Everybody Knows: Shit Happens
У меня на стенах висят три плаката, содержание которых я хочу запечатлеть на память.
Первая серия - плакат "Everybody Knows: Shit Happens", который пытается передать сущность философско-религиозных теорий (и не только) одной короткой фразой на тему того, что Shit, дескать, Happens. Старая шутка, в общем. На русском языке припоминаю подобный список на тему пальцев (типа, "Марксизм: Пальцы первичны; Экзистенциализм: Где-то у меня были пальцы..."). Но неважно. Итак.
SHIT HAPPENS
TAOISM: Shit happens
CONFUCIANISM: Confucius says, Shit happens
BUDDHISM: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
ZEN: What is the sound of shit happening?
HINDUISM: This shit happened before.
SIKHISM: Leave our shit alone.
HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens, rama lama ding-dong.
ISLAM: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
NATION OF ISLAM: Don't take no shit!
JEHOVAH'S WITNESS: Knock knock, shit happens.
PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone else.
CATHOLICISM: If shit happens, you deserve it.
JUDAISM: Why does this shit always happen to us?
ORTHODOX JUDAISM: So shit happened already.
TELEVANGELISM: Send money or shit will happen to you.
MORMONISM: Excrement happens.
AMISH: Modern shit is useless.
BAPTISM: We'll wash the shit right off of you.
ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit.
AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?
RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit!
NEW AGE: Visualize shit happening.
SHINTOISM: You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
HEDONISM: I love it when shit happens.
SATANISM: Sneppah tihs.
EXISTENTIALISM: What is shit, anyway?
SCIENTOLOGY: If shit happens, see Dianetics p. 137.
DARWINISM: Survival of the shittiest.
EINSTEIN: Shit is relative.
MYSTICISM: This is really weird shit.
VOODOO: Shit doesn't just happen -- we make it happen.
WICCAN: You can make shit happen, but shit will happen to you three times.
CAPITALISM: This is MY shit.
COMMUNISM: Let's share the shit.
MARXISM: You have nothing to lose but your shit.
MATERIALISM: Whoever dies with the most shit wins.
AMERICANISM: Who gives a shit?
CONSPIRACY THEORISM: THEY shit on us!
PSYCHOANALYSIS: Tell me about your shit.
SUICIDAL: I've had enough of this shit!
OPTIMISM: Shit won't happen to me.
FEMINISM: Men are shit.
TREKISM: To boldly go where no one has shit before.
SHAKESPEAREAN: To shit or not to shit, that is the question.
DESCARTES: I shit, therefore I am.
NIHILISM: Bad shit will always happen. And then burn it.
FREUDIAN: Shit is a phallic symbol.
LAWYERS: For enough money, I can get you out of this shit.
ACUPUNCTURIST: Hold still of this will hurt like shit.
DOG: I just shit in your shoe.
CAT: Dogs are shit.
MOUSE: Oh shit, a cat!
POLITICALLY CORRECT: Internally processed nutritionally-drained biological output happens.
FAMILY GATHERING: Relatives are shit.
DISNEYISM: Bad shit doesn't happen here.
VEGETARIANISM: If it shits, don't eat it.
FATALISM: Oh shit, it's going to happen.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: Shit is bio-degradable.
STATISTICIAN: Shit is 83.6% likely to happen.
HIP-HOP: Motherfuck this shiznit, beeatch!
TANTRISM: Fuck this shit.
CYNICISM: We are all full of shit.
SURREALISM: Fish happens.
Первая серия - плакат "Everybody Knows: Shit Happens", который пытается передать сущность философско-религиозных теорий (и не только) одной короткой фразой на тему того, что Shit, дескать, Happens. Старая шутка, в общем. На русском языке припоминаю подобный список на тему пальцев (типа, "Марксизм: Пальцы первичны; Экзистенциализм: Где-то у меня были пальцы..."). Но неважно. Итак.
SHIT HAPPENS
TAOISM: Shit happens
CONFUCIANISM: Confucius says, Shit happens
BUDDHISM: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
ZEN: What is the sound of shit happening?
HINDUISM: This shit happened before.
SIKHISM: Leave our shit alone.
HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens, rama lama ding-dong.
ISLAM: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
NATION OF ISLAM: Don't take no shit!
JEHOVAH'S WITNESS: Knock knock, shit happens.
PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone else.
CATHOLICISM: If shit happens, you deserve it.
JUDAISM: Why does this shit always happen to us?
ORTHODOX JUDAISM: So shit happened already.
TELEVANGELISM: Send money or shit will happen to you.
MORMONISM: Excrement happens.
AMISH: Modern shit is useless.
BAPTISM: We'll wash the shit right off of you.
ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit.
AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?
RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit!
NEW AGE: Visualize shit happening.
SHINTOISM: You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
HEDONISM: I love it when shit happens.
SATANISM: Sneppah tihs.
EXISTENTIALISM: What is shit, anyway?
SCIENTOLOGY: If shit happens, see Dianetics p. 137.
DARWINISM: Survival of the shittiest.
EINSTEIN: Shit is relative.
MYSTICISM: This is really weird shit.
VOODOO: Shit doesn't just happen -- we make it happen.
WICCAN: You can make shit happen, but shit will happen to you three times.
CAPITALISM: This is MY shit.
COMMUNISM: Let's share the shit.
MARXISM: You have nothing to lose but your shit.
MATERIALISM: Whoever dies with the most shit wins.
AMERICANISM: Who gives a shit?
CONSPIRACY THEORISM: THEY shit on us!
PSYCHOANALYSIS: Tell me about your shit.
SUICIDAL: I've had enough of this shit!
OPTIMISM: Shit won't happen to me.
FEMINISM: Men are shit.
TREKISM: To boldly go where no one has shit before.
SHAKESPEAREAN: To shit or not to shit, that is the question.
DESCARTES: I shit, therefore I am.
NIHILISM: Bad shit will always happen. And then burn it.
FREUDIAN: Shit is a phallic symbol.
LAWYERS: For enough money, I can get you out of this shit.
ACUPUNCTURIST: Hold still of this will hurt like shit.
DOG: I just shit in your shoe.
CAT: Dogs are shit.
MOUSE: Oh shit, a cat!
POLITICALLY CORRECT: Internally processed nutritionally-drained biological output happens.
FAMILY GATHERING: Relatives are shit.
DISNEYISM: Bad shit doesn't happen here.
VEGETARIANISM: If it shits, don't eat it.
FATALISM: Oh shit, it's going to happen.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: Shit is bio-degradable.
STATISTICIAN: Shit is 83.6% likely to happen.
HIP-HOP: Motherfuck this shiznit, beeatch!
TANTRISM: Fuck this shit.
CYNICISM: We are all full of shit.
SURREALISM: Fish happens.