(no subject)
So here it is
My much anticipated post-Hattiesburg-visit journal entry.
Unfortunately, I just had drinks BY MYSELF at Chili's, so typing seems extremely difficult...
The visit was good.
If it hadn't been for some serious conversation a la semi-scolding/kicking-in-the-ass, I may have found myself back in the 'burg next fall.
However good the visit was, it is true that Hattiesburg and the life that it holds is better when missed. More glamorous when you make a 36-hour return, even from a city like Las Vegas, than it ever could be while living there.
I do have to say, though, that I wish things would have been different. I wish that if Katrina had to hit, that I wouldn't have wanted to get away so badly that I couldn't wait another year.
It feels like the whole trip was a dream, especially considering how high I got towards the end of the visit. It made it all a blur.
But I can't forget the excitement on people's faces to see my new changes, or the excitement in my own heart to see these cherished souls again, even if only for a moment.
Being back here, I now realize that I can never reclaim what I left in Hattiesburg, what I left in the mansion, what I left in the souls of the people there.
Hattiesburg has my heart, but I'll just have to grow a new one.
It's not like I haven't done it before.
My heart happens to be regenerative.
My parents and my brother have a heart of mine, and so do all of the people that I ever played sports with when I was a kid.
My entire high school class has my heart. Leslie has my heart. Marijuana and the other life I led in Hattiesburg have my heart.
And now Sara has my heart.
Perhaps one day, I will reclaim all of my hearts, and put them in a box somewhere, and give them to some small child.
Then maybe he will give them away, too, and will become a better person because of it...
But for now, I am leaving Hattiesburg. And this time I am really leaving.
And I cry a thousand tears for it.
My much anticipated post-Hattiesburg-visit journal entry.
Unfortunately, I just had drinks BY MYSELF at Chili's, so typing seems extremely difficult...
The visit was good.
If it hadn't been for some serious conversation a la semi-scolding/kicking-in-the-ass, I may have found myself back in the 'burg next fall.
However good the visit was, it is true that Hattiesburg and the life that it holds is better when missed. More glamorous when you make a 36-hour return, even from a city like Las Vegas, than it ever could be while living there.
I do have to say, though, that I wish things would have been different. I wish that if Katrina had to hit, that I wouldn't have wanted to get away so badly that I couldn't wait another year.
It feels like the whole trip was a dream, especially considering how high I got towards the end of the visit. It made it all a blur.
But I can't forget the excitement on people's faces to see my new changes, or the excitement in my own heart to see these cherished souls again, even if only for a moment.
Being back here, I now realize that I can never reclaim what I left in Hattiesburg, what I left in the mansion, what I left in the souls of the people there.
Hattiesburg has my heart, but I'll just have to grow a new one.
It's not like I haven't done it before.
My heart happens to be regenerative.
My parents and my brother have a heart of mine, and so do all of the people that I ever played sports with when I was a kid.
My entire high school class has my heart. Leslie has my heart. Marijuana and the other life I led in Hattiesburg have my heart.
And now Sara has my heart.
Perhaps one day, I will reclaim all of my hearts, and put them in a box somewhere, and give them to some small child.
Then maybe he will give them away, too, and will become a better person because of it...
But for now, I am leaving Hattiesburg. And this time I am really leaving.
And I cry a thousand tears for it.