Recap of BSG ep. 3x10/The Passage
It wouldn't be Battlestar Galactica if we didn't have at least one wrist-slitting-ly depressing episode once in a while. Hopefully some snark will lessen the sting. :-)
Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Stim junkie Kat took one too many pills & wigged out on the hanger deck in front of the crew (and everyone else who watched sekrit Cylon D'anna's exposé.) After kicking her habit, Kat then decided to point out the evils of Starbuck's drinking problem; this led to several tense standoffs filled with punching and hot pseudo-lesbian angst. Of course, no one's alcohol addiction compares to that of Saul Tigh, who is still reluctant to rejoin the inmates of the CIC despite Adama's urging. Meanwhile, Gaius' urgings have led him into a ménage à trois with Caprica & D'anna, while he continues to inquire about the Final Five Cylon models. Hoping the afterlife will provide answers about the Final Five, D'anna takes a more direct approach by repeatedly killing herself.
Laura (via the comm): Bill, is it true that the Fleet's entire food supply has been mysteriously tainted by something that makes it all useless?
Adama: Yes...and that's all the explanation we'll ever give on this important plot point. You should also know that some time while our supplies were spoiling we also managed to locate an algae-laden planet. Lucky for us we can process this stuff for food; how convenient is that? Sharon checked it out earlier; she's on her way back right now.
Laura (via the comm): But if Planet Pond Scum is only accessible through a highly radioactive corridor, how did we manage to locate it in the first place? And won't anything Sharon brings back on the Raptor be radioactive? And aren't Cylons, you know, allergic to radioactivity or something? I seem to recall Leoben melting back on Ragnar Anchorage...
Adama: Stop sweating the plot details and storyline continuity here, Madame President. The only things we need to know right now are Food:Spoiled, Fleet:Starving, Algae:Good, Radioactivity:Bad, okay?
Cottle: Yeah, and you can add Humanity:Dead in a week if we don't start pumping out the kelp cookies ASAP.
Sharon (on a Raptor): *about to toss her cookies from radiation sickness*
RadiationIndicatorPatch: *turns black, thereby foreshadowing how depressing this episode will be*
Starbuck/Apollo/HotDog/Racetrack/Pilots: *pool their remaining food on the table*
Kat: Sorry guys, I don't have any food to share. I gave my last protein bar to Cottle.
Starbuck: Yeah, sure - right after I gave him head. Ante up with the food, bitch!
Apollo: Alright, knock it off people! The lack of food is making us crazy, so everyone just shut up and eat. Do it quickly too, before Starbuck starts talking about giving blowjobs to Cottle again and we lose our appetites.
TheLostRoomCommercial: *makes one of its many appearances, because hyping it only once an hour is too subtle for the SciFi marketing dept.*
MoonlightSonataOfDoom: *provides just enough atmospheric ennui for life on board a basestar*
Gaius: Leaving so soon, D'anna? Don't you want to stick around in bed with me & Caprica?
D'anna: Thanks, but I'll pass. I'll let you guys play John & Yoko by yourselves for a while, because I have things to do. Besides, I'd secretly rather kill myself than spend any more time with you - but don't take it personally. *leaves*
Gaius: What's so pressing that she has to take off? The sex isn't that bad. What does she do when she's not with us?
Caprica: She's been doing things lately.
Gaius: What things?
Caprica: You know...things.
Gaius: Do Cylons practice being vague or does it come naturally?
Sharon: *looks sickly while being decontaminated* Yep, Planet Pond Scum is right where we thought it would be; just thought you'd all like to know that before I puke all over the flight deck...
Helo: *looks at Sharon's black radiation patch* You should get checked out by a doctor.
Lee: Nah, she'll be fine; those things are indestructible. Who cares what happens to a Cylon?
Sharon/Helo: Thanks, Major; you're quite the Human Goodwill Ambassador, aren't you?
Sharon/Gaeta/Lee/Helo/Adama/Laura: *discuss various options for getting food from the planet*
Lee: All these ideas suck. There's no way to bring food back to the people.
Laura: How about if we bring the people to the food?
Sharon: The radiation would fry everyone on the civilian ships, and the light within the passage is so blinding the ships would drift.
Adama: Military ships have stronger hull plating, so we'll evacuate as many civilians as we can on board the Galactica. We'll leave a skeleton crew onboard the civilian ships and pair them off with Raptors. Each Raptor can relay the jump coordinates in transit.
Laura: Great idea...but what about those people flying the civilian ships? Won't they get a fatal dose of radiation in the passage?
Adama: Near-fatal, Laura. Not to worry though - they'll live long enough to provide plenty of angst-ridden story lines for future episodes.
Lee: Okay, we figure it'll take five round trips in a Raptor to get all the civilian ships to safety. Each pilot will be given a radiation indicator patch to let you know just how bright a future you can expect to have after flying these missions. When the patch turns black, your goose is cooked - literally. Oh, and everyone will be given stims to combat fatigue.
Kat: Sir, I have enough combat fatigue as it is - and I'm not taking any stims! They increase your metabolism, and we're already running on empty.
Lee: Okay fine: stims are optional. In any event, it won't matter; the radiation will make us lose our appetites. And our hair. And our ability to have kids. And our-
Helo: Thank you sir; you're just a ray of frakkin' sunshine today, aren't you?
Dualla (to refugees): Alright losers, listen up! There is no food here on this ship; if someone told you there was food, that person was a lying scumbag. See these cots? That's the best you'll get while you're here, and you're lucky we're giving you that! Anyone who wanders off from the hanger deck will be hunted down like the dog they are. Trespassers will be shot; survivors will be shot again. Keep your seat belts fastened and your trays in their locked, upright positions at all times. Oh, and thank you for flying on board Galactica; have a nice day.
Enzo: *calls after Kat* Sasha! Sasha! SAAASHAAA!!!!
Kat: Dude - ixnay on the Ashasay, alright? That's not my name now, even though I'm answering you like it totally still is. Stay away from me!
Enzo: Okay fine, I won't yell out your real name anymore. You won't mind if I still hang around and act suspicious & creepy though, right?
Gaius: So D'anna, there you are! Caprica mentioned that you've been doing things lately.
D'anna: Damn her! I told her not to be so specific.
Gaius: Have you been killing yourself over and over? Because it looks like you have some leftover resurrection goo in your hair.
D'anna: It's not resurrection goo - it's just really, really long-lasting hair product with that new car/fresh-off-the-assembly-line scent. I swear!
Gaius: *not buying it*
D'anna: Frak.
Enzo: I've been looking for you everywhere, baby; gimme a kiss...and some food, if you have any. I'm sure they feed you guys on this ship, right?
Kat: No they don't. I told you to stay away from me; if they find out who I really am, I'll be kicked out of the military.
Enzo: I wouldn't rat you out; you're my meal ticket, baby. Now how's about some lovin'?
Kat: Dude, what part of 'stay the frak away from me' do you NOT understand? 'Baby' me one more time and you'll be peeing from a catheter.
Tigh: *gingerly steps into the CIC*
GalacticaCrew: *applauds his return* WOOHOO! Welcome back, Colonel!
Gaeta: *so not applauding*
Tigh: Yeah, yeah - whatever, you maggots! Everyone back to work! Gods, I've never seen a more pathetic group of slackers in my life - oxygen thieves, every last one of you! This is the poorest excuse for a crew in the history of worthless crews!
Adama: Ahhh, the sweet siren song of my XO; how I've missed it...
Apollo (to Raptor pilots): Okay, does everyone have their assigned ship in range? Good. Now remember, it's going to be a bumpy ride with zero visibility. Everyone jump on my mark; ready? JUMP!
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *make the FTL jump*
Apollo: OMG! It's a bumpy ride and I can't see a thing! OMFG!
Adama: No shit, Sherlock. Quick; everyone transmit the jump coordinates to the civilian ships and let's get out of here!
Apollo: I did mine!
Starbuck: I did mine!
Kat: I did mine!
Helo: I did mine!
HotDog: *frantically searching* FRAK! I can't find the Adriatic! We can't leave without the Adriatic! FRAK!
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *begin to disintegrate in disturbingly cool CGI fashion*
Adama: We can't stay any longer; everyone jump NOW!
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *make the FTL jump*
HotDog: *still frantic* FRAAAK!!!!!! *finally makes the jump*
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *in orbit near Planet Pond Scum, minus the Adriatic*
Tigh: Holy crap, we lost an entire ship and this is only the first jump.
Adama: No kidding; this has 'bad day' written all over it...
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *make the FTL jump for outbound trip #4*
Kat: *frantic* I can't find the Karina! FRAK!!!
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *make the FTL jump*
Kat: *stays a few beats too long, trying to find the Karina* FRAAAK!!!!!! *finally makes the jump*
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *in orbit near Planet Pond Scum, minus the Adriatic and the Karina*
Kat: *notices her radiation indicator patch is now completely black*
Kat: And here I thought my day couldn't get any worse.
Lee (on the Hanger Deck): *tries not to be sick* In an attempt to be a more effective and less emo leader, I just want to remind everyone to do a better job of tracking your civilian ships. So c'mon people - let's think positive! Who's with me?
RandomPilots: *overcome with radiation sickness*
Helo: *throws down gloves in frustration*
Racetrack/Starbuck: *look like death warmed over*
HotDog: *pukes his guts out*
Lee: Terrific; can't anyone here find the bright side to this mission?
Kat: With so much ambient radiation, sir, every side of this mission is the bright side.
Tigh: Reports are coming in, Bill, and they don't look good. Our Marines are too weak to work, so they can't stop the civilians from rioting...or eating anything that isn't nailed down.
Adama: I hear people are eating paper now; is that true?
Tigh: Well, they were eating paper until we ran out.
Adama/Tigh: *laugh hysterically from the stress*
Adama: We seem to be well and truly frakked, my friend. But as long as no one in the Fleet goes all Donner party on us, we'll probably be okay. So Saul, about those reports...
Tigh: Yeah; what about them?
Adama: .
Adama: . .
Adama: . . .
Adama: You gonna eat those or what?
Gaius: How's the whole secret suicide thing working out for you, D'anna? Have you been able to get a good look at the Final Five yet?
D'anna: Not yet. Ever get the feeling that light at the end of the tunnel is just an oncoming train? It's so frustrating. I even tried drawing what I saw, but that's pointless too; they don't make crayons in 'afterlife' colors.
Gaius: Well next time you kill yourself, try to see if I'm one of the Final Five Cylons. Basically, I need to know how much self-loathing & guilt I should feel over my past actions toward the human race.
D'anna: You could always test that theory yourself by committing suicide; you might resurrect & answer your own question.
Gaius: I don't think so; it's so much more comforting knowing you'll be the one blowing your brains out instead.
Starbuck: I just spoke with Enzo; now I know all about your dirty little secret as a former drug runner! Did you smuggle people in and out of the colonies too? Maybe you smuggled in Cylon spies! Maybe you're a collaborator! How do you know you didn't help the Cylons destroy the human race? Huh? HUH?! ANSWER ME!!
Kat: *cries* I was just a lowly trucker! I never meant no harm to no one! I'm not a traitor! *cries more*
Starbuck: Oh, I know that - I'm just messing with you because I enjoy it. Actually, I think you're a bright young woman.
Kat: Bright as in very smart?
Starbuck: No, bright as in very radioactive.
D'anna/Gaius: *pay a visit to the Hybrid*
Gaius: I wonder what would happen if someone stuck their hand in the Hybrid's tub...
D'anna: Are you insane? Don't touch it!
Gaius: *naturally does it anyway*
Hybrid: *stops babbling and grabs Gaius' hand* Find the hand that lies in the shadow of the night, in the eye of the husband in the eye of the cow.
D'anna: Whoa! The Hybrid is crazy; I can never understand what she's saying.
Gaius: Actually, she's telling us there's a planet hidden in a star cluster that has the Eye of Jupiter - and baby Hera & the Final Five Cylons have something to do with it.
D'anna: Wha-huh? You got all of that from one cryptic sentence?
Gaius: Of course; if there's anyone who understands crazy, it's me.
Kat: *looks in a mirror*
Kat: *watches her hair fall out while looking ghastly*
Kat: *secretly replaces her completely black patch with Helo's completely white one - I swear, that boy must be immune to radiation!*
Kat: *gets ready to make a heroic exit from the series*
BSGaudience: *finds the nearest box of Kleenex*
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *make the last FTL jump through the passage*
Pilots: *transmit their coordinates to the civilian ships*
Kat: *frantically trying to find the Faru Sadin before her Raptor disintegrates* FRAK! I won't lose another one!
GalacticaCrew: *anxiously watches for DRADIS contact with Kat and the Faru Sadin*
GalacticaCrew: *waits*
GalacticaCrew: *waits some more*
Kat: *finally reappears with her civilian ship* Mission accomplished. Permission to die now, sir?
Adama: Negative; we still have another fifteen more minutes in the episode.
Kat: *returns to Galactica and exits her Raptor with a big thumbs up*
GalacticaCrew: *cheers*
Kat: *drops to the hanger deck with a THUD!*
BearMcCreary'sMusic: *becomes appropriately heroic and tragic at the same time*
BSGaudience: *has Kleenex at the ready*
Kat: *dying in sickbay*
Starbuck: Look, I know we've always sorta hated each other, but I just wanted to lend my support now that you're dying. So here's a bottle of sleeping pills, just in case you want to check out early. It may not look like much of a gift, but you have no idea what I had to do to Cottle in order to get these. So, um, take 'em if you want.
Kat: Eww...but thanks anyway, Starbuck.
Adama: I just stopped by to promote you to CAG; congratulations.
Kat: Um, sir? I am sort of dying here right now, you know...
Adama: I know; consider it a pre-posthumous promotion. Don't bother with a deathbed confession; nothing you say will change my mind. You've been like a daughter to me.
Kat: Really sir? Did you want a daughter?
Adama: You have no idea how badly Carolanne & I wanted a girl. We even tried dressing Lee up as a ballerina when he was a boy, but the other kids just beat him up. He still likes wearing the tiara once in a while though, so I guess it's not a total loss.
Adama: *puts Kat's nametag under 'CAG' on the MagneticRosterboardOfDeath*
Starbuck: *puts Kat's picture on the Vietnam 9/11 Memorial Wall*
Lee: *walks up behind Starbuck...wearing a tiara*
Many, many thanks for all the wonderful comments - gods bless you, every one! /Tiny Tim
Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Stim junkie Kat took one too many pills & wigged out on the hanger deck in front of the crew (and everyone else who watched sekrit Cylon D'anna's exposé.) After kicking her habit, Kat then decided to point out the evils of Starbuck's drinking problem; this led to several tense standoffs filled with punching and hot pseudo-lesbian angst. Of course, no one's alcohol addiction compares to that of Saul Tigh, who is still reluctant to rejoin the inmates of the CIC despite Adama's urging. Meanwhile, Gaius' urgings have led him into a ménage à trois with Caprica & D'anna, while he continues to inquire about the Final Five Cylon models. Hoping the afterlife will provide answers about the Final Five, D'anna takes a more direct approach by repeatedly killing herself.
Laura (via the comm): Bill, is it true that the Fleet's entire food supply has been mysteriously tainted by something that makes it all useless?
Adama: Yes...and that's all the explanation we'll ever give on this important plot point. You should also know that some time while our supplies were spoiling we also managed to locate an algae-laden planet. Lucky for us we can process this stuff for food; how convenient is that? Sharon checked it out earlier; she's on her way back right now.
Laura (via the comm): But if Planet Pond Scum is only accessible through a highly radioactive corridor, how did we manage to locate it in the first place? And won't anything Sharon brings back on the Raptor be radioactive? And aren't Cylons, you know, allergic to radioactivity or something? I seem to recall Leoben melting back on Ragnar Anchorage...
Adama: Stop sweating the plot details and storyline continuity here, Madame President. The only things we need to know right now are Food:Spoiled, Fleet:Starving, Algae:Good, Radioactivity:Bad, okay?
Cottle: Yeah, and you can add Humanity:Dead in a week if we don't start pumping out the kelp cookies ASAP.
Sharon (on a Raptor): *about to toss her cookies from radiation sickness*
RadiationIndicatorPatch: *turns black, thereby foreshadowing how depressing this episode will be*
Starbuck/Apollo/HotDog/Racetrack/Pilots: *pool their remaining food on the table*
Kat: Sorry guys, I don't have any food to share. I gave my last protein bar to Cottle.
Starbuck: Yeah, sure - right after I gave him head. Ante up with the food, bitch!
Apollo: Alright, knock it off people! The lack of food is making us crazy, so everyone just shut up and eat. Do it quickly too, before Starbuck starts talking about giving blowjobs to Cottle again and we lose our appetites.
TheLostRoomCommercial: *makes one of its many appearances, because hyping it only once an hour is too subtle for the SciFi marketing dept.*
MoonlightSonataOfDoom: *provides just enough atmospheric ennui for life on board a basestar*
Gaius: Leaving so soon, D'anna? Don't you want to stick around in bed with me & Caprica?
D'anna: Thanks, but I'll pass. I'll let you guys play John & Yoko by yourselves for a while, because I have things to do. Besides, I'd secretly rather kill myself than spend any more time with you - but don't take it personally. *leaves*
Gaius: What's so pressing that she has to take off? The sex isn't that bad. What does she do when she's not with us?
Caprica: She's been doing things lately.
Gaius: What things?
Caprica: You know...things.
Gaius: Do Cylons practice being vague or does it come naturally?
Sharon: *looks sickly while being decontaminated* Yep, Planet Pond Scum is right where we thought it would be; just thought you'd all like to know that before I puke all over the flight deck...
Helo: *looks at Sharon's black radiation patch* You should get checked out by a doctor.
Lee: Nah, she'll be fine; those things are indestructible. Who cares what happens to a Cylon?
Sharon/Helo: Thanks, Major; you're quite the Human Goodwill Ambassador, aren't you?
Sharon/Gaeta/Lee/Helo/Adama/Laura: *discuss various options for getting food from the planet*
Lee: All these ideas suck. There's no way to bring food back to the people.
Laura: How about if we bring the people to the food?
Sharon: The radiation would fry everyone on the civilian ships, and the light within the passage is so blinding the ships would drift.
Adama: Military ships have stronger hull plating, so we'll evacuate as many civilians as we can on board the Galactica. We'll leave a skeleton crew onboard the civilian ships and pair them off with Raptors. Each Raptor can relay the jump coordinates in transit.
Laura: Great idea...but what about those people flying the civilian ships? Won't they get a fatal dose of radiation in the passage?
Adama: Near-fatal, Laura. Not to worry though - they'll live long enough to provide plenty of angst-ridden story lines for future episodes.
Lee: Okay, we figure it'll take five round trips in a Raptor to get all the civilian ships to safety. Each pilot will be given a radiation indicator patch to let you know just how bright a future you can expect to have after flying these missions. When the patch turns black, your goose is cooked - literally. Oh, and everyone will be given stims to combat fatigue.
Kat: Sir, I have enough combat fatigue as it is - and I'm not taking any stims! They increase your metabolism, and we're already running on empty.
Lee: Okay fine: stims are optional. In any event, it won't matter; the radiation will make us lose our appetites. And our hair. And our ability to have kids. And our-
Helo: Thank you sir; you're just a ray of frakkin' sunshine today, aren't you?
Dualla (to refugees): Alright losers, listen up! There is no food here on this ship; if someone told you there was food, that person was a lying scumbag. See these cots? That's the best you'll get while you're here, and you're lucky we're giving you that! Anyone who wanders off from the hanger deck will be hunted down like the dog they are. Trespassers will be shot; survivors will be shot again. Keep your seat belts fastened and your trays in their locked, upright positions at all times. Oh, and thank you for flying on board Galactica; have a nice day.
Enzo: *calls after Kat* Sasha! Sasha! SAAASHAAA!!!!
Kat: Dude - ixnay on the Ashasay, alright? That's not my name now, even though I'm answering you like it totally still is. Stay away from me!
Enzo: Okay fine, I won't yell out your real name anymore. You won't mind if I still hang around and act suspicious & creepy though, right?
Gaius: So D'anna, there you are! Caprica mentioned that you've been doing things lately.
D'anna: Damn her! I told her not to be so specific.
Gaius: Have you been killing yourself over and over? Because it looks like you have some leftover resurrection goo in your hair.
D'anna: It's not resurrection goo - it's just really, really long-lasting hair product with that new car/fresh-off-the-assembly-line scent. I swear!
Gaius: *not buying it*
D'anna: Frak.
Enzo: I've been looking for you everywhere, baby; gimme a kiss...and some food, if you have any. I'm sure they feed you guys on this ship, right?
Kat: No they don't. I told you to stay away from me; if they find out who I really am, I'll be kicked out of the military.
Enzo: I wouldn't rat you out; you're my meal ticket, baby. Now how's about some lovin'?
Kat: Dude, what part of 'stay the frak away from me' do you NOT understand? 'Baby' me one more time and you'll be peeing from a catheter.
Tigh: *gingerly steps into the CIC*
GalacticaCrew: *applauds his return* WOOHOO! Welcome back, Colonel!
Gaeta: *so not applauding*
Tigh: Yeah, yeah - whatever, you maggots! Everyone back to work! Gods, I've never seen a more pathetic group of slackers in my life - oxygen thieves, every last one of you! This is the poorest excuse for a crew in the history of worthless crews!
Adama: Ahhh, the sweet siren song of my XO; how I've missed it...
Apollo (to Raptor pilots): Okay, does everyone have their assigned ship in range? Good. Now remember, it's going to be a bumpy ride with zero visibility. Everyone jump on my mark; ready? JUMP!
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *make the FTL jump*
Apollo: OMG! It's a bumpy ride and I can't see a thing! OMFG!
Adama: No shit, Sherlock. Quick; everyone transmit the jump coordinates to the civilian ships and let's get out of here!
Apollo: I did mine!
Starbuck: I did mine!
Kat: I did mine!
Helo: I did mine!
HotDog: *frantically searching* FRAK! I can't find the Adriatic! We can't leave without the Adriatic! FRAK!
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *begin to disintegrate in disturbingly cool CGI fashion*
Adama: We can't stay any longer; everyone jump NOW!
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *make the FTL jump*
HotDog: *still frantic* FRAAAK!!!!!! *finally makes the jump*
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *in orbit near Planet Pond Scum, minus the Adriatic*
Tigh: Holy crap, we lost an entire ship and this is only the first jump.
Adama: No kidding; this has 'bad day' written all over it...
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *make the FTL jump for outbound trip #4*
Kat: *frantic* I can't find the Karina! FRAK!!!
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *make the FTL jump*
Kat: *stays a few beats too long, trying to find the Karina* FRAAAK!!!!!! *finally makes the jump*
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *in orbit near Planet Pond Scum, minus the Adriatic and the Karina*
Kat: *notices her radiation indicator patch is now completely black*
Kat: And here I thought my day couldn't get any worse.
Lee (on the Hanger Deck): *tries not to be sick* In an attempt to be a more effective and less emo leader, I just want to remind everyone to do a better job of tracking your civilian ships. So c'mon people - let's think positive! Who's with me?
RandomPilots: *overcome with radiation sickness*
Helo: *throws down gloves in frustration*
Racetrack/Starbuck: *look like death warmed over*
HotDog: *pukes his guts out*
Lee: Terrific; can't anyone here find the bright side to this mission?
Kat: With so much ambient radiation, sir, every side of this mission is the bright side.
Tigh: Reports are coming in, Bill, and they don't look good. Our Marines are too weak to work, so they can't stop the civilians from rioting...or eating anything that isn't nailed down.
Adama: I hear people are eating paper now; is that true?
Tigh: Well, they were eating paper until we ran out.
Adama/Tigh: *laugh hysterically from the stress*
Adama: We seem to be well and truly frakked, my friend. But as long as no one in the Fleet goes all Donner party on us, we'll probably be okay. So Saul, about those reports...
Tigh: Yeah; what about them?
Adama: .
Adama: . .
Adama: . . .
Adama: You gonna eat those or what?
Gaius: How's the whole secret suicide thing working out for you, D'anna? Have you been able to get a good look at the Final Five yet?
D'anna: Not yet. Ever get the feeling that light at the end of the tunnel is just an oncoming train? It's so frustrating. I even tried drawing what I saw, but that's pointless too; they don't make crayons in 'afterlife' colors.
Gaius: Well next time you kill yourself, try to see if I'm one of the Final Five Cylons. Basically, I need to know how much self-loathing & guilt I should feel over my past actions toward the human race.
D'anna: You could always test that theory yourself by committing suicide; you might resurrect & answer your own question.
Gaius: I don't think so; it's so much more comforting knowing you'll be the one blowing your brains out instead.
Starbuck: I just spoke with Enzo; now I know all about your dirty little secret as a former drug runner! Did you smuggle people in and out of the colonies too? Maybe you smuggled in Cylon spies! Maybe you're a collaborator! How do you know you didn't help the Cylons destroy the human race? Huh? HUH?! ANSWER ME!!
Kat: *cries* I was just a lowly trucker! I never meant no harm to no one! I'm not a traitor! *cries more*
Starbuck: Oh, I know that - I'm just messing with you because I enjoy it. Actually, I think you're a bright young woman.
Kat: Bright as in very smart?
Starbuck: No, bright as in very radioactive.
D'anna/Gaius: *pay a visit to the Hybrid*
Gaius: I wonder what would happen if someone stuck their hand in the Hybrid's tub...
D'anna: Are you insane? Don't touch it!
Gaius: *naturally does it anyway*
Hybrid: *stops babbling and grabs Gaius' hand* Find the hand that lies in the shadow of the night, in the eye of the husband in the eye of the cow.
D'anna: Whoa! The Hybrid is crazy; I can never understand what she's saying.
Gaius: Actually, she's telling us there's a planet hidden in a star cluster that has the Eye of Jupiter - and baby Hera & the Final Five Cylons have something to do with it.
D'anna: Wha-huh? You got all of that from one cryptic sentence?
Gaius: Of course; if there's anyone who understands crazy, it's me.
Kat: *looks in a mirror*
Kat: *watches her hair fall out while looking ghastly*
Kat: *secretly replaces her completely black patch with Helo's completely white one - I swear, that boy must be immune to radiation!*
Kat: *gets ready to make a heroic exit from the series*
BSGaudience: *finds the nearest box of Kleenex*
Galactica/Raptors/CivilianShips: *make the last FTL jump through the passage*
Pilots: *transmit their coordinates to the civilian ships*
Kat: *frantically trying to find the Faru Sadin before her Raptor disintegrates* FRAK! I won't lose another one!
GalacticaCrew: *anxiously watches for DRADIS contact with Kat and the Faru Sadin*
GalacticaCrew: *waits*
GalacticaCrew: *waits some more*
Kat: *finally reappears with her civilian ship* Mission accomplished. Permission to die now, sir?
Adama: Negative; we still have another fifteen more minutes in the episode.
Kat: *returns to Galactica and exits her Raptor with a big thumbs up*
GalacticaCrew: *cheers*
Kat: *drops to the hanger deck with a THUD!*
BearMcCreary'sMusic: *becomes appropriately heroic and tragic at the same time*
BSGaudience: *has Kleenex at the ready*
Kat: *dying in sickbay*
Starbuck: Look, I know we've always sorta hated each other, but I just wanted to lend my support now that you're dying. So here's a bottle of sleeping pills, just in case you want to check out early. It may not look like much of a gift, but you have no idea what I had to do to Cottle in order to get these. So, um, take 'em if you want.
Kat: Eww...but thanks anyway, Starbuck.
Adama: I just stopped by to promote you to CAG; congratulations.
Kat: Um, sir? I am sort of dying here right now, you know...
Adama: I know; consider it a pre-posthumous promotion. Don't bother with a deathbed confession; nothing you say will change my mind. You've been like a daughter to me.
Kat: Really sir? Did you want a daughter?
Adama: You have no idea how badly Carolanne & I wanted a girl. We even tried dressing Lee up as a ballerina when he was a boy, but the other kids just beat him up. He still likes wearing the tiara once in a while though, so I guess it's not a total loss.
Adama: *puts Kat's nametag under 'CAG' on the MagneticRosterboardOfDeath*
Starbuck: *puts Kat's picture on the Vietnam 9/11 Memorial Wall*
Lee: *walks up behind Starbuck...wearing a tiara*
Many, many thanks for all the wonderful comments - gods bless you, every one! /Tiny Tim