Long post.
Grrr. I have picture comments on MySpace, but it won't let me see them. I hate MySpace. So why don't I delete my profile, you ask? Because then how would I keep in contact with everyone that I know? It's a lose-lose situation, I guess. Stupid MySpace.
Anyway, go to my page and listen to my song. It's called "All the Same" and it's by a group called Sick Puppies. I don't know any of their other songs, just this one. But I really like it. They have been playing it on 89x, and it has a lot of emotional meanings for me. I totally go into another zone when I listen to it.
89x. I love that station. Brian doesn't really like it that much, so our car rides are always interesting. I remember I used to have three main rules for a boyfriend [other than the obvious ones like religion and that]: he had to love 89x, he had to play hockey, and I don't remember what the other one was. Must not have been important. Anyway, Brian fits none of them. Adam fit them all, but he wasn't the one for me. Brian is. I guess God had other ideas for what was important. He showed me.
Read on, if you like. I won't flood your Friends pages.
God has done that a couple of times. Like when I was a senior in high school and all I wanted to do was be a journalist. Then I discovered that the one college I wanted to go to was Cornerstone University. I wanted it so badly. They didn't have a journalism program, and I thought, "Okay, God. I'm willing to give up my journalism career to go to this school." But God didn't want me to give up journalism. He wanted me to give up Cornerstone. I thought I was being some great Christian for being willing to give up what I wanted. But God wanted me to be willing to give up everything for Him. We ended up not being able to afford Cornerstone. I went to MCC and started on my path to journalism. I ended up starting my job at Sunny Skies, falling in love with it, and changing my major to Early Childhood Education. None of that would have happened if I had went to Grand Rapids for school. And now I am where I am supposed to be. I can feel that now, and it's so far from where I imagined it all a couple years ago. I'm going to be getting my Bachelor's at Rochester College. I looked into that school when I was in high school, and then dismissed it. I never would have guessed all of these things would have happened.
And that goes for everything. How much has my life changed? I graduated high school with one solid boyfriend. I knew what I was going to do with my life. I lived in the same house I had my entire life and in the same area. I worked at the same job I had for almost a year, and I was comfortable there. Then the upheaval began. I won't go into how everything happened, or when. But less than two years I have moved twice. Within a few months, that will double to four times: From Warren to Linden, then Clarkston, back to Linden, then Sterling Heights. Adam disappeared from my life [I chased him away..] and there was Brian. Before I know it, I've quit my job at Hallmark and was basically living out of my car for about a month before I finally decided it was time to get another job. Suddenly, my major and school preference has changed and I'm engaged. My wedding was originally supposed to be in 2008, but before I know it, it's changed to 2007. I have a nephew [and that birth was mega-stressful].
I can see where certain changes put me on the path to where I was supposed to be. But it really has taken a toll on me emotionally. Why all these changes in such a short time period? I may never know. But soon it will all calm down. I don't regret any of these changes. I'm happy to be getting married, and I'm happy with my major. If I wasn't, this would all be a problem. It's just that I'm flying down this path and I don't feel like I could turn back if I wanted to. It's like everything happened before I even had a chance to take a breath and think about it.
Adam told me not to get married the other day. He told me that I'm not ready and that I'm too young. Maybe he's right, in a sense. But I'm not turning back now, and it's not just because I put a deposit on a hall, photographer, and other things. It's not just because it would be too much to explain, to people, or because it would hurt the one I love. It's because I'm going with the flow now. I'm following the pattern my life has been on the past couple years: hectic and unexpected. This is the way I've become accustomed to things being. I've been able to look back on everything so far and say, "Gee, I see where that got me to where God wanted me. I see how it benefited me." I will do the same with my marriage. I'm not scared of anything anymore. God can rearrange and uproot what He deems necessary. I trust Him. I know I'll always be okay.
But I do hope the changes stop someday, regardless. I have done okay holding on to my identity so far, but it hasn't been easy. I don't want to wake up one morning and not know who I am.
"I don't like illusions; I can't see them clearly." This really is a good song.
Anyway, go to my page and listen to my song. It's called "All the Same" and it's by a group called Sick Puppies. I don't know any of their other songs, just this one. But I really like it. They have been playing it on 89x, and it has a lot of emotional meanings for me. I totally go into another zone when I listen to it.
89x. I love that station. Brian doesn't really like it that much, so our car rides are always interesting. I remember I used to have three main rules for a boyfriend [other than the obvious ones like religion and that]: he had to love 89x, he had to play hockey, and I don't remember what the other one was. Must not have been important. Anyway, Brian fits none of them. Adam fit them all, but he wasn't the one for me. Brian is. I guess God had other ideas for what was important. He showed me.
Read on, if you like. I won't flood your Friends pages.
God has done that a couple of times. Like when I was a senior in high school and all I wanted to do was be a journalist. Then I discovered that the one college I wanted to go to was Cornerstone University. I wanted it so badly. They didn't have a journalism program, and I thought, "Okay, God. I'm willing to give up my journalism career to go to this school." But God didn't want me to give up journalism. He wanted me to give up Cornerstone. I thought I was being some great Christian for being willing to give up what I wanted. But God wanted me to be willing to give up everything for Him. We ended up not being able to afford Cornerstone. I went to MCC and started on my path to journalism. I ended up starting my job at Sunny Skies, falling in love with it, and changing my major to Early Childhood Education. None of that would have happened if I had went to Grand Rapids for school. And now I am where I am supposed to be. I can feel that now, and it's so far from where I imagined it all a couple years ago. I'm going to be getting my Bachelor's at Rochester College. I looked into that school when I was in high school, and then dismissed it. I never would have guessed all of these things would have happened.
And that goes for everything. How much has my life changed? I graduated high school with one solid boyfriend. I knew what I was going to do with my life. I lived in the same house I had my entire life and in the same area. I worked at the same job I had for almost a year, and I was comfortable there. Then the upheaval began. I won't go into how everything happened, or when. But less than two years I have moved twice. Within a few months, that will double to four times: From Warren to Linden, then Clarkston, back to Linden, then Sterling Heights. Adam disappeared from my life [I chased him away..] and there was Brian. Before I know it, I've quit my job at Hallmark and was basically living out of my car for about a month before I finally decided it was time to get another job. Suddenly, my major and school preference has changed and I'm engaged. My wedding was originally supposed to be in 2008, but before I know it, it's changed to 2007. I have a nephew [and that birth was mega-stressful].
I can see where certain changes put me on the path to where I was supposed to be. But it really has taken a toll on me emotionally. Why all these changes in such a short time period? I may never know. But soon it will all calm down. I don't regret any of these changes. I'm happy to be getting married, and I'm happy with my major. If I wasn't, this would all be a problem. It's just that I'm flying down this path and I don't feel like I could turn back if I wanted to. It's like everything happened before I even had a chance to take a breath and think about it.
Adam told me not to get married the other day. He told me that I'm not ready and that I'm too young. Maybe he's right, in a sense. But I'm not turning back now, and it's not just because I put a deposit on a hall, photographer, and other things. It's not just because it would be too much to explain, to people, or because it would hurt the one I love. It's because I'm going with the flow now. I'm following the pattern my life has been on the past couple years: hectic and unexpected. This is the way I've become accustomed to things being. I've been able to look back on everything so far and say, "Gee, I see where that got me to where God wanted me. I see how it benefited me." I will do the same with my marriage. I'm not scared of anything anymore. God can rearrange and uproot what He deems necessary. I trust Him. I know I'll always be okay.
But I do hope the changes stop someday, regardless. I have done okay holding on to my identity so far, but it hasn't been easy. I don't want to wake up one morning and not know who I am.
"I don't like illusions; I can't see them clearly." This really is a good song.