misunderstanding
I was trying to listen to you the whole time we were together, you just never did say anything, until I blew up on you.
You should of broken it off when you knew that you didn't feel as strongly as I did. Gotten to know me as just friends. Instead of leading me on. You're not really sorry, you just wanted to throw stuff in my face.
I was hurt, and when people get hurt they say things they don't mean. They aren't in their normal state of mind, because everything seems to be so much more dramatic then it meeds to be. It's called being human. Ryan twisted what I said it wasn't "I loved you for who I thought you were,Not for who you are." It was.." I went out with the person I thought you were, NOT who you are." I'm not saying it was right, but it had nothing to do with not loving him for who he is. And don't be ridiculous...being fake doesn't do anything. It only makes you a bigger liar. If you didn't mean you loved me...you shouldn't have said it first. I'm glad you are finally standing up for yourself. We BOTH have misunderstood eachother. That's normal.
February 20th 2005
He is a great guy and has awesome potential. I just couldn't be with him anymore when he does have feelings for Betsy. He has through this whole thing. A few hours ago I would have said that he didn't love me at all. I don't mean true love, because I won't know what that is until I'm married. I just mean care about me and not just as a friend. Now, I know that he did, at one point love me. Ok, maybe not love, but really liked me. He meant some of it, I don't know which part exactly. Just to know that he only gave half of his heart and I have him all of mine, hurts the most. When I blew up on him tonight, I felt I had a good reason to. I was defending myself. I'm just disappointed that he had to lie to me. I never lied to him, not once. All I did was care about him. I just wish I could of helped him. I tried to, I told him I was there for him and I still am. I am willing to help him anytime, he just has to want help. I hurt him by what I said (" I went out with the person I thought you were, NOT who you are."). I didn't want to hurt him. I was lied to and deceived, I din't know who he was. I do know that he has a good heart, he truly does. He hurt me so bad, because most of our relationship was a lie.
He thinks I hate him. Defending yourself isn't saying things because you hate the person. It's protecting yourself against the things that are said and done to you. People get hurt everyday, it's part of the learning part of life. I just feel a bit sad because he probably thinks bad of me right now. I can't handle, people having bad feelings toward me very well. It breaks my heart, because all I want is to make people happy/smile and have them know I love them for who they are. I've forgiven Ryan and I will be ok and I will move on, I am already. He just has to decide if he'll accept my forgiveness. Ultimately I'm not thinking about myself right now. I'm thinking about HIS feelings and how he's doing. All I want is for him to he happy, I was really upset when I said that about him, I was in the heat of the moment. I am not as shallow as he would like all of you to think. People make mistakes. It doesn't mean they are bad people. We've BOTH made mistakes.
School will most likely be a bit awkward for a while, but hopefully Ryan will know I still care about him. If he learned anything while we were together, I'm hoping that it was that I don't like arguments and I forgive and love everyone. I do get angry, but not for long. I know he once knew that, I'm just hoping he still does. I thought our relationship was going just fine. He likes to think that I thought it didn't go fast enough. That's not true.
You should of broken it off when you knew that you didn't feel as strongly as I did. Gotten to know me as just friends. Instead of leading me on. You're not really sorry, you just wanted to throw stuff in my face.
I was hurt, and when people get hurt they say things they don't mean. They aren't in their normal state of mind, because everything seems to be so much more dramatic then it meeds to be. It's called being human. Ryan twisted what I said it wasn't "I loved you for who I thought you were,Not for who you are." It was.." I went out with the person I thought you were, NOT who you are." I'm not saying it was right, but it had nothing to do with not loving him for who he is. And don't be ridiculous...being fake doesn't do anything. It only makes you a bigger liar. If you didn't mean you loved me...you shouldn't have said it first. I'm glad you are finally standing up for yourself. We BOTH have misunderstood eachother. That's normal.
February 20th 2005
He is a great guy and has awesome potential. I just couldn't be with him anymore when he does have feelings for Betsy. He has through this whole thing. A few hours ago I would have said that he didn't love me at all. I don't mean true love, because I won't know what that is until I'm married. I just mean care about me and not just as a friend. Now, I know that he did, at one point love me. Ok, maybe not love, but really liked me. He meant some of it, I don't know which part exactly. Just to know that he only gave half of his heart and I have him all of mine, hurts the most. When I blew up on him tonight, I felt I had a good reason to. I was defending myself. I'm just disappointed that he had to lie to me. I never lied to him, not once. All I did was care about him. I just wish I could of helped him. I tried to, I told him I was there for him and I still am. I am willing to help him anytime, he just has to want help. I hurt him by what I said (" I went out with the person I thought you were, NOT who you are."). I didn't want to hurt him. I was lied to and deceived, I din't know who he was. I do know that he has a good heart, he truly does. He hurt me so bad, because most of our relationship was a lie.
He thinks I hate him. Defending yourself isn't saying things because you hate the person. It's protecting yourself against the things that are said and done to you. People get hurt everyday, it's part of the learning part of life. I just feel a bit sad because he probably thinks bad of me right now. I can't handle, people having bad feelings toward me very well. It breaks my heart, because all I want is to make people happy/smile and have them know I love them for who they are. I've forgiven Ryan and I will be ok and I will move on, I am already. He just has to decide if he'll accept my forgiveness. Ultimately I'm not thinking about myself right now. I'm thinking about HIS feelings and how he's doing. All I want is for him to he happy, I was really upset when I said that about him, I was in the heat of the moment. I am not as shallow as he would like all of you to think. People make mistakes. It doesn't mean they are bad people. We've BOTH made mistakes.
School will most likely be a bit awkward for a while, but hopefully Ryan will know I still care about him. If he learned anything while we were together, I'm hoping that it was that I don't like arguments and I forgive and love everyone. I do get angry, but not for long. I know he once knew that, I'm just hoping he still does. I thought our relationship was going just fine. He likes to think that I thought it didn't go fast enough. That's not true.