exhaustion
i am so sick of trying to make things go smoothly between us. you never listen to me when i try to tell you that you will always be a part of his life, no matter what, unless you choose not to. you tell me that i am just taking your son away. you tell me you don't think you can move and therefor you expect me to stay here for you. i can't. you know why and i'm not going to go into it yet again. i am tired of having to repeat myself a thousand times and still not be heard by you. i am so stressed out that i cannot sleep at night. i have trouble thinking about anything but the most recent fight we had, which always seems to be a rerun of every other fight we've ever had. i am tense and i feel nauseous a great deal of the time. you have no idea what you do to me. and that's not meant in a good way. i am disoriented and scatterbrained all the time because of the stress, and i'm starting to dread talking to you about anything. i don't want that. i wish we could just get along without you hating me and being angry at me for everything that ever went wrong in your life. i know it sucks and it hurts you a lot that your grandfather just died, but that doesn't give you the right to call me and yell at me, belittle me for four hours. i won't deal with that anymore. if you have something you would like to say to me about anything, you should be able to tell me in a calm, respectful manner, not cursing and angry and hateful. i have done nothing to hurt you, i have done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment. i have to draw the line somewhere, and i think i should have done it months ago. i'm doing it now. next time you yell at me will be the last time you speak to me.