"Give 'Em The Old Razzle Dazzle" - PG-13 - Community
Disclaimer: I am not Kander, Ebb or Harmon (I fear the Samuel French company way more then NBC).
Notes For imbettygrable's Ficcy Friday prompt of "Greendale Cell Block Tango".
Annie flinched as Officer Cackowski shoved her into the large study room. There were already five other women sitting around the table but thankfully her regular chair was empty.
“Now then, who wants to talk first?”
A trash can was set under a leak and every time a drop of water hit the metal a loud “ping” rang out.
Ping.
Ping.
Ping.
Ping.
Annie glanced at the girl next to her, a pale blond haired girl she had seen a few times with Abad's friend Pavel. The girl was clutching a rosary and praying in Russian.
From the hall the sound of a janitor with a rug sweeper filtered in - shh, shh, shh.
“Why don't I let you all just think about it for a while,” Officer Cackowski said as he left the room.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
The sounds were working their way into Annie's brain.
“Pop.”
“Six.”
“Squish.”
“Uh Uh.”
“Pueblo.”
“Pelton.”
The worlds drifted out from the women in time to the ping of water into the trash can. As each woman spoke they slowly made eye contact with the others in the room.
“You know how people have these habits that get you down?” The girl who spoke was the youngest in the room.
“Like Luke, he likes to dance, No, not just dancin' - poppin',” Her head twitched slightly. “So this one day I come home from class and am really irritated and looking for a little peace and quiet and there's Luke, music up and partying. No, not dancin' - poppin'. So I said to him, I said, 'You pop-pop one more time...' And he did.”
The girl dropped her head to the table and laughed, “So I took the my anti-rape gun out of my purse and I fired two warning shots...” The girl laughed again, “Into his head.”
Annie was surprised to hear herself saying, “Well, I say he had it coming!”
The other women in the group turned expectant eyes to her.
She took a breath and began her story.
“I meet Jeffery Winger from Colorado City about three years ago. We had this attraction, and we both had money problems, so we started living together.
We'd go to class, we'd come home, I'd make dinner - it was like heaven in two and a half rooms.
But then I found out, “Single” he had told me. Single, my ass. Not only was he cheating... Oh, no, He had six girls. One of those douches, you know?”
A murmur of agreement went around the room.
“So one night I fixed him dinner like usual, but, you know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic.”
“That dirty bum!” Professor Bauer slammed her fist into the table.
“Now, I'm sitting in my classroom, preparing papers for the next day when in storms one of my students in a rage. 'Are you screwing with the burns-man?'. He was crazy and he kept on yelling, 'are you screwing with the burns-man!' And then he ran into my blow dart. Ha ran into my blow dart ten times!”
“Mit keresek, én itt?” The Russian girl whispered as she continued to run the beads between her fingers. “Azt mondják, hogy a híres lakem lefogta a férjemet én meg lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz, én ártatlan vagyok. Nem tudom miért mondja Uncle Sam, hogy én tettem. Probáltam a rendõrségen megmagyarázni de nem értették meg...” She trailed off with a sob.
“Yeah, but did you do it?” Annie asked.
“Uh uh, not guilty.”
“That's nothing.” Professor Slater spoke up from across the room. Everyone turned to look at her and she - in direct defiance of the “No Smoking” sign about her head - lit a cigarette.
“My sister, Veronica, and I had this accounting firm and my fiancée, Charlie would help out. Now at the end of tax season we're running numbers and filing returns like it's an acrobatic act - 1040's, EZ's's, 1099, one right after another. So this one night we're in a hotel in Pueblo - all three of us - drinking and having a few laughs when we run out of ice. So I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie makin' like the IRS and taking all they could get.”
She took a long drag off her cigarette, “I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.”
A silence fell on the room as Slater took another drag.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
“They had it coming.”
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
“They had it coming.”
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
“They had it coming all along.”
She took one final drag, “ I didn't do it, but if I'd done it, how could you tell me that I was wrong?”
“I loved Craig Pelton, more then I can possibly say,” The one woman in the room Annie had never seen before spoke up.
“He was such an artistic guy... sensitive... a writer. But he was troubled. He was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the way he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving.”
“I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences,” The woman shrugged her shoulders, “he saw himself as alive and I saw him dead.”
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
“You pop-pop one more time!”
“Single my ass.”
“Ten times!”
“Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.”
“Ten-Forty EZ.”
“Artistic differences.”
“And scene!”
“That's it.” Jeff stood up quickly from his chair, “All those in favor of banning Abed from watching “Chicago” ever again?”
From around the table came the ringing sound of “Aye!”
Abed tossed his feather boa on to the table, “what about the 1942 film “Roxie Hart”, starring Ginger Rogers as Roxie?”
Notes For imbettygrable's Ficcy Friday prompt of "Greendale Cell Block Tango".
Annie flinched as Officer Cackowski shoved her into the large study room. There were already five other women sitting around the table but thankfully her regular chair was empty.
“Now then, who wants to talk first?”
A trash can was set under a leak and every time a drop of water hit the metal a loud “ping” rang out.
Ping.
Ping.
Ping.
Ping.
Annie glanced at the girl next to her, a pale blond haired girl she had seen a few times with Abad's friend Pavel. The girl was clutching a rosary and praying in Russian.
From the hall the sound of a janitor with a rug sweeper filtered in - shh, shh, shh.
“Why don't I let you all just think about it for a while,” Officer Cackowski said as he left the room.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
The sounds were working their way into Annie's brain.
“Pop.”
“Six.”
“Squish.”
“Uh Uh.”
“Pueblo.”
“Pelton.”
The worlds drifted out from the women in time to the ping of water into the trash can. As each woman spoke they slowly made eye contact with the others in the room.
“You know how people have these habits that get you down?” The girl who spoke was the youngest in the room.
“Like Luke, he likes to dance, No, not just dancin' - poppin',” Her head twitched slightly. “So this one day I come home from class and am really irritated and looking for a little peace and quiet and there's Luke, music up and partying. No, not dancin' - poppin'. So I said to him, I said, 'You pop-pop one more time...' And he did.”
The girl dropped her head to the table and laughed, “So I took the my anti-rape gun out of my purse and I fired two warning shots...” The girl laughed again, “Into his head.”
Annie was surprised to hear herself saying, “Well, I say he had it coming!”
The other women in the group turned expectant eyes to her.
She took a breath and began her story.
“I meet Jeffery Winger from Colorado City about three years ago. We had this attraction, and we both had money problems, so we started living together.
We'd go to class, we'd come home, I'd make dinner - it was like heaven in two and a half rooms.
But then I found out, “Single” he had told me. Single, my ass. Not only was he cheating... Oh, no, He had six girls. One of those douches, you know?”
A murmur of agreement went around the room.
“So one night I fixed him dinner like usual, but, you know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic.”
“That dirty bum!” Professor Bauer slammed her fist into the table.
“Now, I'm sitting in my classroom, preparing papers for the next day when in storms one of my students in a rage. 'Are you screwing with the burns-man?'. He was crazy and he kept on yelling, 'are you screwing with the burns-man!' And then he ran into my blow dart. Ha ran into my blow dart ten times!”
“Mit keresek, én itt?” The Russian girl whispered as she continued to run the beads between her fingers. “Azt mondják, hogy a híres lakem lefogta a férjemet én meg lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz, én ártatlan vagyok. Nem tudom miért mondja Uncle Sam, hogy én tettem. Probáltam a rendõrségen megmagyarázni de nem értették meg...” She trailed off with a sob.
“Yeah, but did you do it?” Annie asked.
“Uh uh, not guilty.”
“That's nothing.” Professor Slater spoke up from across the room. Everyone turned to look at her and she - in direct defiance of the “No Smoking” sign about her head - lit a cigarette.
“My sister, Veronica, and I had this accounting firm and my fiancée, Charlie would help out. Now at the end of tax season we're running numbers and filing returns like it's an acrobatic act - 1040's, EZ's's, 1099, one right after another. So this one night we're in a hotel in Pueblo - all three of us - drinking and having a few laughs when we run out of ice. So I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie makin' like the IRS and taking all they could get.”
She took a long drag off her cigarette, “I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.”
A silence fell on the room as Slater took another drag.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
“They had it coming.”
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
“They had it coming.”
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
“They had it coming all along.”
She took one final drag, “ I didn't do it, but if I'd done it, how could you tell me that I was wrong?”
“I loved Craig Pelton, more then I can possibly say,” The one woman in the room Annie had never seen before spoke up.
“He was such an artistic guy... sensitive... a writer. But he was troubled. He was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the way he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving.”
“I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences,” The woman shrugged her shoulders, “he saw himself as alive and I saw him dead.”
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
Ping.
Shh, shh, shh.
“You pop-pop one more time!”
“Single my ass.”
“Ten times!”
“Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.”
“Ten-Forty EZ.”
“Artistic differences.”
“And scene!”
“That's it.” Jeff stood up quickly from his chair, “All those in favor of banning Abed from watching “Chicago” ever again?”
From around the table came the ringing sound of “Aye!”
Abed tossed his feather boa on to the table, “what about the 1942 film “Roxie Hart”, starring Ginger Rogers as Roxie?”