OMG ROLLING STONES LOL ARE MY LOL FAVORITE
Okay, like, so-like-the other day... like, THE COOLEST THING... like, HAPPENED!!!
It would be a morning like none other; I could tell from the moment I was awakened by the gentle chirping of birds outside my window. A ray of early-morning light rested upon my bedpost creeping down towards my shoulders. It was time to lift the slumber from my eyes and write a new chapter in my daily life. I then took a shower, as I always do; however, it was there that I encountered my first great decision of the day. Next to my usual shower gel, there were, not one, but two shampoo bottles. It would be understandable had they been two bottles of the same formula, but avast, they were not. One of these bottles, according to the label, was infused with an esther of rosemary, while the other one, which glistened a bright pink color, rose petals. In those meager hours of the morning, such decisions were not suitable for my subtly active mind. However, it was not long that I came to the conclusion that roses are for fags, and I was better off choosing the rosemary. And what a choice! I do recall reading that ancient Greeks would occasionally tuck a sprig of rosemary behind their ear to ward off evil spirts and boost memory. What luck!
On my way to school I noticed something. Gasp! I had forgotten my AP Chemistry folder! In an act of shock I jerked the steering wheel around and promptly crashed into two lanes of opposing traffic, causing a massive chain incident. Gosh dang! I stepped out of my vehicle to get a better look at what I had caused. I think I heard a pedestrian screaming something vague... like, "Oh my dear lord! My baby just crashed through my car window and slammed into another car, crushing his skull!" I believe that was it. Hm... I hope the baby is okay, yet still, why can't parents ever learn to put their infants in safety seats? Sometimes it takes reality to teach them. I then noticed a Burger King across the street. I love that restaurant! I decided I'd walk over and buy myself a breakfast item. Driving really takes the energy out of me. Upon entering, I immediately became overjoyed by the euphoric scents of the fast food restaurant. But when I got up to the counter to place my order, I realized that I was flat broke! Suddenly, my stomach growled. I thought for a while how I could earn a few bucks quickly. I then decided that I could probably walk a block down the street to the bank. It was a strenuous exercise, especially without my Segway, but the thought of sausage biscuits and miniature cinnamon rolls kept my feet moving.
When I finally arrived at the bank, I walked to the teller and said, "I need a few dollars, ma'm." She looked at me with this queer gesture, as if there was something else I needed to tell her. I figured it was just because she had Down's Syndrome, so I waited patiently for her to catch on. Of course, she didn't seem to, so I decided that I would be a little more assertive. Sometimes, you have to be with these people. After all, they wouldn't be working at a bank if God didn't hate them.
"Excuse me, m'am," I said. "I need about three dollars." I held up three fingers as I said these words, since retards can rarely count. She then began to say something, but I didn't quite catch on. I was busy watching over the negroes (That is what they call themselves today, is it not?) in the line next to me. You never can be too safe, as my grandpa used to say. But as I gazed back at my retarded friend, she said, in suprisingly good English, "Sir, if you don't have a bank account here, I can't help you, and you are holding up the line."
Well, at that point, I realized that this 'tard needed some good old fashion sense knocked into her flat head, so I left-hooked her in the jaw and said, "Listen you cock-sucking, pasty-faced, retarded homosexual bitch, I know my rights as an American, and you can't deny me service!" I think she screamed or something. I couldn't really tell since my attention was once again diverted to the minorties standing next to me. At this point, they seemed to have a threatening look on their faces. Uh oh! I knew this was my key to run away, but it seemed as if my previous conflict had stirred up mixed emotions among the various people in the bank. So I kicked everyone's ass and walked out. I didn't get far until I was stopped by a police officer.
"Well hello, officer! Why it sure is a lovely day, is it not? Caught any Mexicans, yet? Or do they start stealing things later in the day?" But he seemed to think I was under arrest. I was a little concerned when he binded my wrists with handcuffs, but I assumed it would all blow over when I got to the station. I'm sure he had mistaken me for a criminal. Why, I believe that happened to my dear friend Scott one evening. Oh my, what a humorous story that was.
But as I rode in the police car it happened. Stepping out of the Burger King I had just previously visited was none other than the legend himself, MICK JAGGER! I nearly jumped out of my seat! Wow! I never get to see such glamourous celebrities. What a spectacular day!
It would be a morning like none other; I could tell from the moment I was awakened by the gentle chirping of birds outside my window. A ray of early-morning light rested upon my bedpost creeping down towards my shoulders. It was time to lift the slumber from my eyes and write a new chapter in my daily life. I then took a shower, as I always do; however, it was there that I encountered my first great decision of the day. Next to my usual shower gel, there were, not one, but two shampoo bottles. It would be understandable had they been two bottles of the same formula, but avast, they were not. One of these bottles, according to the label, was infused with an esther of rosemary, while the other one, which glistened a bright pink color, rose petals. In those meager hours of the morning, such decisions were not suitable for my subtly active mind. However, it was not long that I came to the conclusion that roses are for fags, and I was better off choosing the rosemary. And what a choice! I do recall reading that ancient Greeks would occasionally tuck a sprig of rosemary behind their ear to ward off evil spirts and boost memory. What luck!
On my way to school I noticed something. Gasp! I had forgotten my AP Chemistry folder! In an act of shock I jerked the steering wheel around and promptly crashed into two lanes of opposing traffic, causing a massive chain incident. Gosh dang! I stepped out of my vehicle to get a better look at what I had caused. I think I heard a pedestrian screaming something vague... like, "Oh my dear lord! My baby just crashed through my car window and slammed into another car, crushing his skull!" I believe that was it. Hm... I hope the baby is okay, yet still, why can't parents ever learn to put their infants in safety seats? Sometimes it takes reality to teach them. I then noticed a Burger King across the street. I love that restaurant! I decided I'd walk over and buy myself a breakfast item. Driving really takes the energy out of me. Upon entering, I immediately became overjoyed by the euphoric scents of the fast food restaurant. But when I got up to the counter to place my order, I realized that I was flat broke! Suddenly, my stomach growled. I thought for a while how I could earn a few bucks quickly. I then decided that I could probably walk a block down the street to the bank. It was a strenuous exercise, especially without my Segway, but the thought of sausage biscuits and miniature cinnamon rolls kept my feet moving.
When I finally arrived at the bank, I walked to the teller and said, "I need a few dollars, ma'm." She looked at me with this queer gesture, as if there was something else I needed to tell her. I figured it was just because she had Down's Syndrome, so I waited patiently for her to catch on. Of course, she didn't seem to, so I decided that I would be a little more assertive. Sometimes, you have to be with these people. After all, they wouldn't be working at a bank if God didn't hate them.
"Excuse me, m'am," I said. "I need about three dollars." I held up three fingers as I said these words, since retards can rarely count. She then began to say something, but I didn't quite catch on. I was busy watching over the negroes (That is what they call themselves today, is it not?) in the line next to me. You never can be too safe, as my grandpa used to say. But as I gazed back at my retarded friend, she said, in suprisingly good English, "Sir, if you don't have a bank account here, I can't help you, and you are holding up the line."
Well, at that point, I realized that this 'tard needed some good old fashion sense knocked into her flat head, so I left-hooked her in the jaw and said, "Listen you cock-sucking, pasty-faced, retarded homosexual bitch, I know my rights as an American, and you can't deny me service!" I think she screamed or something. I couldn't really tell since my attention was once again diverted to the minorties standing next to me. At this point, they seemed to have a threatening look on their faces. Uh oh! I knew this was my key to run away, but it seemed as if my previous conflict had stirred up mixed emotions among the various people in the bank. So I kicked everyone's ass and walked out. I didn't get far until I was stopped by a police officer.
"Well hello, officer! Why it sure is a lovely day, is it not? Caught any Mexicans, yet? Or do they start stealing things later in the day?" But he seemed to think I was under arrest. I was a little concerned when he binded my wrists with handcuffs, but I assumed it would all blow over when I got to the station. I'm sure he had mistaken me for a criminal. Why, I believe that happened to my dear friend Scott one evening. Oh my, what a humorous story that was.
But as I rode in the police car it happened. Stepping out of the Burger King I had just previously visited was none other than the legend himself, MICK JAGGER! I nearly jumped out of my seat! Wow! I never get to see such glamourous celebrities. What a spectacular day!