Stop.
I just hate it. I've been all over the place. fucking pms. Crying my eyes out on the ride home coz I saw a terrible body of a deer that was killed. Crying again coz I saw a kitty dead. Then a squirrel.
Crying because I don't know why.
Crying coz I have bad feelings that just won't go away. Make them go away. I'm getting paranoid about the health of my car. My health. My mom's health. My grades.
I think I feel bad things for reasons. So I'm afraid to take my easy route out and numb things over. I want to know if I am really feeling these for a reason. I mean...it's not like I'm getting any answers. I always have to beat them out. always. Out of like...anyone I want honest answers from. Then half the time I'm not sure if they're honest.
I'm afraid I'm going to do something stupid. Like...something Pam wouldn't normally do. And a part of me wants to do something that's not normally identified with me....but another is so worried it will screw so many other things up that I want so badly it hurts.
Maybe if my heart stops beating, it won't hurt this much.