"I Said I Like Them Dumb, Not Mentally Handicapped!"
I asked myself today what I would do if I couldn't go to Japan like I had been planning to do for the past 8 months. I decided within a matter of minutes; I'll go back home and be a stripper. Why a stripper? Oh it's not so bad a lifestyle, really. So long as you don't let the free booze get to you and make sure to pay your taxes on time. Besides, you get to go shopping all the time, and you have a legitimate excuse! "I'm working! It's for my job!". One can hardly complain about $300+ per night of work.
Anyhow, that's the failure plan. No Japan? Stripper time!On an off note: The Moby song 'Inside' induces thoughts of being in the womb. Was it supposed to do that? When I listen to that song I have thoughts of being somewhere dark, warm and safe, and it sets off a chain reaction of thoughts that always end in a small nuclear explosion within my head. You see, thinking of the womb inescapably leads one to think of their mother (unless one was born in a glass tube or external egg-like device). Mother's belly is the mystical capsule that transports us into the world like superman's baby space craft.
So I started thinking about all of these things this morning while walking to work, listening to Moby, which I don't do often. I thought to myself "Well, mom couldn't have been so bad, just think of all the painstaking work she went through to carry me for nine whole months! The loving effort she must have put into it just to deal with the hours of labor and intense pain to bring my screaming and red little person into this world!
Then I flash back to my mother sitting with us when we were young, retelling the magical tales of my sisters' births. "Oh, you were born at whatever time of the day, and I went into the hospital immediately because we lived closer to it back then-" and "I remember the labor lasted about 3 hours, and the nurses had the cutest pink booties for you!" When I would pipe up and say "What was it like when I was born, mama!?" I was always answered with the same disappointing statement.
"You know, actually... i don't remember any of it. I know there was someone else in the bed next to me also having a baby at the same time. Anyways you were born at dinner time. I remember that at least. I was having dinner."
So, while this was soul crushing enough for a 4 year old to hear, there's the added in declarations by my mother and other family members that she spent the first 4 months trying to get rid of me on the exercise bike because she didn't even know she was pregnant. The next month after that she spent trying to convince the doctor to let her have an abortion. Finally she resigned herself to it and chose the name Audri for me, after the inspiring story of Audrey Rose.
You know Audrey Rose? No? That's the story about the girl who died, was reincarnated, and then died again (of shock) because she remembered the previous death during a hypnotherapy session - the previous death being burning alive at the age of 4. Oh what loving creatures mothers are!!
Cue nuclear explosion in brain.
Anyhow, that's the failure plan. No Japan? Stripper time!On an off note: The Moby song 'Inside' induces thoughts of being in the womb. Was it supposed to do that? When I listen to that song I have thoughts of being somewhere dark, warm and safe, and it sets off a chain reaction of thoughts that always end in a small nuclear explosion within my head. You see, thinking of the womb inescapably leads one to think of their mother (unless one was born in a glass tube or external egg-like device). Mother's belly is the mystical capsule that transports us into the world like superman's baby space craft.
So I started thinking about all of these things this morning while walking to work, listening to Moby, which I don't do often. I thought to myself "Well, mom couldn't have been so bad, just think of all the painstaking work she went through to carry me for nine whole months! The loving effort she must have put into it just to deal with the hours of labor and intense pain to bring my screaming and red little person into this world!
Then I flash back to my mother sitting with us when we were young, retelling the magical tales of my sisters' births. "Oh, you were born at whatever time of the day, and I went into the hospital immediately because we lived closer to it back then-" and "I remember the labor lasted about 3 hours, and the nurses had the cutest pink booties for you!" When I would pipe up and say "What was it like when I was born, mama!?" I was always answered with the same disappointing statement.
"You know, actually... i don't remember any of it. I know there was someone else in the bed next to me also having a baby at the same time. Anyways you were born at dinner time. I remember that at least. I was having dinner."
So, while this was soul crushing enough for a 4 year old to hear, there's the added in declarations by my mother and other family members that she spent the first 4 months trying to get rid of me on the exercise bike because she didn't even know she was pregnant. The next month after that she spent trying to convince the doctor to let her have an abortion. Finally she resigned herself to it and chose the name Audri for me, after the inspiring story of Audrey Rose.
You know Audrey Rose? No? That's the story about the girl who died, was reincarnated, and then died again (of shock) because she remembered the previous death during a hypnotherapy session - the previous death being burning alive at the age of 4. Oh what loving creatures mothers are!!
Cue nuclear explosion in brain.