Where would I be without these RLF???
Pam was happily munching on cornflakes, leaning against the counter, listening to Héla regale her with what had happened at the party the previous night. It seems Evan Rachel Wood had made a pass at dear Patzy... and well let’s just say Wood no longer thought she was the bad ass in town.
“I mean seriously. Have you seen the girl’s complexion? Their kid would look like an albino.”
Pam choked slightly on her cornflakes as she got caught laughing.
“Only You would forego the ‘Bitch he’s my man’ and go straight to the technical glitches of him cheating on you.”
Héla grinned at her, “Well, of course she’d never see the light of another day. But dear it was a party. I didn’t want to embarrass her in front of all those people.”
Pam just shook her head chuckling, when suddenly the front door could be heard opening. In walked Rob with a gym bag in his hand, clearly having just come back from another training session.
“Hello love,” he cheerily greeted as he leaned down and pecked Héla on the mouth.
“Pam.”
“Patzy,” she nodded. “Another rough and tumble eh?”
He smirked, while opening the fridge, “You do know the skinny boy jokes don’t work anymore right? I got back the muscle.”
“Hmm... yes well. One more hiatus and I’ll be back to knocking you over with a feather,” Pam retorted narrowing her eyes.
Héla opened her mouth.
“And one quip about how you love him either way and I’m leaving,” Pam held up a finger.
Héla and Rob exchanged glances. Héla shrugged, “What can I say? The girl knows me well.”
Rob laughed, “Alright then best to hit the showers. Get me all shaved and ready. How much before we have to leave?”
Héla had been carrying a plate to the sink which promptly fell over and made a loud clatter. Pam stopped mid-munch, mouth hanging open.
“Rob... sweetheart... what did you say?” Héla turned to face him, staring at him.
“I asked what time we have to leave love.” Rob looked at her like he thought she was developing hearing difficulties.
“Before that Rob,” Héla quickly snapped.
“I said I’m taking a shower and shaving.”
“AHA! That right there. I thought we talked about this when your manager first suggested the ludicrous idea?”
“Hélaaaa,” Rob whined out. “Pam back me up on this. You know the reasons behind this desperate need for hygiene John keeps harping on about.”
Héla shook her head, “Wrong move love.”
“Me!” Pam seemed to come back to reality quickly gulping down whatever she was eating and setting the box of cornflakes down. “I wouldn’t have told you to shave if your life depended on it!”
Rob rolled his eyes. “Nice to see I always have your support... and my safety in your mind.”
“Don’t play helpless victim with me. I told John I think it’s the dumbest idea he’s ever had and let me tell you he’s had some pretty dumb ideas. Like when he said ‘Let’s all go to Paris Hilton’s party’ and Verne Troyer ended up upside down in the Alizée fountain because the stupid bint couldn’t hold her drink and tried to kiss you. Oh that was a jolly good night. Poor Verne still has trouble sitting down, three weeks later. Or how about the time...”
“The point Pam,” Rob gritted out.
“Ah yes the point,” Pam stood up straighter, “The point is John is marvellous at getting you jobs but he’s terrible at what he thinks the public wants from you.”
“So you want me to go looking as the mountain man I’ve been trolling about in LA for the last few weeks. Come on Pam even I know that’s pushing it.”
“Excuse me have you seen Brad and Adrien Brody? Christ that man looks like he has a chimpanzee on his face.”
“Both for roles.”
“We’ll work an angle when we’re on the red carpet. We’ll tell Joan Rivers you’re trying out the caveman basic instinct approach. That oughta get a few tongues wagging, if you know what I mean.” She elbowed Héla and gave her a conspirational wink.
Héla giggled but straightened up when she saw Rob glaring at her.
“Contrary to popular belief, my sex life is not a toy to be flaunted around.”
Héla and Pam both glanced at each other, silently asking the other who will make the obvious joke.
Rob looked from one to the other. He raised his arms in exasperation. “Gahh, you’re incorrigible. The both of you.”
He stormed out of the kitchen and made his way to the bathroom upstairs with full speed.
Héla and Pam quickly looked at each other alarmed.
“Rob, love now don’t be hasty. We wouldn’t want you to do something you can’t undo.”
“You know what I think,” Rob turned around, scissors in hand, “is that the only reason you’re making such a fuss is because of some kind of incomprehensible sexual need. Never mind my reputation or how these people perceive me. No it’s all about your gratification.”
“Well honey...” Héla slowly inched forward trying to take the scissors.
Rob pulled his arm back, making the scissors beyond her reach. “Are you serious? Are you actually going to stand there and put this up for debate. As if I don’t do everything for you, come hell or high water. Héla you know where I stand on what I’d do for you and to you...”
“Oh geez. Will you warn me before such a topic gets broached?” Pam dramatically turned around planting a palm over her eyes.
Héla couldn’t help but let out a giggle. Rob just rolled his eyes.
“I’ll get to you in a minute Halliwell.”
“No no take your time please. Heaven forbid I’d be the reason you’d have to rush the ‘what you’d do TO her?” Pam made a dramatic waving gesture with her arm while still firmly covering her eyes with the other.
Héla giggled again. Rob was about to start speaking when she grabbed his face in between her palms and looked him dead in the eye.
“Darling, you know this has nothing to do with the way you look.... or whatever silly notion you’ve gotten into your head. This is about principle. You’re only doing this for them.”
Rob just heaved a sigh, unable to resist the comfort he felt. “Yes but just this once. I’d rather listen to John. NOT that I don’t value your expert opinion Pam,” he quickly added, frowning conceding.
Pam made yet another gesture with her hands seemingly to convey, ‘As you wish’.
“But he has a little more experience in this arena. And it’s not like it’ll do any harm right?”
“You could go in a sack and it wouldn’t do any harm,” Héla mumbled.
Rob smirked, getting the gist of what she had said even though he hadn’t heard every word. He pulled back from her hold, holding out the scissors as far away as possible and raised his eyebrow questioningly.
“Rob, now just wait a minute,” Héla pleaded.
Suddenly Rob heard a weird form of battle cry coming from his right and in a flash felt a 60 kilogramme tiny person on his back, clutching at his arm.
“Héla, quick grab the scissors. Sorry Rob. Desperate times and all that.”
“You’re damn bleeding right it’s bloody desperate. Get off me you maniac.” Rob tried to get Pam off him but he was limited in his movement as he didn’t want to run the risk of hurting anyone with the scissors. And her grip on his arm was vice-like. He wondered where in the world she had developed a hold like that.
“We’ll strike a deal Patzy. A trim. Just a nice trim. We’ll get it at one of those expensive hair salons to please John. We’ll pay with his credit card so he’ll definitely know we did it.”
All the while, Pam kept seeing different sides of the room as Rob kept moving around, trying to push her off, while she held on with all the effort she could muster.
“Alright you two, stop it.” Héla slowly approached and yanked the scissors from Rob’s hands. He held on while she gave him a withering glare. “Give me the scissors Rob, or the monkey over here won’t get off.”
Rob looked over his shoulder glaring at Pam while she grinned at him wildly. He grudgingly let go of the scissors and Pam promptly landed on the floow.
Both girls sat down next to each other, Pam trying to arrange her hair which was had become in disarray form her little attempt.
“I mean seriously. Have you seen the girl’s complexion? Their kid would look like an albino.”
Pam choked slightly on her cornflakes as she got caught laughing.
“Only You would forego the ‘Bitch he’s my man’ and go straight to the technical glitches of him cheating on you.”
Héla grinned at her, “Well, of course she’d never see the light of another day. But dear it was a party. I didn’t want to embarrass her in front of all those people.”
Pam just shook her head chuckling, when suddenly the front door could be heard opening. In walked Rob with a gym bag in his hand, clearly having just come back from another training session.
“Hello love,” he cheerily greeted as he leaned down and pecked Héla on the mouth.
“Pam.”
“Patzy,” she nodded. “Another rough and tumble eh?”
He smirked, while opening the fridge, “You do know the skinny boy jokes don’t work anymore right? I got back the muscle.”
“Hmm... yes well. One more hiatus and I’ll be back to knocking you over with a feather,” Pam retorted narrowing her eyes.
Héla opened her mouth.
“And one quip about how you love him either way and I’m leaving,” Pam held up a finger.
Héla and Rob exchanged glances. Héla shrugged, “What can I say? The girl knows me well.”
Rob laughed, “Alright then best to hit the showers. Get me all shaved and ready. How much before we have to leave?”
Héla had been carrying a plate to the sink which promptly fell over and made a loud clatter. Pam stopped mid-munch, mouth hanging open.
“Rob... sweetheart... what did you say?” Héla turned to face him, staring at him.
“I asked what time we have to leave love.” Rob looked at her like he thought she was developing hearing difficulties.
“Before that Rob,” Héla quickly snapped.
“I said I’m taking a shower and shaving.”
“AHA! That right there. I thought we talked about this when your manager first suggested the ludicrous idea?”
“Hélaaaa,” Rob whined out. “Pam back me up on this. You know the reasons behind this desperate need for hygiene John keeps harping on about.”
Héla shook her head, “Wrong move love.”
“Me!” Pam seemed to come back to reality quickly gulping down whatever she was eating and setting the box of cornflakes down. “I wouldn’t have told you to shave if your life depended on it!”
Rob rolled his eyes. “Nice to see I always have your support... and my safety in your mind.”
“Don’t play helpless victim with me. I told John I think it’s the dumbest idea he’s ever had and let me tell you he’s had some pretty dumb ideas. Like when he said ‘Let’s all go to Paris Hilton’s party’ and Verne Troyer ended up upside down in the Alizée fountain because the stupid bint couldn’t hold her drink and tried to kiss you. Oh that was a jolly good night. Poor Verne still has trouble sitting down, three weeks later. Or how about the time...”
“The point Pam,” Rob gritted out.
“Ah yes the point,” Pam stood up straighter, “The point is John is marvellous at getting you jobs but he’s terrible at what he thinks the public wants from you.”
“So you want me to go looking as the mountain man I’ve been trolling about in LA for the last few weeks. Come on Pam even I know that’s pushing it.”
“Excuse me have you seen Brad and Adrien Brody? Christ that man looks like he has a chimpanzee on his face.”
“Both for roles.”
“We’ll work an angle when we’re on the red carpet. We’ll tell Joan Rivers you’re trying out the caveman basic instinct approach. That oughta get a few tongues wagging, if you know what I mean.” She elbowed Héla and gave her a conspirational wink.
Héla giggled but straightened up when she saw Rob glaring at her.
“Contrary to popular belief, my sex life is not a toy to be flaunted around.”
Héla and Pam both glanced at each other, silently asking the other who will make the obvious joke.
Rob looked from one to the other. He raised his arms in exasperation. “Gahh, you’re incorrigible. The both of you.”
He stormed out of the kitchen and made his way to the bathroom upstairs with full speed.
Héla and Pam quickly looked at each other alarmed.
“Rob, love now don’t be hasty. We wouldn’t want you to do something you can’t undo.”
“You know what I think,” Rob turned around, scissors in hand, “is that the only reason you’re making such a fuss is because of some kind of incomprehensible sexual need. Never mind my reputation or how these people perceive me. No it’s all about your gratification.”
“Well honey...” Héla slowly inched forward trying to take the scissors.
Rob pulled his arm back, making the scissors beyond her reach. “Are you serious? Are you actually going to stand there and put this up for debate. As if I don’t do everything for you, come hell or high water. Héla you know where I stand on what I’d do for you and to you...”
“Oh geez. Will you warn me before such a topic gets broached?” Pam dramatically turned around planting a palm over her eyes.
Héla couldn’t help but let out a giggle. Rob just rolled his eyes.
“I’ll get to you in a minute Halliwell.”
“No no take your time please. Heaven forbid I’d be the reason you’d have to rush the ‘what you’d do TO her?” Pam made a dramatic waving gesture with her arm while still firmly covering her eyes with the other.
Héla giggled again. Rob was about to start speaking when she grabbed his face in between her palms and looked him dead in the eye.
“Darling, you know this has nothing to do with the way you look.... or whatever silly notion you’ve gotten into your head. This is about principle. You’re only doing this for them.”
Rob just heaved a sigh, unable to resist the comfort he felt. “Yes but just this once. I’d rather listen to John. NOT that I don’t value your expert opinion Pam,” he quickly added, frowning conceding.
Pam made yet another gesture with her hands seemingly to convey, ‘As you wish’.
“But he has a little more experience in this arena. And it’s not like it’ll do any harm right?”
“You could go in a sack and it wouldn’t do any harm,” Héla mumbled.
Rob smirked, getting the gist of what she had said even though he hadn’t heard every word. He pulled back from her hold, holding out the scissors as far away as possible and raised his eyebrow questioningly.
“Rob, now just wait a minute,” Héla pleaded.
Suddenly Rob heard a weird form of battle cry coming from his right and in a flash felt a 60 kilogramme tiny person on his back, clutching at his arm.
“Héla, quick grab the scissors. Sorry Rob. Desperate times and all that.”
“You’re damn bleeding right it’s bloody desperate. Get off me you maniac.” Rob tried to get Pam off him but he was limited in his movement as he didn’t want to run the risk of hurting anyone with the scissors. And her grip on his arm was vice-like. He wondered where in the world she had developed a hold like that.
“We’ll strike a deal Patzy. A trim. Just a nice trim. We’ll get it at one of those expensive hair salons to please John. We’ll pay with his credit card so he’ll definitely know we did it.”
All the while, Pam kept seeing different sides of the room as Rob kept moving around, trying to push her off, while she held on with all the effort she could muster.
“Alright you two, stop it.” Héla slowly approached and yanked the scissors from Rob’s hands. He held on while she gave him a withering glare. “Give me the scissors Rob, or the monkey over here won’t get off.”
Rob looked over his shoulder glaring at Pam while she grinned at him wildly. He grudgingly let go of the scissors and Pam promptly landed on the floow.
Both girls sat down next to each other, Pam trying to arrange her hair which was had become in disarray form her little attempt.