death; or, deep thoughts in the shower
I stayed up until 2 am reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (OotP), so I'm kinda tired (shoulda just stayed up instead of trying to sleep, but then I wouldn't have had my dream; and my thinks I might have been "mad woman" instead of a sad woman.
Spoiler for OotP:
Sirius dies. This is bad for several reasons: he's Harry's godfather, and someone in the book mentions that Sirious is starting to become Harry's friend and brother. Also, I like this character, as did Harry, so the next bad reason for his death is that Harry is very sad. However, the major bad reason is that *I'm* sad (and really mad). At first, I thought I was sad and mad at JKR. But then, I had my dream: amongst a bunch of really confused shit, Sherry, my (dead) sister, did something that really made me mad, and that was really out of character.
After waking up and finally getting in the shower, I started thinking about why I was so mad at JKR, and had my revelation: I wasn't mad at JKR, I was furious with Sherry for dying (mind you, this is five years after her death). How dare Sherry get cancer and die. She was going to get better, dammit! She was going to visit me in DC, she and J were going to get married, and she was going to go to graduate school.
I can't even write this without getting mad at her and getting teary. J (a different J) thinks I should start beating up on pillows, and maybe that's not a bad idea. I'm getting to the point that I just want to scream.
I was really good this morning: I haven't read anything, just been sitting, thinking about how Sherry has left me and just being mad/sad. Normally, I would be reading anything I could get my hands on, especially slash. Anything to get rid of these ucky feelings. But now that I'm in the graduate school of therapy (another dream I had), I guess I should actually listen to what my brain is telling me: you have to feel ucky before you feel better. Which really sucks and is really unfair.
Don't think I've gotten it all out yet, but I really should try to get SOME work done today.
Spoiler for OotP:
Sirius dies. This is bad for several reasons: he's Harry's godfather, and someone in the book mentions that Sirious is starting to become Harry's friend and brother. Also, I like this character, as did Harry, so the next bad reason for his death is that Harry is very sad. However, the major bad reason is that *I'm* sad (and really mad). At first, I thought I was sad and mad at JKR. But then, I had my dream: amongst a bunch of really confused shit, Sherry, my (dead) sister, did something that really made me mad, and that was really out of character.
After waking up and finally getting in the shower, I started thinking about why I was so mad at JKR, and had my revelation: I wasn't mad at JKR, I was furious with Sherry for dying (mind you, this is five years after her death). How dare Sherry get cancer and die. She was going to get better, dammit! She was going to visit me in DC, she and J were going to get married, and she was going to go to graduate school.
I can't even write this without getting mad at her and getting teary. J (a different J) thinks I should start beating up on pillows, and maybe that's not a bad idea. I'm getting to the point that I just want to scream.
I was really good this morning: I haven't read anything, just been sitting, thinking about how Sherry has left me and just being mad/sad. Normally, I would be reading anything I could get my hands on, especially slash. Anything to get rid of these ucky feelings. But now that I'm in the graduate school of therapy (another dream I had), I guess I should actually listen to what my brain is telling me: you have to feel ucky before you feel better. Which really sucks and is really unfair.
Don't think I've gotten it all out yet, but I really should try to get SOME work done today.