Can We Go Back to the Con?
I had a great time at the con, but I am
exhausted and not able to sleep.
There were so many just really great moments.
Very few distractions.
I find myself now in a mood though. I know that
it is because of the lack of sleep and the winding down
after a vacation/awesome time.
I keep seeing the reels play out in my head and some
terrify me. It's funny the things that scare me more these
days.
Anywho, I feel lucky, and I know that feeling will
replace the heartbreak I am currently battling.
Lucky, b/c I know I received the best version of his
love he had to offer. I can't wrap my brain around who
he used to be because I didn't know him then, but the
emails and such telling me that this, what he is doing
now, is who he used to be has made me a little sad.
I had the best version of his love to date and it was fantastic.
I never felt unloved. that's the kicker.
I was happy with him.
No one can take that emotion/memory/feeling
away from me. Not him, not her or her or her or him.
Only I can take that away from myself.
I worry about who I have become b/c of certain aspects
of our time and especially the last month.
I don't and refuse to become bitter.
I hugged a stranger who was having a panic
meltdown b/c she just saw her ex from FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.
While I was forcing her to tell me John Barrowman stories
to distract herself from thinking about him, inside I was
terrified of becoming her.
Jilted. Sad. Bitter.
HELLLLLLLLLL NAW! :D
I will be sad when I want to, but it is not a phase
I intend on staying in for long. I had another friend
I ran into at the con asking me if I was okay and when
I replied "What the fuck else can I be?" he said 'well,
i just want to make sure you are not suicidal or anything"
Nope. Far Far Far from it because I have too much to
do. I have the joy of reshaping my future and although that
chance came by way of heartbreak it is something exciting
none the less. And, really. What else CAN YOU DO? lay down
and wallow? I am too old and I have come so far to make my
own life one of positive outlooks to wallow. Aint NOBODY GOT
TIME FOR THAT! :D
it still hurts in those moments when you find yourself
overwhelmed and feeling so lonely in a room filled
with over a thousand people and the walls start to cave
and the sky starts to give way and then "You remembered".
And you just sit outside because you know if you go up to
your hotel room you'll have a cry fest for at least an hour
and instead you just sit and watch the people in their glorious
costumes and cheer yourself up and find your friends and
reset.
The amount of love love love I have received makes me teary eyed.
People I only met on a glorious night in Nashville coming up at
the con and hugging me grandma style and making sure I was
okie. This is a world full of amazing and beautiful people. They by far
outnumber the arseholes and the mega turds! >_<
turd. heh.
DAMN DOCTOR WHO! >_<
Speaking of Sylvester Mccoy is AMAZING!
exhausted and not able to sleep.
There were so many just really great moments.
Very few distractions.
I find myself now in a mood though. I know that
it is because of the lack of sleep and the winding down
after a vacation/awesome time.
I keep seeing the reels play out in my head and some
terrify me. It's funny the things that scare me more these
days.
Anywho, I feel lucky, and I know that feeling will
replace the heartbreak I am currently battling.
Lucky, b/c I know I received the best version of his
love he had to offer. I can't wrap my brain around who
he used to be because I didn't know him then, but the
emails and such telling me that this, what he is doing
now, is who he used to be has made me a little sad.
I had the best version of his love to date and it was fantastic.
I never felt unloved. that's the kicker.
I was happy with him.
No one can take that emotion/memory/feeling
away from me. Not him, not her or her or her or him.
Only I can take that away from myself.
I worry about who I have become b/c of certain aspects
of our time and especially the last month.
I don't and refuse to become bitter.
I hugged a stranger who was having a panic
meltdown b/c she just saw her ex from FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.
While I was forcing her to tell me John Barrowman stories
to distract herself from thinking about him, inside I was
terrified of becoming her.
Jilted. Sad. Bitter.
HELLLLLLLLLL NAW! :D
I will be sad when I want to, but it is not a phase
I intend on staying in for long. I had another friend
I ran into at the con asking me if I was okay and when
I replied "What the fuck else can I be?" he said 'well,
i just want to make sure you are not suicidal or anything"
Nope. Far Far Far from it because I have too much to
do. I have the joy of reshaping my future and although that
chance came by way of heartbreak it is something exciting
none the less. And, really. What else CAN YOU DO? lay down
and wallow? I am too old and I have come so far to make my
own life one of positive outlooks to wallow. Aint NOBODY GOT
TIME FOR THAT! :D
it still hurts in those moments when you find yourself
overwhelmed and feeling so lonely in a room filled
with over a thousand people and the walls start to cave
and the sky starts to give way and then "You remembered".
And you just sit outside because you know if you go up to
your hotel room you'll have a cry fest for at least an hour
and instead you just sit and watch the people in their glorious
costumes and cheer yourself up and find your friends and
reset.
The amount of love love love I have received makes me teary eyed.
People I only met on a glorious night in Nashville coming up at
the con and hugging me grandma style and making sure I was
okie. This is a world full of amazing and beautiful people. They by far
outnumber the arseholes and the mega turds! >_<
turd. heh.
DAMN DOCTOR WHO! >_<
Speaking of Sylvester Mccoy is AMAZING!