another topic
I watched "little miss sunshine" last night. It was just as i expected it to be, but way shorter. It did have a really great moment, though that got me thinking. There is a moment when the uncle who tried to commit suicide and the angst infested teen with black hair bond on a pier outside of the pagent. The teen reveals how he would rather just skip high school, because it is hard... and his uncle points out that the only times in your life when you actually make progress and become more real is when we get through the hard times (especially high school). This sounds like a weird moment to actually gain inspiration from, but it was there. i instantly pictured the days in high school where I spent entire afternoons on the hammock drawing, writing, or reading SARK. I also remembered late nights at the coffee shop discussing why certain bands influenced each other and whether or not to worry about politics, classical music, guitar chord changes, Never relationships. There was too much else. Also laying in the middle of the street in the cal-de-sac where my parents lived and laughing at nothing, cups of coffee in the smoking section of the diner with a box of parliament lights, or when I was just alone in my basement with a relaxing CD playing as i painted my art project of the week, or the purple marble composition notebook that contained more instances of trial and error. That notebook still contains everything I believe I have ever learned worth while about life. It was written down even before I knew I had learned something. It was just writing. Now, I am sure this doesn't sound that impressive to those of you reading, and I'm not even worried about it. It is just how it is.
This, though, after all the background information I just gave you, explains what I haven't been able to figure out in the last few months. What is missing? I mean I truly felt as though I had regressed since those times of high school when I was in college. Now I realize that isn't so, at all. Of course I haven't lost any of the the things I have gained from those searches, but why hasn't anything that intense come in the last 5 years? Well it has, but I haven't opened my eyes to it. Also, it all ties back. OF COURSE. This isn't a hard time in my life. I have nothing to worry about. I mean I do, but on a different, less personal level. My personal life is great, the only thing I am working on is my career and just becoming an adult. The personal aspect is so set, so monotonous. I haven't really been single in about 3 years. I have had some conflict, but nothing I didn't know how to handle, just been to chicken to face the facts. I live in New York City and lack artistic inspiration. Something I have NEVER lacked before. So I practice and I go to work and I see friends, and that is that. Now, if only I could figure out how to invoke what I have repressed or suppressed, whichever it tends to be.
ah
This, though, after all the background information I just gave you, explains what I haven't been able to figure out in the last few months. What is missing? I mean I truly felt as though I had regressed since those times of high school when I was in college. Now I realize that isn't so, at all. Of course I haven't lost any of the the things I have gained from those searches, but why hasn't anything that intense come in the last 5 years? Well it has, but I haven't opened my eyes to it. Also, it all ties back. OF COURSE. This isn't a hard time in my life. I have nothing to worry about. I mean I do, but on a different, less personal level. My personal life is great, the only thing I am working on is my career and just becoming an adult. The personal aspect is so set, so monotonous. I haven't really been single in about 3 years. I have had some conflict, but nothing I didn't know how to handle, just been to chicken to face the facts. I live in New York City and lack artistic inspiration. Something I have NEVER lacked before. So I practice and I go to work and I see friends, and that is that. Now, if only I could figure out how to invoke what I have repressed or suppressed, whichever it tends to be.
ah