Smallfandom Big Bang, Falling into darkness, Chapter 5
Title: Falling Into Darkness
Summary: In a moment of insanity - during one of the many arguments Nick and Will have about Arianna's custody - Nick stabs Will.This is what comes immediatly after.
The longer Will’s in a coma the less likely he’ll wake up.
That’s what they keep telling him.
Sonny tries to ignore them, tries to ignore the very real possibility that his husband might never wake up. But it’s almost impossible. At first it’s just the doctors, gently trying to prepare him for the possibility. But as one week and then two pass him by, even his family has joined in. The longer he’s in a coma the less likely he’ll wake up. They want him to wake up, and they never stop him from going to the hospital, but they all also point out that he must take care of himself. He must eat and sleep and work because when - they still say when even if he can tell that some of them are starting to think if - he wakes he’ll need him to be strong. Will will need their life to still be right on track. And he does what they say, not because he thinks they’re right - he honestly thinks he should be in the hospital just in case Will wakes up - but because he doesn’t want to fight with them.
He doesn’t have the energy.
Even he’s beginning to think that Will might never wake up. He tries to ignore it, but it’s harder to do the more time passes. He and Gabi and T have a system. One of them is always in the hospital, so that if Will were to wake up he won’t be alone. But even that is getting harder and harder. It’s only been two weeks but it feels like it has been two years. But they have to keep going like everything is normal because Ari is so young and she needs them. She keeps crying for her daddy and they can’t give her what she wants. Hearing her cry is heart-breaking.
He still can’t believe that Nick did this.
He believes it was him, he does. But in all honesty it never occurred to him that this could happen. He knew that Nick was dangerous, that the other man was going to destroy their life. He knew that Nick hated them, he knew that. But still it had never occurred to him that they could be in actual physical danger. It should have, considering all he had done in the past and because of what he had tried to do to Gabi, but for some reason it hadn’t. It hadn’t occurred to him to protect Will more, it hadn’t occurred to him that allowing Will to talk to Nick alone might be this dangerous. So he hadn’t stopped him, he’d allowed his husband, the love of his life, to walk into a dangerous situation all alone. And all that time the gun was in his bag, where it could not protect anyone. Gabi might blame herself - and if he’s honest a part of him blames her, too, but they can’t afford to have that fight right now - but she’s not the only one at fault here.
They all must share some blame.
He can’t even ask Nick why he did this. He can’t even go to prison to talk to Nick, to say all the things that he wants to say. They can’t even feel safe. Because Nick was never arrested. He was never taken into custody because by the time that Hope and Rafe got enough evidence, Nick had already left town. It was a clear admission of guilt, that was true, but he was still gone. He’d even gone to ask both E.J. and his uncle if they had perhaps done something to Nick - if only because that would make him feel safer - but both said the same thing: they hadn’t seen Nick or done anything to him, and they don’t know where he is.
Maybe he won’t come back. Maybe Nick will be smart enough to stay out of their life forever.
Maybe Will will wake up soon.
He has too, right?
This time he is dreaming.
He’s not asleep. Since he got stabbed and he has not woken up yet - at least he thinks he has not, dreams can be weird, after all - he suspects he’s in some kind of coma. That doesn’t mean he’s not dreaming. But it’s a strange dream. It’s like every possible life he could have ever lived, and every moment he’s ever lived, and everything that can still happen to him is trying to play out around him at the same time. It’s strange and surreal and the world around him flickers constantly, but he feels like he’s a part of all of them.
Sometimes he’s Austin son, the truth of who his father was never having been discovered. Sometimes he’s really Austin’s son. Sometimes his father is Lucas, but Lucas is a horrible person. Sometimes his mother is still married to Brandon, sometimes it’s E.J., sometimes it’s Franco. Sometimes he and Gabi are married and have a daughter. In some worlds Ari exists and in others she does not. Sometimes he and Sonny are happy together, sometimes they are not. In one world Sonny never forgives him, in another he never lies. Sometimes someone he loves is dead. Sometimes he’s the one who’s dead.
Dozens and dozens of worlds all trying to be the dominating one.
He feels like he belongs in all of them and none of them at the same time. He knows all the details in every single one of them, but they never hang around long enough to make him feel safe. They’re never completely clear and they’re always moving on. They’re never there long enough to be clear enough to convince him that he is not sleeping, but actually awake. He’s always missing somethin. In every single world there is something he truly loves that he does not have. He supposes that’s the way life is. True perfection cannot truly exist. If he gets one thing that he truly wants there is something that did not happen. He’s always missing something.
Sometimes he hears voices.
Voices that sound like the people he loves, sound like the people that surround him, but he knows they’re not the ones talking.
He wishes he could answer them.
And then one day he finds himself in a world where he and Sami are all alone. There’s nobody else there, and for the first time Will has no idea what world he is in or what has happened to all the other people he loves. Instead, he and Sami are playing board games in his apartment. Eventually she looks at him and says, time to go.
Yes, he thinks, it really is, isn’t it.
The world finally fades back into black.
He’d almost given up.
A lot of other people have given up. Not Will’s parents, because they probably can’t, and not Gabi, because she can’t either. But a lot of other people have. He can’t even say he doesn’t understand, Will has been in a coma for about a month now, after all. Everybody keeps telling him that everything will be alright, that he’ll feel better soon, but it never happens. Instead he lives his life as best he can, and spent all his free time either with Ari or in the hospital. But even though he didn’t want to, even though he wanted to hang on forever, he has to admit that even he was starting to give up.
And then, on a random day, Will suddenly moves his hand and whispers ‘Sonny’.
For the first time in a month Sonny can breathe again.
Whe is told he was out for a month he at first doesn’t believe them.
It’s just so unbelievable.
What scares him is the knowledge that Nick is still out there somewhere. The other man has not returned or contacted anyone - not even Aunt Julie - but he is out there somewhere. Perhaps he truly feels guilty and he is never going to return, but Will still doesn’t feel safe. He almost wants to ask Sonny that he move himself and Ari and Gabi into the Kiriakas mansion, but he never says it out loud. He’s grateful that he’s at least survived this somehow, that everything is alright.
That he got his life back.
Sonny is there all the time, every second he spends at the hospital recuperating. Everyone else visits, comes and goes, and they never say it but considering how long he was out he knows that several of them believed that he was not going to wake up. He doesn’t hold it against them.
His favourite moment is the first time he holds Ari again.
Everything would be alright now.
Will sees it later, much, much later.
He’s not sure whether Sonny hid it from him. It’s possible, he supposes, but if he didn’t want him to know, then why did Will find it? Considering all the cards and flowers he got he suspects it just got lost in the madness. He’s already home and they’re already moving on from all that has happened by the time he finds it.
It’s a note from Nick.
He’s not sure how Nick got the note to him. There is no way that Nick got into the hospital and even less of a chance that he got into his room. It could have happened, he supposes, but that would be almost impossible. He probably sent it in with flowers and the nurses didn’t think twice about putting them in his room. The note must have gotten lost over time because he never saw it before now.
Will
I’m sorry.
I’m not coming back.
Forgive me.
He never tells anyone but Sonny that he found the note. He’s not sure why. It’s not important, the note doesn’t mean a damn thing. It’s not going to help them find Nick. So he ignores he found it and just moves on with his life. He hopes that Nick didn’t lie when he said he wouldn’t come back. At least he’s smart enough to realize he probably wouldn’t survive that.
He doesn’t throw away the note though.
He doesn’t know why.
Maybe though, maybe he’ll be able to forgive him someday.
Maybe.
The sea is calm and beautiful.
He’s always preferred the sight of mountains over the beach, but Ari’s much too young for a holiday like that, and Will isn’t in shape yet to take the trip they’d talked about so long ago. Plus, they hadn’t wanted to leave Ari or Gabi behind in Salem. They’re sitting on the beach together. Gabi is lying on a chair, reading a book - well supposedly, she keeps looking at Ari every five seconds so Sonny doesn’t think she’s even read a word. He and Will are sitting on the sand, side by side, Will leaning against him, both looking at their little girl playing in the sand before them.
This is his life now.
And it’s perfect.
It always will be.
Later much, much later, Will writes two words on Nick’s note.
Forgive me.
I do.
Summary: In a moment of insanity - during one of the many arguments Nick and Will have about Arianna's custody - Nick stabs Will.This is what comes immediatly after.
The longer Will’s in a coma the less likely he’ll wake up.
That’s what they keep telling him.
Sonny tries to ignore them, tries to ignore the very real possibility that his husband might never wake up. But it’s almost impossible. At first it’s just the doctors, gently trying to prepare him for the possibility. But as one week and then two pass him by, even his family has joined in. The longer he’s in a coma the less likely he’ll wake up. They want him to wake up, and they never stop him from going to the hospital, but they all also point out that he must take care of himself. He must eat and sleep and work because when - they still say when even if he can tell that some of them are starting to think if - he wakes he’ll need him to be strong. Will will need their life to still be right on track. And he does what they say, not because he thinks they’re right - he honestly thinks he should be in the hospital just in case Will wakes up - but because he doesn’t want to fight with them.
He doesn’t have the energy.
Even he’s beginning to think that Will might never wake up. He tries to ignore it, but it’s harder to do the more time passes. He and Gabi and T have a system. One of them is always in the hospital, so that if Will were to wake up he won’t be alone. But even that is getting harder and harder. It’s only been two weeks but it feels like it has been two years. But they have to keep going like everything is normal because Ari is so young and she needs them. She keeps crying for her daddy and they can’t give her what she wants. Hearing her cry is heart-breaking.
He still can’t believe that Nick did this.
He believes it was him, he does. But in all honesty it never occurred to him that this could happen. He knew that Nick was dangerous, that the other man was going to destroy their life. He knew that Nick hated them, he knew that. But still it had never occurred to him that they could be in actual physical danger. It should have, considering all he had done in the past and because of what he had tried to do to Gabi, but for some reason it hadn’t. It hadn’t occurred to him to protect Will more, it hadn’t occurred to him that allowing Will to talk to Nick alone might be this dangerous. So he hadn’t stopped him, he’d allowed his husband, the love of his life, to walk into a dangerous situation all alone. And all that time the gun was in his bag, where it could not protect anyone. Gabi might blame herself - and if he’s honest a part of him blames her, too, but they can’t afford to have that fight right now - but she’s not the only one at fault here.
They all must share some blame.
He can’t even ask Nick why he did this. He can’t even go to prison to talk to Nick, to say all the things that he wants to say. They can’t even feel safe. Because Nick was never arrested. He was never taken into custody because by the time that Hope and Rafe got enough evidence, Nick had already left town. It was a clear admission of guilt, that was true, but he was still gone. He’d even gone to ask both E.J. and his uncle if they had perhaps done something to Nick - if only because that would make him feel safer - but both said the same thing: they hadn’t seen Nick or done anything to him, and they don’t know where he is.
Maybe he won’t come back. Maybe Nick will be smart enough to stay out of their life forever.
Maybe Will will wake up soon.
He has too, right?
This time he is dreaming.
He’s not asleep. Since he got stabbed and he has not woken up yet - at least he thinks he has not, dreams can be weird, after all - he suspects he’s in some kind of coma. That doesn’t mean he’s not dreaming. But it’s a strange dream. It’s like every possible life he could have ever lived, and every moment he’s ever lived, and everything that can still happen to him is trying to play out around him at the same time. It’s strange and surreal and the world around him flickers constantly, but he feels like he’s a part of all of them.
Sometimes he’s Austin son, the truth of who his father was never having been discovered. Sometimes he’s really Austin’s son. Sometimes his father is Lucas, but Lucas is a horrible person. Sometimes his mother is still married to Brandon, sometimes it’s E.J., sometimes it’s Franco. Sometimes he and Gabi are married and have a daughter. In some worlds Ari exists and in others she does not. Sometimes he and Sonny are happy together, sometimes they are not. In one world Sonny never forgives him, in another he never lies. Sometimes someone he loves is dead. Sometimes he’s the one who’s dead.
Dozens and dozens of worlds all trying to be the dominating one.
He feels like he belongs in all of them and none of them at the same time. He knows all the details in every single one of them, but they never hang around long enough to make him feel safe. They’re never completely clear and they’re always moving on. They’re never there long enough to be clear enough to convince him that he is not sleeping, but actually awake. He’s always missing somethin. In every single world there is something he truly loves that he does not have. He supposes that’s the way life is. True perfection cannot truly exist. If he gets one thing that he truly wants there is something that did not happen. He’s always missing something.
Sometimes he hears voices.
Voices that sound like the people he loves, sound like the people that surround him, but he knows they’re not the ones talking.
He wishes he could answer them.
And then one day he finds himself in a world where he and Sami are all alone. There’s nobody else there, and for the first time Will has no idea what world he is in or what has happened to all the other people he loves. Instead, he and Sami are playing board games in his apartment. Eventually she looks at him and says, time to go.
Yes, he thinks, it really is, isn’t it.
The world finally fades back into black.
He’d almost given up.
A lot of other people have given up. Not Will’s parents, because they probably can’t, and not Gabi, because she can’t either. But a lot of other people have. He can’t even say he doesn’t understand, Will has been in a coma for about a month now, after all. Everybody keeps telling him that everything will be alright, that he’ll feel better soon, but it never happens. Instead he lives his life as best he can, and spent all his free time either with Ari or in the hospital. But even though he didn’t want to, even though he wanted to hang on forever, he has to admit that even he was starting to give up.
And then, on a random day, Will suddenly moves his hand and whispers ‘Sonny’.
For the first time in a month Sonny can breathe again.
Whe is told he was out for a month he at first doesn’t believe them.
It’s just so unbelievable.
What scares him is the knowledge that Nick is still out there somewhere. The other man has not returned or contacted anyone - not even Aunt Julie - but he is out there somewhere. Perhaps he truly feels guilty and he is never going to return, but Will still doesn’t feel safe. He almost wants to ask Sonny that he move himself and Ari and Gabi into the Kiriakas mansion, but he never says it out loud. He’s grateful that he’s at least survived this somehow, that everything is alright.
That he got his life back.
Sonny is there all the time, every second he spends at the hospital recuperating. Everyone else visits, comes and goes, and they never say it but considering how long he was out he knows that several of them believed that he was not going to wake up. He doesn’t hold it against them.
His favourite moment is the first time he holds Ari again.
Everything would be alright now.
Will sees it later, much, much later.
He’s not sure whether Sonny hid it from him. It’s possible, he supposes, but if he didn’t want him to know, then why did Will find it? Considering all the cards and flowers he got he suspects it just got lost in the madness. He’s already home and they’re already moving on from all that has happened by the time he finds it.
It’s a note from Nick.
He’s not sure how Nick got the note to him. There is no way that Nick got into the hospital and even less of a chance that he got into his room. It could have happened, he supposes, but that would be almost impossible. He probably sent it in with flowers and the nurses didn’t think twice about putting them in his room. The note must have gotten lost over time because he never saw it before now.
Will
I’m sorry.
I’m not coming back.
Forgive me.
He never tells anyone but Sonny that he found the note. He’s not sure why. It’s not important, the note doesn’t mean a damn thing. It’s not going to help them find Nick. So he ignores he found it and just moves on with his life. He hopes that Nick didn’t lie when he said he wouldn’t come back. At least he’s smart enough to realize he probably wouldn’t survive that.
He doesn’t throw away the note though.
He doesn’t know why.
Maybe though, maybe he’ll be able to forgive him someday.
Maybe.
The sea is calm and beautiful.
He’s always preferred the sight of mountains over the beach, but Ari’s much too young for a holiday like that, and Will isn’t in shape yet to take the trip they’d talked about so long ago. Plus, they hadn’t wanted to leave Ari or Gabi behind in Salem. They’re sitting on the beach together. Gabi is lying on a chair, reading a book - well supposedly, she keeps looking at Ari every five seconds so Sonny doesn’t think she’s even read a word. He and Will are sitting on the sand, side by side, Will leaning against him, both looking at their little girl playing in the sand before them.
This is his life now.
And it’s perfect.
It always will be.
Later much, much later, Will writes two words on Nick’s note.
Forgive me.
I do.