sigh..
well i'm giong to be initiated to become a thespian tomorrow! im excited about that! im glad im a thespian now instead of next year! i have to find some way to get 10$ by 6:30 tonight tho! im still not sure what is happening for my birthday, i cant believe how upset and stressed out i got over that shit. it just bothers me that i can care about people soo much and have them not give a shit about me. but like drew said, i shouldnt put all my hope and stuff into a person who is going to let me down! i cant wait for school to get out. i am so extremly bored! maybe i should stop pushing people away so that way i can have some friends. but its like everytime i make an effort to go out and hang out with new people i never want to do it again, i get uninterested not motivated! it sucks because i end up sitting alone at home bitching about how my life sucks! lol! i think what paige said in one of her entries is true, people look for things to be sad about, there lives could be going great and they'll just search for some reason to be sad! i know thats how i am, i know something is going to go wrong so i never let myself be happy for to long, or put my hopes into something because i know in the end i will just be disappointed! im glad angie is still there with out her i would be lost, she actually gets me out of the house, and to the barn where i move and do things, lol.. she even takes me to mikes sometimes! lol! school is almost over! i shouldnt be that excited right after school i start summer school! that SUCKS! i got excepted to that greenfield village things, so im happy about that! i hope angie can graduate on time with me! she has to make up 8 classes tho! that sucks! im rambling because im bored and theres nothing else to do, like right now if i was at home i would be shoving my face with food. thats why im so fucking fat now, all i do is eat and eat and eat! it helps me cope with boredom! i had it under control awhile ago i think, then i got put back on this stupid medication which i havent been taking.. wow i didnt even think of that, thats probably why im so sad lately, i havent been taking my stupid pills! it pisses me off that my happiness revovles around stupid anti-depressants! i shouold start taking it again so i dont get any worse! 20 more minutes! eric is writing about how crappy our counrty has become! i agree in some ways, i mean we still are the best when it comes to being free and everything, i think most people take that for granted! i mean ya we have some pretty retarted laws but all in all we are pretty free to do whatever. but this stupid war we are fighting for our stupid president is just stupid. why are we still in iraq? let them re-build there own damn country! i swear we shouldnt even have started this war. we should have just went and got binladen (cant spell) and ended it. stupid bush wants to go over there and kill innocent lives for no reason besides he is a stupid bastard. there were no weapons of mass destruction. grr that just bothers me so much, i we vote him out of there, but then again i dont know if kerry would make such a good president either! well im glad im not 18 yet, i dont have to make that decicion! i just just have to live with whoever gets chosen! im bored! extremly bored, i only start to talk about politics when im really really really bored! i wont even go into religion, i could go on and on about how fucking stupid it is! but i will say that my mom told me i could never be truly happy with out god! fuck that shit, she sits there and worships her god every fucking day and she is no where near happy! shes just as bad as shes always been! im going to get my life together on my own, im going to be better than she ever was! god i fucking hate her! well i shouldnt say that, im just really really angry and pissed off with her! she shouldnt have left me! ha she used to call my grandma in the middle of the night telling her how i was going to hate her because of what she did! my grandma just told her she shouldnt have left me! ha! this is what she desevers a pissed off daughter that only wants her for money! well lets see ive ranted about a bunch of pointless things today and we only have 10 mins left, i wonder if there is anything else i can add! oh ya, school.. let me tell u how much i HATE school! i only come for a half day, my first 3 hours are study hall! well lets see i come here for 4, 5, 6 hours and the only class i actually do anything in is 4th hour and the fucking work is like 5th grade work! so i just sit there through that class hurry up and do my work, then i go to 5th hour, oh what fun! ya that class use to be fun, when we actually had projects to do! this whole semster i had 2 assignments, i got done with them withing the week they were given to me! so i just sit and to absolulty nothing for that whole hour! then come 6th hour! for the whole time i've been there i think ive only had one assignment and im done with that.. so i go and sit and read, and i an only read my book for sooo long! it drives me crazy! i wish they would give me something to do! eric is getting impatient gotta go!