Like a Sack 'o Potatoes, the Same Old Story...
begin lament:
I wish I could get used to this. I tried to hold back on my expectations this time to protect myself, and I failed pretty miserably. My heart actually physically hurts, I'm having trouble sleeping, and I'm back on The Divorce Diet. I'm a loving, caring, supportive, honest, giving person, capable of great, deep intimacy. It's hard to keep on doing that when I get burned so often, but I seem incapable of holding back. Finding the perfect lover is unlikely, when they're all just people, just like me, with strengths and flaws and quirks and interesting characteristics and blind spots. I can see pretty deeply into people when I've gotten to know them well, and when I give my love or friendship I don't withdraw it. I continue to love them anyway. I wish I could find lovers (well, just one would do) who know me well and deeply, and love me anyway. Losing a friend hurts as much to me as does losing a lover, and any lover I've had for any decent length of time turns into a friend. Then when he leaves, I lose both. I'd like to meet a man whose love, or at least whose friendship, I could trust. I'd like someone who wouldn't deceive me or himself, even by accident or unconsciously.
Hmm...wish I could say, "lament off" and believe it.
I wish I could get used to this. I tried to hold back on my expectations this time to protect myself, and I failed pretty miserably. My heart actually physically hurts, I'm having trouble sleeping, and I'm back on The Divorce Diet. I'm a loving, caring, supportive, honest, giving person, capable of great, deep intimacy. It's hard to keep on doing that when I get burned so often, but I seem incapable of holding back. Finding the perfect lover is unlikely, when they're all just people, just like me, with strengths and flaws and quirks and interesting characteristics and blind spots. I can see pretty deeply into people when I've gotten to know them well, and when I give my love or friendship I don't withdraw it. I continue to love them anyway. I wish I could find lovers (well, just one would do) who know me well and deeply, and love me anyway. Losing a friend hurts as much to me as does losing a lover, and any lover I've had for any decent length of time turns into a friend. Then when he leaves, I lose both. I'd like to meet a man whose love, or at least whose friendship, I could trust. I'd like someone who wouldn't deceive me or himself, even by accident or unconsciously.
Hmm...wish I could say, "lament off" and believe it.