Feeling Is A Good Thing
Yes, I'm back. Someday I'll be back posting a story instead of my thoughts, but this will have to do for now.
I'm settling my feelings down. Kind of. After all the things I had to say, I had a confrontation with everything I considered an 'issue' and I can say now that I'm peaceful about my feelings (the feelings I have and feelings I wish I had).
For a few days I thought I needed to tell everything I had planned, but now I can say I don't need to because I'm in peace right now. If the stuff I didn't say isn't making me feel bad, I can let it rest as it is. But what's happening currently is interesting.
I've found a non-personal confident. And I've found it in the drummer of the band I'm in. Curiously, we met four years ago and we interacted during one of them. I had a crush on them at the time. I stopped seeing him after I started my high school. So, him in my life again was a bit of a surprise. He was looking for a person to play the keyboard and I ended up being the bassist. Kind of fun and unexpected but totally fine.
Lately we've been bonding over Muse, music, school, old gossip, talking with hashtags, complaining about life and wondering what's going to happen with the world. And it's been amazing. During rehearsals we've come up with a way to communicate without words, we can tell when one of us made a mistake and we silently laugh about it instead of feeling bad - that's amazing, too. After rehearsals, we take the same bus to go back to our respective houses. Sometimes we talk. Sometimes we spend the whole ride in silence. And that - the fact that there is no need to fill the silence with meaningless chats - is way more than amazing.
I feel like I can speak up without being judged, I know I'm talking with someone who laughs as much as me, is as shy as me, and thinks along the same lines as me, without being identical. I feel so happy and satisfied. But my mood has made the people around me curious. As a result, there had been some implications about me liking him. And I can say I like him, I can say I don't know in what way I like him, and I can say that's totally fine.
As I wrote a few days ago, I'm not looking for falling in love or being in relationship. I'm all about enjoying the things I have, without thinking about what it might be. So, this drummer may become my best friend, my partner in crime, a simple colleague or something else, and whatever happens, it'll be totally ok. Because for now I'm fine. That's all I want now.
I'm settling my feelings down. Kind of. After all the things I had to say, I had a confrontation with everything I considered an 'issue' and I can say now that I'm peaceful about my feelings (the feelings I have and feelings I wish I had).
For a few days I thought I needed to tell everything I had planned, but now I can say I don't need to because I'm in peace right now. If the stuff I didn't say isn't making me feel bad, I can let it rest as it is. But what's happening currently is interesting.
I've found a non-personal confident. And I've found it in the drummer of the band I'm in. Curiously, we met four years ago and we interacted during one of them. I had a crush on them at the time. I stopped seeing him after I started my high school. So, him in my life again was a bit of a surprise. He was looking for a person to play the keyboard and I ended up being the bassist. Kind of fun and unexpected but totally fine.
Lately we've been bonding over Muse, music, school, old gossip, talking with hashtags, complaining about life and wondering what's going to happen with the world. And it's been amazing. During rehearsals we've come up with a way to communicate without words, we can tell when one of us made a mistake and we silently laugh about it instead of feeling bad - that's amazing, too. After rehearsals, we take the same bus to go back to our respective houses. Sometimes we talk. Sometimes we spend the whole ride in silence. And that - the fact that there is no need to fill the silence with meaningless chats - is way more than amazing.
I feel like I can speak up without being judged, I know I'm talking with someone who laughs as much as me, is as shy as me, and thinks along the same lines as me, without being identical. I feel so happy and satisfied. But my mood has made the people around me curious. As a result, there had been some implications about me liking him. And I can say I like him, I can say I don't know in what way I like him, and I can say that's totally fine.
As I wrote a few days ago, I'm not looking for falling in love or being in relationship. I'm all about enjoying the things I have, without thinking about what it might be. So, this drummer may become my best friend, my partner in crime, a simple colleague or something else, and whatever happens, it'll be totally ok. Because for now I'm fine. That's all I want now.