i'll watch you choke.. you look so good in blue...
yeah so i'm packing for my trip. i'm waiting for myspace to upload the demo the band just finished recording tonight and it's taking FOREEEEVERRRR... so i thought i'd drop a line.
i wish i could go visit everyone right now. i really need my friends. it just sucks that everyone i'm really close to lives on the other fucking coast lol. i mean the guys in the band are pretty much my best friends here at this point but they are macho guys lol and their answer to everything is to get wasted or kick someone's ass.. or both hahaha. and i love em... but it's not the same as mah west coast girls.
damon is still being waaay too psycho for his own good. i've gotten better about not dealing with his shit. but i just want things to be cool. i don't care if we're friends anymore i just want to be cordial when we see each other. we hang out at all the same places. and it sucks when you have to duck and hide because there is going to be a scene if your ex goes and sees you hanging out with people from "the circle". because naturally all his friends want to just get into my pants, right?...ugh. it's so fucking stupid. and he's totally scared off dwane which sucks because dwane was a fucking really cool person. but he's no drama. and if there's a hint of drama he cuts you off. which is exactly what happened because of damon and his bullshit. i know after a while shit will be cool with dwane again.. but not for a while now. and just for people who don't know... i wasn't into dwane to date him or anything. we just have a lot in common and hanging with him was a big escape from my friends who want to talk about what's going on with damon all the time becase dwane could have really cared less so long as it didn't effect him. and it was nice just having a guy friend with no pressure at all. no pressure for sex, dating, nothing. just hanging out and watching stupid movies and getting stoned lol.
anyway... i'm pretty pissed at men in general right now. i hate being alone but i don't want to date anyone either. i guess it's confusing some of the guys i hang out with. because of the band i hang out with all their guy friends. some have crushes and get all weird now because i wouldn't go out on a date or whatever... but just because i'm nice doesn't mean i'm interested. plus i've just come to the realization that dating my bands friends is bad. because shit gets weird and everyone is uncomfortable. and i don't want to date anymore musicians either because it's like my last 5 bfs have all been in bands and i'm sick of the jealousy and preoblems that creates.. yet i'm intimidating to guys that aren't in bands because of the band. so it's like wtf? i dunno. i'm confused i'm lonely. i just want a fuck buddy who won't get attached. is that so much to ask?????????
i wish i could go visit everyone right now. i really need my friends. it just sucks that everyone i'm really close to lives on the other fucking coast lol. i mean the guys in the band are pretty much my best friends here at this point but they are macho guys lol and their answer to everything is to get wasted or kick someone's ass.. or both hahaha. and i love em... but it's not the same as mah west coast girls.
damon is still being waaay too psycho for his own good. i've gotten better about not dealing with his shit. but i just want things to be cool. i don't care if we're friends anymore i just want to be cordial when we see each other. we hang out at all the same places. and it sucks when you have to duck and hide because there is going to be a scene if your ex goes and sees you hanging out with people from "the circle". because naturally all his friends want to just get into my pants, right?...ugh. it's so fucking stupid. and he's totally scared off dwane which sucks because dwane was a fucking really cool person. but he's no drama. and if there's a hint of drama he cuts you off. which is exactly what happened because of damon and his bullshit. i know after a while shit will be cool with dwane again.. but not for a while now. and just for people who don't know... i wasn't into dwane to date him or anything. we just have a lot in common and hanging with him was a big escape from my friends who want to talk about what's going on with damon all the time becase dwane could have really cared less so long as it didn't effect him. and it was nice just having a guy friend with no pressure at all. no pressure for sex, dating, nothing. just hanging out and watching stupid movies and getting stoned lol.
anyway... i'm pretty pissed at men in general right now. i hate being alone but i don't want to date anyone either. i guess it's confusing some of the guys i hang out with. because of the band i hang out with all their guy friends. some have crushes and get all weird now because i wouldn't go out on a date or whatever... but just because i'm nice doesn't mean i'm interested. plus i've just come to the realization that dating my bands friends is bad. because shit gets weird and everyone is uncomfortable. and i don't want to date anymore musicians either because it's like my last 5 bfs have all been in bands and i'm sick of the jealousy and preoblems that creates.. yet i'm intimidating to guys that aren't in bands because of the band. so it's like wtf? i dunno. i'm confused i'm lonely. i just want a fuck buddy who won't get attached. is that so much to ask?????????