(no subject)

[pandatwist]

wow so I dont even know where to start I have so many thoughts and feelings going around in my head and in my heart. I dont even know what I believe anymore. I wish I just had all the answers but I dont have a clue. I dont know where to go or what to do or how to snap out of this blurry dismal state I seem to be stuck in. I was kinda hoping that I would sleep good last night and wake up this morning and not be cranky...well I dont think cranky is the correct word, just blah. I know blah is such a stupid way to discribe it and in the end it tells you nothing about me but its all I got. which is a nice transition. I feel like I put all I got into things and dont get anything out. Im starting to think that I'm not meant to be happy. I watch the people around me find relationships and things that work for them but I always seem to get so close to being happy just to see it all go away again. It seems like I keep coming so close to a relationship that I think will work and be wonderful just to watch it be swept away. And yes I know this is depressing and dramatic espically since I dont know for sure what is going on but I just have a feeling that Im not going to like the answer. Now maybe that is because somewhere deep down in the messed-upness which is me I dont want him to like me back and that I cant say if its right or wrong but I know for sure that I have a bad feeling about all of this. Maybe its better just to jump and see where I fall or maybe its better to just be quiet and let things go. At this point what do I really have to loose, but at the same point what could I gain? I dont know why I'm like this, why can't I just say what I think, why do I have to hide in the shadows letting so few people know what I truely think or how I really feel.

Oh Joy I have three more classes for the day! I think today is going to suck big time!

HAHAHA the Blah face looks dumb