(no subject)
FFXII is made up of the following things: Cut scenes, boss fights, and god damn annoying puzzles. Know why they're called god damn annoying puzzles? BECAUSE THEY'RE GOD DAMN ANNOYING. YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT I CAN FOLLOW THE LITTLE CIRCLES TO THE GIGAS GATE, BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I FOUND IT JUST BE WALKING NORMALLY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE TO TALK TO THE LITTLE CIRCLES AND NO I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE GOD DAMN GIGAS IS WHY DON'T YOU TRY TELLING ME WHAT THE FUCK I'M SUPPOSED TO DO FOR ONCE. FIGURING SHIT OUT IS FOR MGS GAMES AND EVEN THEY TELL YOU WHERE TO GO AND WHAT TO DO SO WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME YOU FUCKING ASS FUCK. YOU'RE A QUEEN. A BIG GOD DAMN DRAG QUEEN THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE YOU FUCK.
THANKS FOR GIVING ME A BREAK BETWEEN PUZZLES BY THE WAY. I LOVED DRAKLAR LABORATORY'S AMAZING RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT FIND THE ELEVATOR GET NO EXPERIENCE REALLY ANNOYING FLASHY LIGHTS AND MUSIC PUZZLE, IT WAS SO COOL. NEVERMIND THE TOTALLY AWESOME BOSS FIGHT AT THE END WHERE YOU HAVE TO KILL THE MINIONS BEFORE YOU KILL FFAM-RAM'S RETARDED DAD. YEAH. THAT WAS SO COOL. BUT THE FIVE SECOND CUT SCENE BREAK IN BETWEEN THAT AND THIS GAY ASS PUZZLE ROCKED. I MEAN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT WHENEVER THEY OPEN THEIR DAMN MOUTHS BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING GAME AND I DON'T COMMIT ALL YOUR RETARDED TERMINOLOGY TO MEMORY BUT YOU KNOW WHATEVER I HEARD "GOLMORE JUNGLE" AND THAT'S ALL. WHAT THE FUCK AM I EVEN LOOKING FOR? WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN GOING TO GINNUNGAGAP OR VAGINAGAP OR WHATEVER?!?!??!?!???!?!?!??!??! WHAT IS THE POINT? SO I CAN BREAK THE STUPID ROCKS? ASHE ISN'T GONNA BREAK THE ROCKS ANYWAYS AND YOU KNOW IT AND THEN VAYNE IS GONNA LOL AT ME AND LARSA SHARES THE DREAMS OF MEN AND FUCKING FFAMRAM'S DADDIO'S GONNA TEABAG ME AND THEN SOME MORE WITTY BANTER COURTESY BALTHIER WHO REALLY LIKES SHOWING OFF HOW WITTY AND SHARP HE IS WITH HIS SHARP CUFFS AND FLAGGITY EARRINGS. OH GOOD GOD JUST GET ON WITH THE STORY ONLY
WAIT
NO
EVERY TIME THE STORY ADVANCES I GOTTA HEAR FROM THE MARKWISS AND WATCH HIS RETARDO BOOK JUST SIT THERE AND LAUGH AT ME FOR BEING SUCH A FAG FOR NOT SKIPPING THOSE SCENES BVECAUSE IF I DID I WOULDNT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. I MEAN LIKE LESS THAN I DO NOW.
SUMMARY OF FFXII: Slut loses husband during WWI and joins a group of pre-schoolers and their nance tour guide as they travel across the land trying to kill Milli Vanilli because he's a geophile and make friends with his new age hippie bullshit little brother who just wants everyone to be friends. Nance has the deep hidden secrets of the world crammed into the crotch of his tight leather pants, including the intrigues of teabagging fagginator Dr. "Daddio" Cid, who insists on calling Slut Sluttitalia Banrggfahrbd Flabbischam and named his his Ramrod for some retarded reason. Pre-schoolers Mini Van and Piccolo from Dragonball Z make with the funny and keep the adventure light-hearted, even though the god damn van can see Slutula's dead husband Reindeer whenever she's PMSing. AND THIS IS ALL BEING NARRATED TO YOU BY DR. BINDIDOT SWISS MISS CLOSET QUEEN HIMSELF. NO PICTURES. NO PEOPLE. JUST A BOOK AND MAPS OF THE WORLD TO REMIND YOU WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU'RE DOING BECAUSE WITHOUT THOSE MAP POINTERS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING OR WHY OR WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE OR WHY YOU KEEP DYING EVEN THOUGH YOU LEVEL RAISE LIKE A BITCH AND WHY THAT CHICK IN BALFUCKERHEIM WAS WEARING HER LITTLE PINK THONG OUTSIDE HER PANTS.
THANKS FOR GIVING ME A BREAK BETWEEN PUZZLES BY THE WAY. I LOVED DRAKLAR LABORATORY'S AMAZING RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT FIND THE ELEVATOR GET NO EXPERIENCE REALLY ANNOYING FLASHY LIGHTS AND MUSIC PUZZLE, IT WAS SO COOL. NEVERMIND THE TOTALLY AWESOME BOSS FIGHT AT THE END WHERE YOU HAVE TO KILL THE MINIONS BEFORE YOU KILL FFAM-RAM'S RETARDED DAD. YEAH. THAT WAS SO COOL. BUT THE FIVE SECOND CUT SCENE BREAK IN BETWEEN THAT AND THIS GAY ASS PUZZLE ROCKED. I MEAN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT WHENEVER THEY OPEN THEIR DAMN MOUTHS BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING GAME AND I DON'T COMMIT ALL YOUR RETARDED TERMINOLOGY TO MEMORY BUT YOU KNOW WHATEVER I HEARD "GOLMORE JUNGLE" AND THAT'S ALL. WHAT THE FUCK AM I EVEN LOOKING FOR? WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN GOING TO GINNUNGAGAP OR VAGINAGAP OR WHATEVER?!?!??!?!???!?!?!??!??! WHAT IS THE POINT? SO I CAN BREAK THE STUPID ROCKS? ASHE ISN'T GONNA BREAK THE ROCKS ANYWAYS AND YOU KNOW IT AND THEN VAYNE IS GONNA LOL AT ME AND LARSA SHARES THE DREAMS OF MEN AND FUCKING FFAMRAM'S DADDIO'S GONNA TEABAG ME AND THEN SOME MORE WITTY BANTER COURTESY BALTHIER WHO REALLY LIKES SHOWING OFF HOW WITTY AND SHARP HE IS WITH HIS SHARP CUFFS AND FLAGGITY EARRINGS. OH GOOD GOD JUST GET ON WITH THE STORY ONLY
WAIT
NO
EVERY TIME THE STORY ADVANCES I GOTTA HEAR FROM THE MARKWISS AND WATCH HIS RETARDO BOOK JUST SIT THERE AND LAUGH AT ME FOR BEING SUCH A FAG FOR NOT SKIPPING THOSE SCENES BVECAUSE IF I DID I WOULDNT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. I MEAN LIKE LESS THAN I DO NOW.
SUMMARY OF FFXII: Slut loses husband during WWI and joins a group of pre-schoolers and their nance tour guide as they travel across the land trying to kill Milli Vanilli because he's a geophile and make friends with his new age hippie bullshit little brother who just wants everyone to be friends. Nance has the deep hidden secrets of the world crammed into the crotch of his tight leather pants, including the intrigues of teabagging fagginator Dr. "Daddio" Cid, who insists on calling Slut Sluttitalia Banrggfahrbd Flabbischam and named his his Ramrod for some retarded reason. Pre-schoolers Mini Van and Piccolo from Dragonball Z make with the funny and keep the adventure light-hearted, even though the god damn van can see Slutula's dead husband Reindeer whenever she's PMSing. AND THIS IS ALL BEING NARRATED TO YOU BY DR. BINDIDOT SWISS MISS CLOSET QUEEN HIMSELF. NO PICTURES. NO PEOPLE. JUST A BOOK AND MAPS OF THE WORLD TO REMIND YOU WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU'RE DOING BECAUSE WITHOUT THOSE MAP POINTERS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING OR WHY OR WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE OR WHY YOU KEEP DYING EVEN THOUGH YOU LEVEL RAISE LIKE A BITCH AND WHY THAT CHICK IN BALFUCKERHEIM WAS WEARING HER LITTLE PINK THONG OUTSIDE HER PANTS.