My precious
Had a really bad day today. Woke up feeling aggravated and irritated, so I decided to clean. The cleaning frustrated me more beause it overwhelmed me and then it all just sort of fell apart at the seams and I crumbled into a puddle of blubbering sobbing, boogery, crying, unable to function for a while Annie. I was finally able to pick myself up, take a shower and make some cinnamon toast cupcakes which Eric said were quite yummy. I felt like I really needed to be doing something that I KNOW I'm good at for a while and it definitely helped me reach the next stage of my depression which is pretty functional.
I just let the transition and feelings of self-loathing and doubt and COMPLETE lack of self confidence get to me. I genuinely hate myself. Daily. And I know we all go through that. Sometimes I think I'll never be able to get past it. I sometimes feel that I've made this huge decision to "do what's right for me" and I want to "figure out my path" but I always feel that I'll never be able to achieve that simply because I'm me. I'm Annie. I always feel that I will never reach my candy coated fantasy dream. I am truly and honestly and enormously my own worst enemy. I really do think I suck at everything I do. It's my disease. And I've known it for way too long. Should be great ammunition for Linda this week.
Wish me luck in getting some sleep tonight.
I just let the transition and feelings of self-loathing and doubt and COMPLETE lack of self confidence get to me. I genuinely hate myself. Daily. And I know we all go through that. Sometimes I think I'll never be able to get past it. I sometimes feel that I've made this huge decision to "do what's right for me" and I want to "figure out my path" but I always feel that I'll never be able to achieve that simply because I'm me. I'm Annie. I always feel that I will never reach my candy coated fantasy dream. I am truly and honestly and enormously my own worst enemy. I really do think I suck at everything I do. It's my disease. And I've known it for way too long. Should be great ammunition for Linda this week.
Wish me luck in getting some sleep tonight.