(no subject)
(Most of you people are just going to scroll over this because its a long entry and you don't feel like reading it, if you do decide thats what you'd like to do, please remove me from your friends list, because whats the point of being on your list, if you could care less about what i have to say.)
I hate people. There are many different types of people, and i hate them all. Usually i love everyone, but today, i decided that the hate has been bottled up for too long, so....its national pamela hate the world day. Dont ask why, i was happy all day today, even happier then usual, then i went to the my band concert....oh wait......the band concert..... NOW I KNOW WHY I HATE PEOPLE!! I miss ms.rollinger!! ::tear tear:: I miss my old band, where everyone cared, where everyone just wanted the best for the band, and always strived to improve the band in anyway they could. Now, i'm in this nice little band where we're playing music that i honestly believe i played in 6th grade, and its full of all these people that are just having a fun and dandy time screwing around...non stop. Then i stop and realize, the whole...5 people who really do care, arent in my band, no...there not in my band at all, you know why, because no one cares about varsity band, varsity band is just like the "opening act" for the other bands, we're like the music in the elevator, its just there, no one especially likes it, and the music isnt really special its self, but yet, its still there. We are simply there, i don't feel proud of the band, i no longer go outta my way to defend the fact that i'm a band nerd, its not that i feel as though i'm "too cool" for the rest of the band, its that i feel like many others do not deserve to call themselves band nerds. I personally feel like its something you need to earn, and anyone who has been in band w/mrs.rollinger knows that. I even find myself from time to time not caring, and that lack of effort is honestly destroying me. I love band, i love to play, at least thats what i thought. I still enjoy playing,a nd i still enjoy band, but its no longer anything special for me, its just there. Tonight when we played, i noticed that i didnt get nervous, i wasnt scared, and i didnt really have any feelings at all. Most people would think thats its good to not have that nervousness, but i have come to realize, that the nervousness is a good feeling, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach come, because you know you have worked so hard, and all you want to do is release it, and show everyone what you can do. I didnt have that feeling, i felt....nothingness. And then i realize that others also share that blank feeling. They want to care again, and they believe that the way to fix it, is to yell and bitch and complain about mr.Z. How is that possibly going to get us anywhere!? Why can't everyone just get over themselves, and come together, and help each other become a great band. Rather then being this crazy "hate mr.z cult". As for all of those who quit...ur pathetic. I havent heard ONE good excuse out of anyone for quiting. If you can say that you cared about band in jr.high, and you honestly had a passion for playing your instrument, why would you possibly stop that. Why would you convince urself to not continue on with a talent you have, why would you rob yourself of the chance to produce music, the chance to do something that you enjoyed, and others enjoy hearing. Were you scared? Scared to reach that next level in the world of music? Well, i think we've already established....being scared is a good feeling.
I just don't understand people, and i try so hard to get into each and every person, to understand what there about, and what they're actually feeling, but the harder and harder i try to understand people's true personalities, i realize that they no longer have a personality, these people have created an image for themselves that is so far from who they actually are, that they have actually become someone new. I don't see why anyone would change themselves to make others like them becuase in the long run, it doesnt work, people see through you and THAT is how you loose friends.
Just had to get all that out.....
thank you for those who actually wasted their time to read it
I hate people. There are many different types of people, and i hate them all. Usually i love everyone, but today, i decided that the hate has been bottled up for too long, so....its national pamela hate the world day. Dont ask why, i was happy all day today, even happier then usual, then i went to the my band concert....oh wait......the band concert..... NOW I KNOW WHY I HATE PEOPLE!! I miss ms.rollinger!! ::tear tear:: I miss my old band, where everyone cared, where everyone just wanted the best for the band, and always strived to improve the band in anyway they could. Now, i'm in this nice little band where we're playing music that i honestly believe i played in 6th grade, and its full of all these people that are just having a fun and dandy time screwing around...non stop. Then i stop and realize, the whole...5 people who really do care, arent in my band, no...there not in my band at all, you know why, because no one cares about varsity band, varsity band is just like the "opening act" for the other bands, we're like the music in the elevator, its just there, no one especially likes it, and the music isnt really special its self, but yet, its still there. We are simply there, i don't feel proud of the band, i no longer go outta my way to defend the fact that i'm a band nerd, its not that i feel as though i'm "too cool" for the rest of the band, its that i feel like many others do not deserve to call themselves band nerds. I personally feel like its something you need to earn, and anyone who has been in band w/mrs.rollinger knows that. I even find myself from time to time not caring, and that lack of effort is honestly destroying me. I love band, i love to play, at least thats what i thought. I still enjoy playing,a nd i still enjoy band, but its no longer anything special for me, its just there. Tonight when we played, i noticed that i didnt get nervous, i wasnt scared, and i didnt really have any feelings at all. Most people would think thats its good to not have that nervousness, but i have come to realize, that the nervousness is a good feeling, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach come, because you know you have worked so hard, and all you want to do is release it, and show everyone what you can do. I didnt have that feeling, i felt....nothingness. And then i realize that others also share that blank feeling. They want to care again, and they believe that the way to fix it, is to yell and bitch and complain about mr.Z. How is that possibly going to get us anywhere!? Why can't everyone just get over themselves, and come together, and help each other become a great band. Rather then being this crazy "hate mr.z cult". As for all of those who quit...ur pathetic. I havent heard ONE good excuse out of anyone for quiting. If you can say that you cared about band in jr.high, and you honestly had a passion for playing your instrument, why would you possibly stop that. Why would you convince urself to not continue on with a talent you have, why would you rob yourself of the chance to produce music, the chance to do something that you enjoyed, and others enjoy hearing. Were you scared? Scared to reach that next level in the world of music? Well, i think we've already established....being scared is a good feeling.
I just don't understand people, and i try so hard to get into each and every person, to understand what there about, and what they're actually feeling, but the harder and harder i try to understand people's true personalities, i realize that they no longer have a personality, these people have created an image for themselves that is so far from who they actually are, that they have actually become someone new. I don't see why anyone would change themselves to make others like them becuase in the long run, it doesnt work, people see through you and THAT is how you loose friends.
Just had to get all that out.....
thank you for those who actually wasted their time to read it