Twilight: Breaking Dawn Chapter 1 PANK KILLS HERSELF
Chapter 1
Actually, before chapter one. Meyer thanks Muse for being a good band. They have since killed themselves.
"When it was the one you loved who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so could hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give to your beloved, how could you not give it?"
FIRST FUCKING CHAPTER. FIRST. CHAPTER. AND NO, YOU STUPID WENCH, YOU DO NOT LET YOUR BOYFRIEND MURDER YOU IF HE GOES ON A RAMPAGE BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM. YOU DO NOT LET HIM BEAT YOU AND CUT YOU BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. ...Is your husband beating you? We can help, honey, but at this point I'm not sure anyone wants to.
Anyway, people start pissing their pants over Bella's new SUPER CAR!!!! because that's what normal people who don't care about cars do. And it turns out it's the NEWEST, BEST car ever that's not even available in Europe yet, let alone the US. How Carlisle afford all this on a doctor's salary with no one else in the house working is beyond me. Do they steal? The answer is yes: they are thieving thieves, and should be sent to Thebes.
Oh actually, the car is meant for drug lords and the like, because it's got body armor and missile-proof glass. Yes. Missile-proof. It is a hum-drumvee of lore. And Wardo is a drug lord.
BRB EDWARD BOUGHT HER TWO CARS WITH HIS DRUG MONEY. And Jacob has gone missing for great angst, but Seth and Edward are homebraws, so all is well.
lol Charlie asumed Bella got pregnant, which is why she's getting married so young. BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE IS A MORMON AND SOME PEOPLE ARE CHARLIE.
Charlie: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT wait why.
Wardo: We're going to college together. That's how they did things in 1917.
Charlie: No it isn't.
Edward: Yes it is.
Charlie: Preeeetty sure it's not.
Edward: Yes it is.
Charlie: That sounds retarded. I'm asking Google.
Edward: N-NO! UM... I HAVE TO PEE /destroys internet
Bella: The only other option is for us to live in sin and have sex and be together without being married.
Charlie: I'm cool with that.
Bella: HOW DARE YOU!!!!
UGHGHGHGHGHGH and then her mom is like "your love will last forever". Because ahwfvahga this book is terrible. THIS IS STILL THE FIRST CHAPTER BY THE WAY. "You've never been a teenager, sweetie. You know what's best for you" YEAH CLEARLY SOMEONE HASN'T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION.
Bella: I'M LEAVING PHOENIX.
Charlie: Hi, I love you.
Bella: WELL I HATE YOU, I'M IN LOVE WITH MY STALKER.
Edward: I'm leaving you.
Bella: I'M KILLING MYSELF.
Edward: Wait jk
Bella: JACOB I LOVE YOU TOO NOW GTFO.
Jacob: He's using you!
Bella: I'M LEAVING AND BECOMING A VAMPIRE.
Edward: /beats
Bella: OH GOD IT HURTS I LOVE YOU THOUGH LET'S GET MARRIED
Renee: You know what's best 8)
Yeah okay sure Bella's mom, u r a stupidhead.
Okat that is enough for now, I am properly disgusted without getting to chapter 2. The end.
Actually, before chapter one. Meyer thanks Muse for being a good band. They have since killed themselves.
"When it was the one you loved who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so could hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give to your beloved, how could you not give it?"
FIRST FUCKING CHAPTER. FIRST. CHAPTER. AND NO, YOU STUPID WENCH, YOU DO NOT LET YOUR BOYFRIEND MURDER YOU IF HE GOES ON A RAMPAGE BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM. YOU DO NOT LET HIM BEAT YOU AND CUT YOU BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. ...Is your husband beating you? We can help, honey, but at this point I'm not sure anyone wants to.
Anyway, people start pissing their pants over Bella's new SUPER CAR!!!! because that's what normal people who don't care about cars do. And it turns out it's the NEWEST, BEST car ever that's not even available in Europe yet, let alone the US. How Carlisle afford all this on a doctor's salary with no one else in the house working is beyond me. Do they steal? The answer is yes: they are thieving thieves, and should be sent to Thebes.
Oh actually, the car is meant for drug lords and the like, because it's got body armor and missile-proof glass. Yes. Missile-proof. It is a hum-drumvee of lore. And Wardo is a drug lord.
BRB EDWARD BOUGHT HER TWO CARS WITH HIS DRUG MONEY. And Jacob has gone missing for great angst, but Seth and Edward are homebraws, so all is well.
lol Charlie asumed Bella got pregnant, which is why she's getting married so young. BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE IS A MORMON AND SOME PEOPLE ARE CHARLIE.
Charlie: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT wait why.
Wardo: We're going to college together. That's how they did things in 1917.
Charlie: No it isn't.
Edward: Yes it is.
Charlie: Preeeetty sure it's not.
Edward: Yes it is.
Charlie: That sounds retarded. I'm asking Google.
Edward: N-NO! UM... I HAVE TO PEE /destroys internet
Bella: The only other option is for us to live in sin and have sex and be together without being married.
Charlie: I'm cool with that.
Bella: HOW DARE YOU!!!!
UGHGHGHGHGHGH and then her mom is like "your love will last forever". Because ahwfvahga this book is terrible. THIS IS STILL THE FIRST CHAPTER BY THE WAY. "You've never been a teenager, sweetie. You know what's best for you" YEAH CLEARLY SOMEONE HASN'T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION.
Bella: I'M LEAVING PHOENIX.
Charlie: Hi, I love you.
Bella: WELL I HATE YOU, I'M IN LOVE WITH MY STALKER.
Edward: I'm leaving you.
Bella: I'M KILLING MYSELF.
Edward: Wait jk
Bella: JACOB I LOVE YOU TOO NOW GTFO.
Jacob: He's using you!
Bella: I'M LEAVING AND BECOMING A VAMPIRE.
Edward: /beats
Bella: OH GOD IT HURTS I LOVE YOU THOUGH LET'S GET MARRIED
Renee: You know what's best 8)
Yeah okay sure Bella's mom, u r a stupidhead.
Okat that is enough for now, I am properly disgusted without getting to chapter 2. The end.