control

[palmfulofstars]

school starts again soon. this is good. 
i have been feeling rather useless and 
sleepyheaded lately.

i work with my pops sure, but that's not
exactly a set schedule and/or back
breaking work. it's funny i think of all the
things i could do with my free time when i 
have none. eh?

and then i sleep late and laze about when
i do have the time. :D

i'm worried about school. the financial 
side as well as the academic side.
sure, in community college i can make
all As. the basics. i'm so scared to fail.
bleh. 
that whole watching everyone else's 
path blah blah blah. 
i know i realize that we all have different
pathes and that we have to just focus steady
on our own.

i've seen folks have a beautiful path laid
before them and still no happiness in their
daily lives. so i guess we have to balance.

i'm inspired by so many folks in my life. 
now i just need to find the motivation to back
that up. >_<

i miss being vegan. is that silly? is that just 
a control issue? i felt like i was doing something
good for myself.

my grandmother coded twice yesterday. 
she's only in her 60s. maybe as a child i would
have thought that someone in their 60s was old, but
now i realize that's still a pretty young age to be
so sick.

i have a shit ton more on my mind these days, but
eh it'll all balance. true true.

i'm ready for a mountain.

oh if i don't see the northern lights in the next 3
years kick me in the toe. thanks