Five minute recap of BSG ep. 3x04
All I can say is WOW! Lots of shiny explosions & CGI; I wouldn't be surprised if they used up the entire special FX budget for the season in this one...
Lee: The situation is hopeless...my dad's gonna die...the New Capricans are gonna die...we're all gonna die.
Dualla: I take it you didn't read that "Power of Positive Thinking" pamphlet I gave you? Let me refresh your memory.
Lee: Is this the part where you say something inspirational & kick my ass back into gear?
Dualla: Damn straight! If we don't soldier on & find Earth, there'll be no one to remember a man named William Adama, a Battlestar named Galactica, or the stilted monologue I just delivered.
Ellen: You know all those questionable things I've done lately? Well, I did them for you! I really love you, honey. I could really use a drink right now.
Ellen: *drinks poison and dies*
Saul: *has nervous breakdown #13,782*
Michael Hogan: *cries, knowing damn well he'll never get the Emmy he rightfully deserves for this scene*
Gaeta: *quietly Madame Defarges the names of all the Cylons he'll kill by knitting a register doodling on a legal pad*
Gaius: You know, I think you Cylons should just leave us the frak alone...you know, like we did to you for 40-odd years?
D'anna/#3: But you'll just talk about us behind our backs, and tell your kids we were big ole meanies!
Gaius: Believe me - if you stay here any longer, gossip & bad press will be the least of your problems.
Gaeta: Speaking of problems, do you hear huge explosions outside?
*BOOM!* *BOOM!* *BOOM!* *'SPLODEY'SPLODEY'SPLODEY!*
Torri, Rebel Leader: Okay people, that's our cue to get the hell outta here!
Maya: Tell Laura I'm sorry I missed her seeing as how I'm about to get myself killed & allow my baby to be kidnapped by Cylons.
Torri, Rebel Leader: Will do.
Kat: On my mark, deploy those drones so we can fool the Cylon's dradis into thinking they're Battlestars. NOW! NOW! NOW!
Racetrack: Sweet Lords of Kobol, girl, why are you yelling? Don't you know that in space, no one can hear you scream?
BoomerSharon: Two Battlestars just jumped into orbit! Adama's back, and I am so pissed off because we are in trou-ble now...
D'anna/#3: Meh. We can take 'em.
Gaius: Not bloody likely! Does the scripture passage "our city will be consumed by the wrath of G-d" ring a bell?
Caprica/#6: Thanks, Mr. Positivity; I guess the glass is always half empty for you, huh?
*MORE BOOM!* *MORE 'SPLODEY!*
Kara: I'm getting the frak outta here right now, you psycho!
Leoben: *punches Kara & knocks her out cold*
Leoben: It's this kind of heart-to-heart communication that makes our relationship so special & creepy.
Tom: Hey Laura, aren't you leaving this godsawful planet with me for some hot Resistance Leader sexxxin' on my ship?
Laura: No Tom, I'm taking Colonial One; lords only know what President Batshit did with the place.
Tom: Well I want to make extra certain you're safe. Hey you...
Jammer: OMG I'M NOT A COLLABORATOR YOU DIDN'T SEE ME DO IT YOU CAN'T PROVE A THING OMFG!
Tom: Um, what? I'm just asking you to keep an eye on my intended frak buddy Laura, to make sure she's safe because I have a huge crush on her.
Jammer: Oh yeah, sure thing. I'd do anything for a fellow Resistance member. *wipes sweat off brow*
*EVEN MORE BOOM!* *EVEN MORE 'SPLODEY!*
*HOT CGI-CENTURION-ON-GUN-TURRET ACTION!*
Galactica: *makes kick-ass intra-atmosphere jump to launch Vipers*
Bear McCreary's Music: *is very happy & heroic-sounding*
Red Shirt Wing: *blows up gun turret*
Hotdog: *blows up gate to shipyard*
Galactica: *makes BIG BADABOOM by jumping away*
Helo: Our little diversion worked. The Cylons are confused, just like we predicted.
Adama: We're winning; our people are gonna make it.
Kelly: Uh sir, two more basestars just jumped into orbit, and our FTL drive is fried.
Adama: What I said earlier? Scratch that. We're definitely going to die now.
Galactica: *gets pummeled by Cylon firepower*
Bear McCreary's Music: *gets very sad, in a Bloodshed kind of way*
Pegasus: *suddenly shows up, guns blazing*
Adama: For once, my son's inherent need to disobey me pays off.
Anders: Kara! Thank the gods you're alive! Now we can finally leave this place.
Kara: Where's Kacey? I can't leave without Kacey!
Anders: Who's Kacey?
Kara: You know, Kacey - my daughter.
Anders: What? No, I didn't know; I haven't lived in Kara-Land these past four months, remember?
Cylons: The humans are escaping, so let's implement our final urban renewal plan.
Gaius: Which is what, exactly?
D'anna/#3: The plan in which New Caprica becomes a giant, radioactive parking lot. In fact, I'm gonna go set off that nuke right now. KTHXBYE!
Gaius: I just want to sit here and die.
Gaeta: *points gun at Gaius* You're gonna get your wish, you spineless, self-serving, pill-popping, alcoholic, nymphomaniac coward! Did I leave anything out?
Gaius: Um, well no, that pretty much covers it. But if you let me leave now to stop D'anna, you can eventually add "dead" to that list.
Lee: Good work everyone! I'd like to thank you all for your tireless efforts, I'd like to thank this ship for all the great times we've had together, I'd like to than-
Dualla: Lee, honey? We're about to ram head-on into a basestar.
Lee: Oh yeah, right. ABANDON SHIP!
Pegasus Windowpane of Symbolism: *shatters*
*BOOM!* *BOOM!* *KABOOM!* *BIG BADABOOM!*
Leoben: I'm not letting you escape with Kacey until you say the magic words.
Kara: You mean magic words like 'Please?' 'Abracadabra?' 'Open Sesame?'
Leoben: No, the three little words every Cylon man wants to hear from his captive human girlfriend.
Kara: Oh, you mean like 'Stockholm Syndrome Fails' and 'Die, Toaster, Die'? *brutally stabs Leoben*
Gaius: How convenient is it that I just happened to stumble across baby Hera...and that I know exactly who she is, too?
D'anna/#3: Wow, this is just like my dream; it's even raining confetti and everything. Can I hold the baby?
Gaius: I guess. Even though you're a killer robot bent on nuking humanity into oblivion, I'm sure you'll make a great mom.
Caprica/#6: Don't worry, Gaius; she won't set off the nuke now. Apparently, spontaneous motherhood makes hardcore female characters forget everything else.
Laura: *finally returns to Colonial One*
Bear McCreary's Music: *is happy and relieved*
Laura: Okay...big comfy chair? Check. New Caprica journals? Check. King-size bed for Hot!Reunion!Sex with Bill? Check. Alright, I'm ready to go now.
Chief: Captain! You're alive! And you brought a little friend with you.
Kara: Yeah, this is...
Kacey's Very Human Mother: Kacey? OMG, you're alive! Thank you so much for saving my little girl! Buhbyenow!
Kara: Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer: could you please stop the universe from shitting on me 24/7?
Galactica Crew/NC Survivors: Bill Adama, he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can! YEEHAW! *carries Adama on their shoulders*
Adama: *looks around the deck*
Saul: *has nervous breakdown #13,783*
Kara: *has nervous breakdown #3,928,479*
Gaeta: *continues to have nervous breakdown #1*
Adama: Reunion with NC survivors? Happy! Knowing my friends now have severe emotional problems? Not so much.
Torri: We're checking the ships' manifests, but it looks like Maya & the baby were killed. *sniffles* I've failed you.
Laura: It's not your fault. No matter how carefully I plan anything for the safety of humanity, it all goes to hell. Every young protégé I get close to dies. This is life...and life sucks.
Torri: Yes, life definitely sucks...Wait, what was that bit about all your protégés dying?!?
Adama: Shaving off my moustache should really be about symbolizing my renewed commitment to this fleet, rather than anything cosmetic.
Adama: *thinks*
Adama: Frak the symbolism! Laura likes clean close shaves & I wanna get laid! *shaves off 'stache* *walks with pride down Galactica's corridors, teaming with life*
Bear McCreary's Music: *ends on a happy note*
to be continued...
Comments are love, and will be given cookies & milk before being tucked into bed. :-D
Lee: The situation is hopeless...my dad's gonna die...the New Capricans are gonna die...we're all gonna die.
Dualla: I take it you didn't read that "Power of Positive Thinking" pamphlet I gave you? Let me refresh your memory.
Lee: Is this the part where you say something inspirational & kick my ass back into gear?
Dualla: Damn straight! If we don't soldier on & find Earth, there'll be no one to remember a man named William Adama, a Battlestar named Galactica, or the stilted monologue I just delivered.
Ellen: You know all those questionable things I've done lately? Well, I did them for you! I really love you, honey. I could really use a drink right now.
Ellen: *drinks poison and dies*
Saul: *has nervous breakdown #13,782*
Michael Hogan: *cries, knowing damn well he'll never get the Emmy he rightfully deserves for this scene*
Gaeta: *quietly Madame Defarges the names of all the Cylons he'll kill by knitting a register doodling on a legal pad*
Gaius: You know, I think you Cylons should just leave us the frak alone...you know, like we did to you for 40-odd years?
D'anna/#3: But you'll just talk about us behind our backs, and tell your kids we were big ole meanies!
Gaius: Believe me - if you stay here any longer, gossip & bad press will be the least of your problems.
Gaeta: Speaking of problems, do you hear huge explosions outside?
*BOOM!* *BOOM!* *BOOM!* *'SPLODEY'SPLODEY'SPLODEY!*
Torri, Rebel Leader: Okay people, that's our cue to get the hell outta here!
Maya: Tell Laura I'm sorry I missed her seeing as how I'm about to get myself killed & allow my baby to be kidnapped by Cylons.
Torri, Rebel Leader: Will do.
Kat: On my mark, deploy those drones so we can fool the Cylon's dradis into thinking they're Battlestars. NOW! NOW! NOW!
Racetrack: Sweet Lords of Kobol, girl, why are you yelling? Don't you know that in space, no one can hear you scream?
BoomerSharon: Two Battlestars just jumped into orbit! Adama's back, and I am so pissed off because we are in trou-ble now...
D'anna/#3: Meh. We can take 'em.
Gaius: Not bloody likely! Does the scripture passage "our city will be consumed by the wrath of G-d" ring a bell?
Caprica/#6: Thanks, Mr. Positivity; I guess the glass is always half empty for you, huh?
*MORE BOOM!* *MORE 'SPLODEY!*
Kara: I'm getting the frak outta here right now, you psycho!
Leoben: *punches Kara & knocks her out cold*
Leoben: It's this kind of heart-to-heart communication that makes our relationship so special & creepy.
Tom: Hey Laura, aren't you leaving this godsawful planet with me for some hot Resistance Leader sexxxin' on my ship?
Laura: No Tom, I'm taking Colonial One; lords only know what President Batshit did with the place.
Tom: Well I want to make extra certain you're safe. Hey you...
Jammer: OMG I'M NOT A COLLABORATOR YOU DIDN'T SEE ME DO IT YOU CAN'T PROVE A THING OMFG!
Tom: Um, what? I'm just asking you to keep an eye on my intended frak buddy Laura, to make sure she's safe because I have a huge crush on her.
Jammer: Oh yeah, sure thing. I'd do anything for a fellow Resistance member. *wipes sweat off brow*
*EVEN MORE BOOM!* *EVEN MORE 'SPLODEY!*
*HOT CGI-CENTURION-ON-GUN-TURRET ACTION!*
Galactica: *makes kick-ass intra-atmosphere jump to launch Vipers*
Bear McCreary's Music: *is very happy & heroic-sounding*
Red Shirt Wing: *blows up gun turret*
Hotdog: *blows up gate to shipyard*
Galactica: *makes BIG BADABOOM by jumping away*
Helo: Our little diversion worked. The Cylons are confused, just like we predicted.
Adama: We're winning; our people are gonna make it.
Kelly: Uh sir, two more basestars just jumped into orbit, and our FTL drive is fried.
Adama: What I said earlier? Scratch that. We're definitely going to die now.
Galactica: *gets pummeled by Cylon firepower*
Bear McCreary's Music: *gets very sad, in a Bloodshed kind of way*
Pegasus: *suddenly shows up, guns blazing*
Adama: For once, my son's inherent need to disobey me pays off.
Anders: Kara! Thank the gods you're alive! Now we can finally leave this place.
Kara: Where's Kacey? I can't leave without Kacey!
Anders: Who's Kacey?
Kara: You know, Kacey - my daughter.
Anders: What? No, I didn't know; I haven't lived in Kara-Land these past four months, remember?
Cylons: The humans are escaping, so let's implement our final urban renewal plan.
Gaius: Which is what, exactly?
D'anna/#3: The plan in which New Caprica becomes a giant, radioactive parking lot. In fact, I'm gonna go set off that nuke right now. KTHXBYE!
Gaius: I just want to sit here and die.
Gaeta: *points gun at Gaius* You're gonna get your wish, you spineless, self-serving, pill-popping, alcoholic, nymphomaniac coward! Did I leave anything out?
Gaius: Um, well no, that pretty much covers it. But if you let me leave now to stop D'anna, you can eventually add "dead" to that list.
Lee: Good work everyone! I'd like to thank you all for your tireless efforts, I'd like to thank this ship for all the great times we've had together, I'd like to than-
Dualla: Lee, honey? We're about to ram head-on into a basestar.
Lee: Oh yeah, right. ABANDON SHIP!
Pegasus Windowpane of Symbolism: *shatters*
*BOOM!* *BOOM!* *KABOOM!* *BIG BADABOOM!*
Leoben: I'm not letting you escape with Kacey until you say the magic words.
Kara: You mean magic words like 'Please?' 'Abracadabra?' 'Open Sesame?'
Leoben: No, the three little words every Cylon man wants to hear from his captive human girlfriend.
Kara: Oh, you mean like 'Stockholm Syndrome Fails' and 'Die, Toaster, Die'? *brutally stabs Leoben*
Gaius: How convenient is it that I just happened to stumble across baby Hera...and that I know exactly who she is, too?
D'anna/#3: Wow, this is just like my dream; it's even raining confetti and everything. Can I hold the baby?
Gaius: I guess. Even though you're a killer robot bent on nuking humanity into oblivion, I'm sure you'll make a great mom.
Caprica/#6: Don't worry, Gaius; she won't set off the nuke now. Apparently, spontaneous motherhood makes hardcore female characters forget everything else.
Laura: *finally returns to Colonial One*
Bear McCreary's Music: *is happy and relieved*
Laura: Okay...big comfy chair? Check. New Caprica journals? Check. King-size bed for Hot!Reunion!Sex with Bill? Check. Alright, I'm ready to go now.
Chief: Captain! You're alive! And you brought a little friend with you.
Kara: Yeah, this is...
Kacey's Very Human Mother: Kacey? OMG, you're alive! Thank you so much for saving my little girl! Buhbyenow!
Kara: Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer: could you please stop the universe from shitting on me 24/7?
Galactica Crew/NC Survivors: Bill Adama, he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can! YEEHAW! *carries Adama on their shoulders*
Adama: *looks around the deck*
Saul: *has nervous breakdown #13,783*
Kara: *has nervous breakdown #3,928,479*
Gaeta: *continues to have nervous breakdown #1*
Adama: Reunion with NC survivors? Happy! Knowing my friends now have severe emotional problems? Not so much.
Torri: We're checking the ships' manifests, but it looks like Maya & the baby were killed. *sniffles* I've failed you.
Laura: It's not your fault. No matter how carefully I plan anything for the safety of humanity, it all goes to hell. Every young protégé I get close to dies. This is life...and life sucks.
Torri: Yes, life definitely sucks...Wait, what was that bit about all your protégés dying?!?
Adama: Shaving off my moustache should really be about symbolizing my renewed commitment to this fleet, rather than anything cosmetic.
Adama: *thinks*
Adama: Frak the symbolism! Laura likes clean close shaves & I wanna get laid! *shaves off 'stache* *walks with pride down Galactica's corridors, teaming with life*
Bear McCreary's Music: *ends on a happy note*
to be continued...
Comments are love, and will be given cookies & milk before being tucked into bed. :-D