3 with the first connection, or having shared a first girlfriend - but not literally -- eww!) than I'd realized. It made an excellent end to a holiday, if a slightly drunken flight home.

But that was a fluke. The first hit is always free - that's how the dealer gets you hooked. And if I'd never reconnected via Facebook, based on our actual interactions since (ignoring the face-to-face familiarity of that great and enjoyable, nostalgic revisiting of my past) I'm not sure my life would be any different or has been improved in any way. If that is too pessimistic, then let me qualify it by saying that if my life has been improved, Facebook and social networking of this kind has not lived up to what it promised. I think Crystal Meth is not that different.

In fact, I'd argue that my life has been more stressful, and had more procrastination thanks to Facebook (I'm clicking "Millionaire City" as I type this to get the money from my commerce that I "need" to build more houses, and I just made enough "cash" to buy a new Sushi Restaurant!) But you have to wonder, if I'm so critical, then why do I keep coming back?

I think it's the puzzle. I hope by figuring out and understanding what is so obvious to so many millions that I will be able to learn from my mistakes. I think that's a healthy way to be, and perhaps is more important to me than to most. I figure, if I understand it, I will be less likely to repeat the mistake, and can let go of that fear. Fear short-circuits the brain, and empowers that "lizard brain" that is tied to "fight or flight" and creates an adrenaline rush-filled, high stress response. We live in a stress filled, fear filled, modern society. If we don't feel that rush, sometimes we don't feel like we're living.

So why do I value sincerity and authenticity so much? I can fake sincerity like crazy, and sell it really well. I'm a skilled salesperson! It's why I have such high customer service standards. Customer Service is not that hard to figure out. Want to know the secret?

Listen.

If you listen to what the other person is saying, you can help them how they need to be helped, and not how they think they need to be helped, or how they have been helped in the past. It's dangerous, sure, but when done well, ridiculously easy and ridiculously powerful. If we had more people listening, and less screaming on their digital soap boxes, maybe we'd have a greater understanding, greater empathy, and less conflict. Just maybe.

Sadly, even if you are old enough to understand the idiom of "screaming on a soap box" because you know what a "soap box" was, you probably aren't reading this, and probably don't care. You don't know why I'm advising you to "handle Facebook with kid gloves" because you're thinking - who would want to wear gloves made from children? And who wears gloves any more these days? What' up wit dat? Don't be such a creepy d-bag! Just deal!

Because for you, the typical Facebook user, this is how it's always been. You're used to consuming and not questioning. That's why our society is so obese, why commercials take more time than the content, and why you are bombarded by food commercials everywhere, while Art (or anything that isn't obviously about the making of money) is a waste of time. And watching Sports or being the best is more important than playing sports or being fit. And it works for you.

Maybe you see what I meant about assuming that I care to hear about every bowel movement or random thought you share just because you had it. If I care about it at all, it's because I care about you. But the more typical response is to not care about anyone but yourself. It's really just a version of "The American Dream" (Thanks Jay Gatzby!) and if you're rich, who cares who you run over with your car? Poor people just don't matter enough. If they did, they wouldn't be poor, right? Because only LAZY people are poor. And lazy people don't get to be "Kardashians", or "Real Housewives", or win "Survivor". And they certainly don't become your "American Idol" or get told by billions that "You've Got Talent."

"Ambient Familiarity"? No thanks. I'd prefer some real familiarity, with a strong dose of reality.

=======================

[[excerpt from blog of a friend]]

In other news, Twitter has become quite the ego boost. And I need it cause you all know how incredibly un-confident I am (where is that damn sarcasm font!). But it is kind of nice to see when new people follow and to know that they think I'm pretty interesting or useful to them. Also fun is when I send out a message and I get a bunch of replies from people saying "Oh there you are!" or a variation on it.

In the Twitter Book (at least I think it was in that one) I read about ambient familiarity. It's something I've often said about online status messages and stuff. Posting random things about your day leads to a closeness that wasn't possible with friends before. I believe that being a true friend means sharing the boring and inane parts of your day and not just the big stuff. If you are only calling your friends to let them know about a child, or a divorce, or a death, or a new job it seems to me like more of an obligation and not friendship.

But I certainly understand the people who are guarded and don't want to post, or the people who don't care to read that I'm going to the library. The other beauty of being online is that you can choose how much you want to be part of it. You can choose not to post, or not to follow, or not to read all.
Previous post
Up