Team Brendon: A Calm Sea Does Not Make a Skilled Sailor

[danimpa]

Title: Treat Me Like The Sea, Oh-So Salty And Mean
Team: Team Brendon
Prompt: A Calm Sea Doesn't Make A Skilled Sailor
Rating: R
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
Summary: An abusive father gets what he deserved, as well as a 'funny uncle'.
Warnings: Character death, violence, incest, rape, child abuse
Word count: 3029
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of

Comments

[justhush]

I really don't know how to react to this.

I mean, first of all, this deals with a very touchy subject, and kudos to you for going for it, it was a brave move, and a bold on. I also think you handled it fairly well, it's just that. The ending? The ending is highly disturbing to me, and I don't want to offend you, and I'm not saying it's bad, but. George and Kevin are awful, awful people, but killing them like that? With no guilt what-so-ever from the boys, and no consequences is, just, upsetting to me. It's not justice.

Even though naturally I side with Ryan and Brendon --- they're our boys and they're the victims --- the fact that they can mercilessly kill another person, (even and evil person) just. It makes my stomach hurt and it makes me confused, because I don't know how to sympathize. I don't know with whom to sympathize.

I don't know. You might have been trying for that reaction? This story made me upset, for sure, but maybe not in the way you intended.

I also feel like you told me what happened, most of the time, which made it was hard to feel it. Some of the time, I really felt it, and it was wonderful. I read you write it, so I know you can do it.
You don't have to explain every detail, but I think there's a better way to show the progression of Ryan's life other than summery statements.

This whole section:
"Brendon sometimes said things that scared Ryan.
[.....]
Ryan couldn't figure out how Brendon knew."
was beautiful, and I could feel it, and I wanted to know, too. I wanted to know how Brendon knew, and, moreover, I was completely excited how three dimensional that made your Brendon. He wasn't just to gorgeous, hyper thing Ryan loved, he was perceptive and thoughtful in a way that made Ryan uncomfortable.

However, sections like:
"Another thing you should know before going any further is that Brendon is gay. Another thing you should know is Brendon and Ryan has been dating for about four months at this point, Brendon's seventeenth birthday a week away."
disappointed me, because that was something you could have shown through scenes with the boys. (and I know you can, which is possibly the worst part. Seeing someone who doesn't have much talent writing a less than spectacular story isn't so upsetting as seeing someone with talent not using it to their full potential.)

Now, it might have been a time issue. I was right down to the last second with my fic, mostly because I forced myself to illustrate things through dialogues and whatnot with the boys --- and it was really hard. My story made me crazy, and it ended up a whole lot longer than I intended, but I think it was worth it. I'd love to see you push yourself that extra mile, because reading this, I don't know that you did. I probably am making an ass of myself, because I have no idea how/if you struggled with this fic. You probably pushed yourself with the subject matter, which is awesome, because pushing yourself it the only way to get better. Every time you make yourself uncomfortable with what you're writing, you make yourself greater. I want you to make yourself the best you can be. ♥

But just. Evaluate, for a second. Did you push yourself? Did you take an easy way out when you didn't know how to write a scene? It sucks while you're writing, and by the end of it you may never want to look at the fucking story ever again, but, man, it'll be so gorgeous when it hits the interweb. And if you did push yourself, if you struggled and did the very best you could, that's amazing. That's wonderful and keep on keepin' on, or something (I think those are song lyrics? Or a saying? I am not sure at all, actually. Maybe I just made it up...?) Keep pushing yourself every time you write; you'll never regret it.

Also, LOL LOOK AT MY RAMBLING. It happens, some most times...