Never Letting Go
Title: Never Letting Go
Pairing: MinHo
Summary: Changmin just doesn’t know when to let go.
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: TVXQ are the Kings - we belong to them. Trolol.
A/N: Ahhh fml so badly.
*
How long has it been? An hour? Two? Five? Changmin lost track. He had been watching Yunho play with Taepung ever since five in the afternoon. His smile is so happy, and Taepung’s actions seem to radiate the exact same level of happiness as well.
Yunho tumbles onto the grass with a laugh when Taepung leaps onto him. He sits up and hugs Taepung, glancing up and noticing Changmin at the window.
Changmin freezes.
Yunho’s smile, if possible, grows even wider and he waves at Changmin, beckoning him to bring Mangdoongie outside and play with them.
Changmin wants to smile back, but then he blinks and both Yunho and Taepung fades away.
He stumbles out of shock, looking around wildly for an explanation of the sudden disappearance of his hyung and Taepung.
“Hyung!” he calls out into the house. Jaejoong, Yoochun or Junsu, who-fucking-ever is in the house right now, will do. “HYUNG!” he calls out again, more urgently.
Jaejoong runs into the room, relieving Changmin immensely. “What’s wrong? I heard you call out.”
Changmin points frantically at the window. “Hyung! Hyung! Jaejoong hyung, I was watching Yunho hyung playing with Taepung outside. He spotted me and he wanted me to join them, but then he and Taepung suddenly disappeared!”
Jaejoong’s eyes widen momentarily, before softening into a look of what seems like pity. He gently lays a hand on Changmin’s shoulder. “Changmin …”
Changmin looks up, anxiety in his eyes. “Hmm?”
Jaejoong pulls him close and hugs him tight. “Changmin, how long has this been going?”
The question confuses Changmin greatly. “What? How long has what been going?”
The look in Jaejoong’s eyes is nothing but pained. He looks at Changmin for a while longer and opens his mouth. However, whatever he had wanted to say has been interrupted by Junsu with wet hair and a towel around his shoulders coming into the living room.
“Hyung? What’s going on? I thought I heard Changmin but I was taking a bath and …” he trails off as he takes notice of Changmin
by the window, his eyes widening like Jaejoong’s had earlier.
“Hyung!” Changmin pushes Jaejoong away and goes to Junsu with three, hurried strides. He takes Junsu’s hands and squeezes them. “Hyung, Yunho hyung disappeared! I was watching him and Taepung playing outside and he suddenly disappeared and and …”
Tears begin to flow down his cheeks. “Hyung, where did he go? The longer we talk the longer he’s gone. I don’t want Yunho hyung gone …”
Junsu bites his lip and pulls Changmin into a comforting hug. In normal situations, it would be a little awkward as Changmin’s a few inches or so taller than Junsu, but with Changmin’s slouched posture as he sobs into Junsu’s shoulder, he’s able to fit easily into Junsu’s small frame.
Jaejoong sends him a worried look and Junsu sends one back. Where’s Yoochun when they need him? He’s the one who’s able to sing soft English lullabies into Changmin’s ear and drift him off to sleep.
“Changmin, go to sleep,” Jaejoong says softly, moving slowly towards them and resting a hand on Changmin’s back.
Changmin shakes his head stubbornly. “Not until Yunho hyung is found!”
Junsu sighs. “We’ll find him. Stop worrying yourself. Just go to sleep and leave the rest to us.”
Changmin doesn’t seem to want to go to his room by himself, so Junsu half-carries him to the room with the largest bed - Yunho’s room.
They open the door and is surprised to see Yoochun lying on the bed. Yoochun’s head jerk up when he senses the intrusion and quickly sits up. “What’s wrong?”
“Changmin,” Jaejoong says, still in his quiet voice. “Chunnie, sing him to sleep, the Taylor Swift person’s Safe and Sound. I think he likes that one.”
Yoochun collects him into his arms with a nod and pushes Changmin’s hair back as he begins his singing.
Jaejoong pulls Junsu out of the room with him and closes the door behind them. They make their way to the window where Changmin was and stare out of it. They can’t see Yunho or Taepung, just a small rounded stone sticking out of the ground.
“How long has it been, Su?” Jaejoong’s voice, despite it still being soft, carries nothing but misery. “How long has Changmin been seeing Yunho and Taepung playing here?”
Junsu shrugs, refusing to look outside any longer. “Ever since Yunho left us, I guess. He said he didn’t want to be part of the band anymore.”
Jaejoong lets out a small sob and leans against Junsu. “I’m tired, Su. I’m tired of seeing Changmin like this, thinking Yunho’s still here, everyday. You think he has it bad? What about me? I was his best friend!”
“Jae, calm down,” Junsu runs his hands up and down Jaejoong’s shoulders. “I know. You miss him. Changmin misses him. We all miss him. Just be patient with Min, all right? He’s going through a rough time.”
A door opens and closes silently, Yoochun joining them a few moments later. “Sleeping like a baby,” he says with a small smile, though he knows that his small attempt to lighten the mood has failed.
“What were you doing in Yunho hyung’s room?” Junsu asks.
“I had a feeling you’d be asking me to sing to him,” Yoochun shrugs. “Kind of obvious after doing the same thing for the past two weeks.”
Jaejoong sighs. “It’s all my fault.”
Yoochun takes his hand and squeezes it. “No. No, it isn’t. It isn’t anyone’s fault, not even Yunho’s. Look, I heard what Junsu said and he’s right. Changmin’s going through a rough time. But Junsu,” he looks at the youngest of the three, “two weeks is still considered too long.”
Junsu looks back outside, this time at the stone. “Just give him some time.”
*
Changmin feels cold. He turns to his side and slowly opens his eyes, a small smile on his face when he sees Yunho. His smile fades when he sees the worry on his face.
He sits up, ignoring the small spin in his head. “Hyung? What’s wrong? Where did you go anyway?”
Yunho sighs and sits up as well. “Changmin, how long are you going to do this?”
Changmin tilts his head to the side. “Do what?”
“This?” Yunho spreads his arms out. “Why are you always imagining I’m here?”
“But I’m not imagining,” Changmin tries to smile. “You are here.” He reaches out to hold Yunho’s hand. However, his hand goes right through him.
Changmin gasps and snatches his hand back, looking up at Yunho for an explanation.
Yunho chuckles humorlessly, standing up from the bed in a fluid motion. He holds out his hand and Changmin, momentarily forgetting his small encounter with Yunho’s hand, rests his hand on top of it.
He almost falls over when his hand meets nothing once again.
Yunho looks at his hand and quickly retracts it, face burning. “I’m sorry,” he mutters. “I forgot.”
“It’s okay,” Changmin mumbles, getting off the bed and noticing that it’s dark outside.
“Follow me, Min,” Yunho says in whisper, pressing his fingers to his lips. “And the rest are sleeping in the living room. Do your best to be quiet.”
Changmin nods and winces when Yunho’s bedroom door makes a small creak. He doesn’t bother to close the door, following Yunho with small steps and successfully passing his hyungs without them stirring awake.
He follows Yunho outside, to the garden he had seen him and Taepung playing. “Hyung, what’s going on?”
Yunho touches his face tenderly, and Changmin, to his surprise, can feel his warmth through his fingertips. “Changmin, look at this.”
Following Yunho’s finger, Changmin reads the small stone he had just noticed, recognizing it as a tombstone at once.
× Jung Yunho ×
1986 - 2012
Best friend, beloved son and brother, strong leader, and faithful lover
We will never forget you
Changmin’s jaw drops and tears flow from his eyes at once. “Hyung! You’re … you’re dead?”
Yunho doesn’t make any indication of replying with a yes or no. “Changmin, it’s been two weeks. I’m never coming back. Move on.”
“No!” Changmin runs towards Yunho, trying to hug him. He passes right through Yunho and falls to the ground, tears choking him and blurring his vision. Yunho crouches next to him worriedly.
“Don’t lie to me!” Changmin screams. “You left the band! Junsu told me that! I’ll find you! I’ll find you and bring you back and love you so much you’ll never want to leave!”
Yunho doesn’t say or do anything, watching Changmin spew out promises that he knows will just be repeated night after night.
Eventually, Changmin cries himself to sleep, one hand clutching Yunho’s tombstone.
Sighing, Yunho leans forward and presses a ghostly kiss to his lips. He looks up when the front door flings open, a haggard-looking Jaejoong staring at him and Changmin.
He stands up and nods at Changmin, indicating that Jaejoong move him to his own bedroom.
Jaejoong immediately complies, meeting with some difficulty at moving a six-foot unconscious man.
“Goodnight, Boo,” Yunho tries to smile in a friendly way.
“I still miss you, Yun,” Jaejoong whispers back, refusing to meet Yunho’s eyes.
Yunho sighs again when Jaejoong disappears into the house. He sits on top of his tombstone and stares into the night sky.
It’s the same routine ever since his death two weeks ago. It’s driving the members crazy, as they’re lost without a leader and Changmin’s just bringing back the loneliness without Yunho.
Nonetheless, they all go through the same thing, eyes darker and spirits lower.
Tomorrow, Changmin will wake up and make himself some breakfast. He will assume that one of the elder members will wake Yunho up while he watches drama reruns for three hours before watching ‘Yunho’ and ‘Taepung’ play outside.
It’s the same cycle again and again, and Yunho fears for his still-alive members and their sanity. It’ll only be a matter of time before one of them snaps, but how can he help them? He’s dead.
Yunho sighs once more and fades away when he sees Changmin on his own bed, snuggling Bambi in his sleep.
He just doesn’t know when to let go.
*
A/N: Oh my God.
It’s like 10:53pm right now. My hamster died at around 6:17pm, hence the reason for this angsty-ass fic. I’m still crying.
Fucking hamster. I shouldn’t have gotten so close to him.
I don’t feel like replying to any comment right now. I just want to sleep.
Pairing: MinHo
Summary: Changmin just doesn’t know when to let go.
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: TVXQ are the Kings - we belong to them. Trolol.
A/N: Ahhh fml so badly.
*
How long has it been? An hour? Two? Five? Changmin lost track. He had been watching Yunho play with Taepung ever since five in the afternoon. His smile is so happy, and Taepung’s actions seem to radiate the exact same level of happiness as well.
Yunho tumbles onto the grass with a laugh when Taepung leaps onto him. He sits up and hugs Taepung, glancing up and noticing Changmin at the window.
Changmin freezes.
Yunho’s smile, if possible, grows even wider and he waves at Changmin, beckoning him to bring Mangdoongie outside and play with them.
Changmin wants to smile back, but then he blinks and both Yunho and Taepung fades away.
He stumbles out of shock, looking around wildly for an explanation of the sudden disappearance of his hyung and Taepung.
“Hyung!” he calls out into the house. Jaejoong, Yoochun or Junsu, who-fucking-ever is in the house right now, will do. “HYUNG!” he calls out again, more urgently.
Jaejoong runs into the room, relieving Changmin immensely. “What’s wrong? I heard you call out.”
Changmin points frantically at the window. “Hyung! Hyung! Jaejoong hyung, I was watching Yunho hyung playing with Taepung outside. He spotted me and he wanted me to join them, but then he and Taepung suddenly disappeared!”
Jaejoong’s eyes widen momentarily, before softening into a look of what seems like pity. He gently lays a hand on Changmin’s shoulder. “Changmin …”
Changmin looks up, anxiety in his eyes. “Hmm?”
Jaejoong pulls him close and hugs him tight. “Changmin, how long has this been going?”
The question confuses Changmin greatly. “What? How long has what been going?”
The look in Jaejoong’s eyes is nothing but pained. He looks at Changmin for a while longer and opens his mouth. However, whatever he had wanted to say has been interrupted by Junsu with wet hair and a towel around his shoulders coming into the living room.
“Hyung? What’s going on? I thought I heard Changmin but I was taking a bath and …” he trails off as he takes notice of Changmin
by the window, his eyes widening like Jaejoong’s had earlier.
“Hyung!” Changmin pushes Jaejoong away and goes to Junsu with three, hurried strides. He takes Junsu’s hands and squeezes them. “Hyung, Yunho hyung disappeared! I was watching him and Taepung playing outside and he suddenly disappeared and and …”
Tears begin to flow down his cheeks. “Hyung, where did he go? The longer we talk the longer he’s gone. I don’t want Yunho hyung gone …”
Junsu bites his lip and pulls Changmin into a comforting hug. In normal situations, it would be a little awkward as Changmin’s a few inches or so taller than Junsu, but with Changmin’s slouched posture as he sobs into Junsu’s shoulder, he’s able to fit easily into Junsu’s small frame.
Jaejoong sends him a worried look and Junsu sends one back. Where’s Yoochun when they need him? He’s the one who’s able to sing soft English lullabies into Changmin’s ear and drift him off to sleep.
“Changmin, go to sleep,” Jaejoong says softly, moving slowly towards them and resting a hand on Changmin’s back.
Changmin shakes his head stubbornly. “Not until Yunho hyung is found!”
Junsu sighs. “We’ll find him. Stop worrying yourself. Just go to sleep and leave the rest to us.”
Changmin doesn’t seem to want to go to his room by himself, so Junsu half-carries him to the room with the largest bed - Yunho’s room.
They open the door and is surprised to see Yoochun lying on the bed. Yoochun’s head jerk up when he senses the intrusion and quickly sits up. “What’s wrong?”
“Changmin,” Jaejoong says, still in his quiet voice. “Chunnie, sing him to sleep, the Taylor Swift person’s Safe and Sound. I think he likes that one.”
Yoochun collects him into his arms with a nod and pushes Changmin’s hair back as he begins his singing.
Jaejoong pulls Junsu out of the room with him and closes the door behind them. They make their way to the window where Changmin was and stare out of it. They can’t see Yunho or Taepung, just a small rounded stone sticking out of the ground.
“How long has it been, Su?” Jaejoong’s voice, despite it still being soft, carries nothing but misery. “How long has Changmin been seeing Yunho and Taepung playing here?”
Junsu shrugs, refusing to look outside any longer. “Ever since Yunho left us, I guess. He said he didn’t want to be part of the band anymore.”
Jaejoong lets out a small sob and leans against Junsu. “I’m tired, Su. I’m tired of seeing Changmin like this, thinking Yunho’s still here, everyday. You think he has it bad? What about me? I was his best friend!”
“Jae, calm down,” Junsu runs his hands up and down Jaejoong’s shoulders. “I know. You miss him. Changmin misses him. We all miss him. Just be patient with Min, all right? He’s going through a rough time.”
A door opens and closes silently, Yoochun joining them a few moments later. “Sleeping like a baby,” he says with a small smile, though he knows that his small attempt to lighten the mood has failed.
“What were you doing in Yunho hyung’s room?” Junsu asks.
“I had a feeling you’d be asking me to sing to him,” Yoochun shrugs. “Kind of obvious after doing the same thing for the past two weeks.”
Jaejoong sighs. “It’s all my fault.”
Yoochun takes his hand and squeezes it. “No. No, it isn’t. It isn’t anyone’s fault, not even Yunho’s. Look, I heard what Junsu said and he’s right. Changmin’s going through a rough time. But Junsu,” he looks at the youngest of the three, “two weeks is still considered too long.”
Junsu looks back outside, this time at the stone. “Just give him some time.”
*
Changmin feels cold. He turns to his side and slowly opens his eyes, a small smile on his face when he sees Yunho. His smile fades when he sees the worry on his face.
He sits up, ignoring the small spin in his head. “Hyung? What’s wrong? Where did you go anyway?”
Yunho sighs and sits up as well. “Changmin, how long are you going to do this?”
Changmin tilts his head to the side. “Do what?”
“This?” Yunho spreads his arms out. “Why are you always imagining I’m here?”
“But I’m not imagining,” Changmin tries to smile. “You are here.” He reaches out to hold Yunho’s hand. However, his hand goes right through him.
Changmin gasps and snatches his hand back, looking up at Yunho for an explanation.
Yunho chuckles humorlessly, standing up from the bed in a fluid motion. He holds out his hand and Changmin, momentarily forgetting his small encounter with Yunho’s hand, rests his hand on top of it.
He almost falls over when his hand meets nothing once again.
Yunho looks at his hand and quickly retracts it, face burning. “I’m sorry,” he mutters. “I forgot.”
“It’s okay,” Changmin mumbles, getting off the bed and noticing that it’s dark outside.
“Follow me, Min,” Yunho says in whisper, pressing his fingers to his lips. “And the rest are sleeping in the living room. Do your best to be quiet.”
Changmin nods and winces when Yunho’s bedroom door makes a small creak. He doesn’t bother to close the door, following Yunho with small steps and successfully passing his hyungs without them stirring awake.
He follows Yunho outside, to the garden he had seen him and Taepung playing. “Hyung, what’s going on?”
Yunho touches his face tenderly, and Changmin, to his surprise, can feel his warmth through his fingertips. “Changmin, look at this.”
Following Yunho’s finger, Changmin reads the small stone he had just noticed, recognizing it as a tombstone at once.
× Jung Yunho ×
1986 - 2012
Best friend, beloved son and brother, strong leader, and faithful lover
We will never forget you
Changmin’s jaw drops and tears flow from his eyes at once. “Hyung! You’re … you’re dead?”
Yunho doesn’t make any indication of replying with a yes or no. “Changmin, it’s been two weeks. I’m never coming back. Move on.”
“No!” Changmin runs towards Yunho, trying to hug him. He passes right through Yunho and falls to the ground, tears choking him and blurring his vision. Yunho crouches next to him worriedly.
“Don’t lie to me!” Changmin screams. “You left the band! Junsu told me that! I’ll find you! I’ll find you and bring you back and love you so much you’ll never want to leave!”
Yunho doesn’t say or do anything, watching Changmin spew out promises that he knows will just be repeated night after night.
Eventually, Changmin cries himself to sleep, one hand clutching Yunho’s tombstone.
Sighing, Yunho leans forward and presses a ghostly kiss to his lips. He looks up when the front door flings open, a haggard-looking Jaejoong staring at him and Changmin.
He stands up and nods at Changmin, indicating that Jaejoong move him to his own bedroom.
Jaejoong immediately complies, meeting with some difficulty at moving a six-foot unconscious man.
“Goodnight, Boo,” Yunho tries to smile in a friendly way.
“I still miss you, Yun,” Jaejoong whispers back, refusing to meet Yunho’s eyes.
Yunho sighs again when Jaejoong disappears into the house. He sits on top of his tombstone and stares into the night sky.
It’s the same routine ever since his death two weeks ago. It’s driving the members crazy, as they’re lost without a leader and Changmin’s just bringing back the loneliness without Yunho.
Nonetheless, they all go through the same thing, eyes darker and spirits lower.
Tomorrow, Changmin will wake up and make himself some breakfast. He will assume that one of the elder members will wake Yunho up while he watches drama reruns for three hours before watching ‘Yunho’ and ‘Taepung’ play outside.
It’s the same cycle again and again, and Yunho fears for his still-alive members and their sanity. It’ll only be a matter of time before one of them snaps, but how can he help them? He’s dead.
Yunho sighs once more and fades away when he sees Changmin on his own bed, snuggling Bambi in his sleep.
He just doesn’t know when to let go.
*
A/N: Oh my God.
It’s like 10:53pm right now. My hamster died at around 6:17pm, hence the reason for this angsty-ass fic. I’m still crying.
Fucking hamster. I shouldn’t have gotten so close to him.
I don’t feel like replying to any comment right now. I just want to sleep.