I apologize, God.
Last night, I had an argument with God about feeling trapped. I kept telling him that I'm willing to do whatever he wants, just so long as it's not here. I wanted so desperately to experience something new, something exciting, to be away from my mundane and boring life that I spent an hour spewing lies and anger at him and may have even let a few swear words fly in the process. I knew what the truth of the matter was, that he bought me, that I am his and that he is in control of my life, but I refused to admit it. The thought would roll in my head and I would immedately say out loud how unfair that was. He may own my life, but I still had to live it and to allow my desires to continue unfulfilled was just cruel.
After having a night to sleep on it, I woke up convicted of the fact that I am God's, that he is good and that I was in sin. I am already forgiven for spewing lies to him, fortunately he can take it and knows my true heart. I am also forgiven for my lack of faith an accusing him of being cruel.
I do still feel trapped, but at least I'm not accusing God of it any longer. Someday, maybe, if he's willing, I might actually be able to move on into something new and the mundane life that I lead might be spiced up a little. Until then, I'm going to keep trying, keep getting thrown back onto my butt and continue throwing temper tantrums because at least I know that he'll correct my perspective in the end.
*Sigh*
After having a night to sleep on it, I woke up convicted of the fact that I am God's, that he is good and that I was in sin. I am already forgiven for spewing lies to him, fortunately he can take it and knows my true heart. I am also forgiven for my lack of faith an accusing him of being cruel.
I do still feel trapped, but at least I'm not accusing God of it any longer. Someday, maybe, if he's willing, I might actually be able to move on into something new and the mundane life that I lead might be spiced up a little. Until then, I'm going to keep trying, keep getting thrown back onto my butt and continue throwing temper tantrums because at least I know that he'll correct my perspective in the end.
*Sigh*