This is it...
I just spent 2 hours reading through my every single post I have made since I signed up for this LiveJournal thing... Its so amazing how time goes by. I could talk about how my ability to write in english and actually make sense while doing so has changed,
My first reaction was a sadder one. 90% of my posts include sadness and pain. Either caused by myself, failed friendships, and most of all, heartbreaks. When I decided to move here, I knew that things would be hard, and that I would have to go through huge changes before finding out who I really am and what I want my life to be like.
Looking back, my life is completely different from what I had planned it to be like. I was barely 18 when I moved here; when I decided to take my life into "my own hands" and try something new. The truth is that I had no idea what I was doing, and I still don't.
However, I see things completely different know. I have learned how to take care of myself (or at least try to) and how to even mend my own broken heart. I have grown so much and yet I still feel like a child inside. I have met so many amazing people during the last 4 years, and whether these friendships or relationships have endured the many changes in my life, I am still thankful for them. I have lost many people and gained others, and for all of that, I will be forever thankful.
After reading all those entries, I feel completely different. Its like in the movies, when they show the person's life flash before their eyes as they take their last breath. I cannot believe how stupid and ridiculous I have been. I spend so many hours crying over things that could be easily fixed and wondering about the future while forgetting to live the present and neglecting the past. Yes, life has been hard... but who's life hasn't? and, if I was able to get through all of that, who says I cannot conquer anything that gets on my path now?
In a way, I feel wiser now. Amazing what looking back on your blog can do for you. I am stronger now. I have no idea what the future has in store for me, and the truth is, I don't really mind. All I know is that whatever I want my future to be like depends on me and me ONLY. Nobody can change that. And I like it that way.
I'm flying home tomorrow, and I'll be ther for a month. As of tomorrow morning, I am taking control of my life and starting over. I am a grown-up one. I have graduated college and I got here because I was strong enough to do so. If I can do that, I can do anything I set myself to accomplish.
My first reaction was a sadder one. 90% of my posts include sadness and pain. Either caused by myself, failed friendships, and most of all, heartbreaks. When I decided to move here, I knew that things would be hard, and that I would have to go through huge changes before finding out who I really am and what I want my life to be like.
Looking back, my life is completely different from what I had planned it to be like. I was barely 18 when I moved here; when I decided to take my life into "my own hands" and try something new. The truth is that I had no idea what I was doing, and I still don't.
However, I see things completely different know. I have learned how to take care of myself (or at least try to) and how to even mend my own broken heart. I have grown so much and yet I still feel like a child inside. I have met so many amazing people during the last 4 years, and whether these friendships or relationships have endured the many changes in my life, I am still thankful for them. I have lost many people and gained others, and for all of that, I will be forever thankful.
After reading all those entries, I feel completely different. Its like in the movies, when they show the person's life flash before their eyes as they take their last breath. I cannot believe how stupid and ridiculous I have been. I spend so many hours crying over things that could be easily fixed and wondering about the future while forgetting to live the present and neglecting the past. Yes, life has been hard... but who's life hasn't? and, if I was able to get through all of that, who says I cannot conquer anything that gets on my path now?
In a way, I feel wiser now. Amazing what looking back on your blog can do for you. I am stronger now. I have no idea what the future has in store for me, and the truth is, I don't really mind. All I know is that whatever I want my future to be like depends on me and me ONLY. Nobody can change that. And I like it that way.
I'm flying home tomorrow, and I'll be ther for a month. As of tomorrow morning, I am taking control of my life and starting over. I am a grown-up one. I have graduated college and I got here because I was strong enough to do so. If I can do that, I can do anything I set myself to accomplish.