When She Loved Me
I feel like I have a lot of things to write about. I don't know if I'll have time to write about them all, but I'll try.
I mentioned before (and always try to, 'cause I always end up getting in big trouble because of journal entries) that I am writing what I think and what I feel. The things that come out of my mouth are not always fact, but they are truth. The things I write about and the way I write them directly reflect my true, honest feelings. Although I consider it my harriet-the-spy right to write about anyone I want, I don't ever want to make life difficult for anyone else. So, although I want someone to know if I'm talking about them in an entry, I don't want their friends to be able to tell. I'm going to try; and keep names to nicknames or invented names just to protect everyone's privacy. I already edited my most recent entry to reflect this.
That being said, it's been a weird couple of days.
I had a sleep study done last night. It was pretty much amazing. I was really nervous at first, but I went in there and got all comic-book-nerdy and friendly with the technician. He was way cool. He showed me to my room, which was like a nice hotel room with just one bed. PILED with pillows. Real pretty all around. And there was a TV, and cable! So I did some paperwork and then I got to hang out in my sweet room and drink sprite. I watched Ratatouille and the PowerPuff Girls. Then my technician dude told me to change into my pj's and he came in and hooked me up to some wires and straps and tubes. It took a while, but we watched Teen Titans and Samurai Jack and talked about comics and iphones and radio and homosexuality. Then, I crawled into bed (which was amazingly comfy) and tried to sleep. I got to talk to him through an intercom, which was neat, especially when I spilled my Sprite and was too attached to wires to get out of bed and pick it up. So that was cool. I finally dozed off, woke up about 4 times that I remember, and he came in to wake me up about 5:30am. No sleep apnea as far as he can tell! That's really good. He said I was having a lot of trouble (when I was in R.E.M. sleep, though, when I was dreaming. That makes sense. It wouldn't surprise me if my sleep problems had to do with my dreaming habits.
So that was all that nonsense.
Oh, he said I may have narcolepsy. That's weird, right? Of all the crazy disorders in the world, I WOULD have NARCOLEPSY.
So Adam picked me up and took me to get Chick-Fil-A (a big day in the life!) and we had all sorts of fun adventures. Then, this afternoon, we went and saw Toy Story and Toy Story 2 in 3D! That was way awesome. Fiver and Caven and I all cried like little bitches during Jessie's song in 2. We are sad individuals. Ingrid: "Remember the time....with those pears....and Willow, and Tara?" Fiver: "Aw...those pears made me cry!" It was really cool. I think that was the first full-length film in 3D I've ever seen. I loved it. And I love those movies, too. Can you believe that Toy Story came out in 1995? I was 10. I remember seeing it, too. It was in one of those times when my dad had us for visitation and he took us to see it in some town I didn't know. We also got to go to a roller rink with a giant fan in one corner and no one there except for the friend of my father's that opened the place up for us. I think it was very late, and I don't know where we were. We were traveling. Where to, where from, I don't remember. Strange how we hold on to these things. So when the movie came out, I was 10. So was Andy, the main character, i think. In Toy Story 3, Andy is going off to college. It's weird. This film series has remained somewhat consistent with the pace of our lives. Alright, so, that's two items out of three. Sleep study and movies. We're going to see Wild Things tomorrow, and I'm very excited. Just one look at that kid's face and I see every ounce of child in myself. I'll probably cry. But Fiver and Caven probably will too, so that's okay. We have an addiction. We watch children's movies and cry. I'm listening to two boys. One is playing the guitar. Another is drumming on another guitar. We're occasionally talking. It's nice. Everything is soothing and quiet. It's good to have little moments of peace. Especially if it's amongst three teenagers. "If we [Ingrid, Fiver and Caven] were Harry, Ron, and Hermione, you [Caven] would be Hayden Christianson." On to Item 3. Fiver and I had a big talk the other night, where he pulled all kinds of knowledge out about how I'm much more gay than bisexual, and how I have serious depression problems because I'm lacking the...crap, I forgot the word he used...approval or affirmation, validation! That's it...validation. It's important to my self-esteem and confidence and happiness to have validation from the people I'm attracted to, he says. I was surprised about how much denial I was in over it. It kind of upset me. I don't like being unhappy, but I don't like risking my pseudo-happiness in order to be happy. I don't know. I'm a little hypnotized by the sweet sounds of the guitar and foot-tapping and finger-drumming. I think it's time for me to get ready for sleep. Goodnight, Neverland.
I mentioned before (and always try to, 'cause I always end up getting in big trouble because of journal entries) that I am writing what I think and what I feel. The things that come out of my mouth are not always fact, but they are truth. The things I write about and the way I write them directly reflect my true, honest feelings. Although I consider it my harriet-the-spy right to write about anyone I want, I don't ever want to make life difficult for anyone else. So, although I want someone to know if I'm talking about them in an entry, I don't want their friends to be able to tell. I'm going to try; and keep names to nicknames or invented names just to protect everyone's privacy. I already edited my most recent entry to reflect this.
That being said, it's been a weird couple of days.
I had a sleep study done last night. It was pretty much amazing. I was really nervous at first, but I went in there and got all comic-book-nerdy and friendly with the technician. He was way cool. He showed me to my room, which was like a nice hotel room with just one bed. PILED with pillows. Real pretty all around. And there was a TV, and cable! So I did some paperwork and then I got to hang out in my sweet room and drink sprite. I watched Ratatouille and the PowerPuff Girls. Then my technician dude told me to change into my pj's and he came in and hooked me up to some wires and straps and tubes. It took a while, but we watched Teen Titans and Samurai Jack and talked about comics and iphones and radio and homosexuality. Then, I crawled into bed (which was amazingly comfy) and tried to sleep. I got to talk to him through an intercom, which was neat, especially when I spilled my Sprite and was too attached to wires to get out of bed and pick it up. So that was cool. I finally dozed off, woke up about 4 times that I remember, and he came in to wake me up about 5:30am. No sleep apnea as far as he can tell! That's really good. He said I was having a lot of trouble (when I was in R.E.M. sleep, though, when I was dreaming. That makes sense. It wouldn't surprise me if my sleep problems had to do with my dreaming habits.
So that was all that nonsense.
Oh, he said I may have narcolepsy. That's weird, right? Of all the crazy disorders in the world, I WOULD have NARCOLEPSY.
So Adam picked me up and took me to get Chick-Fil-A (a big day in the life!) and we had all sorts of fun adventures. Then, this afternoon, we went and saw Toy Story and Toy Story 2 in 3D! That was way awesome. Fiver and Caven and I all cried like little bitches during Jessie's song in 2. We are sad individuals. Ingrid: "Remember the time....with those pears....and Willow, and Tara?" Fiver: "Aw...those pears made me cry!" It was really cool. I think that was the first full-length film in 3D I've ever seen. I loved it. And I love those movies, too. Can you believe that Toy Story came out in 1995? I was 10. I remember seeing it, too. It was in one of those times when my dad had us for visitation and he took us to see it in some town I didn't know. We also got to go to a roller rink with a giant fan in one corner and no one there except for the friend of my father's that opened the place up for us. I think it was very late, and I don't know where we were. We were traveling. Where to, where from, I don't remember. Strange how we hold on to these things. So when the movie came out, I was 10. So was Andy, the main character, i think. In Toy Story 3, Andy is going off to college. It's weird. This film series has remained somewhat consistent with the pace of our lives. Alright, so, that's two items out of three. Sleep study and movies. We're going to see Wild Things tomorrow, and I'm very excited. Just one look at that kid's face and I see every ounce of child in myself. I'll probably cry. But Fiver and Caven probably will too, so that's okay. We have an addiction. We watch children's movies and cry. I'm listening to two boys. One is playing the guitar. Another is drumming on another guitar. We're occasionally talking. It's nice. Everything is soothing and quiet. It's good to have little moments of peace. Especially if it's amongst three teenagers. "If we [Ingrid, Fiver and Caven] were Harry, Ron, and Hermione, you [Caven] would be Hayden Christianson." On to Item 3. Fiver and I had a big talk the other night, where he pulled all kinds of knowledge out about how I'm much more gay than bisexual, and how I have serious depression problems because I'm lacking the...crap, I forgot the word he used...approval or affirmation, validation! That's it...validation. It's important to my self-esteem and confidence and happiness to have validation from the people I'm attracted to, he says. I was surprised about how much denial I was in over it. It kind of upset me. I don't like being unhappy, but I don't like risking my pseudo-happiness in order to be happy. I don't know. I'm a little hypnotized by the sweet sounds of the guitar and foot-tapping and finger-drumming. I think it's time for me to get ready for sleep. Goodnight, Neverland.