suddenly jaded --->the toronto game
I look back at the heartbreaks I've encountered over the past two years. All of them seemed beautiful and magical but all filled with more pain and tears than any lasting love.
So suddenly I find I'm kicking myself for falling so easily and another layer of skin hardens. I imagine in another two years this will happen again and I can see a jaded future if I don't find someone who doesn't break my heart.
Not that it matters anyways.
Every part of my being wants to pull irrevocably from anyone that my heart likes even slightly.
Its funny how we play these games in the city. It was never quite as clear as it is now, after leaving and deconditioning and returning, I suddenly see the person I once was. Some of us are sure we are a good lay and therefore have no worries about going after who/what we want. Some of us worry about our ability to entertain or entice a partner, so we shyly allow ourselves to be pursued and read books while the others are at it. And then there are those in relationships who still allow their egos to flirt any chance they get. Its all innocent though. All the flirting and sexing and games we play...its all innocent because really we are just part of the sexually charged youth melting pot in toronto. You cannot escape this game in this town.
We go to shows and bars and parties and wear clothes that are easily removed so when it comes down to it we can always claim, "Oops, it just happened."
I can play, I always have.
I can pretend, but I fall in love to easily.
One of my fatalities in this game, I'll never succeed at it as others do, my hearts soft. I love and hope for a future far to often. Oh capricorns! Perhaps you can fulfill these desires. I've reached sexual climax over and over but I come down unfulfilled again, so someone show me more!
Until then, I forfeit and withdraw to my sci fi books.
I guess I've always had more success fulfilling that role and just being pursued.
So suddenly I find I'm kicking myself for falling so easily and another layer of skin hardens. I imagine in another two years this will happen again and I can see a jaded future if I don't find someone who doesn't break my heart.
Not that it matters anyways.
Every part of my being wants to pull irrevocably from anyone that my heart likes even slightly.
Its funny how we play these games in the city. It was never quite as clear as it is now, after leaving and deconditioning and returning, I suddenly see the person I once was. Some of us are sure we are a good lay and therefore have no worries about going after who/what we want. Some of us worry about our ability to entertain or entice a partner, so we shyly allow ourselves to be pursued and read books while the others are at it. And then there are those in relationships who still allow their egos to flirt any chance they get. Its all innocent though. All the flirting and sexing and games we play...its all innocent because really we are just part of the sexually charged youth melting pot in toronto. You cannot escape this game in this town.
We go to shows and bars and parties and wear clothes that are easily removed so when it comes down to it we can always claim, "Oops, it just happened."
I can play, I always have.
I can pretend, but I fall in love to easily.
One of my fatalities in this game, I'll never succeed at it as others do, my hearts soft. I love and hope for a future far to often. Oh capricorns! Perhaps you can fulfill these desires. I've reached sexual climax over and over but I come down unfulfilled again, so someone show me more!
Until then, I forfeit and withdraw to my sci fi books.
I guess I've always had more success fulfilling that role and just being pursued.