payoffs
Lately I have been thinking a little about prioritizing things in my life. Prioritizing burlesque (what else-it is my only hobby) is a big and visible and comparatively easy-to-tackle issue. The balance of hassle to payoff has shifted a lot since I moved to DC.
The hassles are many: Scheduling away all my free time is now a hassle b/c I want to spend time with my boyfriend and getting settled into my home. I thought I would want to hit the ground running here in DC, but instead I find that I want to dig in a little first. Pestering people to come to shows is frustrating. With no base of friends and a lack of community support, as well as a lack of just general city-wide interest, it’s a lot harder to bring people to shows.
*edited to add: I feel really fortunate for the friends I've made here who have come to support me and see my shows!! I totally don't want to belittle that. Just trying to compare where I am w/ this subjectively. If anything, I feel like a jerk b/c I have missed other people's social events due to lack of transport and moping!
The payoff of this hobby is mainly Performance and Money. I’ll admit I get a huge amount of satisfaction from performing. However, lately getting inspired from performances is like dragging my feet through mud. There’s also Notoriety. In Chicago, the more shows I did the more pseudo-local-celebrity I earned, and that was enough to keep me working hard. Doing shows in questionable scenarios for the “exposure” actually paid off, often directly: networking led to more shows, and a variety of opportunities in new mediums. Unfortunately that’s not really been happening here. Even worse, I find myself frustrated with opportunities that would only be convenient to me if I had a car (which I don’t).
For example, here is a scenario which encompasses of all aspects of my frustration. Back in July, frustrated with the lack of gigs I could find, I contacted the girl who runs the local Dr Sketchys. I sold her, and she excitedly agreed to book me. However, they didn’t have any openings until October 8, and the location is out in the non-pub-transit-accessible suburbs. Depressed and desperate to find ANYthing to keep me busy, I said “Yes,” assuming I’d surely find a friend who would be willing to drive me to Vienna by then, right?
Fast forward 2 months to today…. I’ve all but forgotten about it. I have worked out the chance to go back to Chicago and visit my missed friends & family, and I’ve been super excited about it and making plans already. But then I realized that the weekend that I could go back to visit Chicago is also the weekend I had booked this Dr Sketchys thing. Augh!!!!!
Morally, it’s against my fiber to cancel a gig I’ve already confirmed as long as I can still do it well.
Emotionally, going home to Chicago would do a LOT to raise my spirits and make me happy.
Monetarily, it’s a $60 gig (will be spent immediately on cab fare & dinner). Very little exposure (I’m guessing).
HUGE HASSLE to get there.
So then there’s the Money factor. There’s not much money to be made in burlesque, but a dollar’s a dollar and you can’t really argue w/ cold hard cash. Especially in a loose community where the ramifications of being a jerk & a flake are not readily apparent. So I find myself at the point where, to assuage my guilty conscience, I’m looking at the payment amount as my sole decider for whether I want to take gigs or not, and even-I’m ashamed to say-whether I may cancel on a gig when something “better” comes up.
I’m already at the point where I am insisting on knowing the pay before I commit to new shows. But cancelling a previously confirmed gig - I don’t know if I want to go there. It doesn’t feel “right;” but I also know that I will be quite miserable to trade a trip home for a low-payoff gig.
What would you do?
In other news, I'm settling in quite nicely, finally. It took a while, but I think that I'm doing it right. C and I bought a huge bookshelf-thing from IKEA via Craigslist. I learned a valuable lesson: Don't buy IKEA furniture off Craigslist. Horrid condition. So I painted it over w/ a nice deep red. I also painted one of the walls in the kitchen w/ a cocoa-tinted chalkboard paint. It is such a deep rich brown, I swear it smelled like chocolate when I was painting. I'm getting back into baking as a stress-reliever/comfort - learning how to make pie crusts and a variety of pies sweet & savory is my goal for the winter. I am also going to jump back into baking my own bread. At some point I'm going to attempt macarons. Woo hoo!
I'm also trying to get back into reading and film. OH and I want to pick up a video game. I need something relatively easy w/ a good story, like Final Fantasy (turn-based, menu-driven action being the key). Oh I also loved Baldur's Gate. Something C and I could play together would be cool. Would love any suggestions!