Five minute recap of BSG ep. 3x08/Hero
My apologies for not getting this out sooner; it seems the entire universe decided to conspire against me this week. Lousy gorram 'verse!
In the beginning...
There was The Plan.
The Plan was void and without form, and darkness was over the face of the writers.
And Ron said, "Let there be continuity errors," and there were continuity errors.
And the audience saw the continuity errors were not good...
...but since the episode was all about Bill Adama, the audience didn't mind too much.
Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Ignoring everything that happened last episode, we take a walk down memory lane instead and revisit the miniseries. Adama reminds us of his foreboding, guilt-ridden speech right before the genocide; Armistice Station reminds us that it's still blown up, and Caprica reminds us that it's still a nuclear wasteland - all thanks to the Cylons. Fast-forward to Tigh, who reminds us that he is still sans one eye and broken up with Adama.
Daniel "Bulldog" Novacek: *escaping in a Raider while looking crazed & covered in Raider goo*
Bulldog'sTelltaleHeart: *beats wildly*
Tory/Laura: *spring cleaning aboard Colonial One*
Tory: *finds portrait painting of Gaius*
Tory: Is there anywhere in the universe deserving of such a masterpiece?
Laura: I was thinking put it in the bathroom right over the toilet...seems appropriate for such a shit-for-brains president. Maybe make a dartboard out of it too; it'll give the people something to smile about for a change.
Tory: Speaking of people who need to smile more often, Adama will be celebrating his forty-fifth anniversary of military service in a few days. It says so right here in this very important-looking dossier you were about to trash.
Laura: I think we should have a ceremony in which I give the Admiral a medal for all his hard work; it'll be a great morale booster for the fleet. Besides, I finally scored some sexy new clothes this season & need an excuse to show them off...
Galactica: *suddenly becomes very alarmed & klaxon-y*
Helo: Sir, we just picked up something very interesting on DRADIS.
Adama: Define 'interesting'.
Helo: Well, not interesting in our usual 'oh-gods-oh-gods-we're-all-gonna-die' kind of way, but still pretty weird. It appears two Cylon Raiders are hunting down a third.
Adama: What the hell?
Helo: My thoughts exactly, sir. Not to worry though: Kat and Starbuck are on their way to intercept.
Adama: Good idea; let's send the two craziest, most trigger-happy pilots we have to diffuse a tense situation.
Kat/Starbuck: *in pursuit*
Kat/Starbuck: *shoot down two out of three Raiders*
Kat: Hey Starbuck, why do you think those two Raiders would bother chasing one of their own kind? It seems to be running away from them in a hurry.
Starbuck: Don't know, don't care - and neither should you. It's like how this episode is so much more enjoyable when you don't bother chasing after the running continuity gaps.
Kat: Copy that!
Bulldog (via the comm): Krypter, krypter, krypter! This is Bulldog! I'm wounded!
Helo/Gaeta/Dualla: Wha-huh?!
Starbuck (via the comm): Did that Raider just start talking? Last time I checked, those things were dumb animals. Why is this one calling itself a bulldog?
Adama: *is perturbed* Order the Vipers to hold their fire, immediately.
Gaeta: Uh, sir? If you're interested in getting a dog, it's usually a good idea to start out with a smaller, domestic breed. I hear Jake is free to a good home...
Adama: Just have the Raider escorted in to the hanger deck, okay? And send in the Marines - armed with the biggest pooper-scooper they can find.
Non-HouseBroken!Raider: *piddles on the hanger deck*
Chief: I am not cleaning that up...
Bulldog: *drops out of the Raider in a huge slippery pile of goo*
Chief: All right, I am definitely not cleaning that up!
Bulldog: *looks around confused then salutes Adama* Auntie Em? Uncle Henry? Is it really you?
Adama: *salutes Bulldog* Welcome home, Dorothy.
SurvivorCount: *is now 41,421...and the only thing to suffer any consequences from last week's episode*
Cinematography: *becomes extra grainy and flashback-y*
Flashback!Corman: The Admiralty has selected you to command a black ops mission to spy on the Cylons. You understand, Commander, that if things go horribly wrong - and they will - the military will send you up shit creek without a paddle. Oh, and now that we've had this conversation, you know too much about the mission to back out of it. Any last requests?
Flashback!Adama: I want to choose who gets to fly the stealth ship, because I need my men.
Flashback!Corman: Which men would that be - from the Galactica or the Valkyrie? I can't remember which ship you command right now, because timeline continuity is as shaky as the camera work in this scene...
Cottle: Well Bulldog, I have good news and bad news. The good news is your DNA matches your military records and you appear to be human. The bad news? I'm using Baltar's questionable Cylon detector to verify everything, which - when you think about it - makes the good news kinda meaningless.
Bulldog: *stares ahead and says nothing*
Cottle: Hey, what do you want? I'm a doctor - not a software engineer.
Adama (on the phone with Roslin): Honey? I'm gonna be late for dinner again tonight...yeah, yeah, working hard, you know how it is...oh, the new guy? He's one of my pilots...captured three years ago...from the Valkyrie...yeah, the timeline doesn't make sense to me either...you want to meet him? Hmm, I guess I can arrange it...no, it's not a problem; why do you ask?...What do you mean "your voice sounds suspicious"? It does not...nuh uh!...look, can we talk about this later please? I gotta go...oh, and Laura? What are you wearing right now?...
Bulldog: *scarfing down the AdamaRamen®*
Adama: So how did you do it, Danny? How the hell did you escape off a Cylon baseship?
Bulldog: Well sir, it's like this. The accommodations were lousy, the TV reception was terrible, the maid staff always skimped on the extra towels...and don't get me started on the overpriced in-room minibar. I mean, twelve cubits for a package of Skittles and a Coke? C'MON! I finally got fed up with Motel 6 quality at Ritz Carlton prices, so I bailed.
Adama: Glad to see the Cylons haven't beaten the [bleep] attitude out of you.
Bulldog: Uh, Bill? Did the network just censor out the word "bullshit"?
Adama: Yeah. We've got naked nymphomaniac robots running around, people blowing themselves up and we say the fake f-word five times an episode...but uttering "bullshit" is too much for the network's delicate sensibilities. Go figure.
Bulldog: Then I'm surprised they showed my questionable flashback scene where I beat the snot out of a female Cylon. Then again, she was already half-dead from some Cylon virus.
Adama: So the virus is spreading anyway? Dammit, I wasted all that good angst in the last episode for nothing.
Laura: So let me see if I've got this straight, Lieutenant. You were Adama's recon pilot on a super secret black ops mission three years ago. Somehow, you were shot down and subsequently captured by the Cylons.
Bulldog: *looks nervously at Adama* Uh...yes, ma'am.
Adama: *looks nervously at Bulldog* Yes, but it was those outlaw Taurons who shot him down. Oh, and I didn't know Bulldog ejected; I just assumed my best pilot (and close friend) was dead without bothering to look for him, because everyone knows that's how I roll.
Tory: Wow, what an unbelievable story!
Laura: *looks pointedly at Adama* Yes...very. Would you two excuse us for a moment?
Tory/Bulldog: *leave Adama's quarters*
Laura: So Bill, how much flirting and sex appeal will I have to use to pump the real story out of you?
Adama: While the thought of you pumping me has enormous appeal, I'm not going to tell you.
Laura: *glares at Adama* Worst. Mistake. Ever.
Flashback!D'anna: *being chased by Marines onboard Galactica*
Flasback!Marines: *pull guns on D'anna*
Flashback!HatchofSymbolism: *reads END OF LINE*
*BANG!* *BANG!* *BANG!*
D'anna: *wakes up from ménage à trios with Gabrielle and Joxer Six and Gaius*
D'anna: *is weirded out on too many levels to count*
BSGViewingAudience: *is also weirded out & wonders how Gaius always manages to score with the ladies*
Adama: Just thought I'd stop by to tell you Daniel Novacek is alive and well and here onboard Galactica.
Tigh: Bulldog's alive? No way!
Adama: Way.
Tigh: Does he know you were the guy who gave him the one-way ticket to Cylon Club Med?
Adama: No, not really. And I'm hoping he doesn't find out - especially from any of my former long-time friends or XO's.
Tigh: Well since I'm neither anymore, I guess it sucks to be you...or at least it will, once I tell Bulldog.
Bulldog: Saul! I can't believe it's really you! What've you been doing with yourself lately?
Tigh: Binge drinking, yelling at people, being a complete grouch...you know, the usual.
Bulldog: Nice to know some things don't change. It's like how Bill Adama's unswerving loyalty to his stealth pilots never changes. That's the one thing that kept me going all those years in Cylon detention.
Tigh: Boy, did you hitch your wagon to the wrong star on this one! He didn't tell you, did he?
Bulldog: *getting suspicious* Tell me what?
Tigh: Let me pour you a drink; you're gonna need it...
Lee: Dad? I just got your message; what's up?
Adama: Son, it's time for us to talk. There's something very important you need to know.
Lee: Uh, Dad, if this is "the talk" every father has with his son...well, I've figured most of that out on my own by now. Besides, we learned all about it in Phys. Ed. class years ago...they showed us a movie and everything.
Adama: No, not that... I shot down Bulldog's stealth recon ship to protect the black ops mission. We were secretly spying on the Cylons to figure out the likelihood of an attack on the Colonies.
Lee: Well I guess we got our answer, specifically 'pretty frakking likely'! Are you saying the military knew about the Cylons this whole time and didn't do anything?!
Adama: Kinda sorta. That's why we decided to send a stealth ship over the Armistice line to check things out.
Lee: But what if the Cylons discovered you breaching the Armisti-...oh. Oh crap.
Flashback!ValkyrieXO: Stealthstar, we have you on DRADIS: two clicks past the line of scrimmage Armistice line. Proceed with caution.
Flashback!Bulldog (via the comm): Wheeee! Flying stealth ships is fun. I'm in such a cheerful mood that nothing could possibly go wron-
Flashback!Raider: *BANG!* *BOOM!*
Flashback!Bulldog (via the comm): Krypter, krypter, krypter! I've got damage to my port engine! Request rescue!
Flashback!ValkyrieXO/Tigh: What do we do, Commander?!?
Flashback!Adama: *after much hesitation* We can't risk being detected anymore than we already have, so launch a ship-to-ship missile and destroy the Stealthstar. Momma told me there'd be days like this...
Adama: *cries* So that's how I started the war. Absolutely everything bad that has happened since then is my fault! *cries more*
Lee: Geez, and everyone thinks I'm the EmoAdama! I don't suppose it matters that the Cylons had already infiltrated the Colonies by then, or that it was the Admiralty - not you - who ordered the black ops mission, or even that the genocide of 20 billion humans is a slight over-reaction to one stray stealth ship...
Adama: Shut up, Lee - I'm delivering an emotionally charged, Emmy Award-winning performance here. Don't harsh my vibe, okay?
Caprica: Are you alright? You seem little more freaked out than usual today.
D'anna: Oh, it's nothing really. I've just been having bizarre night terrors about death, reincarnation, God's plan and the universe in general. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sneak off and secretly commit suicide a few more times to explore the realm between life and rebirth.
Caprica: Well that's a relief! Here I was worried you were obsessing over something important - like my boyfriend.
D'anna: Now when I give the order, I want you to shoot me in the head, delete the order from your logs & overwrite the memory locations. Oh, and bring the biggest bottle of Excedrin you can find to my resurrection pod. Execute!
Centurion: *obliges and kills her*
D'anna: *flashes back to memories of her past lives & deaths*
D'anna: *visualizes herself in the Kobol Opera Theater from Gaius' dreams*
D'anna: *reaches out to touch one of the five beings of light she sees*
*WHOOOOOSH!*
D'anna: *wakes up in a resurrection pod* Duuuuuuude...that was, like, a totally awesome trip, fer sure!
OtherCylonModels: And we thought humans were weird.
Kara: I took some time out from my busy schedule of drinking & kvetching to review film footage of that earlier Raider chase. Those Raiders should have shot down Bulldog easily, but they didn't.
Tigh: The Cylons don't do anything without a plan...at least, that's what the writers keep telling us. They let him go intentionally.
Kara: Yeah, and they probably brainwashed him into believing he beat up a sick Cylon to escape all by himself.
Tigh: You're right. Besides, if there's anyone who understands the finer points of Stockholm syndrome, it's you.
Adama: Hey Dan, you wanted to see me?
Bulldog: Yeah, I wanted to talk to you...
*WHACK!* *CRASH!*
Bulldog: Well, maybe 'talk' isn't quite the right word. I'm actually more interested in BEATING THE EVER-LIVING CRAP OUT OF YOU FOR ABANDONING ME TO THE CYLONS! WHY, BILL? WHY?!?!?
Adama: *can't answer because he's bleeding and being strangled*
Bulldog: I had to escape that basestar all by myself, Bill! Well, you know, after they left my cage open and all...and gave me a brain-dead Raider to fly...and provided me with jump coordinates to the fleet...BUT I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF, GODSDAMMIT!
Adama: Bulldog, you're one sick puppy.
Bulldog: *growls*
Tigh: *bursts into the room and puts the smackdown on Bulldog*
Tigh: Baaaaad Bulldog, bad! Sit boy! Stay! The Cylons messed with your mind Danny, then they let you go in order to do the dirty work for them - namely, to kill Admiral Adama on the Galactica with the lead pipe. Frakking toasters can't even play 'Clue' by themselves!
Adama: Thanks Saul; you finally put the bottle down and walked out of your room to save me.
Tigh: Actually I did it to contribute my own Emmy award-winning performance in this episode. I mean, why should you have all the fun?
Adama: *hands Laura his resignation*
Laura: You've gotta be kidding me! Does Madame President have to smack a bitch?
Adama: It's all my fault, Laura...everything is my fault. Resigning is the only honorable thing I can do.
Laura: Siddown, Bill. I could sit here and explain how you're not personally responsible for the war until I'm blue in the face. However, since you're so intent on being punished for what you think you did wrong, then I guess I'll have to punish you. How's about getting a medal for being so incredibly awesome?
Adama: Huh? Oh no, I can't...
Laura: Bill, you have to do this. I've already sent out the invitations, rented the hall and hired a DJ. We can't get our deposit back from the florist or the caterer, and our entire family will be there. You can't back out now. Maybe if you'd said something earlier, instead of holding out on me...
Adama: Oh, all right - but I still feel lousy. Maybe you can come by my quarters later tonight and punish me some more? Because I have a feeling I might really enjoy that sort of thing coming from you.
Laura: On behalf of everyone in this room, it is my pleasure to present Admiral Adama with this Big Damn HeroTM Award for 45 years of courageous service to the Colonial Fleet. Congratulations.
Princess Leia Laura: *places medal around Adama's neck*
Han Solo Adama: *fakes a smile for the audience*
RebelAlliance GalacticaCrew: *applauds like crazy*
Luke Skywalker Lee: *so emo he feels his father's pain*
Cottle: Now Bulldog, it'll take some time to readjust - so try not to go too crazy for the other doctor, because I don't know jack about psychiatry.
Adama: And here: take this uniform. Once a pilot, always a pilot.
Bulldog: I don't know if I can accept this, Bill. I mean, I am suffering from severe mental illness.
Adama: Aw hell, have you seen the rest of my pilots? You'll blend right in...
Tigh: So, I heard you got the Big Damn HeroTM Award. How's that working out for you?
Adama: Meh - not so much. Also, having Helo as the XO kinda sucks too; I need you back in CIC intimidating the inmates.
Tigh: I didn't come here to talk about anything like that. I really just stopped by to show you my disappointingly-non-piratey flesh-colored eye patch and to share a few drinks.
Adama: Well then, we'd better have a good male bonding moment now, because we won't have any time for one next episode. I hear it's gonna be a real Lee/Kara angstfest; better get liquored up while we can...
Many, many thanks to everyone for your continued interest & support for these recaps! And, judging from the previews I've seen, it looks like next week's episode will be a real snarkfest; I can't wait! ;-D
In the beginning...
There was The Plan.
The Plan was void and without form, and darkness was over the face of the writers.
And Ron said, "Let there be continuity errors," and there were continuity errors.
And the audience saw the continuity errors were not good...
...but since the episode was all about Bill Adama, the audience didn't mind too much.
Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Ignoring everything that happened last episode, we take a walk down memory lane instead and revisit the miniseries. Adama reminds us of his foreboding, guilt-ridden speech right before the genocide; Armistice Station reminds us that it's still blown up, and Caprica reminds us that it's still a nuclear wasteland - all thanks to the Cylons. Fast-forward to Tigh, who reminds us that he is still sans one eye and broken up with Adama.
Daniel "Bulldog" Novacek: *escaping in a Raider while looking crazed & covered in Raider goo*
Bulldog'sTelltaleHeart: *beats wildly*
Tory/Laura: *spring cleaning aboard Colonial One*
Tory: *finds portrait painting of Gaius*
Tory: Is there anywhere in the universe deserving of such a masterpiece?
Laura: I was thinking put it in the bathroom right over the toilet...seems appropriate for such a shit-for-brains president. Maybe make a dartboard out of it too; it'll give the people something to smile about for a change.
Tory: Speaking of people who need to smile more often, Adama will be celebrating his forty-fifth anniversary of military service in a few days. It says so right here in this very important-looking dossier you were about to trash.
Laura: I think we should have a ceremony in which I give the Admiral a medal for all his hard work; it'll be a great morale booster for the fleet. Besides, I finally scored some sexy new clothes this season & need an excuse to show them off...
Galactica: *suddenly becomes very alarmed & klaxon-y*
Helo: Sir, we just picked up something very interesting on DRADIS.
Adama: Define 'interesting'.
Helo: Well, not interesting in our usual 'oh-gods-oh-gods-we're-all-gonna-die' kind of way, but still pretty weird. It appears two Cylon Raiders are hunting down a third.
Adama: What the hell?
Helo: My thoughts exactly, sir. Not to worry though: Kat and Starbuck are on their way to intercept.
Adama: Good idea; let's send the two craziest, most trigger-happy pilots we have to diffuse a tense situation.
Kat/Starbuck: *in pursuit*
Kat/Starbuck: *shoot down two out of three Raiders*
Kat: Hey Starbuck, why do you think those two Raiders would bother chasing one of their own kind? It seems to be running away from them in a hurry.
Starbuck: Don't know, don't care - and neither should you. It's like how this episode is so much more enjoyable when you don't bother chasing after the running continuity gaps.
Kat: Copy that!
Bulldog (via the comm): Krypter, krypter, krypter! This is Bulldog! I'm wounded!
Helo/Gaeta/Dualla: Wha-huh?!
Starbuck (via the comm): Did that Raider just start talking? Last time I checked, those things were dumb animals. Why is this one calling itself a bulldog?
Adama: *is perturbed* Order the Vipers to hold their fire, immediately.
Gaeta: Uh, sir? If you're interested in getting a dog, it's usually a good idea to start out with a smaller, domestic breed. I hear Jake is free to a good home...
Adama: Just have the Raider escorted in to the hanger deck, okay? And send in the Marines - armed with the biggest pooper-scooper they can find.
Non-HouseBroken!Raider: *piddles on the hanger deck*
Chief: I am not cleaning that up...
Bulldog: *drops out of the Raider in a huge slippery pile of goo*
Chief: All right, I am definitely not cleaning that up!
Bulldog: *looks around confused then salutes Adama* Auntie Em? Uncle Henry? Is it really you?
Adama: *salutes Bulldog* Welcome home, Dorothy.
SurvivorCount: *is now 41,421...and the only thing to suffer any consequences from last week's episode*
Cinematography: *becomes extra grainy and flashback-y*
Flashback!Corman: The Admiralty has selected you to command a black ops mission to spy on the Cylons. You understand, Commander, that if things go horribly wrong - and they will - the military will send you up shit creek without a paddle. Oh, and now that we've had this conversation, you know too much about the mission to back out of it. Any last requests?
Flashback!Adama: I want to choose who gets to fly the stealth ship, because I need my men.
Flashback!Corman: Which men would that be - from the Galactica or the Valkyrie? I can't remember which ship you command right now, because timeline continuity is as shaky as the camera work in this scene...
Cottle: Well Bulldog, I have good news and bad news. The good news is your DNA matches your military records and you appear to be human. The bad news? I'm using Baltar's questionable Cylon detector to verify everything, which - when you think about it - makes the good news kinda meaningless.
Bulldog: *stares ahead and says nothing*
Cottle: Hey, what do you want? I'm a doctor - not a software engineer.
Adama (on the phone with Roslin): Honey? I'm gonna be late for dinner again tonight...yeah, yeah, working hard, you know how it is...oh, the new guy? He's one of my pilots...captured three years ago...from the Valkyrie...yeah, the timeline doesn't make sense to me either...you want to meet him? Hmm, I guess I can arrange it...no, it's not a problem; why do you ask?...What do you mean "your voice sounds suspicious"? It does not...nuh uh!...look, can we talk about this later please? I gotta go...oh, and Laura? What are you wearing right now?...
Bulldog: *scarfing down the AdamaRamen®*
Adama: So how did you do it, Danny? How the hell did you escape off a Cylon baseship?
Bulldog: Well sir, it's like this. The accommodations were lousy, the TV reception was terrible, the maid staff always skimped on the extra towels...and don't get me started on the overpriced in-room minibar. I mean, twelve cubits for a package of Skittles and a Coke? C'MON! I finally got fed up with Motel 6 quality at Ritz Carlton prices, so I bailed.
Adama: Glad to see the Cylons haven't beaten the [bleep] attitude out of you.
Bulldog: Uh, Bill? Did the network just censor out the word "bullshit"?
Adama: Yeah. We've got naked nymphomaniac robots running around, people blowing themselves up and we say the fake f-word five times an episode...but uttering "bullshit" is too much for the network's delicate sensibilities. Go figure.
Bulldog: Then I'm surprised they showed my questionable flashback scene where I beat the snot out of a female Cylon. Then again, she was already half-dead from some Cylon virus.
Adama: So the virus is spreading anyway? Dammit, I wasted all that good angst in the last episode for nothing.
Laura: So let me see if I've got this straight, Lieutenant. You were Adama's recon pilot on a super secret black ops mission three years ago. Somehow, you were shot down and subsequently captured by the Cylons.
Bulldog: *looks nervously at Adama* Uh...yes, ma'am.
Adama: *looks nervously at Bulldog* Yes, but it was those outlaw Taurons who shot him down. Oh, and I didn't know Bulldog ejected; I just assumed my best pilot (and close friend) was dead without bothering to look for him, because everyone knows that's how I roll.
Tory: Wow, what an unbelievable story!
Laura: *looks pointedly at Adama* Yes...very. Would you two excuse us for a moment?
Tory/Bulldog: *leave Adama's quarters*
Laura: So Bill, how much flirting and sex appeal will I have to use to pump the real story out of you?
Adama: While the thought of you pumping me has enormous appeal, I'm not going to tell you.
Laura: *glares at Adama* Worst. Mistake. Ever.
Flashback!D'anna: *being chased by Marines onboard Galactica*
Flasback!Marines: *pull guns on D'anna*
Flashback!HatchofSymbolism: *reads END OF LINE*
*BANG!* *BANG!* *BANG!*
D'anna: *wakes up from ménage à trios with Gabrielle and Joxer Six and Gaius*
D'anna: *is weirded out on too many levels to count*
BSGViewingAudience: *is also weirded out & wonders how Gaius always manages to score with the ladies*
Adama: Just thought I'd stop by to tell you Daniel Novacek is alive and well and here onboard Galactica.
Tigh: Bulldog's alive? No way!
Adama: Way.
Tigh: Does he know you were the guy who gave him the one-way ticket to Cylon Club Med?
Adama: No, not really. And I'm hoping he doesn't find out - especially from any of my former long-time friends or XO's.
Tigh: Well since I'm neither anymore, I guess it sucks to be you...or at least it will, once I tell Bulldog.
Bulldog: Saul! I can't believe it's really you! What've you been doing with yourself lately?
Tigh: Binge drinking, yelling at people, being a complete grouch...you know, the usual.
Bulldog: Nice to know some things don't change. It's like how Bill Adama's unswerving loyalty to his stealth pilots never changes. That's the one thing that kept me going all those years in Cylon detention.
Tigh: Boy, did you hitch your wagon to the wrong star on this one! He didn't tell you, did he?
Bulldog: *getting suspicious* Tell me what?
Tigh: Let me pour you a drink; you're gonna need it...
Lee: Dad? I just got your message; what's up?
Adama: Son, it's time for us to talk. There's something very important you need to know.
Lee: Uh, Dad, if this is "the talk" every father has with his son...well, I've figured most of that out on my own by now. Besides, we learned all about it in Phys. Ed. class years ago...they showed us a movie and everything.
Adama: No, not that... I shot down Bulldog's stealth recon ship to protect the black ops mission. We were secretly spying on the Cylons to figure out the likelihood of an attack on the Colonies.
Lee: Well I guess we got our answer, specifically 'pretty frakking likely'! Are you saying the military knew about the Cylons this whole time and didn't do anything?!
Adama: Kinda sorta. That's why we decided to send a stealth ship over the Armistice line to check things out.
Lee: But what if the Cylons discovered you breaching the Armisti-...oh. Oh crap.
Flashback!ValkyrieXO: Stealthstar, we have you on DRADIS: two clicks past the line of scrimmage Armistice line. Proceed with caution.
Flashback!Bulldog (via the comm): Wheeee! Flying stealth ships is fun. I'm in such a cheerful mood that nothing could possibly go wron-
Flashback!Raider: *BANG!* *BOOM!*
Flashback!Bulldog (via the comm): Krypter, krypter, krypter! I've got damage to my port engine! Request rescue!
Flashback!ValkyrieXO/Tigh: What do we do, Commander?!?
Flashback!Adama: *after much hesitation* We can't risk being detected anymore than we already have, so launch a ship-to-ship missile and destroy the Stealthstar. Momma told me there'd be days like this...
Adama: *cries* So that's how I started the war. Absolutely everything bad that has happened since then is my fault! *cries more*
Lee: Geez, and everyone thinks I'm the EmoAdama! I don't suppose it matters that the Cylons had already infiltrated the Colonies by then, or that it was the Admiralty - not you - who ordered the black ops mission, or even that the genocide of 20 billion humans is a slight over-reaction to one stray stealth ship...
Adama: Shut up, Lee - I'm delivering an emotionally charged, Emmy Award-winning performance here. Don't harsh my vibe, okay?
Caprica: Are you alright? You seem little more freaked out than usual today.
D'anna: Oh, it's nothing really. I've just been having bizarre night terrors about death, reincarnation, God's plan and the universe in general. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sneak off and secretly commit suicide a few more times to explore the realm between life and rebirth.
Caprica: Well that's a relief! Here I was worried you were obsessing over something important - like my boyfriend.
D'anna: Now when I give the order, I want you to shoot me in the head, delete the order from your logs & overwrite the memory locations. Oh, and bring the biggest bottle of Excedrin you can find to my resurrection pod. Execute!
Centurion: *obliges and kills her*
D'anna: *flashes back to memories of her past lives & deaths*
D'anna: *visualizes herself in the Kobol Opera Theater from Gaius' dreams*
D'anna: *reaches out to touch one of the five beings of light she sees*
*WHOOOOOSH!*
D'anna: *wakes up in a resurrection pod* Duuuuuuude...that was, like, a totally awesome trip, fer sure!
OtherCylonModels: And we thought humans were weird.
Kara: I took some time out from my busy schedule of drinking & kvetching to review film footage of that earlier Raider chase. Those Raiders should have shot down Bulldog easily, but they didn't.
Tigh: The Cylons don't do anything without a plan...at least, that's what the writers keep telling us. They let him go intentionally.
Kara: Yeah, and they probably brainwashed him into believing he beat up a sick Cylon to escape all by himself.
Tigh: You're right. Besides, if there's anyone who understands the finer points of Stockholm syndrome, it's you.
Adama: Hey Dan, you wanted to see me?
Bulldog: Yeah, I wanted to talk to you...
*WHACK!* *CRASH!*
Bulldog: Well, maybe 'talk' isn't quite the right word. I'm actually more interested in BEATING THE EVER-LIVING CRAP OUT OF YOU FOR ABANDONING ME TO THE CYLONS! WHY, BILL? WHY?!?!?
Adama: *can't answer because he's bleeding and being strangled*
Bulldog: I had to escape that basestar all by myself, Bill! Well, you know, after they left my cage open and all...and gave me a brain-dead Raider to fly...and provided me with jump coordinates to the fleet...BUT I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF, GODSDAMMIT!
Adama: Bulldog, you're one sick puppy.
Bulldog: *growls*
Tigh: *bursts into the room and puts the smackdown on Bulldog*
Tigh: Baaaaad Bulldog, bad! Sit boy! Stay! The Cylons messed with your mind Danny, then they let you go in order to do the dirty work for them - namely, to kill Admiral Adama on the Galactica with the lead pipe. Frakking toasters can't even play 'Clue' by themselves!
Adama: Thanks Saul; you finally put the bottle down and walked out of your room to save me.
Tigh: Actually I did it to contribute my own Emmy award-winning performance in this episode. I mean, why should you have all the fun?
Adama: *hands Laura his resignation*
Laura: You've gotta be kidding me! Does Madame President have to smack a bitch?
Adama: It's all my fault, Laura...everything is my fault. Resigning is the only honorable thing I can do.
Laura: Siddown, Bill. I could sit here and explain how you're not personally responsible for the war until I'm blue in the face. However, since you're so intent on being punished for what you think you did wrong, then I guess I'll have to punish you. How's about getting a medal for being so incredibly awesome?
Adama: Huh? Oh no, I can't...
Laura: Bill, you have to do this. I've already sent out the invitations, rented the hall and hired a DJ. We can't get our deposit back from the florist or the caterer, and our entire family will be there. You can't back out now. Maybe if you'd said something earlier, instead of holding out on me...
Adama: Oh, all right - but I still feel lousy. Maybe you can come by my quarters later tonight and punish me some more? Because I have a feeling I might really enjoy that sort of thing coming from you.
Laura: On behalf of everyone in this room, it is my pleasure to present Admiral Adama with this Big Damn HeroTM Award for 45 years of courageous service to the Colonial Fleet. Congratulations.
Princess Leia Laura: *places medal around Adama's neck*
Han Solo Adama: *fakes a smile for the audience*
RebelAlliance GalacticaCrew: *applauds like crazy*
Luke Skywalker Lee: *so emo he feels his father's pain*
Cottle: Now Bulldog, it'll take some time to readjust - so try not to go too crazy for the other doctor, because I don't know jack about psychiatry.
Adama: And here: take this uniform. Once a pilot, always a pilot.
Bulldog: I don't know if I can accept this, Bill. I mean, I am suffering from severe mental illness.
Adama: Aw hell, have you seen the rest of my pilots? You'll blend right in...
Tigh: So, I heard you got the Big Damn HeroTM Award. How's that working out for you?
Adama: Meh - not so much. Also, having Helo as the XO kinda sucks too; I need you back in CIC intimidating the inmates.
Tigh: I didn't come here to talk about anything like that. I really just stopped by to show you my disappointingly-non-piratey flesh-colored eye patch and to share a few drinks.
Adama: Well then, we'd better have a good male bonding moment now, because we won't have any time for one next episode. I hear it's gonna be a real Lee/Kara angstfest; better get liquored up while we can...
Many, many thanks to everyone for your continued interest & support for these recaps! And, judging from the previews I've seen, it looks like next week's episode will be a real snarkfest; I can't wait! ;-D